Rocky Zweig is too funny!

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    Rocky Zweig is really funny! How does he do it?

    Personally, I do not find many of the people known to be funny, funny. Rocky Z. is a notable exception. What gives?

    (For those not in the know, he writes a weekly letter to the FJJ (Flatbush Jewish Journal))


    One factor is simply that he describes things pretty honestly. And that, perhaps unfortunately, is often very humorous.


    I absolutely LOVE his Letters to the Editor and look forward to reading them each week. I think personally that some people have been a little hard on him and he makes a great deal of sense most of the time, but he always seems to bounce back from his critics. Between Rocky Z. and Mordechai Schmutter(sp?), I have the best laughs of the week on Shabbos. I used to be a great Dave Barry fan (still am), but he has nothing on them.


    Why can’t Rocky Zweig join the YWN Coffee Room? He would have so much more fun here!

    Anyone agree?


    How do you know he isn’t ALREADY here? (And if you are, Rocky, please tell us). Write something funny, so we know it’s you. Or write something unfunny, and keep us guessing…


    Maybe I’m Rocky. Let me check.


    The book I just put out is a best-seller. (oops, I forgot the name)

    Don’t mob the stores. There’s enough for everyone.

    Maybe I’m the author. Let me check.

    always here

    I follow Rocky’s letters almost every week, too (as long as I get a copy of the FJJ).

    hi all! 🙂


    Hi. It’s me, Rocky.


    Apparently you have MPD, Yashi, Pember, and Rocky. Pick one persona and stick with it. 🙂


    I happen to know him personally and he’s not all that funny. As a matter of fact I know his sister and she is WAY funnier than he is! (And smarter, to boot!)

    yaakov doe

    I find his letters long winded . If he wants his own column in the FJJ let him ask for one, but the long lettters each week are too much. If you can’t say it in 100 words – don’t!


    Okay, how do I prove that I’m me?

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕

    I have an idea! Tell us what you’ll write about in next week’s FJJ.


    By stating you’re not the OP. And that we should believe you.


    Great idea! It’s another laff riot. This time about…wait for it…the Holocaust! It’s a response to two letters from this week’s FJJ, one signed “Hatzlochah!” and one signed “Keeping Hashem in the Picture.” Of course, there’s never a guarantee that everything I write makes it into the paper, but that’s what I’ve submitted.



    What’s an OP?


    OP = Original Poster – sorry, Y&P, but your writing style just ain’t like Rocky’s! Try again…

    🍫Syag Lchochma

    Anyone want to post some excerpts for us out of towners?


    I am the OP and I am certainly not Rocky! I am not sure how to prove it but believe me on this one.

    But I think “Yashi and Pember” (what??) has given adequate proof if he is or is not the Rock. We will see in a few days if his piece resembles the outline he posted here. If yes yes if no no.

    Dear Rocky (or not)

    What does Yashi and Pember mean?


    Like I wrote, if you want us to believe you, we will. We’re a bunch of <Deleted>s anyways (hey, put it back). Pesi (no – not my name) Yaamin lchol Davar!


    I love Rocky’s “long-winded” letters and look forward to them. I find it interesting to do it that way as opposed to a column. The Letters to the Editor are the very first thing I turn to. And even ont he rare occasion that I slightly disagree with something he has written, I still think he is intelligent and very, very funny.


    Yashi and Pember were my daughter Feige’s childhood imaginary friends

    PS The title of this week’s letter will be “Sorry, no humor this week, either!” Unless, of course, Mordy decides to change it, which is never outside the realm of possibility.


    Thanks for sticking up for me, Best Bubby! 🙂

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕

    Welcome to the CR. Although someone started this thread (that’s CR speak for “topic”) about your humor, you’ll find that it can be enjoyable to shmoize about serious topics here as well. Enjoy!


    Let’s do a reddit style Rocky Zweig AMA. I’ll start another thread for it.


    Y&P, if it is really you, then I want a mention in your next letter to the editor (then we will know for certain). 🙂


    Rocky, why are you distressing your fans??!! The title of this coming weeks letter will be “Sorry, no humor this week, either!” (assuming you are you). So it’s three weeks in a row getting stuck on some comment and ruining a good shabbos laugh for what?

    Its not worth it! Think about the reward you get for making millions laugh out loud on shabbos. Its pure oneg! Instead you get all wrapped up in vitriol and getting even (Steven).

    Sorry Rocky. Your right there at home when you make it funny. When you spin off, folks get rattled.


    “Let’s do a reddit style Rocky Zweig AMA”?? Does anyone in here speak English?

    PS Sorry Best Bubby, no can do. Do you have any idea how many people ask me to mention them? If I started acquiescing to every request, I wouldn’t have time to write anything else!


    Dear Mr Yash & Pem, who may or may not be Rocky, but probably is,

    In honor of a special edition of the FJJ, (maybe one of the anniversaries??) you wrote a questionnaire about our distinguished neighborhood and its denizens. I have never laughed so hard in my life. If I was one of the younger posters here, I’d have all kinds of acronyms containing the letter L (for laughter), F (for floor) and others I can’t seem to keep track of, to prove this point. Regrettably, I did not manage to save it for posterity before it was recycled by the great City of NY’s sanitation department. If you really are Rocky, I would be eternally grateful (Not kidding!) if you would post it here. Or persuade your esteemed editors to reprint it in honor of Adar.

    With all due respect to the honorable contributors to the pages of the FJJ, I’m sure you know your letter is the first (and sometimes only) column we look for every week.

    Thanking you in advance,

    A Faithful Fan


    It means you go on that thread, which i already opened, and answer all our inane questions.


    Just mention Oomis in the CR, and that will take care of your problems.

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕

    Rocky, don’t mind popa_bar_abba, he’s usually harmless.

    Reddit is apparently a goyish schmoozing website, and AMA stands for “ask me anything”.

    If you have any questions about the CR, you can AMA.


    How did reddit make its way into the CR???

    And what’s next?

    And does popa post these things just for the lulz?


    Golfer: if you’re referring to last year’s quiz, I’m not sure but o think i have a copy somewhere. Or are you referring to “alphabet soup” from the January 16 issue?


    Yash & Pem, last year’s quiz.


    I can use a laugh!


    Fellow CR Members!

    We have a real genuine celebrity on board today.

    Mind your spelling and grammar.

    And your manners!


    Are we really all <Deleted> s?


    Just mention Oomis in the CR, and that will take care of your problems.”

    OR – just say, “Hi to all my friends in the CR.” V’hamayvin yavin, no?


    Hey, Golfer, you mean you’re actually convinced that I’m me?


    I’m convinced!


    Last year’s quiz will be the clincher.

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕

    Rocky, the veterans here know that a subtitle under the username can only be placed there by a moderator.

    So we at least know that the mods (moderators) think it’s you.


    Here, for all you doubting Thomases (or Shloimies or Yankies or Berels) is the “Know your FJJ” quiz in its entirety:

    Know Your FJJ!

    As you probably know, the Flatbush Jewish Journal recently celebrated its third anniversary (or is it birthday?). During the past three years we have been able to rely on the FJJ to inform, enlighten and entertain us. These hallowed pages are home to some wonderful columnists, chashuva rabbonim and, of course, the Letters Department.

    As always,


    1. Which of the following is considered the most goyish?

    A. Gefilte Fish

    B. Tuna Fish

    C. Mendy Fisch

    D. Sushi

    2. What electronic device should not be brought to shul under any circumstances?

    A. A toaster

    B. An electric stapler

    C. A cattle prod

    D. A cell phone

    3. Where should the aforementioned device be stored before entering your shul?

    A. In your shoe

    C. In the third car of the choo-choo train in Kids-N-Action

    D. In the specially built cubbies provided by the shul

    4. What was the subject of the Asifa held at Citifield on May 20, 2012?

    A. A fishing net

    B. Annette Funicello

    C. Ah net funn ah violin

    D. The Internet

    5. What was the outcome of the aforementioned Asifa?

    A. The Internet was declared assur

    B. The Internet was declared muttar

    C. The Internet was declared a vast right-wing conspiracy

    D. Nobody knows (not even the people who were there!)

    6. Why is there a shiddach crisis?

    A. The boys are too young

    B. The girls are too old

    C. The girls are too heavy

    D. The boys are too picky

    E. The boys are in the freezer

    F. The girls are in the washing machine

    G. The shadchanim all had lobotomies

    H. The shadchanim all need lobotomies

    I. The parents are unrealistic

    J. The parents are over-protective

    K. The parents are insane

    L. All of the above

    M. None of the above

    N. It depends who you ask

    7. Where is it mandatory for girls to spend a year studying after high school if they want to stand a chance of ever snagging a guy with the right amount of chromosomes?

    A. A convent in Tibet

    B. An ashram in New Delhi

    D. A seminary in Eretz Yisroel

    8. What pictures does the FJJ have a policy not to publish?

    A. Mini-skirts

    B. Minnie Mouse

    C. Minnie Minoso

    D. Women

    9. Why is it assur to go to the circus?

    A. The cotton candy is treif

    B. The ringmaster wears shatnez

    C. Too many goyim

    D. The elephants are depressed

    10. Which of the following is one reason people change shuls in Flatbush?

    A. Too much talking

    B. Not enough talking

    C. Rabbinical halitosis

    D. All of the above

    11. Which of the following Purim costumes is the most goyish?

    A. Elmo

    B. Darth Vader

    C. Pope John Paul II

    D. Santa Claus

    12. Which costumes are okay to wear on Purim?

    A. Mordechai

    B. Esther

    D. All of the above

    13. Which of the following New York icons got dressed up as

    an African-American basketball player on Purim?

    A. Mayor Bloomberg

    B. Willis Reed

    C. Duane Reade

    D. None of the above

    14. Where should you never hang a bag of shaimos?

    A. On a clothesline

    B. On a wall at the Guggenheim

    C. On a towel rack at the mikva

    D. On the side-view mirror of a shaimos truck

    15. Why was Hurricane Sandy sent?

    A. Too much loshon horoh in Flatbush

    B. Too much pritzus in Greenwich Village

    D. All of the above

    16. Why did a lady write in to complain about the woman sitting behind her in shul on Rosh Hashana?

    A. She hit her in the head with a brick

    B. She brought her pet bullfrog, Marvin, to shul with her

    C. She was davening too low

    D. She was davening too loud

    A. The parties are too goyish

    D. The parties promote shtuss and bitul Torah

    18. Why is it a good idea for all men in Flatbush to carry a tape measure at all times?

    A. To measure the distance from your car to the fire hydrant

    B. To measure the brim of the Borsalino that someone lost on 26th and L

    D. To measure how many inches the hem of the skirt is from the knee of a mannequin in a store window

    19. According to a sign recently hung at the entrance to a local supermarket, not returning your shopping cart after unloading your groceries is tantamount*


    A. Talking in shul

    B. Looking at pictures of women

    C. Talking to pictures of women

    D. Stealing

    20. Which of the following is not a columnist in the FJJ, but should be?

    A. Rocky Marciano

    B. Rocky Balboa

    C. Rocky the Flying Squirrel

    D. None of the above.

    Answers to quiz: 1. D 2.D 3.D 4.D 5.D 6.N 7.D 8.D 9.D 10.D 11.D 12.D 13.D 14.D 15.D 16.D 17.D 18.D 19.D 20.D

    Key to how smart you are:

    All answers right: Brilliant!

    Some answers right: Average

    No answers right: Please contact Dr. Philip Wengleheim at 555-732-0400 to schedule your first therapy session.

    PS Note to Rabbi David Zaback. Two things:

    Kol Tuv,



    I believe there is a rule here in the CR about not using all caps. But I’m hoping the mods let this through. Because if there was ever an occasion for all caps, this is it!

    THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!

    And YES, I believe you’re you!

    And YES, I’m still laughing!


    Boy,the hoops I have to jump through just to prove I’m me!


    Daas Yochid…In the interest of full disclosure: the moderator had nothing to do with it. I went over his head to the editorial board…


    All the answers are C.


    I really hope it IS you, because I never had the guts to write to the FJJ to comment on a Rocky letter. At least here, (assuming you are you and not a crass impersonator), I get to tell you thanks for making me repeatedly laugh out loud on Shabbos, and having everyone around me think I have apparently lost my mind!


    Thank you for your kind words, bubby. All you guys are really making me feel pressured to be funny again!

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