SHIDDUCH CONCERN

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  • #607876

    i have been going out with a guy and everything is going really well, he seems very serious about learning and has great middos, the only thing that concerns me is that i noticed he wears grey socks, all my brothers wear black socks and im concerned that maybe he is not a real yarei shamayim. The shadchan thinks I am being too picky and unreasonable, but I think she just wants to make shadchanus. What do you think, should I be concerned about this? should i call it off??

    #923216
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Yes. Absolutely call it off. In fact, not only should you call it off, but you should alert every Shadchan in town about this person.

    You are *absolutely* correct to discern that the color of a person’s socks is an indicator of their level of Yiras Shamayim.

    :rolling my eyes:

    The Wolf

    P.S. — Personally, I’m worried about your level of Yiras Shamayim too. You used two question marks at the end of your post instead of one. Clearly there is a chisaron in your emunah and Yiras Shamayim that must be addressed. After all, you didn’t think HKBH could make your point clear to us readers with a single question mark? You felt the need to add another?

    #923217

    There is no reason to be that picky at all…

    #923218
    WIY
    Member

    Trollollaa Trollolla Trollollalala. Just singing don’t mind me.

    #923219
    WIY
    Member

    Just want

    You want a goo doy?

    #923220
    be good
    Participant

    Oy vey, grey socks??? What is going to be next? a striped shirt??? What is the world coming to???

    Definitely break up with him. Anyone who wears grey socks is unfit to be a husband, father or any type of member of society really…

    I assume this is a pre-purim prank.

    If it’s not, then I’m gonna cry.

    #923221
    hardatwork
    Member

    Justwantagood boy-

    I see where your coming from. Its for sure a valid concern. Maybe you should speak to someone you can trust to see how to proceed. I don’t think your being too picky at all. You can never be too picky when looking for a husband. Hope I helped you and good luck!

    #923222

    I am currently going out with a fine young woman. Although we seem to be a good match, I have a major concern. Every time we sit and talk, she can’t seem to take her eyes off of my socks. What can this mean? Should I be concerned?

    Signed,

    Gedalia Greystroke

    Dear Gedalia,

    First of all, how many times must I tell people not to use their real names? Aren’t you aware that there are trolls and stalkers out there?

    Signed,

    ===================

    Signed,

    M. T. Kupp

    Dear Kupp,

    Signed,

    ===================

    My favorite pair of white socks now stand up by themselves and their color has changed to coal-black.

    My friends tell me it’s time to wash them, but they are my favorite pair and I really don’t want to take them off. What should I do?

    Signed,

    Massoud Masriach

    Dear Massoud,

    While your well-meaning friends may have a point, you must be true to yourself. One of the advantages of your current sartorial style is that you will be given ample personal space wherever you go. Besides, who knows? Some folks may actually find black socks preferable.

    Signed,

    #923223
    wanderingchana
    Participant

    At least they’re not white.

    #923224
    haifagirl
    Participant

    Unfortunately, this is a serious situation. I have a friend who is extremely concerned that her son is no longer charedi since his wife convinced him to join the army and he is now being trained with computer skills, and not only that, he wears colored shirts.

    #923225
    boredsouls
    Participant

    I totally hear what you are saying, all these little things can be signs and u don’t want to ignore them and regret it later on. But I just wanna say about the socks I totally agree with I can only try that its just white socks that turned grey. Now its another story if u want a guy with white socks. White socks culd b is a chasidsis thing have to find out why he’s wearing them and if your okay with that. Good luck!

    #923226
    dullradiance
    Participant

    There are two (unrelated) issues here:

    Firstly, perhaps the young man is torn between yeshivish with black socks and chassidish with white socks. As a compromise he wears gray. On the one hand he is not sure of his derech on the other hand, he should be commended in making shalom between two opposite streams of chareidi-ism.

    Secondly, you need to find out if you are color blind. Perhaps the boy is wearing green or red socks. When you are color blind, the colors look gray.

    On a different note, you should speak to the young man to determine if he wears grey or gray socks.

    #923227
    OneOfMany
    Participant

    That’s a very big problem. However, you were probably only set up with him because you wear sweatshirts. Fix that, and the grey-socked suitors will disappear.

    #923228
    ThePurpleOne
    Member

    hi justwantagoodoy-

    k so ur soo not being too picky first of all.. second of all- do not expect the guy ur guna marry to ONLY wear black socks.. most boys do wear grey as well as argyl.. i see ttly nothing wrong w that!! my sis dates guys w argyl socks and both my brothers wear argyl socks plus reg black socks w gold toe and stuff..and ur ttly rite ur shadchan is prob just trying to make money so x hear her opinion on this!! if u dont want to cont mayb its a deeper reason u x know of.. idk!! mayb call shaya ostrov hes a dating coach whos rlllllllyyy good!!! i know a lot of ppl who used him and were rlly happy after.. good luck!!

    #923229
    2scents
    Participant

    I dont know why people are making fun of this poster.

    In some circles it is not acceptable for the men to be into their clothing and styles. That is why the men (usually the more yeshivishe) will all wear the same clothing.

    This person that she is (supposedly) dating is wearing more of a stylish pair of socks, I can see why she is bothered by this, after all this is the choice of her lifetime. (unless this is a troll..)

    #923230
    2scents
    Participant

    purpolicious,

    reading your post, is like reading a doctors medical report. x this y that. rlllly.

    #923231

    Comprehend of language is problem english. Socks quality is highest excellent. Package on label dry bleach only not to use. Customer is stupid is problem is socks not. Wash rinse repeat. Have a nice day.

    Signed,

    Eym Noh Joo

    ===================

    Dear Noh,

    Couldn’t have put it better myself.

    Signed,

    #923232
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    In some circles it is not acceptable for the men to be into their clothing and styles. That is why the men (usually the more yeshivishe) will all wear the same clothing.

    Because, assuming the poster is legitimate, her question is foolish.

    If Group X demands that you wear black socks, then you can rightfully ask if the boy is truly committed to Group X if he, in fact, wears grey socks. But she didn’t ask if he was committed to that group. Instead, she questions his yiras Shamayim. That, IMHO, is foolish.

    The very notion that wearing grey socks means that your yiras Shamayim is any more or less than downright foolish.

    The Wolf

    #923233

    Thank you everyone for your feedback. Unfortunately I am still unsure of what to do. I really like him, I just don’t know if I can marry someone who wears grey socks. I feel that if all the serious yeshiva bochurim are wearing black socks, and he chooses to wear grey, there must be a big chisaron in his yiras shamayim otherwise he wouldn’t choose to separate himself from the yeshivishe olam. The shadchan thinks I am reading into his socks too much, but I think it is a legitimate concern. Every time I fold his socks after doing his laundry I’ll be reminded of this chisaron. I don’t know if that is the type of home I want to build. What should I do??

    #923234
    OneOfMany
    Participant

    lol @ Icot

    #923235
    hardatwork
    Member

    Wow. You sound like a truly mature woman ready for marriage. You understand that any decision you make now will impact the rest of your life. I truly respect you for that and I hope you will make the right decision. Maybe you should consult a rav, its pretty serious. Daven for clarity in this vital moment of your life! Hatzlach! Keep us updated-especially if you get engaged.

    #923236
    WIY
    Member

    Justwant

    Thanks for the laugh.

    #923237
    yehudayona
    Participant

    Just Want A Good Oy — If you’re worried about how you’ll feel when you’re folding his socks, you have two workarounds. Either send them out or have him fold his own socks.

    #923238
    yeshivish7
    Participant
    #923239
    apushatayid
    Participant

    “In some circles it is not acceptable for the men to be into their clothing”

    In the nudist colony, perhaps.

    #923240
    nfgo3
    Member

    To “I can only try”: Best. Post. Ever.

    As Richard Blaine said to Victor Laszlo: “We all try. You succeed.”

    #923241
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Life is full of compromises. He likes the color socks, you dont. Settle on flip flops without socks.

    #923242

    justwantagoodoy, how foolish and immature of you! The color of his socks matters way less than the color of the stripe on his nose protectors on his glasses. Any decent boy these days wears nose protectors with a brown stripe, with a hechsher, because any other material or metal might have come in contact with treif metal at one time. If the nose protectors’ metal doesnt have a P R O P E R hechsher, what is all his learning worth?

    Havent you heard this?

    To make such a fuss about the color of his socks and not the thin stripe on the nose protectors of his eyeglasses? My gosh, what is the world coming to? That brown stripe is the sign of a true Yarei Shomayim!

    Btw, do you wear pierced earrings with green on them?

    I just cant believe it!

    #923243

    I am deeply hurt that people would make a laitzanus of such a serious matter. This is my future, and I just want some advice in how to proceed. We are going out again tonight and I will take a closer look at his socks to see if they are grey or just washed out black. perhaps I will ask him about it.

    #923244
    SaysMe
    Member

    sincere thanks all around for the numerous laughs you brought to my day 😀

    #923245

    Baruch Hashem he doesn’t wear glasses, so I don’t have to worry about that, though I am not sure whether you are serious about this. I have never heard about this issue, I will look into the material of my glasses.

    #923246
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    I am deeply hurt that people would make a laitzanus of such a serious matter.

    Shidduchim are a serious matter. The color of one’s socks is not a serious matter.

    What we are making fun of is your inability to see this.

    The Wolf

    #923247
    2scents
    Participant

    Every time I fold his socks after doing his laundry I’ll be reminded of this chisaron

    TROLL! TROLL! TROLL!!

    #923248

    WolfishMusings,

    What we are making fun of is your inability to see this.

    The Wolf

    I dont buy that this was written by a girl! I bet you this is a very bored old guy, not gal. Girls are too busy crying about Shidduchim to put any effort into jokes concerning Shidduchim.

    #923249

    or maybe im just a girl whos already engaged and just wants to point out how ridiculous some ppl are, this may be a bit extreme, but some of the threads i see here are not so far off. i hope this made ppl realize how pathetic some things that they analyze concerning shidduchim are. b”H i am not so shallow as to care what color my chossons socks are (as long as theyre not pink ;)).

    #923250

    MSS: You are so right. ALL the single girls in my neighborhood are busy crying their heads off all day worried sick that’s they’ll never get married, as you said.

    But I was thinking, maybe the OP is a married girl and thus able to kid around.

    FWIW, I think its the same poster as blackhatwannabe and a host of other names.

    #923251

    and being called a troll hurts ouch!!

    #923252

    litvish kiryas yoelite- no this is my only username and my first time posting, and no i am not married yet, but ur close

    #923253
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    or maybe im just a girl whos already engaged and just wants to point out how ridiculous some ppl are, this may be a bit extreme, but some of the threads i see here are not so far off. i hope this made ppl realize how pathetic some things that they analyze concerning shidduchim are. b”H i am not so shallow as to care what color my chossons socks are (as long as theyre not pink ;)).

    So, do you expect us to now congratulate you for admitting you were acting trollish?

    See, a mature person who wanted to spark serious discussion would have started a thread along the lines of “It’s upsetting how some people think that they can judge someone else’s Yiras Shamayim on the basis of insignificant things…”

    and being called a troll hurts ouch!!

    Then don’t act like a troll.

    The Wolf

    #923254
    ThePurpleOne
    Member

    for all u know the guy ur dating does NOT even care for a second what socks he wears and wouldnt mind switching to black if u asked him too… mayb bring this up on a date and talk abt yeshiva boys making statements.. and see if he brings up socks. its better him wearing all black and white w grey socks rather than grey sweaters.. (which i happen to thnk are heaven!!) gess im not that yeshivish…

    #923255
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    for all u know the guy ur dating does NOT even care for a second what socks he wears and wouldnt mind switching to black if u asked him too… ?

    Purple,

    She already admitted the thread was a hoax.

    The Wolf

    #923256
    sushee
    Member

    Compromise on a black sock for his right foot and a gray sock for his left foot.

    #923257

    i laughed so hard shtraight through this thread! thanks for the pre-purim laughs!

    I certainly hope this is a troll thread and is just getting fed for the entertainment of it all!

    #923259
    Loyal Jew
    Participant

    How people dress does send a message. By wearing gray socks he’s saying that he’s willing to throw norms under a bus. The shadchan ought to straighten him out.

    #923260
    Mammele
    Participant

    TLKY: So you don’t actually live in KJ now?

    #923261
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I hope Norms doesn’t get hurt too badly.

    #923262
    ShiraTobala
    Member

    There’s no problem with wearing grey socks. Theres no such thing as tznius for boys. Where I live most boys wear jeans!! Also, there in great Yeshivos.

    #923263

    “So, do you expect us to now congratulate you for admitting you were acting trollish?

    See, a mature person who wanted to spark serious discussion would have started a thread along the lines of “It’s upsetting how some people think that they can judge someone else’s Yiras Shamayim on the basis of insignificant things…”

    and being called a troll hurts ouch!!

    Then don’t act like a troll.

    The Wolf “

    oh it’s real mature to call someone a troll.

    and who said i wanted to spark a serious discussion??? I actually wanted a not very serious discussion to get some entertainment and have a few laughs, which was very successful.

    the yeshivaworld coffee room isn’t exactly the place for serious discussions, majority of the people here are probably just bored at work and are probably joking half the time. Bad place to take advice from.

    #923264
    apushatayid
    Participant

    OOOOOOYYYYYYYYY. Is that good enough?

    #923265

    thanks, that was a very good oy!!! took me a while to get that lol

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