shidduch crisis

Home Forums Shidduchim shidduch crisis

Viewing 17 posts - 1 through 17 (of 17 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #599266
    klugeryid
    Participant

    someone help me out here i have been wondering about this for a long time . I always hear the boys have long lists and the girls have no dates. so who pray tell are on the lists? who are these boys dating? maybe it is just because we automatically go first to the boys side that it seems the boys have lists while the girls have none? but remember every time a boy goes out, a girl had a date!

    #808877
    shlishi
    Member

    Yeah, but there is one guy out there dating hundreds of girls. And while hundreds of girls indeed got a date… it was all with the same guy. And only one of them can get married to him.

    #808878
    klugeryid
    Participant

    uh shlishi, that would mean that hundreds of girls got dates while only one boy got. i think thats the opposite of what everyone says!

    #808879
    shlishi
    Member

    No, don’t you get it? The other guys are dating dozens of girls too. There are so many more girls in the market that even if each girl (in the market) gets only one date, each guy (in the market) still gets dozens.

    #808880
    ronrsr
    Member

    import more boys from Poland. That’s what they did in my grandfather’s time.

    #808881
    klugeryid
    Participant

    so shlishi now you are saying that all the girls get tons of dates just they cant all get married cause its too few girls ? well thats not what everyone says. they all say the girls dont even get dates . i think the problem is we think you can only give a name to a girl after the boy says yes so of course the boy gets a whole list and the girl doesnt cause for every batch of names the boy gets , one girl gets his name(if he is considerate and doesnt give 2 girls a yes at tyhe same time) we try to protect the girls from getting a “no” so they end up not hearing about the dates suggested. how about if people would just go to the side they know better, first. then the girls would also feel part of it. btw if a guy gets a girls name hearing she already said yes to him, she has a better chance of him saying yes. mazal to all!

    #808882
    adorable
    Participant

    the girls do not get tonz of dates! the guys have a ton of names and after looking into them they get 3/4 off the list and then go out with the others. so the girls might be on his list but they are not dating!

    #808883
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    adorable,

    did you settle for someone different than you before you got engaged (i.e. OOT, ur litvish he’s a chosid, ur ashkenazi he’s sfardi, etc?)

    #808884
    klugeryid
    Participant

    adorable, if 3/4 of the names are no good for the boy who cares about the length of the list it is just a pain in the neck to check out so many ppl. i still say go to the girl first and watch the problem reverse itself boys complaining and girls with lists

    #808885
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    it wouldn’t work,

    the gemara says it’s the way of a man to go after women and not vice versa,

    the man is always going to be looking for the woman. The velt wouldn’t go for it b/c it would be a lack of tznius on the girl’s part

    #808886
    klugeryid
    Participant

    coffee addict, where is the lack of tzneyius in having a girl check out prospective husbands? (especially since most probably it would be her parents anyway)

    #808887
    oomis
    Participant

    There is no lack of tznius for a girl to check a prospective shidduch out, prior to accepting a date, if she so desires. What makes his side more choshuv than hers?

    #808888
    cv
    Participant

    Why should girl accept a date before she/her parents checked a prospective shidduch out?

    #808889
    reba
    Member

    It is not a numbers game.

    There are more good girls than boys.

    Girls have less of a selection to choose from than boys.

    #808890
    collegegrad
    Member

    coffee addict why is getting an oot er “settling” for something different than you?

    #808891
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    coffee addict, where is the lack of tzneyius in having a girl check out prospective husbands? (especially since most probably it would be her parents anyway)

    I already quoted the gemara (It’s not a woman thing to go looking for a man, that in and of itself makes it untznius)

    coffee addict why is getting an oot er “settling” for something different than you?

    adorable considers herself a NYer

    there are numerous NYers that don’t want to marry OOTers (different mentality), and if she marries an OOTer than people ask “there are a lot of NYers why did she settle for an OOTer maybe theres something wrong with her?” I’ve heard it before

    #808892
    Queen Bee
    Member

    “there are numerous NYers that don’t want to marry OOTers (different mentality), and if she marries an OOTer than people ask “there are a lot of NYers why did she settle for an OOTer maybe theres something wrong with her?” I’ve heard it before”

    I’m a New Yawker and was told by a friend that she thinks it’s my type to marry an OOTer. So is there “something wrong” with me? Why do people have to make an already complicated process even MORE complicated? We should all be happy for each other 🙂

    No offense to you, coffee addict. You’re just relaying what you hear.

Viewing 17 posts - 1 through 17 (of 17 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.