November 9, 2020 11:45 am at 11:45 am #1918162anongirlParticipant
@opinionated-2, there are 65 girls in my grade. 10/65 doesn’t seem like a lot, but that actually translates to 15%.
I don’t see why girls should be encouraged to go to Shana Bet. Shana Aleph is expensive enough, and honestly, it would be more worthwhile for girls to start working or attending college then sitting in Israel for another year.
The way I experienced it, is there is a dearth of frum, solid boys who are serious about earning an income and supporting a family. By solid, I mean someone who makes daily time to learn and davens with a minyan. The reasons for this are another whole discussion.November 9, 2020 3:30 pm at 3:30 pm #1918268anongirlParticipant
@ZSK, I am aware that you are a man, and yes, I felt I could make a judgment based on what you wrote. I am sure parental meddling exists too, but my single friends are not unmarried because of this. Their parents are not the type to be over-involved in their shidduchim, and I feel comfortable and confident saying this for all ten girls. My own parents were barely involved in my shidduchim because they are not well-connected and we relied on shadchanim for ideas. I would surmise that the girls whose parents were more involved in their dating prospects were among those to get married earlier. Furthermore, my friends are open to dating all types, including men who have been married before. I don’t know you, so I don’t know why people did not consider you mainstream, but the description you wrote sounds like the type of boy that my friends are all looking to date.November 9, 2020 7:02 pm at 7:02 pm #1918298
Wow that’s crazy….. 10/65 is not a joke!!
My heart goes out to those girls.
We must do something about this. It can’t be ignored.
I have a new idea, if a shadchan thinks of a match between a boy and a girl who is a few years older than him, she shouldn’t tell either side until after 7 dates.
There’s nothing wrong with a 26 year old boy marrying a 26 year old girl, for example.
I actually recently set up a 25 yo boy with a 26 yo girl and they were happy to go out with each other.
It doesn’t have to be an issue.November 9, 2020 7:02 pm at 7:02 pm #1918300
I think all of us here at the Coffee Room who agree there is a shidduch problem should split sefer tehillim every day for 40 days and beg Hashem to take away this terrible gezeirah.
Anyone want to join me?
I’ll take yom rishon.November 10, 2020 1:37 am at 1:37 am #1918401Always_Ask_QuestionsParticipant
>> dearth of frum, solid boys who are serious about earning an income and supporting a family. By solid, I mean someone who makes daily time to learn and davens with a minyan.
So, you seem to describe an educational crisis rather than a shiduch crisis. Do you see a pattern, where these “solid boys” exist or not exist – specific communities, schools?November 10, 2020 10:59 am at 10:59 am #1918497rationalParticipant
“it would be more worthwhile for girls to start working or attending college then sitting in Israel for another year.”
Or the opposite.
It would be more worthwhile for girls to live and learn in HKBH’s Eretz Hakodesh for another year than sit in an office or goyishe college in golus.
Maybe they would even find a nice boy here and never have to leave. That’s something to say tehillim for.November 10, 2020 11:42 am at 11:42 am #1918504KGNParticipant
Why not be in America or Israel as opposed to both?
I plan to live in Israel, so I will be learning there before marriage. For someone who intends to live in America, then keep learning here.November 11, 2020 10:20 am at 10:20 am #1918888yochyParticipant
Makes zero sense – if there are 100 – 23 year old boys and 110 – 19 year old girls and almost everyone marries at this disparity – yes each girl marries one boy but there are 10 girls that cant get married. And no she doesn’t have a selection of different ages because the 22 year old guys are predominantly for the girls who are now 18. Please think this through clearly. If it helps you can draw it on a piece of paper and it will be a lot easier to visualize the girls who have no possible match.November 11, 2020 12:03 pm at 12:03 pm #1918945YW Moderator-29 👨💻Moderator
Feel free to write that book on why anyone should choose to ignore Torah values to post your thoughts. I’ll be curious to see who is willing to publish itNovember 11, 2020 12:13 pm at 12:13 pm #1918948WithheldParticipant
And please send me the book, I would be interested to know what your comment that provides a great number of reasons why boys should marry older girls is. And also why it was removed.November 11, 2020 2:12 pm at 2:12 pm #1918993
Why don’t you just take out whatever you think wasn’t approved and send the rest?
I personally am really interested in hearing the reasons.November 11, 2020 2:17 pm at 2:17 pm #1918995YW Moderator-29 👨💻Moderator
I think you are overthinking this…
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