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  • #1820844

    Talkingtachlisnow26
    Participant

    Why can’t there be more shadchanim meetings at weddings? Where a lot of shadchanim and guys and girls meet these shadchanim in a separate room of the wedding hall? Or even more so guys and girls have Shabbos meals together at a Rabbi’s house. And that wouldn’t accomplish a date but a predate to see if your a bit interested?

    #1820869

    Joseph
    Participant

    Guys and girls should not be meeting prior to first researching whether it is a potentially appropriate match. Once boy/girl meets infatuation can take over logic that prior research would’ve indicated makes it an inappropriate shidduch for any number of reasons.

    #1820874

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Congrats…..first shidduch thread of 2020….at least you had the good judgement to avoid using the term “crisis” or any synonyms in your posting. As to your suggestion, I would respectfully submit that a wedding is probably not the time or place to conduct an asifah for local shadchanim. People come to be mesameach choson v’kalah, not to be reminded about their own marital status (or lack therof).

    #1820889

    Reb Eliezer
    Participant
    #1820905

    Talkingtachlisnow26
    Participant

    True we are there to make the choson and Kallah happy but after chuppah there’s a good 45-60mins where everyone is dressed nicely already and a ais ratzon to build a bayis neman beyisrael. And in general there is so much extra time by weddings during the meals that perhaps as I seen at a few weddings a good time to meet shadchanim.

    #1820907

    Talkingtachlisnow26
    Participant

    Reb eliezer pointed to my point exactly. Now I want to know what is the thoughts of some members of Klal yisroel!

    #1820919

    Joseph
    Participant

    Why don’t you suggest that they make a bar, with the bartender serving beverages, for the boys and girls to hang out together with each other after the chuppa?

    #1820927

    TheMir
    Participant

    Any good idea should be approached in what is clearly a broken system. Especially at out of town weddings, it should be the prerogative of the Baal simcha to arrange a discreet place for a shadchan to meet singles and spread the word that 5 minute appointments can be arranged. The main thing is for it to be low key, so there is no big line for the Shadchan, thus taking away from the Mitzva of the day.

    #1821202

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    So you would have the yichud room on one end of the Simcha hall and a speed-dating/schmoozing room coordinated by local shadchanim who handed out tickets with numbers at the bar??? Why not simply allow young men and women to approach one another in the reception area over a drink and/or allow their friends to make the introductions? Would be a lot more natural and much less stressful.

    #1821220

    cofferoomletz
    Participant

    I dont know what you’re talking about Talkingtachlisnow26 there is alot of shadchanim meetings at weddings I know plenty of guys that met that way or at a Rabbi’s house.

    #1821245

    or allow their friends to make the introductions?

    How would those friends know the other party?
    (Perhaps they’d met them on their own shidduch?)

    #1821262

    Reb Eliezer
    Participant

    I made a shidduch wih my wife a’h, she knew the girl and I knew the boy.

    #1821560

    ftresi
    Participant

    As some of you may recall, many years ago, it was totally normal for guys and girls to mingle and meet on their own and many of these people got married and had normal good families. It worked. Well. So why was a system that worked replaced by the system we have today which is totally dysfunctional and doesn’t work?

    #1821803

    Joseph
    Participant

    The original system was never that boys and girls mingled. We always had mechitzas separating the genders. This how it was always done in Europe as well as in the Sephardic countries.

    The American leniencies breaching our mesira that existed in prewar America and continued for a time in postwar America has properly been discarded and corrected in the decades after many European gedolim came to America after WWII.

    #1821812

    RebbeDebbie
    Participant

    I agree with Joseph here. Extensive research needs to be done before the first date. How is it possible to have such research performed by all of the guests, and for all of the guests, before the wedding. The wedding is for the kallah and choson, not some speed dating mixer.

    #1821814

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    The minhagim regarding boys meeting girls and the role of shadchanim from the alte heim are not per se halacha that we are obligated to follow today. If I recall correctly, Yaakov Avinu first met Rachel at the functional equivalent of the local Starbucks (or whatever the local watering hole was called in those days).

    #1821826

    Joseph
    Participant

    Yaakov also married two sisters. Would you encourage that as well?

    #1821840

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    It depends… Do you have someone in mind? Most yungerleit really are not anxious to work to begin, so the prospect of working for their prospective shver for 7-14 years is a non-started.

    #1821873

    Naftush-2
    Participant

    How do you reconcile faith in Hashem with all that compulsory human engineering? Is it so that only detectives and gossips can match besherts nowadays?

    #1821874

    Naftush-2
    Participant

    Sure. And now as the population of candidates grows, the potential of their meeting each other shrinks. Go figure.

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