Shidduchim Between Litvish Girls and Chasidish Boys

It would be constructive if we do an actual count before making such far-reaching conclusions. Of course that would only be if we are interested in the truth.

On average chasidish boys will come off as too controlling to litvish girls. The inverse makes more sense.

Joseph,

This may come as a shock but Litvish and Chassidish families don’t just have differing customs, their entire upbringing, mindset and outlook is very different from birth. For example, expecting Litvish girls to adapt themselves to Chassidish restrictions makes such matches unlikely to work. Your numerous posts indicate that you have no problem with girls suddenly being told they can no longer drive, earn a college degree or work in a chosen profession. However, they and their parents would take strong exception to such mandates.

Not to say it never happens, just as marriages occur between Ashkenazim and Sefardim as do those between people from very different communities. But as a wholesale solution, it’s as “pants and skirt” as your insistence that everyone ditch dating in favor of be-shows.

I’m still waiting for a source to validate Joes claims.

Joseph,

To marry just for the sake of getting married without worrying about small details such as compatibility, Litvish girls can settle for Litvish boys they have little to nothing in common with. They needn’t bother attempting the same with Chassidish boys. Most girls, no matter how desperate, are looking for more than that in a life partner.

Ari, are you implying that girls are sitting around twiddling their thumbs until they get married?

no inverse exists , i am chassidish & work in the litvish world; there is absolutely no excess of boys in the chassidsh world; there are 2 additional factors that may give you that perception
1. RED LIGHTS! the chassidish are very makpid on not skipping so 50% of the time u see a “older” chassidish boy or girl its because they waiting for a sibling to move
2. ” STILLWELL AVE. the chassidish boys system ends abruptly at about 19 , u need to get off the train there is almost no framework after that… so if the boy doesnt go for whatever reason he needs to create a schedule & life for himself .. the girl on the other hand has a life , job …maybe school..so she joins a shiur or 2 on emuna and starts soaring while he tries to keep himself out of trouble and joins yeled vyalda gym at night, resulting a ruchnius GAP THATS WIDENING WITH TIME.. much more to say got to work

There are more Chassidishe boys in Shidduchim and there are more non-Chassidishe girls in Shidduchim. I don’t know if there’s data to support it, but I’m pretty sure everyone here has heard that time and time again. If it’s a myth, so then it’s a myth. But right now I’m willing (at least for the sake of this discussion) to believe it.

@daas-yochid Getting a job or education is called “twiddling thumbs” now? Are bachurim sitting in the freezer or Eretz Yisroel just being mevatel Torah until they get married?

Joseph,

Hello, there are plenty of Litvish boys but too many of them are totally incompatible with the girls since they have zero accomplishments in learning, education, work, life choices, etc. If your “common sense” was spot on, these shidduchim would be happening in droves and there would be no need for this post. Girls aren’t desperate enough to abandon their legitimate need for compatibility to marry chassidish any more than they are to marry some total loser.

147…. you’re confusing modern orthodoxy with mainstream litvishe jewry. Outside of MO, nobody acknowledges “the day of the bones” or the day when Yerushalayim became defiled with unrepentant enemies of Hashem.

Anyways, women (hopefully) don’t see men davening at home. Most women never see their husband with tefillin on, so I don’t think they care very much. It also has nothing to do with being chasidish, as the minhag ha’gra is not to wear tefilin on chol hamoed either, and that’s the most common minhag in eretz yisroel.

The clearest example of how the “age gap” does matter is that in Eretz Yisrael, where boys generally begin shidduchim at 21 and girls at 20, there is no numbers crisis within the Litvish community.

Were it true that chassidim have that many more potential “extra” chossonim to account for the 15% extra kallahs in Litvish circles, you would have a point. But since most people would not consider such a shidduch for their childbecause of the dangers of such a cultural chasm between the potential spouses, one can assume that people would make it an option of last resort.

So what age would the girls be? 28? And if by chassidish boys the age was 23 or 24, how would this solve anything?

Better solution – everyone becomes “heimishe” and then intermarries! 🤣

Seriously, since social engineering usually generates a bad outcome, maybe we should all dial back our preconceived notions and hakpados and open ourselves to bracha from Above. How? By being more focused on the personality of the potential shidduch, rather than leaving it as a last piece, after all the boxes are checked.

As a group, we have lost our a way a bit – and all of the obstacles we justify are self-inflicted.

Brookyn girl, what is the source of your data? TIA

oil and water dont mix
each derech is way too different for compatibility to happen

Chassidish girls should date Litvish boys, because the girl takes on the minhagim of her husband. We have a rule of maalin b’kedushah v’ein moridin.

Damoshe

So your saying that Litvish with their minhagim are holier then chassidim? Cause then that would be going up in kedusha. However I think most people will tell you that chassidim are more serious in their yiddishkeit then Litvish and if that’s true then it would be going down in kedusha.

I help set up singles who are 25 years and older. I have a list of a few older chassidish boys. One is a learner, and a few work. They are all good-looking, talented, and nice boys. I know a few older girls who are 30+, despite these boys checking their list of what they’re looking for, they are not interested because of the boys different background.. I believe this is wrong, and there would be no shidduch crisis if everyone was open-minded and focused on the person, not the background or difference in minhagim.

“Chassidim have no real Mesorah…”

DaMoshe: Really?? That may surprise about a half million members of various chassidus

Another valiant attempt to hijack the tread by posting a trollish comment, please don’t give him what he wants.

Any shadchan from Lakewood can provide you with a list…

Could it be not just lack of numbers, but quality ? Lomdus subpar, job prospects nonexistent? Girls are looking for someone who can support the family and lead it, are all the boys ready ?

For Ujm I came across an amazing maamar which was from the mitteler Rebbe, (way before feminism), which explained that the reason why Kabbala uses the male female paradigm for Hashem and bnei Yisrael/ mashpia mekabel, instead of teacher and student/ rich and poor, is that in the latter examples, one is superior, and self sufficient and the other batul and will have nothing without the former.

However the male female dynamic is unique- as although in certain aspects- the male is the mashpia, they both are contributors to the child (in fact she is greater contributor) and nothing will happen without the other one so they’re equally needing the other to make creation happen. And so too Knesses Yisrael and Hakadosh Baruch Hu (ie Malchus and 6 Sefiros) team up to create new life force/ neshamos etc. There was alot more detail which I won’t put on the net, you’re welcome to learn inside, (biurei zohar, of noach from p. Yud Beis and on)
stam I thought it was fascinating from many angles and thought ujm would appreciate

@147
Most women wouldn’t know if their husbands were putting Tephillin on Chol HaMoed, they aren’t at minyan with them.
In more than 4 decades of marriage the late Mrs. CTL A”H never once saw me daven shacharis on Chol HaMoed

Ujm- forgot to add- as I’ve been learning deep stuff on Shir HaShirim- I’ve come to realize that whoever degrades women degrades himself too, because all of klal Yisrael are Hashem’s “wife”, and have a feminine avoda in relation to Him.