shidduchim during corona?

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  • #1851034
    baalastshuva2
    Participant

    hi, im a ballas tshuva, 23 yrs old…
    So, was planning to start shidduchim around the time corona broke out..
    I was wondering what are people in shidduchim doing now? am I supposed to just wait around for this to pass? no shadchanim will meet with me (obviously we can’t due to the quarantine)..I’m based in E”Y now for the last year but planning to return to America in the summer so I’m open to looking into guys in the states.. does anyone have a recommendation or shadchan they know of?? my rabbi and rebtzin said if someone comes up that could be shayach they will let me know, thats the only thing I’m relying on now but nothing is happening understandably .. are most people just putting off shidduchim for now, or what? just curious not sure if this is a good place to post but figured why not try.. thank you

    #1851171
    commonsaychel
    Participant

    Just spoke to a shadchan and she told me its DEAD DEAD DEAD, that being said I know of two engagements that occurred from when the in the past 4 weeks in what is normally the busiest time of year

    #1851184
    Someone in Monsey
    Participant

    My advice, for what it’s worth, is not to wait around. Clearly, this is a challenging time for almost everything, shidduchim included. However, if you come across an opportunity, or if there is some avenue you can pursue, don’t delay it for a second. Go for it and be matzliach!

    #1851189
    Milhouse
    Participant

    Why won’t shadchonim meet you over a video call?

    #1851210
    funnybone
    Participant

    You need to be proactive in shidduchim. Call and zoom or FaceTime with shadchanim. Network with friends. Get to know people. Hatzlacha.

    #1851235
    Kilaolomchasdo
    Participant

    You can certainly call shadchanim on the phone. In regards to dates themselves, I’d assume by the summer things will be better enough to go to certain venues. Even now, people are either dating by skype/facetime, or going into people’s backyards/parks and social distancing six feet away from each other. Hatzlocah!

    #1851248
    Joseph
    Participant

    Do a beshow. While the venues are closed, homes are open.

    #1851245
    Burnt Steak
    Participant

    Good Luck! When the time is right, it will happen. Just like everyone else is saying, call/ video chat the matchmakers. Depending on how comfortable you are, you might want to look into online dating services such as Saw You At Sinai or Jdate.

    Think of dating as networking. I have never actually met any matchmakers face to face, but have spoken with them on the phone. As long as you are able to clearly convey what you are looking for, you should be fine. If you have not already done so, I have found it helpful to write down a description of who you see yourself to be and what you are looking for.

    Personally I am using the channels that I have set up before the pandemic started: Friends, Jswipe, and SYAS. I have gone on video chat dates within the past month. Personally, I have not found the dating scene to be dead and the only mildly challenging thing has been not being able to have the date in person. It actually may be better to date at this time because you can talk and really get to know the other person.

    #1851369
    KGN
    Participant

    Stay away from the Red Zones (areas where the Corona Virus is high).

    In America, I may have to abstain from dating in or near NYC for a time.

    You can still have a phone date or be Dalet Amos from the woman.

    #1852162
    ovadiayosefrocks
    Participant

    And suppose a shidduch goes through.
    How will the Engagement/Wedding and all that surrounds take place?

    #1852183
    Milhouse
    Participant

    The engagement is between the families. No reason they can’t do it on the phone or by zoom. The wedding will be in a few months, and by that time we may be out. If not, it can be done the same way we are doing previously scheduled weddings: A chupah with a bare minyan, and then driving around so people can participate from their porches and front yards.

    #1852232
    Reb Eliezer
    Participant
    #1852238
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    “The engagement is between the families”
    Perhaps after consultation with the young woman and her fiance’. A couple can obviously speak and virtually meet (with or without the direct involvement of their mishpacha), make a decision on whether to marry and decide for themselves whether to find a rav willing to be mesader kiddushin under apprprriate guidelines. There will be soon B”YH plenty of time to hold a simcha when things return to some semblance of “normal”. Hopefully, their biggest problem will be find a simcha hall with an open date as all the delayed simchas are rescheduled.
    Much hatzlacha in your search and stay healthy.

    #1855461
    bsharg2
    Participant

    @OP: don’t put off shidduchim! Try dating sites and video chat dates

    @ovadiayosefrocks: Should not delay a wedding. You do a small chuppah now, with immediate family. Minyan consists of immediate families of the chosson and kallah (fathers, brothers). Wear masks. Then in 2 years when this is hopefully over, you do a bigger celebration.

    #1857579
    charliehall
    Participant

    Since we as frum Jews maintain shomer negiah, with no physical contact prior to marriage, there should be no problem! Shidduch dates outdoors with proper distancing.

    And you don’t need anything more than two witnesses (required by halachah), a marriage license from the state (secular law requirement) and an officiant (doesn’t even need to be a rabbi al pi halachah but secular law requires it). As others have suggested, hold the celebration once the pandemic is over.

    Good luck.

    #1857641
    Joseph
    Participant

    Charlie: Should the dating couple keep six feet away from each other the entire time, as you wisely suggest?

    #1857648
    Milhouse
    Participant

    You need a minyan. (Except according to R Schachter, but almost nobody agrees with him.)

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