February 12, 2009 4:56 am at 4:56 am #642755
Am I wrong?February 12, 2009 5:36 am at 5:36 am #642756beaconParticipant
You are absolutely right syrian..February 12, 2009 1:27 pm at 1:27 pm #642757
K just checking lol!February 12, 2009 9:32 pm at 9:32 pm #642758myshadowMember
syrian, definately true but boys have a direct path to becoming frummer and straighting out their name-they go learn in yeshiva in israel or some other place and when it comes time for his shidduchim, all you can say about him is that he’s the best boy in the yeshiva. While the girl is out of school at 17 and then she’s on her own and what will she change? Her clothes? So obviously the main thing people will look at is her messed up years cuz theres nothing else.February 12, 2009 9:37 pm at 9:37 pm #642759
syrian- I actually agree with that. Somehow, a boy jumps yeshivahs (mesivtah, beis medrash etc.) and things just disappear as if they never happened. You start fresh and you’re all forgiven (and nobody digs or remembers that far back).
I once heard my mother saying: the boys protect each other. You can never get the dirt from a friend or chavrusah. Whereas the girls have almost no problem pointing out a bad middah or characteristic.
I repeat- ALMOST have no problem. They don’t go around bad mouthing each other. But if you happen upon a girl that dislikes whom you’re calling about…. not too hard to get to the dirt.
2 points for the guys
(now everyone- 1,2,3 pounce)February 12, 2009 9:45 pm at 9:45 pm #642760myshadowMember
aveirim, true! you know watz even crazier about girls? That if they’re jealous they have no problem making it sound like your not the greatest, prettiest girl out there. It’s sad. fellow girls get a grip and be nice will ya!February 12, 2009 9:56 pm at 9:56 pm #642761
Rightly or wrongly, I believe the following metzius to exist.
There are many girls who will accept, embrace (and even desire as a 1st choice) a boy who “went off” and came back.
Few boys would consider a girl in such a situation. And I know no male who would consider such a match “ideal”.February 12, 2009 10:09 pm at 10:09 pm #642763
JayMatt- why is that?February 12, 2009 10:24 pm at 10:24 pm #642764
Myshadow: that’s a good point!!
Areivem: lol I won’t disagree on that its mostly true, just depending on the girl!! If she’s a girl who has good middot she most prob. won’t go bad mouthing her friend EVEN if she might be jealous of her, that’s what I think but I’m NOT disagreeing with what u said!February 12, 2009 10:34 pm at 10:34 pm #642765
the girls themselves agree! that is so depressing ;););)February 12, 2009 10:36 pm at 10:36 pm #642766
To areivimzehlazeh, no idea. I just know there are some girls that LOOK for suck a guy. (and often the yeshivos he went to give it away, not sure the mods would allow me to be more specific)February 12, 2009 10:57 pm at 10:57 pm #642767Belev EchadParticipant
jaymatt, ur right- at least, speaking for myself.
im a girl looking for my bashert (cue: violins swelling in the background) and i would jump at a shidduch idea of a guy who went off and then came back, and now has an extraordinary, solid view on life.
they’re more real.February 12, 2009 11:13 pm at 11:13 pm #642771coke not pepsiMember
the whole jealousy thing with girls is defiantly true-(b’h not for me -i say they are not marrying my chosson so great 4 them) thats why mothers only like to call married friends!!!! and btw my father asked the chavrusa of a boy i was redd to whats he like and he said straight out that there was s/t a little off about him(and there was)February 12, 2009 11:27 pm at 11:27 pm #642773
Belev echad: I liked ur violins in the background 🙂 !!!!
Areivem: I’m only agreeing because I unfortunatley know some girls like that. BARUCH HASHEM, BLI AYIN HARA, I don’t have that jealousy issue!! And I hope I stay that way, AMEN!! But in the ‘not frum world’, girls are the biggest back stabbersFebruary 13, 2009 12:33 am at 12:33 am #642781
It is not that difficult to figure out sometimes.
Left high school early. (gap of time 1/2 year unaccounted for). Went to a Yeshiva in Israel (which caters to bochrim with addictions and who might not be shomer shabbos). Was there for 3 years. Went to a “Black” yeshiva for 4th year. Then moved to the Mir.
When you see a resume like that, do you need specifics, or do you feel you have a clear enough picture?February 13, 2009 2:31 am at 2:31 am #642783
Speculating, it seems to me that perhaps it is worse when a girl goes off compared to a guy. To use one example, if both a guy and a girl go off in the worst way, hamavin yovin, the girl is more permanently affected (not at all to discount how a guy is affected) to the extent it changes her future kesuba. I think it may play out similarly perhaps with other issues as well.
This is just a personal thought; not certain as to its accuracy. Any thoughts?February 13, 2009 6:12 pm at 6:12 pm #642792SJSinNYCMember
Its not something I would spill on a first date, but at the point you are ready to propose, I think all important secrets should come out. My husband and I had some very honest conversations before we were truly ready to get married and I am so happy we did. Ultimately, did it matter? No, but if I had found out after we were engaged or married, I would have felt betrayed and lied to. And once you start worrying about your spouse lying…February 15, 2009 4:22 am at 4:22 am #642804
🙂February 23, 2009 7:02 am at 7:02 am #642809qwertyuiopMember
ames: he should’ve hired charlie brown.$February 24, 2009 8:49 am at 8:49 am #642810asdfghjklParticipant
so where should i take my date next time????????? ideas please!!!!!!!!February 24, 2009 2:11 pm at 2:11 pm #642814anonymisssParticipant
so, asdf, where was it????
~a~February 24, 2009 9:21 pm at 9:21 pm #642816SJSinNYCMember
Ames, that is really nice. Unfortunately, sometimes I used DH as a sounding board for complaining about my in-laws. Only he can truly understand 🙂April 19, 2009 7:50 am at 7:50 am #642825
Joseph: funny you mebtioned that cause i just heard of a guy, that bidafka didn’t take off his hat till his l’chaim with the girl! sounded bizzar to me!April 19, 2009 8:23 am at 8:23 am #642826kapustaParticipant
Jax, did he go with a tie on every date and leave it on the entire time?April 19, 2009 8:44 am at 8:44 am #642827
kapusta: that i don’t know about! i should find out!April 19, 2009 8:34 pm at 8:34 pm #642828
Coming back to the opening thread. “instead of constantly complaining about the shidduch crisis, why don’t we do something about it? i think …..”
Clearly the most effective course of action regarding the shidduch crises is to close the age gap. Being that age gap is the key cause of the shidduch crisis closing the age gap by encouraging more close in age shiddcuhim would be the most effective way to “do something about it”.April 19, 2009 10:39 pm at 10:39 pm #642830
Just a quick note – the above comment by “Joseph” is a different poster than myself. (See the profile.)April 19, 2009 10:45 pm at 10:45 pm #642831BemusedParticipant
Joseph, your recent comments have had me laughing. Even the style of writing has changed dramatically. If it were closer to Purim, I’d think a Mod was doing a spoof. Whatever the reason, it’s been fun reading them.April 19, 2009 10:52 pm at 10:52 pm #642832moish01Member
hang on, Josephf you weren’t the one posting about obama all this time??April 19, 2009 11:01 pm at 11:01 pm #642833an open bookParticipant
well this is interesting – & neither of you (who was first?) are disturbed that there’s another poster with your screen name? how is that even possible? mods? want to shed some light on the subject?April 19, 2009 11:06 pm at 11:06 pm #642834
hey that’s just so confusing!April 19, 2009 11:18 pm at 11:18 pm #642835aussieboyParticipant
Oh. How did that happen?April 20, 2009 12:06 am at 12:06 am #642836
Nose clips?? Perhaps tissues to dry the tears of the hundreds and hundreds (it’s actually in the thousands) of girls who are the unfortunate victims of our collective indifference. B”H of late some movement has been made to take steps to alleviate the situation. “Joseph” I apologize if the shidduch situation makes you uncomfortable but that’s not a reason to prevent discussion on the topic. After all what greater segula andor tip could their possibly be than to alleviate the core problem.April 20, 2009 1:25 am at 1:25 am #642837
moish – correct; it was not me. I’ve been posting in the CR under this SN since June ’08
(when the CR was established.) The other one started posting yesterday.April 20, 2009 8:19 pm at 8:19 pm #642840
Thought this thread was about shidduchim tips not screen names.
In one of the frum papers over yom there was ad with some interesting suggestions for closing the age gap. One of them appears to be a brillinat suggestion.
“If come tu b’shvattamuz (i.e. lakewood freezer) bochurim are only permitted to date girls over 21, and to date younger girls they need to wait till the end of the zeman, then boys would have a strong incentive to date girls their own age.”
Now that’s a great idea!
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