Shidduchim Tips

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Viewing 35 posts - 101 through 135 (of 135 total)
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  • #642755

    Am I wrong?

    #642756

    beacon
    Participant

    You are absolutely right syrian..

    #642757

    K just checking lol!

    #642758

    myshadow
    Member

    syrian, definately true but boys have a direct path to becoming frummer and straighting out their name-they go learn in yeshiva in israel or some other place and when it comes time for his shidduchim, all you can say about him is that he’s the best boy in the yeshiva. While the girl is out of school at 17 and then she’s on her own and what will she change? Her clothes? So obviously the main thing people will look at is her messed up years cuz theres nothing else.

    #642759

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    syrian- I actually agree with that. Somehow, a boy jumps yeshivahs (mesivtah, beis medrash etc.) and things just disappear as if they never happened. You start fresh and you’re all forgiven (and nobody digs or remembers that far back).

    I once heard my mother saying: the boys protect each other. You can never get the dirt from a friend or chavrusah. Whereas the girls have almost no problem pointing out a bad middah or characteristic.

    I repeat- ALMOST have no problem. They don’t go around bad mouthing each other. But if you happen upon a girl that dislikes whom you’re calling about…. not too hard to get to the dirt.

    2 points for the guys

    (now everyone- 1,2,3 pounce)

    #642760

    myshadow
    Member

    aveirim, true! you know watz even crazier about girls? That if they’re jealous they have no problem making it sound like your not the greatest, prettiest girl out there. It’s sad. fellow girls get a grip and be nice will ya!

    #642761

    JayMatt19
    Participant

    Rightly or wrongly, I believe the following metzius to exist.

    There are many girls who will accept, embrace (and even desire as a 1st choice) a boy who “went off” and came back.

    Few boys would consider a girl in such a situation. And I know no male who would consider such a match “ideal”.

    #642763

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    JayMatt- why is that?

    #642764

    Myshadow: that’s a good point!!

    Areivem: lol I won’t disagree on that its mostly true, just depending on the girl!! If she’s a girl who has good middot she most prob. won’t go bad mouthing her friend EVEN if she might be jealous of her, that’s what I think but I’m NOT disagreeing with what u said!

    #642765

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    the girls themselves agree! that is so depressing ;););)

    #642766

    JayMatt19
    Participant

    To areivimzehlazeh, no idea. I just know there are some girls that LOOK for suck a guy. (and often the yeshivos he went to give it away, not sure the mods would allow me to be more specific)

    #642767

    Belev Echad
    Participant

    jaymatt, ur right- at least, speaking for myself.

    im a girl looking for my bashert (cue: violins swelling in the background) and i would jump at a shidduch idea of a guy who went off and then came back, and now has an extraordinary, solid view on life.

    they’re more real.

    #642771

    the whole jealousy thing with girls is defiantly true-(b’h not for me -i say they are not marrying my chosson so great 4 them) thats why mothers only like to call married friends!!!! and btw my father asked the chavrusa of a boy i was redd to whats he like and he said straight out that there was s/t a little off about him(and there was)

    #642773

    Belev echad: I liked ur violins in the background 🙂 !!!!

    Areivem: I’m only agreeing because I unfortunatley know some girls like that. BARUCH HASHEM, BLI AYIN HARA, I don’t have that jealousy issue!! And I hope I stay that way, AMEN!! But in the ‘not frum world’, girls are the biggest back stabbers

    #642781

    JayMatt19
    Participant

    It is not that difficult to figure out sometimes.

    Left high school early. (gap of time 1/2 year unaccounted for). Went to a Yeshiva in Israel (which caters to bochrim with addictions and who might not be shomer shabbos). Was there for 3 years. Went to a “Black” yeshiva for 4th year. Then moved to the Mir.

    When you see a resume like that, do you need specifics, or do you feel you have a clear enough picture?

    #642783

    Joseph
    Participant

    JayMatt,

    Speculating, it seems to me that perhaps it is worse when a girl goes off compared to a guy. To use one example, if both a guy and a girl go off in the worst way, hamavin yovin, the girl is more permanently affected (not at all to discount how a guy is affected) to the extent it changes her future kesuba. I think it may play out similarly perhaps with other issues as well.

    This is just a personal thought; not certain as to its accuracy. Any thoughts?

    #642792

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Its not something I would spill on a first date, but at the point you are ready to propose, I think all important secrets should come out. My husband and I had some very honest conversations before we were truly ready to get married and I am so happy we did. Ultimately, did it matter? No, but if I had found out after we were engaged or married, I would have felt betrayed and lied to. And once you start worrying about your spouse lying…

    #642804

    🙂

    #642809

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    ames: he should’ve hired charlie brown.$

    #642810

    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    so where should i take my date next time????????? ideas please!!!!!!!!

    #642814

    anonymisss
    Participant

    so, asdf, where was it????

    ~a~

    #642816

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Ames, that is really nice. Unfortunately, sometimes I used DH as a sounding board for complaining about my in-laws. Only he can truly understand 🙂

    #642825

    Jax
    Member

    Joseph: funny you mebtioned that cause i just heard of a guy, that bidafka didn’t take off his hat till his l’chaim with the girl! sounded bizzar to me!

    #642826

    kapusta
    Participant

    Jax, did he go with a tie on every date and leave it on the entire time?

    *kapusta*

    #642827

    Jax
    Member

    kapusta: that i don’t know about! i should find out!

    #642828

    AZ
    Participant

    Coming back to the opening thread. “instead of constantly complaining about the shidduch crisis, why don’t we do something about it? i think …..”

    Clearly the most effective course of action regarding the shidduch crises is to close the age gap. Being that age gap is the key cause of the shidduch crisis closing the age gap by encouraging more close in age shiddcuhim would be the most effective way to “do something about it”.

    #642830

    Joseph
    Participant

    Just a quick note – the above comment by “Joseph” is a different poster than myself. (See the profile.)

    #642831

    Bemused
    Participant

    Joseph, your recent comments have had me laughing. Even the style of writing has changed dramatically. If it were closer to Purim, I’d think a Mod was doing a spoof. Whatever the reason, it’s been fun reading them.

    #642832

    moish01
    Member

    hang on, Josephf you weren’t the one posting about obama all this time??

    #642833

    an open book
    Participant

    well this is interesting – & neither of you (who was first?) are disturbed that there’s another poster with your screen name? how is that even possible? mods? want to shed some light on the subject?

    #642834

    Jax
    Member

    hey that’s just so confusing!

    #642835

    aussieboy
    Participant

    Oh. How did that happen?

    #642836

    AZ
    Participant

    Nose clips?? Perhaps tissues to dry the tears of the hundreds and hundreds (it’s actually in the thousands) of girls who are the unfortunate victims of our collective indifference. B”H of late some movement has been made to take steps to alleviate the situation. “Joseph” I apologize if the shidduch situation makes you uncomfortable but that’s not a reason to prevent discussion on the topic. After all what greater segula andor tip could their possibly be than to alleviate the core problem.

    #642837

    Joseph
    Participant

    moish – correct; it was not me. I’ve been posting in the CR under this SN since June ’08

    (when the CR was established.) The other one started posting yesterday.

    #642840

    AZ
    Participant

    Thought this thread was about shidduchim tips not screen names.

    In one of the frum papers over yom there was ad with some interesting suggestions for closing the age gap. One of them appears to be a brillinat suggestion.

    “If come tu b’shvattamuz (i.e. lakewood freezer) bochurim are only permitted to date girls over 21, and to date younger girls they need to wait till the end of the zeman, then boys would have a strong incentive to date girls their own age.”

    Now that’s a great idea!

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