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Hi everyone I know my name says bachur but I’m not I’ve actually got a son 21 and 2 months and that’s what I want to talk about…he’s been telling me that he wants to start dating this peasch and I don’t know what to say he’s still young most boys his age are still going to be in Israel but on the other hand he wants to start dating he feels its time for him….Did anyone have this with there son cuz I really font know what to do,do I let him go out or tell him to stay in Israel for another zman????? Plz help me I really don’t know what to do and oesach will be here before you know it!
If he is mature enough to start dating then why not? If he isn’t then wait. The question is how to decide whether he is ready.
Speak to his rav in Israel to see if he is ready. I have opposite problem. I’m younger and want to learn but my father wants me to date.
I think you need to figure out why he thinks he’s ready to start dating, and evaluate if he is.
there are some guys who are ready to be married at 21, and he can always come back to American and learn here.
but talk to him, ask him why he thinks its time for him to start dating
also, if he has a sister around the same age (or theoretically he could do this with a parent), make him have a conversation THAT DOES NOT CENTER AROUND HIS LEARNING. because that is hwat he will need to do when he starts dating, and he needs to know how. if his mind is still too in the clouds to do this, then he’s not ready.
I did this for a brother of mine, and as much as it wasn’t really fun for me, it took just 20 minutes and it let my parents see that he was ready to enter that real world.
You should take a poll of random people who don’t know your son (an internet chat room comes to mind) and do whatever the majority says.
Let him if he’s serious.
If he feels he is ready, and and you know he is ready (put your feelings about “losing” your son aside for now) then yes, he should be allowed to date. And know that you are helping the shidduch crisis…
BachurTzvi,
No, I don’t think you are ready for marriage.
If you wanted real advice, you would ask the question without pretending to be your father.
FWIW, I got married at 21 years of age.
However, of course, I am not your son. Just because marriage was right for me at that age does not mean that it is right for everyone else (including your son). No one knows your son better than you and his mother. You need to sit down as a group and determine whether or not he is, actually, ready to date.
The Wolf
BachurTzvi
Let him listen to Rabbi Shafiers Marriage Seminar, if he still wants to rush and get married at that point then maybe he is ready.
yitzchokm read my mind. You may be the real deal but your writing style, and “u are weird” don’t sound much like a 40 something year old.
Some are ready for marriage at 18 and some not at 88. If he thinks he’s ready – why not?
yitzchokm-
My thoughts exactly.
OP-
There’s a big difference between the way a 21 year old talks (or types in this case) and the way an at least 40 year old talks. So, nice try but…
At 21, one is considered an adult and does not need parental consent.
Whar’s the difference WHO typed the post? The OP had a good question, clearly on his mind, and perhaps feels the need to ask anonymous people their OPINION. This is a forum of OPINIONS. In ALL cases, the OP and the party that is nogeya l’inyan are the ones who need to discuss this with each other. Perhaps he simply wanted some feedback for chizuk.
If no opinions are allowed…Well, mammals are never green. Fact.
rebyidd23
Great advice, so much for kabeid es avicha vees imecha. I think Hashem disagrees slightly.
No, one is allowed to get married even if ones parents want to keep their little baby.
Let him date! Doesn’t matter what others do or not. Listen to him, let him try his best, and be there for him whatever the results of any given shidduch attempt happen to be.
He will definitely help out the age gap problem. If he feels he is ready, and there is no reason for him not to date, then let him go ahead. Hatzlacha!
Give him the green light. He sounds ready and you both won’t know until you let him start. A practice date or beshow would be a good way to get him prepared. Hatzlocha!
If it’s about him, yes. If it’s about you, no.
rebyidd23
Great advice, so much for kabeid es avicha vees imecha. I think Hashem disagrees slightly.”
Not to argue, WIY, but isn’t there an exception in some cases, when it comes to shidduchim? If not, then there are a LOT of boys who would never get married, because NO girl is good enough for them, according to their mommies.
Great advice, so much for kabeid es avicha vees imecha. I think Hashem disagrees slightly.
I’m fairly certain that, when it comes to marriage, one is *not* bound to listen to his/her parents.
The Wolf
According to Halacha one may marry without parental consent. This is not recommended for a young bochur who is starting shidduchim. This is a parsha in which you as a parent need to make the calls and help him. Hatzlocha! I”YH he should find his besherte b’korov!
Just being able to speak to a young lady for twenty minutes is no proof of readiness for marriage.
Is he mature? Responsible? Does he understand finances? Can he sympathize wtih others? Is he prepared to give and give and give to his wife and children?
I think too many people today try and learn on the job
I think too many people today try and learn on the job
No, I think the problem is that too many people don’t try to learn on the job.
DY +1
Thank you, notasheep.
DY, good rejoinder. I agree with you.
Thanks, Oomis.
If your son needs your permission; he’s not ready.
No, he doesn’t need it, but it’s polite to ask.
Cherrybim whats ur deal??? Hes asking his parents because he’s only 21 and thats the right thing to do.The young imature teens are the ones that dont ask their parents..but i would say your son is ready if u sit down with him and ask what he is looking 4, if it sound mature and what a ben torah should want then go with it..Hatzlocha rabbah with him i hope he finds his bashert soon
Stam my opinion,
what’s YOUR deal??? why berate Cherrybim?
Bec u cant question some1 at 21 years of age for asking his parents to date its totally normal
Make him date girls over the age of 25.
Torah613Torah u really are a smart man cuz ur statement makes just so much sense..you probaly work 4 NASI!!!
Torah613Torah u really are a smart man cuz ur statement makes just so much sense..you probaly work 4 NASI!!!
Torah613Torah u really are a smart man cuz ur statement makes just so much sense..you probaly work 4 NASI!!!
The Talmud recommends that a man marry at age 18 “Shemoneh Esrei L’Chuppah”. That may possibly be a bit early in today’s days, but I believe that most bochurim are mature enough at 21 and should definitely start dating. My parents were holocaust survivors and pressured me to marry young even though my Rosh Hayeshivas were not exactly excited about it. I’m still thankful to them for that, several decades later. All Yiddish children should IY”H find their basherta in the right time and quickly.
Stam my opinion=BachurTzvi=21 year old immature troll.
Asking his parents for permission to date is normal, asking his parents to date is not.
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