Should kids have locks on their bedroom doors?
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- This topic has 59 replies, 32 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 1 month ago by 👑RebYidd23.
December 14, 2012 2:46 am at 2:46 am #607430
1. What is your opinion about children having locks on their doors?
2. If they should have locks on their bedroom door, starting from what age?
3. What types of lock? Would you allow a lock that can only be opened from the inside like a bolt style lock?
ThanksDecember 14, 2012 3:29 am at 3:29 am #1002500TheGoqParticipant
I say no because the doorknobs would become really smelly.December 14, 2012 4:16 am at 4:16 am #1002501147Participant
Everyone is entitled to their privacy, and hence is entitled to a lock on their bedroom door, if they so wish.
This is not to say, that their parents have to pay for the lock. The kids can utilize their pocket money for this door lock, if they so wish to install a lock.December 14, 2012 4:19 am at 4:19 am #1002502
I knew someone was going to make a lox joke.December 14, 2012 5:12 am at 5:12 am #1002503TheGoqParticipant
Cmon u knew i couldnt pass that up.December 14, 2012 3:42 pm at 3:42 pm #1002504
I am surprised nobody has anything to say on this matterDecember 14, 2012 3:44 pm at 3:44 pm #1002505
Everyone is entitled to their privacy, however isn’t a closed door privacy? Why do they need a lock? If they have a lock wont that allow them to also lock their parents out and to sneak things and do inappropriate things that their parents have no way of monitoring?December 14, 2012 4:55 pm at 4:55 pm #1002506OnlyTheTruthParticipant
This is my opinion: Hope its not too long.
The question is what is the lock for? Is it for when they are inside the room? or when they leave the room/house?So no one can enter even Totty or Mommy? Some people no matter what age they are like things to be private, have things a certain way, nice and neat not moved around things borrowed and not returned etc.. especially teenagers I think. Let’s say if you live in a house with a bunch of kids and some have a tendency to take with out asking etc.. Or if they say they want to study/homework and the 10 year old needs to nudge at that time.
Now if it is for something like that you need to know who your dealing with, you need to have some trust, if you live in a smaller apartment or in a house where there is no place for some one to hide for some privacy to rest, read a book, study, then some consideration needs to be given.
One example I know a family that had to buy a little case with a lock for one child because the other had a eating disorder and they couldn’t keep any nosh, snack for the next day laying around, it was either the the lock or nothing at all and that’s not fear.
But the healthy adults are able to get in and put in nosh and clean the box etc..
Now if it’s for when they leave the house the question is how old they are? If they are children that depend on your care no matter how old they are you should have access to that room at all times. And not because you don’t want to trust them, you tell them its because you do want to trust them, Totty and Mommy also share the same room and there is a difference between hiding things and not touching someones things with out permission. It’s ok to lock a door, but not to let anyone in is not right.
Now, if its an adult child living in your house I thing it depends on the condition’s and terms you have worked out. It depends on the situation and if you feel you need to have access to that room then discuss it respectfully with them. Everyone is entitled to respect and privacy.
By the way I knock before entering my Second Graders room as well, if the door is not open. You teach them respect by giving it.December 14, 2012 6:30 pm at 6:30 pm #1002507Rav TuvParticipant
Of course kids can have a lock on their doors… as long as the parents have a key.December 15, 2012 10:57 pm at 10:57 pm #1002508Torah613TorahParticipant
Yes, but it should never be locked when they are sleeping. It’s a fire hazard.
It does depend on family dynamics. If there is a step-parent, or not everyone in the home is related the same way, of course there has to be a lock. But there also has to be a means of unlocking from the outside.December 15, 2012 11:58 pm at 11:58 pm #1002509ImaofthreeParticipant
I always worried about putting a lock on my daughter’s door because she was a very sound sleeper and if there was Chas V’ Shalom a fire then I would have to break down the door and it would take time when every second counts.December 16, 2012 12:08 am at 12:08 am #1002510kkls45Member
Yes. Especially if she is a girl so she shouldn’t have to worry about brothers coming in by accident when she is getting dressed and stuff like that. Also, everyone needs privacy and should have a place to go when they just want to be alone. Better in the house then out of the house.December 16, 2012 12:58 am at 12:58 am #1002511
I am maskim, I was coming to the same maskanah.December 16, 2012 1:39 am at 1:39 am #1002512shmendrickMember
Is the OP asking whether parents should be able to lock kids up in their rooms? If a young child is locked in a room one may break down the door on shabbos as it is potential pikuach nefesh.
Certainly one must not l’chatchila lock a child in a room – unless the child is older when there is no longer a sakanoh. Thus the shaylah is at what age is it no longer a sakonah to lock up a child in a room?
The OP is assuming that it is legal and not against dina d’malchusa to do so, which is in itself a shaylah that requires legal expertise.December 16, 2012 1:54 am at 1:54 am #1002513
A lock is a way of informing someone where he/she does not belong without permission. (ala Rabbi Hochberg)December 16, 2012 1:57 am at 1:57 am #1002514
A lock is a way of informing someone where he/she does not belong without permission. (ala Rabbi Hochberg)December 16, 2012 2:38 am at 2:38 am #1002515rebdonielMember
Children should have locks for privacy’s sake.December 16, 2012 7:25 pm at 7:25 pm #1002516JayMatt19Participant
What age are you talking about? There really shouldn’t be anything private between parents and their kids. Granted if the child is getting dressed in their room vs in a bathroom there is what to discuss. But as a parent I’d be very concerned if my child was locking their door too muchAugust 7, 2013 10:53 pm at 10:53 pm #1002517
im surprised noone mentioned the danger of letting teens lock their doors. im a teenager, and many of my classmates go on the internet without their parents knowledge or approval. if you know you can trust your kid, great, but i personally only have one friend that can truly be trusted on the web. and im in a reputable by school.August 8, 2013 4:47 am at 4:47 am #1002518🐵 ⌨ GamanitParticipant
the-art-of-moi- I think there is a greater danger of not allowing the teen to have a lock. Any teen can go to the local public library and access the internet there. If they want unfiltered internet, they can go to the local internet cafe. If the parents don’t allow them even a lock on their door to allow them to get dressed in their rooms, that shows a lack of trust. When you don’t trust someone, they give you a reason not to trust them.
On the other hand, if parents make filtered wi-fi readily available, and get a list that cannot be deleted of any site accessed over the network, the parents can get a general idea of where their kid is up to without infringing on their teens privacy.August 8, 2013 6:15 am at 6:15 am #1002519This name is already takenParticipant
The art- teenagers need a lot of space, not allowing a lock is asking them to go OTDAugust 8, 2013 12:01 pm at 12:01 pm #1002520whatdoiknow99Member
I think the-art-of-moi has a very good point. Parents should never allow their teenage children to be in a locked room for a long time that has internet access.
Gamanit: While what you said is true, I assume that access in a locked room is much much much much more dangerous than using the library or even an internet cafe.
This name is already taken: I highly doubt it.August 8, 2013 12:37 pm at 12:37 pm #1002521oomisParticipant
IMO – no. BUT
NO one should enter their room without knocking and without permission, unless there is a serious and well-founded concern of some type. Kids need privacy, but there has to be seichel involved as well. The ones least in need of locks, are the ones who are most trustworthy. If they “need” a lock, they are possibly up to something, or know that their PARENTS are not so trustworthy and are snooping.August 8, 2013 2:24 pm at 2:24 pm #1002522notasheepMember
If there is a proper healthy relationship between the parents and the child, there should be no need for locks on a door. And if the child is giving their parent cause for suspicion to look around their room then even more so there should not be any locks.
A parent who is wise, with a child who is sensible and does not have anything to hide, would agree that it is privacy enough just to close the bedroom door, and would certainly not go snooping around their child’s room to find incriminating evidence.August 8, 2013 3:14 pm at 3:14 pm #1002523
“not allowing a lock is asking them to go OTD”
Thanks for sharing with us the real reason kids go OTD.
I think parents should snoop because unlike when you grew up a kid can have an itty bitty hand held device loaded with movies non Jewish music and what not that doesn’t belong in a frum home. A parent has an obligation to snoop and keep an eye on things. Unfortunately every child has a few classmates who are a negative influence on the class and you never know if your Tzadik or Tzadekes was innocently lent an ipod or other thing with inappropriate material. If you don’t monitor your kids today you are simply irresponsible and don’t really care.August 8, 2013 3:26 pm at 3:26 pm #1002524🐵 ⌨ GamanitParticipant
Gamanit: While what you said is true, I assume that access in a locked room is much much much much more dangerous than using the library or even an internet cafe.
As I said, parents should be the ones providing the wi-fi, and seeing what their child is looking at. Parents should use common sense though- if a kid is spending hours in a locked bedroom, the lock should be taken away. If he/she is simply locking the door for a half hour in the morning to get dressed, and the same at night, I see no reason he/she shouldn’t have one. As much as you may knock before opening your childs door, it’s still uncomfortable getting dressed when the door is not locked.August 8, 2013 3:55 pm at 3:55 pm #1002525ToiParticipant
never. not in a million years.August 8, 2013 4:29 pm at 4:29 pm #1002526benignumanParticipant
I think children (and certainly teenagers) should be able to have a lock on their door (no one wants a little sibling to burst into a room when they are changing).
However the parents must have a key.August 8, 2013 4:36 pm at 4:36 pm #1002527This name is already takenParticipant
There seems to be confusion as to what I meant by OTD it doesn’t stand for OuT DatedAugust 8, 2013 5:01 pm at 5:01 pm #1002528
i know it sounds funny, seeing as im a teen, but i am happy my parents dont trust me. well, im not happy, id rather they did, but in the past when they trusted me on the internet(we didnt have a filter back then) i did some stuff i really regret. it is really hard to have self control on the internet. maybe its just me, i seriously have issues with self control, but i know someone that found a website that undermined everything shed been taught about yiddishkeit, i felt really bad for her and i didnt want her to ruin her life, so i told her parents about it and they took the lock off her door_- bh she was saved in time but not everyone has friends like me so i would not recomend your teenager having a lock on her bedroom door.August 8, 2013 5:23 pm at 5:23 pm #1002529Nigritude UltramarineMember
How is your friendship with this person now?August 8, 2013 6:21 pm at 6:21 pm #1002530oomisParticipant
I think parents should snoop because unlike when you grew up a kid can have an itty bitty hand held device loaded with movies non Jewish music and what not that doesn’t belong in a frum home. A parent has an obligation to snoop and keep an eye on things. “
I hear you, but there is a difference between MONITORING (knowing where your kids are, putting filters on the computer at home, knowing who their friends are and whether THEIR parents are equually vigilant) and SNOOPING. Would you want them to take a leaf from your book and snoop in YOUR things (and if they are the type that you cannot trust, they WILL do that)? But yes, I do believe we have to be careful with our kids and snooping should be reserved for when you see there seems to be a problem (i.e., change in personality, secretiveness that is atypical, suddenly slipping in school grades, not following house rules and acting irresponsibly).August 8, 2013 6:24 pm at 6:24 pm #1002531interjectionParticipant
the-art: I don’t know if that’s not gonna come back to bite you. If there’s one thing that has always turned me off about other people is a tattle tale.
If my parents had taken away my lock I would’ve left home. I actually have a friend whose parents didn’t like that she locked her door so often (this was before she didn’t anything rebellious or ‘curious’)
So they took away her lock. She left home within a few months and soon after stopped being shomer shabbos or kosher. So I don’t think they made the right moveAugust 8, 2013 6:44 pm at 6:44 pm #1002532sharpMember
Yes, those knobs that have the push buttons are very good for this purpose. Can be locked when someone is inside, but does not stay locked when they leave.August 8, 2013 7:09 pm at 7:09 pm #1002533Chochom-ibberParticipant
I don’t understand. Everybodys privacy should be respected and protected. If you want to enter a room, KNOCK! No answer? KNOCK AGAIN! Call out the persons name or something, Im sure you can figure it out. You have absolutely no permission to enter unless you are told otherwise. Its simple Derech Eretz. Maybe children need locks because their family members (parents included) cant be trusted with the basic considerate decency of waiting for permission to enter?? Why must we need locks to teach our nosy noses its limits of invasion?? In the perfect world LOCKS WOULD NOT EXIST.August 8, 2013 9:46 pm at 9:46 pm #1002534benignumanParticipant
Many younger children simply do not have the sensitivity you are referring to and they will barge into the rooms of their older siblings or their parents (the good ones will knock and then barge in).August 8, 2013 11:11 pm at 11:11 pm #1002535Nigritude UltramarineMember
@Interjection you are so right.August 9, 2013 2:30 am at 2:30 am #1002536
what is this? I don’t evenAugust 9, 2013 2:39 am at 2:39 am #1002537
Oh! The question isn’t even about locks at all!
It’s about privacy and whether children and teenagers should be trusted by parents to be alone in their room because they might get up to no good!
I’m kind of surprised to see a lot of these responses. Most of them seem to suggest that children/teenagers shouldn’t be allowed to go out on their own lest they do something wrong due to a lack of supervision. Is one better off growing as an individual through both success and failure or should they be overly-protected and never have the opportunities to do so? Seems rather obvious…
My view? Rather than not trusting your children (which is inherently messed up), TEACH them what is right and wrong. At least have a conversation with the children as to why or why not they may be provided with locks or not. It seems almost passive-agressive to simply not provide a lock due to a lack of trust. Children/teenagers won’t take anything away from that except “my parents don’t trust me or value my privacy”.August 9, 2013 3:20 am at 3:20 am #1002538
whats_in_a_name I agree with you. It is far more important to convey to children that we trust themAugust 9, 2013 3:31 am at 3:31 am #1002539
interjection- she wasnt just on blogs, she was in contact with a boy and they were planning on meeting in person. i was scared for her life. she was kinda naive… generally, i dont tattle on people.August 9, 2013 4:33 am at 4:33 am #1002540
she actually thanked me for it, and is one of my closest friends.August 9, 2013 9:46 am at 9:46 am #1002541frumnotyeshivishParticipant
It depends on the child and situation. Only a fool would say always and only a fool would say never.
Generally speaking, if the lock is an real issue, that means the child desires it (if not don’t have one and who cares).
Generally speaking, when a child desires privacy, and the parents are completely unwilling to allow any such thing, their relationship is not going to be a healthy one.
Generally speaking, unhealthy parent/child relationships are the root cause of things like OTD teens.August 9, 2013 2:47 pm at 2:47 pm #1002542stopthemesiraParticipant
I am shocked that this is even a question. PARENTS should have a lock on the door. CHILDREN should NOT have a lock on their bedroom doors.
We have witnessed a large contingent of the “yeshivish/chassidish” world organize pointless asifa after pointless asifa when all along sane and normal parents everywhere know that the only thing that has a chance of stopping your kids from doing anything horrible is open, honest communication and a watchful and caring eye. Just exhibiting your child you are there for them.
And there are those of us who actually believe that with all our children have access today that we should actually hand them the gun and allow them to lock themselves in a room to do as they please?
What WORLD are you people living in????????August 9, 2013 4:09 pm at 4:09 pm #1002543dullradianceParticipant
What a great way to open a line of communication between parent and child.
My dear child, why do you want a lock on your door? Dear parent – now listen, hear, and try to understand your child’s answer.
Consideration – parents must have keys to all locks on all doors. Discussion will set up conditions where parents can open the lock without the child’s knowledge or permission.August 10, 2013 10:14 pm at 10:14 pm #1002545ToiParticipant
never.opposite of always. never.August 12, 2013 8:49 pm at 8:49 pm #1002546jewishfeminist02Member
When I was a teenager, my bedroom door had a lock on it because it was that way when we moved in, not because we installed it. I only remember locking the door once– when I was crafting birthday presents for my family and didn’t want anyone to walk in, see what I was doing, and ruin the surprise. My mom actually did try to come in while I was working and asked me why it was locked. I explained later when I gave her her gift.
I hear what people are saying about basic consideration and that a closed door should be enough, but honestly, people are people and sometimes it just isn’t enough. People are careless and forget. More than once I have been walked in on while changing by people who just don’t think.August 12, 2013 10:19 pm at 10:19 pm #1002547
I think I must be missing a piece of the puzzle here.
What age group are we concerned about here?
Is this the same concern we have about a three year old and a plastic bag that he or she may put over her face? Ie. Physical safety?
Or are we talking about kids aged 5-12? Or perhaps 12-18?
Who counts as a “kid”.
Also, out of curiosity, did all of you who are anti-lock not have locks on their doors growing up? Or is this a chumrah thing that I have yet to hear about.August 12, 2013 10:20 pm at 10:20 pm #1002548
And JewishFeminist02, though I have not spoken to Toi about this, I think I speak on behalf of Toi when I say your parents should have NEVER provided you with a lock and should have removed it immediately upon becoming aware of its existence.August 13, 2013 1:29 am at 1:29 am #1002549jewishfeminist02Member
what’s in a name: Huh? Why would you speak on behalf of Toi? I made it pretty clear that my parents never “provided me with a lock”, that I only once actually used the lock, and then for something entirely innocent, and that I was not a young child at the time (hence no safety concerns).
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