Should There Be An Indication For Gender Under Peoples Names?

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  • #592907
    WIY
    Member

    Argue for or against it. I personally think it helps to have some indication so you know who you are talking to and it can effect what you say or how you say it to some extent.

    #711951
    Ben Torah
    Participant

    Or who not to talk to.

    There have been suggestions previously to have separate CR’s; one for each gender only.

    #711952
    SJSinNYC
    Member

    For so we can make shidduchim. Also, those who don’t talk to the opposite gender can avoid it.

    Against because sometimes people make funny mistakes 🙂

    #711953
    bezalel
    Participant

    What I want to answer will probably not get past moderation so I’ll only post half of it.

    I hate it when people use the word “Gender” incorrectly.

    #711954
    Pashuteh Yid
    Member

    Bezalel, what’s good for the goose is good for the gender.

    #711955
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    Or have your gender as part of your name, such as myself, BPTatty and Ben Torah

    #711956
    apushatayid
    Participant

    No. Its unenforceable anyway.

    How would I know someone is a female any more than I know someone is a “pashuta yid” a “ben torah” or even “well informed” (ok some of this users statements contradict the claim to be informed but I digress).

    You can’t have your cake and eat it to. If you want to join an anonymous forum then you have to understand that you can’t assume anything, take everything with a huge grain of salt and even then, be very skeptical of everything you read. There are risks to anonymous forums and this is one of them.

    #711957
    Ben Torah
    Participant

    Bezalel – it is a more modest form of speech, despite any technical limitations a linguist may note.

    #711958
    WIY
    Member

    Bezalel

    Did I use it incorrectly? Please explain.

    #711959
    bpt
    Participant

    “is good for the gender”

    Very funny!


    I’m with apushatayid. On line is a loosely regulated place, and its buyer beware. The CR does a good job of imposing boundaries, but in the end, its really up to the memebers to behave as we should in speaking.

    #711960
    ronrsr
    Member

    are we going to take the poster’s word for it, or shall we require a chromosome test, like the Olympics?

    #711961
    WIY
    Member

    Apushatayid

    Thanks I needed that 😉

    #711962
    aries2756
    Participant

    WIF, did you mean on this blog or in general? Sometimes one needs to answer correspondence and we don’t know how to address the letter because these days the names are mixed up among the genders.

    #711963
    Ferd
    Participant

    Lets just take for example Ben Torah. Now, suppose I tell you he’s really a girl, or here is a wild one: How about he’s really Joseph, and using another screen name?

    My point is, it’s a pathetic argument.

    #711965

    While in general I strongly believe that hilchos yichud should apply to online as well…

    But in the case of CR – if there is NO indication who’s what, and the conversation stays pareve enough, I prefer it that way.

    I think in the past couple of weeks I have been active here it has been working quite well, nobody stepping over the line… (probably having a moderator “in the face” helps that way too…)

    #711966
    Ender
    Participant

    vnishmartemmeod

    When you post a comment in a public forum its by definition not yichud. But you are right that people should be careful.

    #711967
    bh18
    Participant

    i don’t know if the mods will let this in but it’s too good to leave out. as I’ve said in other posts, i have a child with a medical condition. we go to different doctors and specialists and i filled out enough forms for the environmental/tree protectors to come after me. anyway, on one form, after filling out his name, date of birth and such, they had written gender: male…female…undecided. yes, i checked off undecided! the nurse and doctor needed a minute to ‘chap’!!

    #711968
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    When you post a comment, it is not yichud for the same reason that it is not achilas matza, or marror.

    #711969
    wanderingchana
    Participant

    “undecided”?????

    #711970
    amichai
    Participant

    let’s say you do write the gender underneath the names. does that mean you will not write to certain people now? this is a chat room. take it for what it is.

    #711971
    Moq
    Member

    My husband had the same suggestion the other day…

    #711972
    yeshivaguy1
    Participant

    It just means that you will know where they are coming from. If a girl posts on a topic that she knows nothing about you know to take it with a grain of salt (eg. shmiras enayim for men). Same thing vice versa.

    #711973

    Actually – my point was just that. While I think private emails or chats are a big no-no (not everyone does!), but a public room like this, that has a positive an neutral tone to it, I think is just fine. Wouldn’t like it any other way 🙂

    #711974
    wanderingchana
    Participant

    You can ask the mods to put in under your name if you want 🙂

    #711975
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    You can view it like a public bulletin board; everyone is posting to the public even if it is about a different sign, that could have been written by someone from the other side of the Mechitza.

    There are, however, two other issues. There must be a level of appropriateness. Although you don’t know the other person, so there is no real Hirhur involved, it is still inappropriate. It is a style and behavior issue. The other point is that there is a level of Al Tarbe. Chatting over the Mechitza is a whole different conversation, and anyone keen enough can spot it.

    As many have said, when boys and girls are talking it is a whole different thing going on. Many studies have shown how the behavior of each one changes in the presence of the other. If you follow the threads that turned trans-Mechitzadic and personal, you’ll notice how it spirals into a game and being cute and some me-and-you talk. That is still not technically Hirhur, but it falls into some other categories.

    Because of this approach, I do respond to posts written by anyone, because I’m writing to everyone. (The person him/herself usually doesn’t end up agreeing anyhow, so what would be the point of writing if it were only for that poster?) However, I’d refrain from kidding around and even addressing someone that has an obvious other-gender screen name. I just can’t find myself saying, “Hey, Sister…”. Address the point, not the person.

    #711976
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    I think that having a gender identification would make things worse. It would make conversations much more advert. What you don’t know doesn’t hurt.

    #711977
    apushatayid
    Participant

    It is also good form, not to create rules you cant (and wont) enforce.

    #711978
    so right
    Member

    I still maintain the proper approach is (to the best ability) have separate sites for each gender. Many sites are geared to a specific gender. And even say ONLY for them.

    In fact matchmaking websites (Jewish and non Jewish) limit it to singles ONLY — even though technically one could lie. But still it will self enforce no obvious opposite gender conversations.

    #711979
    apushatayid
    Participant

    So right. The best approach is not to be online altogether 🙂

    #711980
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant
    #711981
    twisted
    Participant

    I would wager that the more attentive among us can figure this out from context, especially the goose end of the goose/gender divide with the BY sense.

    #711982

    Moq-

    I was sure you were a man…. : )

    #711983
    Moq
    Member

    what-

    I am act actually going to worry that you are serious; I am not a professor at Stern; I’m just a hard working (sometimes) tongue in cheek guy

    #711984
    Helpful
    Member

    There is not any more heter for chatting with girls online, then there is in real life. The same issurim are applicable.

    #711985
    WIY
    Member

    Helpful

    “There is not any more heter for chatting with girls online, then there is in real life. The same issurim are applicable.”

    The difference is, online you

    In a forum like this you have no clue if anyone is who they say they are and either way you have no clue what they look like. Theres no issur here. If you knew who the person behind teh screen name is that would be a different story.

    #711986
    coke
    Member

    WIY- do you live in BP? I was in BP yesterday and I met a bunch of guys and all I kept thinking that I have no doubt that one of them was a poster here who I “spoke” to a million times but would never know about! One guy even said to me that I look so familiar and I was thinking “maybe you know me from the coffee room but otherwise I never saw you in my life!”

    #711988

    if your so worried about it don’t post. What i would do is keep the user name neutral and don’t give away what you are in any thread. If you do and someone catches it, its not the end of the world. just be careful. I do see what some people are talking about that that same dynamics that goes on when a boy and girl speak face to face happens in a similar sense on line.

    #711989
    WIY
    Member

    Coke

    You talk to boys? That’s a big no no.

    You didn’t meet me besides, I’m not one that gets into conversations with girls I don’t know or have no need to speak to.

    #711990
    blinky
    Participant

    You talk to boys?

    Calm down- she never said she talks to boys, she said the boy spoke to her- thats a big difference.

    Coke- i stayed in my house the whole sunday i was scared you’ll sniff me out:)

    #711991
    coke
    Member

    WIY- I DO NOT talk to boys ever ever ever….I happened to have been at a “concert” for some special children yesterday where Avraham Fried came and sang for them and I was there along with a bunch of “chassidishe” guys who also came to sing and dance (and just hang out). Just asking if you are one of those guys….or anyone else that is here was at that party….

    #711992
    coke
    Member

    blinky- thanks for sticking up for me! For all you know, WIY, a guy asked me something and I turned red because I was so embarrassed that a guy spoke to me….LOL

    #711993
    Helpful
    Member

    Hi coke –

    I saw you there.

    #711994
    WIY
    Member

    coke

    Im not Chassidish or “Chassidish.” Nor was I zoche to be at this concert.

    #711996

    just like kids need fairytales to escape the realities of life, adults need to escape sometimes too..to the CR! Vhameivin yavin….

    #711997
    coke
    Member

    blinky- i tried to sniff out as many of you as I could while I was there….didn’t get very far!

    #711998
    adorable
    Participant

    wow coke….I have no words….you sound like you want us to saw you are so cool so that is what I am going to say! LOL But I think it is pretty cool that you met helpful….for all i know you met me too!

    #712000
    eclipse
    Member

    if i already gave too many details about myself away can i change my username?

    #712001
    Helpful
    Member

    Start a new one.

    #712002
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    <


    Male Wolf 🙂

    #712003
    WIY
    Member

    eclipse

    Its ok, nothing you say will be held against you. Who am I fooling? Lol.

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