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  • #595150

    would you marry a guy that smokes??

    would you let your kid marry a guy that smokes??

    #758990

    yentingyenta
    Participant

    no. would never marry a smoker. my sister is asthmatic, and my father would “kill” me for marrying a smoker

    #758991

    TheGoq
    Participant

    are we gonna do this again? really??

    #758993

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    No (especially because I’m a guy)

    No.

    one purim, when i was drunk (or high whatever you want to call it (no drugs)), I took out a cigarette from a shtark bachur’s mouth (he was also the rosh yeshiva’s son (older than 18 btw)) and told him that he shouldn’t be smoking EVER

    :p> mbachur <d:

    btw whats with it with all the posts all of asudden

    #758994

    mw13
    Participant

    I’m with The Goq on this one…

    #758995

    Of course I want to marry a guy that smokes! If he dies young he’ll leave me all his money and I can marry somebody else. If he doesn’t, I’ll get to nurse him for years through cancer, heart disease, etc. Who wouldn’t want to marry such a guy? And a masmid, with good middos, a tachshit of a bachur who loves Shabbos (and dashes out to smoke immediately after.)

    No, I wouldn’t want to even date a man who smokes. I just didn’t want you to be totally bored with the responses in this thread.

    #758996

    Ctrl Alt Del
    Participant

    I encourage people to smoke. It ensures I will be gainfully employed. What??? I need to feed my family too!

    #758997

    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    would you marry a guy that smokes??

    I would not marry a guy… smoker or not.

    would you let your kid marry a guy that smokes??

    My kids are all vehemently against smoking. That being said, when my kids get married they will be adults and I will not be in a position to “let” my kid marry anyone.

    The Wolf

    #758998

    aries2756
    Participant

    Smoking is a selfish and disgusting habit.

    #758999

    ctrl alt dlt what proffeasion are u in?? radiation oncology??

    My kids are all vehemently against smoking. That being said, when my kids get married they will be adults and I will not be in a position to “let” my kid marry anyone.

    and if they werent “vehemently against smoking” you would be able to tell them who to marry????

    #759000

    real-brisker
    Member

    CAD – whats your employment?

    #759001

    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    and if they werent “vehemently against smoking” you would be able to tell them who to marry????

    No, the latter clause was not dependent on the former. It’s just in the nature of additional informaiton.

    The Wolf

    #759002

    deiyezooger
    Member

    i can only daven that my kids will not find boys that smoke or even want to smoke when they are a chossen,or my own boys will want to try it when they are chassanim and when they get married. smoking is not healthy for anybody.male or female(which by us usually female don’t do.

    #759003

    oomis
    Participant

    No, and neither would any of my kids want to. We all think it is an unhealthy, expensive, and stinky habit.

    #759004

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    That being said, when my kids get married they will be adults and I will not be in a position to “let” my kid marry anyone.

    Amen brother. And even if I was in a position to tell them who to marry, I wouldn’t.

    #759005

    smartcookie
    Member

    Pascha- your comment was definitely lacking Chochma. I would not even talk like this as a joke.

    Al Tiftach Peh Lsatan.

    When it comes to THIS discussion, the more appropriate line is one I saw some years ago on an Israeli anti-smoking poster. It said… Al Tiftach Peh l’SARTAN! – YW Mod.

    #759006

    Health
    Participant

    chayav -“ctrl alt dlt what proffeasion are u in?? radiation oncology??”

    He must be an undertaker -we in the medical field are busy enough without smokers making us busier.

    #759007

    smartcookie – you’re right. I daven that Hashem should send me a man who is healthy inside and out and takes good care of himself, due to his Yiras Shamayim.

    Thank you for correcting me.

    #759008

    Ctrl Alt Del
    Participant

    Of course I am kidding. I don’t think anyone has any shaila at this point that smoking is a killer. While not my job per se, I dabble in critical care. Many many of the patients I see, could have had vastly better and longer lives had they not smoked..

    #759009

    mosherose
    Member

    “That being said, when my kids get married they will be adults and I will not be in a position to “let” my kid marry anyone.”

    Its yur job as a father to determine who yur kids can date and marry. If yur giving up that job then who they get can be anyone. Are you willing to risk yur kids future by having them come home with someone who is very wrong?

    Be a man and do yur job! If yur so against smoking then put yur foot down when a smoker is mentined in a shidduch.

    #759010

    TheGoq
    Participant

    “Of course I want to marry a guy that smokes! If he dies young he’ll leave me all his money”

    all of his money comes from your parents duh!!!!!

    #759011

    nfgo3
    Member

    If you, your spouse and children are non-smokers, would you let your son-in-law or daughter-in-law smoke in your home?

    #759012

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    NO!

    :p> mbachur <d:

    #759013

    lets get the controversy started

    #759014

    Smoking is an addiction and a bad one too.

    My husband stopped smoking after 40 years and he himself is disgusted by the smell too and doesn’t believe how he could have done something so low!

    #759015

    rebbitzen
    Member

    nisht!

    #759016

    AinOhdMilvado
    Participant

    Any one who says they WOULD marry, or let their child marry, someone who smokes, may as well say they’d let them marry an alcoholic or a drug addict too.

    The deadly consequences of smoking are clear.

    The results of smoking are generally a s-l-o-w, painful death.

    Of course, if you are “lucky” you might just have a sudden, massive heart attack, and go quickly.

    #759017

    mewho
    Participant

    when i married my husband he was a smoker and the smoked for many years. he stopped in his 30s and cannot stand the smell of smoke. i am happy i married my husband the smoker rather a non smoker who wanted to marry me. smokers CAN quit but people who have personality disorders have a harder time changing than a smoker does quitting.

    #759018

    walton157
    Member

    My friend upped her husband’s life insurance (double) when he said he won’t quit smoking. Smart woman!!!

    #759019

    HaKatan
    Participant

    MANY guys continue to smoke after they get married no matter how much they love their wives. This is reality, and if you are willing to risk your life by dating a smoker, please do NOT have any illusions that he (or she) will likely quit. Is it possible? Yes, and I do know one or two people who have. But are the odds in your favor? NO WAY!

    You can ask your mechaneches, Rav or whomever you look to for advice, but there is no person on this planet, no matter how many other maalos they have, that is worthwhile dating if he is so lacking in middos and brains that he is a smoker, even a “once-in-a-while” smoker. It’s very wrong and it speaks terribly of the person who smokes.

    I happened to have been at a popular minyan factory in a certain well-established frum neighborhood and it was disgusting that there was no smoke-free area of the shul that I could get to and (not that anyone was smoking in shul, but) the strong lingering stench of cigarettes was repulsive (and a chilul Hashem). We are an am navon vichacham and yet this is what a shul smells like!?!

    Also, anyone who starts to smoke now has an even lesser likelihood of quitting than someone who started 10 years ago, as someone who starts now is ignoring the many additional years of further medical knowledge of this deadly disgusting disease-causing dumb and deranged ADDICTIVE habit.

    #759020

    …so lacking in middos and brains that he is a smoker…it speaks terribly of the person who smokes.

    everyone who smokes must stop.

    but you do not understand what an extremely powerful addiction it is.

    #759021

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Smoking is terrible for your health.

    It is almost as bad as being overweight.

    (Sac, this one’s for you. You know you were waiting for it)

    #759022

    AinOhdMilvado
    Participant

    Moderator-80…

    Granted – smoking/nicotine is “an extremely powerful addiction”.

    BUT – It’s a question of priorities.

    What’s more important? Giving in to the addiction,

    OR

    being there to see your children grow up.

    Bottom line –

    I don’t care HOW HARD it is to stop,

    if a smoker does NOT stop, he IS, in effect, saying…

    “my taiyvah for cigarettes is stronger than my love for my children”.

    #759023

    ainohdmilvado

    i dont know why you addressed your comments to me. i did not give any excuse for a smoker to continue, i in fact said: “everyone who smokes MUST stop”

    i was simple replying to the quote above my comments that stated that a smoker who is unable to quit lacks middos and brains

    #759024

    always here
    Participant

    there are smokers who have middos, brains, & love their children.

    #759025

    when i worked in a respiratory icu the following was a daily scenario:

    a veteran (most were veterans) is admitted to the icu in dire distress, struggling for every breath, close to death and in a severe panic, much like it must be to drown.

    he is taken care of, makes it through alive.

    as soon as he is able to get around, he takes his iv pole, goes outside of the hospital, lights up his unfiltered cigarette, holds it to his tracheostomy and puffs away, one cigarette after the other.

    #759026

    My .02
    Member

    AOM-That’s not fair. people who smoke, and likewise ppl whith heart conditions that keep eating steak know they are killing themselves or possibly bringing on medical conditions that will diminish their quality of life. Is it because they don’t love themselves? Or perhaps it is shortsightedness?

    I know of a father of a teenager who was a smoker, who took his son to a hospital for lung cancer patients so he can see first hand what he is doing to himself. After a few minutes of this unpleasantness, the son turned to his father and said, “Ta this is too much for me, I need to go take a smoke” Sad.

    #759027

    My .02
    Member

    Anyway what about ppl who are overweight? Obesity causes all kinds of medical conditions. They are shortening their lives. Are you condemning them too?

    #759028

    more Rabbis need to be more vocal about the dangers of smoking….we are concerned with not doing anything negative to our souls, the body too is important….

    #759029

    AinOhdMilvado
    Participant

    always here…

    You are 100% WRONG!!!

    There are NOT smokers who have middos, brains, & love their children!!!

    Stop kidding yourself!

    If they had brains they would NOT disregard ALL the univerally accepted scientific medical data that shows that smoking KILLS!!!

    If they loved their children (more than their cigarettes) they would not take years away from being with their children (and grandchildren) so that they can be with their beloved smokes!!!

    #759030

    GumBall
    Member

    BH my father stopped a few years ago….

    #759031

    adorable
    Participant

    being the daughter of a recent (very recent!) quitter I can tell you that it bring tremendous stress to the home. In my family it was a taboo topic- done in orivate and not very often but I still knew about it and it stressed me out like nuts. It came to a point where I could not live with it anymore and the thought of my father dying would haunt me every second of the day. I wrote him a letter (first time the issue came out in the open) and B”H he accepted my criticizm and stopped! thank you hashem

    #759033

    AinOhdMilvado
    Participant

    adorable…

    A suggestion.

    Now that he has, B”H, quit, make a point of telling him how very much it means to you that he did quit. Make a point of telling him (even if you already did, in your letter) how fearful you were about losing him, about how much you love and need him to be around.

    Hopefully it will make him think (at least) twice before he thinks about relapsing to his old ways.

    edited

    #759034

    always here
    Participant

    & of course EVERYONE knows that smoking is not good for you!

    I appreciate that Mod-80 understands what an extremely powerful addiction (not habit) it is.

    #759035

    always here
    Participant

    & without a doubt I would tell anyone who doesn’t smoke, not to start.

    & I would encourage anyone who does smoke, to stop.

    but personal attacks/name calling- lacking in middos & brains, & not loving one’s children- isn’t going to get an addict to stop.

    #759036

    because ive seen it

    see: http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/smokers-1?view=all#post-236121

    and many of these men were willing to give their lives for their country and principles. im pretty sure they would give their lives for their children as well. but to give up cigarettes, they couldnt. some people are able to, some arent.

    i dont understand this force, not at all, but it is real and powerful.

    as was the powerful tayvah for Avodah Zarah, which no longer exists and we cannot begin to understand.

    when a Tanna spoke disparagingly of the wicked Menashe, who had died. Menashe came to him that night in a dream and told him that had you been alive in those times you would have grabbed onto my garment in your enthusiasm to worship Avodah Zara with me

    #759037

    AinOhdMilvado
    Participant

    always here…

    You wrote…

    “I’ll butt out of this conversation & all the anti-smokers who have middos, brains, & love their children can keep telling each other how bad smoking is.”

    Yes, and all the smokers can keep telling each other that eventhough they are doing something that undoubtedly WILL kill them, and WILL take away years they COULD HAVE HAD with their families, nevertheless, they DO have brains, and DO love their children.

    I guess we have very different ideas of what consitutes brains and love.

    #759039

    My .02
    Member

    That is a lot of conjecturing and one needs big shoulders to say something like that. I realize that you are trying to explain what Rebbe Nacman said, but we still need to know if he was quoted accurately.

    #759040

    My .02
    Member

    AOM- What about ppl who are overweight? Obesity causes all kinds of medical conditions. They are shortening their lives. Are you condemning them too?

    #759042

    mewho a smoker may be better than a person with a personality disorder but we are talking abt normal people smokers vs non smokers

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