December 27, 2011 7:43 am at 7:43 am #601327blablaParticipant
Life’s all about shidduchim these days. What happens once your married? suddenly you get fat, loose your money, and turn into a pumpkin?!December 27, 2011 1:44 pm at 1:44 pm #838818rainbow spyMember
‘when life hands you lemons you make lemmonade’
=when life hands you pumpkins you make pumpkin soup;)December 27, 2011 2:07 pm at 2:07 pm #838819☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
And you start worrying about marrying off your kids.December 27, 2011 2:43 pm at 2:43 pm #838820WIYMember
You are right besides for the losing your money and pumpkin thing. It seems likeep everything is just about getting married. Once you are married now what? Does anyone evenknow the purpose of marriage? Or do we just do it because we reached a certain age and that’s what our friends are doing and that is what society expects of us?December 27, 2011 2:58 pm at 2:58 pm #838821JotharMember
Keshetigdal, tavin.December 27, 2011 3:18 pm at 3:18 pm #838822smartcookieMember
No, you work hard to maintain your weight, and NOTHING happens if you put up 5 or 10 lbs.
You work hard to hold down a job and be honest and responsible.
You should not get married with this attitude. Because people who do, turn into a frowning pumpkin.December 27, 2011 3:33 pm at 3:33 pm #838823soliekMember
i really like pumpkinsDecember 27, 2011 3:41 pm at 3:41 pm #838824mewhoParticipant
so you’re married then what? then lots…..you learn how to get along living in the same hosuehold with your spouse, you learn how to get along with your machetonim and new family….lots to doDecember 27, 2011 3:49 pm at 3:49 pm #838825ZeesKiteParticipant
Thinking constantly of others.
Putting Ruchni into Gashmi.December 27, 2011 3:50 pm at 3:50 pm #838826akupermaParticipant
So you get married, worry about money, have babies, worry about money, sneak in a bit of time for learning, worry about money, educate the kids, worry about money, marry them off, worry about money, grow old, play with the grandchildren and look back and feel proud at what you managed to accomplishDecember 27, 2011 3:52 pm at 3:52 pm #838827aries2756Participant
Actually, you get married and REAL LIFE BEGINS!December 27, 2011 4:05 pm at 4:05 pm #838828MiddlePathParticipant
When married, you have the wonderful opportunity to give unlimited unconditional love, care, and support to your spouse, and G-d wiling, to your children. The gift of giving is far greater than the gift of receiving.December 27, 2011 4:09 pm at 4:09 pm #838829
The purpose of marriage is solely to build new generations and continue the chain of klal yisroel….
nice pshat…im basically talking to myself here cuz i’m also petrified of getting married and i cant seem to understand why such a thing was ever invented. like you become drunk and forget about the whole world around you. i see married pp basically living in oblivion! duz not seem to enticing…. i wud rather stay away..December 27, 2011 4:28 pm at 4:28 pm #838830
You know longer have to worry about putting up appearances for the sake of your shidduch chances…Now you worry about putting up appearances for the sake of your kids’ shidduch chances 🙂December 27, 2011 4:29 pm at 4:29 pm #838831
That is, you NO longer have to worry etcDecember 27, 2011 4:36 pm at 4:36 pm #838832TheGoqParticipant
Aries i know that in no way did you mean to imply that singles are not really living life but it is possible that a single can infer that from your post.December 27, 2011 4:45 pm at 4:45 pm #838833oomisParticipant
You work together to build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel. It is not always easy, but you put in your maximum effort to see maximum rewards.December 27, 2011 4:48 pm at 4:48 pm #838834mamashtakahMember
You know longer have to worry about putting up appearances for the sake of your shidduch chances…Now you worry about putting up appearances for the sake of your kids’ shidduch chances 🙂
First you have to worry about putting up appearances to get your kids into the right schools.December 27, 2011 5:29 pm at 5:29 pm #838835observanteenMember
blabla, you are talking of marriage as if it were THE goal in life, and once you reach it – then what? Well, Hashem did NOT create us TO GET MARRIED. Neither did he create us to be thin. He created us to do His will and to bring Him kavod. Marriage, as well as a number of other things are the ROAD to get there. It’s a lifetime struggle. Marriage is a great way to work on one’s middos, since there’s so much giving, and tolerance involved, which is why it is a big step in the right direction. Keep your eyes focused on the GOAL, NOT ON THE ROAD! Hatzlacha.December 27, 2011 5:31 pm at 5:31 pm #838836LSHMember
blah blah: You nearly stole my punchline which is blah blah blah. Let’s see who can figure that one out. On Marriage: For those who are scared…there are so many scarier things out there. If you’re a guy then you get an Ezer K-Negdo – so just be on very good terms with Hashem and you’ll survive your marriage experience. If you’re a girl then remember that Hashem loves you and so no matter how scary the whole thing seems just as Hashem brought you into this world and into your family against your will and you accepted that<>you’ll be able to get married and do the mitzvot associated with that. Imagine getting to heaven and not having forfilled the numerous mitzvot that get acheived through being married (for a man having children and for a women helping a man not be alone).December 27, 2011 5:33 pm at 5:33 pm #838837ToiParticipant
you get the magic sink. its a sink you put things into dirty, and they come out clean. you should try it.December 27, 2011 5:38 pm at 5:38 pm #838838Queen BeeMember
I think that as long as you marry the right person, the person you really want to spend the rest of your life with and marry him/her because you really care about him/her and WANT to spend the rest of your life with him/her, not because you were told you should get married, then married life is something you’ll love, not dread.December 27, 2011 6:09 pm at 6:09 pm #838839
The purpose of marriage is solely to build new generations and continue the chain of klal yisroel….
Hmmmm.December 27, 2011 6:47 pm at 6:47 pm #838840bptParticipant
You finally realize that the “Roger and Elaine” story was closer to reality than you thought.
And that Mars and Venus are more than just planets in the skyDecember 27, 2011 7:59 pm at 7:59 pm #838841
oneofmany, there is a mitzva to get married as well as having children. and the only way u could do the second mitzvah is by completing the first.I did not intend any objections against just getting married….December 27, 2011 8:15 pm at 8:15 pm #838842
kido: I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with you. I just think you should take a look at that thread.December 27, 2011 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm #838843yitayningwutParticipant
Hey OneOfMany, I was just gonna look for that thread to link it! Thanks.December 27, 2011 8:46 pm at 8:46 pm #838844
Sure! That was a great thread, by the way.December 27, 2011 9:04 pm at 9:04 pm #838845emunah613Member
Read “I only Want To Get Married Once”. This is an easy book to read and Chana Levitan is the author.December 27, 2011 9:28 pm at 9:28 pm #838846gubbishParticipant
actually, when life hands me pumpkins, i make pumpkin pie…December 28, 2011 1:37 am at 1:37 am #838847
mamashtakah- and the right schools are essential for getting the right shidduchim 🙂 It all boils down to shidduchim. You can’t escape shidduchim just because you’re already married 🙂December 28, 2011 8:04 am at 8:04 am #838848blablaParticipant
Marriage isn’t what scares me-its that I feel like I’ve been living all my life for a shidduch so my life’s going to be “over” when I get married. Gone will be my show, impressing everyone…
Real life may begin but what is that if not living for shidduchim? then what is the purpose?! so obviously to serve hashem but what’s the difference between before and after marriage then?December 28, 2011 2:11 pm at 2:11 pm #8388492scentsParticipant
I think that the you first have to correct the Before Marriage thinking.
Life is not about living for Shidduchim. It IS all about Hashem. In this regard there is no difference if you are married or not.December 28, 2011 5:07 pm at 5:07 pm #838850BTGuyParticipant
I dont think they turn into a pumpkin. lolDecember 28, 2011 6:19 pm at 6:19 pm #838851
“Gone will be my show, impressing everyone…”
if you are serious about this it means that nothing you have been doing is for real , its all a show. what about mitsvot, like chessed and davening. what about learning and growing as a person. what about taking pride in a job well done -whatever it is you are doing. what about looking nice because it makes you feel good about yourself (and is a lot easier on everyone else’s eyes also). i suggest you try and find out what really is important to you as a person- not for show- before you get married or else you might end up with the wrong person. if its all for show then it truly is an empty exercise.
I know a kallah who after she got engaged sent all kinds of baked goods to her chosson every shabbos. not for show. for real. because she wanted to show him how special she thought he was. “she said “he deserves it.” not everything is for show or should be for show. some people really enjoy, learning, working helping etc.
hopefully when you get married , the two of you become a family. your own family. and if you are lucky then Hashem will also bless you with children. life is what happens day after day. but marriage, being connected to another person who “knows all about you and still likes you” that’s the real deal. it sounds like you are not ready for marriage because you think its about getting a good shidduch. obviously the next question is then what. marriage is about giving. and giving and giving. and sharing. and not answering back your mother-in-law even though she’s soooo annoying!!!! becuz its not your husband’s fault that his mother is that way. marriage is about thinking about something other than what you can get , and what you want. and marriage with all its hard work should be fun. Marry someone you can feel proud of but comfortable with. marry someone that makes you laugh, makes you smile and makes you feel comfortable ,not tense when you are together. then you will know that you came home. the reason it says ” l’torah ‘l’huppa u’l’maasim tovim ,is that the maasim tovim are what you do when you take care of and give to your spouse. marriage can be sublime.
good luckDecember 28, 2011 6:27 pm at 6:27 pm #838852
kido , what do you mean when you say ” i see married pp basically living in oblivion!” oblivion to what , to whom,
i know a boy who got married and during sheva brachos week went with his Kallah to his parents house to look at some of the wedding gifts that were there. when he came in his mother reported ,”it was like she, the mother had become invisible. He could only see his Kallah.” the mom happily reports that after many years of marriage they are still blissfully happy, but she does get to see him, and his lovely wife and he sees her on a regular basis. Bli ayin hara , Halevai for all of klal yisrael.December 28, 2011 6:47 pm at 6:47 pm #838853BTGuyParticipant
I guess marriage can’t be as bad as you think. Many people are doing it several times.December 28, 2011 7:07 pm at 7:07 pm #838854
Goldenkint, I meant to say that all these newlyweds are so, ummmm blind to see something else other than their wife. What about their parents? what about their younger siblings? I could say so, cuz i have a married sis that was totally flying until she had her second child. Only then did she land and came back to reality! What kind of life is this? To pretend nothing but your spouse exists? And just because you want to impress your spouse it duz not give you permission to speak against other pp just because you wana have a good time together… sorry if i sound so upset, but i basically see married pp as selfish! not to their spouse of course, but to all others around them! Not e/o is like this, but i know a good few that are. It is just so sickening to see how pp could forget about the existing world and fly in a dream of never-never land! I feel like saying “c’mon, just wake up,stop flying and land!”
i dunno, maybe it’s supposed to be this way…. But i could say one thing…. it’s good to see how other pp behave so you know what not to copyDecember 28, 2011 8:40 pm at 8:40 pm #838855
kido, Ih Yirtzeh Hashem hope to see you flying too. its never ok to speak badly about others. it a major sin. but for young couples to be wrapped up in themselves is their right and it’s right for them to get to know each other and to be oblivious to others sometimes just happens. .you’ll be there and you’ll understand. they don’t ignore you, they just don’t see you. i know a young man who was single and didn’t get it when his first niece was born how everything revolved around the baby etc. he was very jealous and complained. Hashem helped and he now has 10 children, is no longer so young and laughs at his younger self because of course his kids fill up his time . G-d willing your spouse will fill up your world and your time in a good way. and eventually you’ll come back to earth but not with a bang.
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