Stories from Chelm

keep them!

It all began in a hotly contested mayoral race in

Chelm. At a town hall debate, Gershon the leading

candidate for the conservative Gor Frum Party

promised that if he were elected that there would

be a brilliant light bulb in every kitchen in all of

Chelm. It would not be an ordinary light bulb, but

a very special one.

It has been reported that upon being challenged as

to the kind of light bulb, Gershon said that it would

be a CIRCLE, (Chelm Infra Red Light Emitter). It

would be have an incandescent glow for reading so

that the men and boys could use it for studying.

Then in very cold weather, and on Shabbos, it

would automatically convert to an infra-red heater.

Thus it would not be necessary to lug the cholent

pot to the bakery to be kept warm overnight for Shabbos.

Needless to say, that when the Chelm mayoral

elections were held, the Gor Frum Party won in an

unprecedented landslide receiving every vote

except those of the other candidates and their

immediate families.

After the installation ceremony had been held and

the gala inaugural had taken place and things had

settled down, it soon became apparent that Mayor

that the wise Chelm Rabbi should be consulted.

Arrangements quickly were made for the meeting

and the wisdom of the ages was revealed.

the advice given by the rabbi.

The commissioners were selected as you would in a

the names. Beryl was selected as the Commission

Chairman because B is the first letter of bulb and E

is for electric.

After several commission meetings and a great deal

of research and discussions, it was agreed upon

that there would not be a generator built in Chelm.

It would ruin the bucolic appearance of the shtetl

and would be a polluter. Instead they would buy

the electric power from Lublin, After a lengthy

period of negotiations, a price was agreed upon.

To get the electricity from Lublin they would use a

foot wide extension cord. The cord would lie on the

ground except where it crossed a road, and there it

would be snaked underground. Where it crossed

the river, it would be laid like the Trans-Atlantic

Cable.

Meanwhile the conversations all over Chelm was

about the new luxury that would be in every

household from Grober Gimpel, the wealthiest

grain dealer, down to the humblest cobbler, Shimon

the Shuster. Each and every Chelm family would

be treated equally.

Instead of smoky kerosene lanterns there would be

the smokeless electric light bulbs that could be

turned on and off with a flick of the finger. Another

take the sharp chill from the long, cold winter

nights.

The final problem came in how to finance the

ambitious venture. The estimate was that a million

dollars would need to be raised. The commission

decided that the Chelm Public Utility should offer

IPOs (Initial Public Offerings) on the Warsaw Stock

Exchange. The initials would be CPU. It was

decided to establish the original price per share at

one-dollar.

lifetime opportunity for investing in a pre-offering.

If 1000 readers invested $1000 each, the entire

amount would be raised. To make the offering

more desirable, there is an automatic reinvestment

plan so that dividends can be reinvested without

commission at the lowest list price on that day.

Furthermore, the dividends would be tax-free of

any Chelm taxes. An additional incentive was

added. If any investor wants to incorporate in

Chelm, there will be no charge for incorporation.

Call the Chelm Public Utilities Commission at:

011-34-4881-633-1229, e-mail [email protected]

or write to:

Chelm Public Utilities Commission

ul Bialystokivina 36, 25-989

Chelm, POLAND

check for $1000 should be sent to the above address

for each share you wish. It is recommended that

you maintain a balanced portfolio and not invest

too heavily in any one stock.

A6KB: It was the Windows Clipboard using the famous Control C and Control V functions, coming from a few years old PDF file (which I take no credit for, other than minor adaption for the CR.) 🙂