July 22, 2011 6:11 pm at 6:11 pm #598161
One of my kids last night asked me in a very concerned tone “who am I going to marry? There’s nobody left to marry”. Huh? I was totally startled by this question. I, of course, had no idea how to answer, and then went into a brief discourse about how Hash-em chooses a match for each person, that it’s our job to be the best we can be, and to follow Torah, and when the time comes look for someone who is also frum and treats people nicely.
Has anyone else encountered a question like this from a child?
Why would a seven year old say “there’s no one else to marry”?July 22, 2011 6:14 pm at 6:14 pm #789139WolfishMusingsParticipant
Why don’t you ask your seven year old why s/he said that? Then you can correct his/her misconceptions.
The WolfJuly 22, 2011 6:15 pm at 6:15 pm #789140am yisrael chaiParticipant
‘Why would a seven year old say “there’s no one else to marry”?’
Why not ask him directly yourself?July 22, 2011 6:15 pm at 6:15 pm #789141YW Moderator-80Member
i imagine the child meant that all those he would think of marrying are taken already, mommy, bubby, sister, aunts, your friends…
he probably doesnt realize that he will marry someone that he doesnt even know yet. im pretty sure thats why the question was asked.July 22, 2011 6:15 pm at 6:15 pm #789142ItcheSrulikMember
Probably because his parents, older siblings, and every adult he sees are always talking about the shidduch crisis.July 22, 2011 6:15 pm at 6:15 pm #789143zahavasdadParticipant
frankly Id ignore it. Last week my 11 year old asked me if 2 boys can marry and I asked her where she heard that..
She told me the 1st graders in camp (She goes to a pretty heimish day camp) told that to her.
I frankly did not answer the question and brought up another subject.July 22, 2011 6:21 pm at 6:21 pm #789144
Does it make sense to bring up the topic again? Kids talk about things and then move on minutes later. If he brought it up, I assume he’s bothered by it though. Zahavasdad – Gevalt! What a generation we are living in!July 22, 2011 6:21 pm at 6:21 pm #789145Another nameParticipant
zahavasdad, if the child is really nervous, then by ignoring their question, you are giving validation to their fears!July 22, 2011 6:23 pm at 6:23 pm #789146Pac-ManMember
“strange child’s question”
Why is your child strange?July 22, 2011 6:27 pm at 6:27 pm #789147am yisrael chaiParticipant
The 2 topics are not comparable, IMHO.
M22’s child is concerned about not finding a spouse for himself/herself, while your child is trying to clarify a rumor.
The general rule is that if the child is old enough to ask, then the child is old enough to get an answer on an appropriate level.
There’s nothing wrong with telling your child that it’s assur min haTorah, end of discussion. If a child cannot get an answer from the parent, there are other sources for the child to get answers. Better to get the answers from you.July 22, 2011 6:27 pm at 6:27 pm #789148
Ok, fair enough, child’s strange question.July 22, 2011 6:41 pm at 6:41 pm #789149
Thank you for correcting the title. I wasn’t sure how to do that.July 22, 2011 6:45 pm at 6:45 pm #789150all smilesParticipant
sure thing, my son was 9 or 10 when he asked me too. and he was already thinking how she would look like.July 22, 2011 6:49 pm at 6:49 pm #789151
He asked you, in light that there’s no one left, who he would marry? Or generally, who will he marry? At nine or ten I was thinking about toys and friends. Kids are so advanced.July 22, 2011 6:59 pm at 6:59 pm #789152always hereParticipant
my 7 y.o. granddaughter tells me she’s going to marry my 7 y.o. grandson (her cousin). … it’s a kid thing 😉July 22, 2011 7:08 pm at 7:08 pm #789153mikehall12382Member
My son told me he was going to marry mommy…I wouldn’t be too concernedJuly 22, 2011 8:46 pm at 8:46 pm #789154csilver1516Member
I would never ignore a child’s question. If you don’t answer, they will think you don’t have an answer and will find their “information” or misinformation elsewhere. Just because they don’t bring it up again does not mean they have stopped thinking about it. If you want to be known by your children as the best source of information, you must answer all their questions (including the embarrassing ones or the ones you think are “obvious”) without making them feel bad (“WHERE did you hear THAT!?!) That is the best way to keep the lines of communication open – something VITAL nowadays!July 22, 2011 8:52 pm at 8:52 pm #789155csilver1516Member
Let me add that you need to answer your children’s questions calmly!July 22, 2011 9:21 pm at 9:21 pm #789156
Thinking about who he’d marry worries me less than thinking there’s no one left. Maybe he was thinking all the women he loves are taken… I’ll check it out later. I just don’t want him thinking there’s no one for HIM.July 22, 2011 9:54 pm at 9:54 pm #789157always hereParticipant
my 3 1/2 y.o. granddaughter says she’s gonna marry her mommy 😉July 22, 2011 11:19 pm at 11:19 pm #789158WolfishMusingsParticipant
Thinking about who he’d marry worries me less than thinking there’s no one left.
Thinking about who he’ll marry is perfectly normal.
His thinking that no one is left is probably based on an innocent, mistaken assumption of his. Bring it up and show him (gently, of course) that he’s wrong.
The WolfJuly 24, 2011 2:47 am at 2:47 am #789159oomisParticipant
Nothing strange about the question. Overreacting to it or overthinking it, is not the best way to go.July 25, 2011 6:40 pm at 6:40 pm #789160adorableParticipant
why dont you ask him what he meant. i agree with 80 and the others that he prob just thinks that all women are married already or maybe he just wants to know if you know who hes going to marry.
zd- your post sent shivers up and down my spine.
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