The Five Thousand Dollar Dress

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    CTLawyer, most people don’t have $5,000 to spare. That makes spending $5,000 on a non-essential item a bad financial decision.


    Chabadshlucha, that’s an alternative reality scenario that rarely exists. In the real world, if she’s pregnant or has kids, in case of divorce it is the ex-husband/father that is left holding the bag being legally responsible to pay child support, etc.

    Lilmod Ulelamaid

    Slominer – he has to pay a certain amount of child support, but she is the one who has to support the kids. The child support just helps out a drop, but she is still left with the bulk of support (although there are probably variations, and in some case, the amount he pays may constitute a bigger proportion of what’s needed, but I would imagine that it would be rare for the ex-husband to be paying the full amount and for the ex-wife to not have to worry about finances at all).

    And in some cases, she may not have been working at all beforehand, and now she suddenly has to go to work.

    Also, not everyone fulfills their legal obligation to pay child support.

    L’maaseh, from what I’ve seen, it seems like divorce is usually very difficult financially for both parties, since they now have two households to maintain, and they are working against each other, as opposed to with each other.


    If a person doesn’t have the funds available, any purchase besides requisite food, clothing, shelter is generally a bad financial decision.


    I think that a different understanding of the Rav Miller’s precious advice will answer many of the issues that people brought up. I don’t think that he meant that the husband should bribe his wife. Perhaps he meant that the husband should demonstrate to her in a clear and kind way, how important this issue is to him.

    For some husbands and wives, a diamond ring is a significant but attainable gift that will show the wife that the husband both loves her and very much wants to see her change the way she dresses. For others, it will take a more expensive gift, or OTOH maybe just sweet words alone without needing the large expenditure.

    This understanding explains why the advice is not insulting to the wife, not too expensive to afford, or too cheap to be meaningful. Each husband had to use words and actions that are appropriate to deliver the Rav’s message – “I love you, and I just want you to realize that this is important to me.”

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