The Role Of A Frum Man Controversial?

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    What is the role of a frum man?


    This should not be controversial at all.

    He must work, honor, feed, and support his wife.

    He must provide her food, clothing, necessities of life.

    It’s all spelled out in the kesubah.


    haifagirl, mazca asked what is the “role” of a frum man in life. You’ve only mentioned side points. 🙂

    I’d say Torah is the “role” of a frum man.


    as the poet and philosopher (actually lyricist) Sheldon Harnick once wrote:

    Who, day and night, must scramble for a living

    Feed the wife and children, say the daily prayers?

    And, who has the right, as master of the house

    To have the final word at home?


    Everyones always talking about. the womens role, why doesn’t the mans role seem important?


    Torah is central to a woman’s life too. Every action has to be weighed through the prism of, is this bringing kiddush Hashem or not.

    A person’s goal is to be a ben Torah (which means living a life of Torah, not necessarily full time learning) and that the shem Shamayim should be misahev al yado.

    Circumstances will lead a man to have to assume the responsibilities of life, and when that happens he should do so proudly and b’simcha.

    Did I cover everything?


    Let’s start with something mroe basic. What does it mean to be a man? We can add the frum aspect later, but I think the basic definition will cover alot of it.


    Ha’adam lo nivra ela lehisaneig al Hashem uleihanos miziv shechinaso- Man was created in order to rejoice from Hashem and to get pleasure from the shine of his shechina”. But after the sin of Adam Harishon, this can no longer happen in olam hazeh. Thus we must learn Torah and do mitzvos. Iy’s the man’s job to learn torah and do mitzvos. In most cases, it’s the man’s job to support his family as well. For the yechidim who are toraso umnaso, they are allowed to support their family with tzedakah.


    As someone posted on another thread:

    Women need Torah, too. Without Torah, you cant get Olam Habah. And so the Gemora asks the question: Nashim b’,ai zachyan – How do women merit Olam Habah if they do not learn Torah?

    The Gemora answers; Bakroei banaihu l’bei kenishta, ib’asniyei gavraihu bai rabanon – by supporting and helping their husband and children learn.


    A learning man is an ideal, but should he stop learning for a few minutes to learn with his kids, talk to his wife of throw out the garbage? Besides once I heard a renoun rabbi said if the money is not enough he should take a second job. What do you think?

    Be Happy

    A mans life must be lead by Torah. If in all he does you can “see” his yiras Shomayim even if he works he is performing his role.



    You are so right, a person’s Yiras Shomayim, if it is EMES, will guide everything he does, from picking up his socks, throwing out the garbage, talking to someone, doing his job, to Learning Torah.

    of course when you said “man”, you meant it in the generic sense as in “person”

    a Yehudi, a Prince


    a Yehudis, a Princess


    Esterh, well said.


    Moderator80, what you said about it being shayoch for women as well is absolutely true. I do wonder what our OP was getting at because I think the intent was specifically re men.


    The roll of a frum man is to bring Torah to his home, speak diver torah, educate his children, respect his wife, bring parnassah, provide for the family in a respecful way.


    You said that quite well mazca. I would however clarify one point:

    “…has to think of his family first…”

    I would personally say: “…has to think of Hashem first and his family next…”


    I meant he has to think of course Hashem first, but I meant his family before him.


    I knew you meant that, of course. I just wanted to put in the text what I knew you had in your mind.


    What is the role of a frum man? Simple, to make as much money as humanly possible

    so his his wife can spend it on clothing and jewelry.

    Oh! and I almost forgot, to pay the credit cards bills she runs up,

    and to compliment her every 15 seconds. Yeah.. that should cover it.


    MM, when “learning” Torah is done for the specific purpose of escaping the obligation of supporting your family then it is not considered to be “learning Torah”.

    All those who learn in Kollel only do so during the “permission of their wives”.

    At any time the wife can say, “I am no longer Mochel the obligations of the Kesubah, get a job.”


    Josh, B’H the wives in our community not only don’t mind, they fully encourage our husbands to sit and learn. They’ve been trained well.


    The problem and one of the biggest problems that we have antisemitisim , well we cannot help it a jewish mind usually is always brighter than others. But we have to teach our people not to be so exhibitionist, not to have the best cars, not to have the best clothing, not to make the fanciests weddings, play it low. And of course daven, but we have in our hands the power to stop it. How I do not know but in my opinion stay away from them.


    to sit bach and let the wife do everything!

    (just kidding)


    pookie isn’t if funny you have to kid about it?


    Pookie, do you mean to imply that there should be classical music in the background? Important detail.


    sorry, i said i was kidding



    classical or cantorial- depends on your taste.


    Wow I see very little posts in this page, I believe people are not sure what is the role. Why is so? Because we are not allow to question this.


    The reason you see very little replies is because most people assume this entire thread was created to poke fun at the thread “role of woman” which went nowhere, very fast.


    Hey Mazca, maybe you said it all;-)


    Well we all have rolls men are women.

    Why is it wrong to ask both ways?


    Rolls and roles.


    jphone; Mmmm! i’m getting hungry.

    mazca; See my earlier post, i think I was brief and clear about mens roles.

    Mens rolls however is entirely another thread topic.




    The mesilas yeshorim says that the role of a person is to get pleasure from this world–one must learn the mesilas yeshorim in depth to understand it’s true meaning.


    Seek G-d.

    Love, provide for and protect his family.

    Make an honest living.

    Cherish his wife.

    Raise his children.


    First, to be a mentch.

    If you aren’t that, nothing else really matters.


    so true!

    i was recently at a lecture by rabbi dovid orlofsky…he told a very interesting story.

    a man got married and told his wife that one of the conditions was that she understands that he is a “masmid” and that he will spend his whole day learning, and that she would have to bear the burden of taking care of the kids. before long they had three kids in yeshiva. all was going well…until they got into the higher grades and they started acting up…becoming problems. the wife, overwhelmed asked her husband for help, in response he reminded her of the condition. she was insistent and told him to go ask his rebbi. he told his rebbi “i dint understand…she knew the conditions of the marriage, what changed? she knew what she was getting into” the rebbi responded…”true…but your children didnt agree to that condition and they need a father. if you cant be a father to these children then give them up for adoption! youve already been mekayem the mitzvah of peru urevu!”

    im not sure what the end of the story is…but the message is clear. derech eretz kadmah latorah!


    In the old days, they used to say, “tzu Go-t un tzu leit” (which means, that which makes a favorable impression in the eyes of Hashem and humanity.

    Striking a balance between these two daunting tasks is what I try to do every step of the day, wether I’m standing on the train or standing shemoneh esreh.

    I think theres a mishna in pirke avos that says the same thing. So the role is pretty clear.. lets just do it!

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