Home › Forums › Family Matters › wearing perfume
- This topic has 49 replies, 19 voices, and was last updated 4 years ago by 👑RebYidd23.
October 11, 2011 9:06 am at 9:06 am #599911
k so my husband told me the other day that he gets very effected when smelling other ladies perfume so he asked if I could please wear a lot of perfume when we go places together to drown out everyone elses odor. I really dont know what to do cuz I am very makpid on tznius- am I machoyav to protect my husband or other men? (who comes first??)October 11, 2011 2:10 pm at 2:10 pm #817233
Tell him to speak to a Rov. The very problem he is having by smelling other ladies who put on much perfume in public, he is asking you to cause other men. Does he or you really want to be nichshol other men and have other men thinking about you? It is not permitted.October 11, 2011 2:23 pm at 2:23 pm #817234miritchkaMember
this reminds me of a story that a coworker of mine told me. She said she never wore perfume before. But she did wear perfume on her first date. She ended up marrying the guy and he asked her to wear that perfume more often. I was cracking up cuz he gives the impression that he knows nothing about perfume! But, i learned that some men like some things, like perfume, and putting some on for your husband is not only fine, its the right thing to do.
It doesnt sound like your husband meant for you to drown out other womens perfume, cuz that would be toxic!! lol!October 11, 2011 2:54 pm at 2:54 pm #817235cherrybimParticipant
So what happens when other men get very effected when smelling your perfume? Will their husbands then tell their wives to pour on more perfume to drown out yours?
Using your husband’s logic, women will bathe in perfume so that their husbands will not be affected by the other woman’s scent.
Frankly, I smell something in the air that tells me that your husband would just like to have you in perfume when you’re together, and there’s nothing wrong with that.October 11, 2011 3:09 pm at 3:09 pm #817236
One may not wear perfume outside the home that is noticeable by others.October 11, 2011 4:08 pm at 4:08 pm #817237
I feel like it’s a Mefurash Gemara in Ta’anis that it’s Muttar.October 11, 2011 7:23 pm at 7:23 pm #817238apushatayidParticipant
Sounds to me like your husband doesn’t know how to say (or is embarrassed to say), “I like it when you wear perfume, please do so more often”.October 11, 2011 7:35 pm at 7:35 pm #817239mw13Participant
I believe the Gemora brings down a story of an Amora (forgot who) who asked his wife to come great him all dressed up whenever he would come in to the city so he would not be nichshal by looking at other women. This would seem to be a similar case.
But as always, ask your Rav.
“Hevi dun es kol ha’odom li’kaf zechus…”
“One may not wear perfume outside the home that is noticeable by others.”
Do you have a source for that?October 11, 2011 8:21 pm at 8:21 pm #817240apushatayidParticipant
“Hevi dun es kol ha’odom li’kaf zechus…”
And this is not li’kaf zchus, how?October 11, 2011 8:26 pm at 8:26 pm #817241
mw13: No, he doesn’t. This was beaten to death in a thread about a month ago.October 11, 2011 8:33 pm at 8:33 pm #817242
mw13: Lifnei Iver. A strange man is not permitted to smell it.October 11, 2011 8:53 pm at 8:53 pm #817243
I dont have a rav that im comftorable enough with to ask, I usually tell my husband to ask his rav all our questions- but not this one he would not appreciate it. would someone be able to ask for me?
apashutyid- I do wear perfume around the house but up until now I was careful not to wear out of the house I always thought it wasnt nice toOctober 11, 2011 9:02 pm at 9:02 pm #817244cherrybimParticipant
“I always thought it wasnt nice to”
It’s nice to please your husband.October 11, 2011 9:07 pm at 9:07 pm #817245
Shlishi: Learn the Dinim of Lifnei Iveir.October 11, 2011 9:22 pm at 9:22 pm #817246
Sam: I have.October 11, 2011 9:25 pm at 9:25 pm #817247
Apparently not. Otherwise you would know what Lifnei Iveir actually means then.October 11, 2011 9:31 pm at 9:31 pm #817248
is anyone asking a rov??
stuck in the houseOctober 11, 2011 9:31 pm at 9:31 pm #817249
sam why is this not lifnei eiver . explainOctober 11, 2011 9:39 pm at 9:39 pm #817250
Is this woman walking outside going to be the only source of perfume available to him? (And yes, I am assuming that the only Issur is if he has Kavanah to smell. If he just smells it then I am assuming there is no Issur. If you disagree with that assumption then Lifnei Iveir can apply. However, I see no reason at all to assume that.)October 11, 2011 9:46 pm at 9:46 pm #817252
yes sir mr. sam. if you are telling her to put on more than you are making more available which is under the lav of lifnei eiverOctober 11, 2011 9:49 pm at 9:49 pm #817253
Making more available is not Lifnei Iveir. Being the only source is.October 11, 2011 9:55 pm at 9:55 pm #817254
Sam: She may in fact be the only source. (Not to grant the claim that she need only be the only source to violate the lav.)
And why do you assume he must have kavanah to be oiver?October 11, 2011 9:55 pm at 9:55 pm #817255
it is not just making it more available- it is like selling assur things for a cheaper price than anyone else, which is assur, no?October 11, 2011 9:57 pm at 9:57 pm #817256
but it might not be lifnei eiver since it won’t vadai cause the aveira i saw such a sevara in tzitz eliezer 21:14 in a very geshmake teshuva nogea if it is muttar to sell cigarettes.October 11, 2011 10:02 pm at 10:02 pm #817257
The guy walking down the empty street passing her and smelling her perfume certainly was oiver a lav as a result of her lifnei eiver.October 11, 2011 10:04 pm at 10:04 pm #817258
That is a second reason. Thank you Chacham.
Dr. Seuss: People can walk into a store and smell or buy perfume. Unless you’re in the middle of nowhere she cannot be the only source.October 11, 2011 10:05 pm at 10:05 pm #817259
I think you should listen to him. While your high standard of tznius is commendable, your shalom bayis comes first. And listening to him will be better for both of you. I don’t think he really needs you to put on a lot of perfume. He probably just exaggerated to get his point across. He probably just wants you to wear a normal amount so he can have his nose focus on something “kosher.”October 11, 2011 10:11 pm at 10:11 pm #817260
Chacham – I believe the Gemara in Avoda Zara says that halacha. Though I don’t believe it has to be ???? only ?????.October 11, 2011 10:15 pm at 10:15 pm #817261
Sam: You can easily be in an office or be a guest in a home or walk down a street or in a grocery or many other places where only one woman has perfume emanating from her. Especially in frum neighborhoods.October 11, 2011 10:22 pm at 10:22 pm #817262
And Sam, I don’t see a basis for your assumption about kavanah. Just like if a man saw a non-tznius women he must remove her from within his eyesight, if a man smelled a perfumed woman he must remove himself from within her smelling range. Even if he thinks he has no kavanah.October 11, 2011 10:35 pm at 10:35 pm #817263
if a man saw a non-tznius women he must remove her from within his eyesight
Who says? He’s just not allowed to gaze.October 12, 2011 5:32 am at 5:32 am #817264
sam – it is called meiver dnahar simply because men don’t have ladies with perfume in their back pocket. walking into the store to buy has no shayachos to what he smells here. there he smells the smell here he is smelling her. it is not exceptionally common to walk by women with so much perfume, so by doing so you are supplying him with this issur, making this clearly meiver dnahara. he has no way of accessing this (not the smell but the combination) by himself. the lifnei eiver is not if perfume is for sale.
yitayningwut- i do not think the gemara is very clear that that din is lmaaseh. the earliest source i think is the peirush hamishnayos lrambam on shviis.October 12, 2011 5:51 am at 5:51 am #817265mddMember
Sam, according to you logic, women should be allowed to walk in street in bigdei pritzus, c^v. Rachmona litzlan me’data didach.October 12, 2011 5:52 am at 5:52 am #817266mddMember
Yitay, same about your svora.October 12, 2011 8:32 am at 8:32 am #817267ToiParticipant
sam- it is lifnei iver. it doesnt matter, lchoira, if there are more sources cuz every time you do it is a dif. cheftzah of aveirah. sis nisht yenah aveirah. the aveirah of him smelling her is a dif. aveirah then smelling source 2. i think its pretty poshut and mistaber.October 12, 2011 2:09 pm at 2:09 pm #817268
I was’t agreeing that the svara applies, I was simply giving a mareh makom to it.
And I am not sure it does apply, because here it is worse than your classic lifnei iver. When you pass a piece of eiver min hachai to a goy or a glass of wine to a nazir, l’ma’aseh all you are doing is giving him the opportunity to sin. But here you are actually being megareh the yetzer hara within people, so I could very well hear that it would be more chamur.October 12, 2011 4:04 pm at 4:04 pm #817269
See Igros Moshe (I believe) CH”M 2:12 (maybe 2:11?) in the bottom of the first paragraph where he mentions that a woman going outside not Tznius is an Issur Asei, and if I recall correctly he doesn’t mention Lifnei Iveir.
MDD: Even if there’s no Lifnei Iveir that doesn’t mean it’s Muttar.October 16, 2011 4:07 am at 4:07 am #817270
Issur Asei of what?February 21, 2019 7:09 pm at 7:09 pm #1683644
Perfume is for sure chukas hagoyim.February 21, 2019 8:02 pm at 8:02 pm #1683661
Perfume is not chukas hagoyim, but more importantly, abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz, do you type your name in again every time you log in, or do you copy and paste?February 21, 2019 9:49 pm at 9:49 pm #1683675placesParticipant
there is a medresh that perfume came down with the monFebruary 22, 2019 1:27 am at 1:27 am #1683726
I don’t think the husband’s request comes from yiras shamayim. seems to me that he wasn’t comfortable telling her what he really wants.
1) they have to improve their relationship that they are both comfortable to share their thoughts and feelings etc.
2) is the husband attracted to HER? or to external things of her?
At first, I wasn’t sure if I should write that, because it might cause friction between them. But I see the question was posted 7 1/2 years ago, so i guess this is not nogea lemaase for this couple now.February 22, 2019 1:29 am at 1:29 am #1683730
does that mean that men also got it?February 22, 2019 8:57 am at 8:57 am #1683733
does that mean that the men also got perfume?February 22, 2019 11:10 am at 11:10 am #1683782Avram in MDParticipant
Many perfumes have artificial fragrances which can and do trigger migraines and other reactions in sensitive people.February 22, 2019 1:36 pm at 1:36 pm #1683810
Some perfumes have natural fragrances which can and do trigger migraines and other reactions in sensitive people.February 22, 2019 2:22 pm at 2:22 pm #1683840GAONParticipant
Sounds like Am Haratzes The Gemara in Yoma 38 speaks about the impact of the קטורת how the aroma filled the streets of Jerusalem:
מעולם לא יצאת כלה מבושמת מבתיהן, וכשנושאין אשה ממקום אחר מתנין עמה שלא תתבסם, שלא יאמרו ממעשה הקטורת מתבסמין, לקיים מה שנאמר והייתם נקיים מה’ ומישראל אFebruary 22, 2019 3:37 pm at 3:37 pm #1683875placesParticipant
no only the women got it they got cosmetics alsoFebruary 23, 2019 10:04 pm at 10:04 pm #1684039GadolhadorahParticipant
Not sure what world some of these posters are living in but sales of perfume have gone way down over the past decade as fewer and fewer young women show interest in fragrances of any sort. At the outset, most colleges and workplaces have explicit policies discouraging the use of any perfumes, deodorants/body oils with strong fragrances etc. because as someone noted above, many people have strong allergic reactions. Even more so, most millennials today surveyed simply don’t feel they either want or need such enhancements and prefer very limited natural/organic cosmetics in general. This “husband” sounds like he has considerably more serious issues than olfactory tzinus concerns.February 23, 2019 11:27 pm at 11:27 pm #1684071
Actually, people use more cosmetic items in less prosperous times and vice versa.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.