what's better: to be humble, OR mar'eet ayin?

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  • #597571
    brotherofurs
    Participant

    for ex.

    you walk into shul really late because you just came back from giving a girl’s class to little girls as a favor for a friend.

    Do you stay humble and not talk about the act of chesed that you did , OR do you explain why you walked in late since that would cause mar’eet ayin?

    OR do you not do the chesed in the first place because of mareet ayin? 🙁

    what’s more important?

    #780310
    deiyezooger
    Member

    I think its humble for one to explain himherself, its part of “vehayisem nekiyim”. (you should come clean when it might be an apearence of wrong doing).

    #780311
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    There’s no maris ayin to walk into shul late, although there might be, as dz said, an inyan of v’hiyisem n’kiyim to explain. But you could just explain that you were detained for a good reason without saying what it was.

    #780312
    brotherofurs
    Participant

    but i feel so much better when i don’t tell anyone about the chesed. 🙁

    #780313
    oomis
    Participant

    Maybe I am too old for this forum, but I absolutely did not GET what the question was. What mareet ayin do you mean? What has a little girls’ class got to do with coming to shul late? Do you mean mincha/Maariv? There are a million minyanim. Find a later one. What was wrong with giving a girl’s class? Please explain. THis made no sense to me. Maybe I am getting that Old Timer’s disease.

    #780314
    brotherofurs
    Participant

    i was saying that i wouldn’t want women to think badly of me since i went to shul much earlier all the other weeks….

    but even if it was a different example:

    let’s say i wanted to pray at home with more kavana instead of praying at camp while my campers are praying and be more distracted. i wouldn’t want to tell everyone this, but if i come to camp and i don’t pray there, they would think i didn’t pray at all 🙁

    #780315
    mdd
    Member

    You must explain your actions to avoid Chilul HaShem, if you are viewed as a Rabbi, a “frum one” etc.

    #780316
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    brotherofurs,

    You should tell them that you already prayed. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to tell them why.

    #780317
    brotherofurs
    Participant

    someone told me that you have to be honest with yourself, if it really is maris ayin, or is it for your own kavod,

    is the thing that your doing (chesed) more important than your kavod? if it is then you don’t say anything.

    What qualifies for maris ayin? and are you allowed to depend on ppl to be dan l’kaf zechut in this case?

    #780318
    abcd2
    Participant

    When you daven together with campers you play a very crucial role as it is easier for them to be motivated to daven if the counselor is davening along with them.By many camps this is actually a requirement. However if this is to difficult, Daven at home first, and then Daven together with them without Sheim Hashem they will assume that you Davened at home already, and you will still motivate them.Just remember your primary job is to help these kids be motivated in Davening.

    #780319
    basket of radishes
    Participant

    I am not sure what maarat ayin translates to, but I am guessing from the context that you are creating a situation where you are considered to be ‘evil’ for your wrongdoing and that you are not revealing the source of the discontent.

    You clearly have no obligation to disclose your specifics if you are late to a meeting of a class, but to offer the participants who await for you a breif explanation that you were involved in another matter is a simple courtesy, if they seem to expect some explanation as to why you might not regard their time and commitments with a priority. But that said, this is a minor minor topic and I can assure you that your future in the world to come is not dependant upon how you present to your class where you have been but rather it is based on your total disposition in giving and caring for others. Best wishes.

    #780320
    brotherofurs
    Participant

    thank you! and abcd2 that’s a good idea!! and i’m not sure if it’s a requirement yet..

    basket of radishes- ur right i can just say, i was involved in something else thanks! and i hope i’m doing the right thing..

    #780321
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Are you expected to be on time? Are you being paid to be on time?

    #780322
    oomis
    Participant

    Mareet ayin — the APPEARANCE of wrongdoing, even when no wrongdoing was committed. Like walking into a McDonald’s to use the bathroom, and being seen by frum people you know, who are walking by. THEY don’t know why you are there. They only see you coming out of a McDonald’s. (And here’s a lesson on being dan l’kaf zechus).

    #780323

    Folks, I see here a basic misunderstanding of Ma’ares Eyin. The inyan isn’t to appear to do something assur that others will think ill of you, it’s appearing to do something assur that others might think may be nuttar.

    #780324
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    The inyan isn’t to appear to do something assur that others will think ill of you

    See Rashi on Shabbos 146b who seems to think otherwise (both inyanim are true).

    #780325

    im so thankful that there are Yiddim who have a good knowledge of Torah that are posting in the CR

    #780326
    adorable
    Participant

    yes joseph is very very knowledgeable- he knows lots and whatever he doesn’t know he just makes up

    #780327
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Wow, this is the second time this week I’ve been accused of being Joseph!

    #780328
    adorable
    Participant

    i dont mean you. sorry for implying that. just responding to mods post. you are not jopseph as far as im concerned (or are you?!?!?!)

    #780329
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    i dont mean you. sorry for implying that just responding to mods post.

    No problem. I was only half serious; I wasn’t sure if you meant me.

    you are not jopseph as far as im concerned (or are you?!?!?!)

    Now you’re accusing me? ? (This time, 100% not serious.)

    #780330
    Pac-Man
    Member

    Okay, I admit it. I’m DY. (But I am NOT r-b!)

    #780331
    oomis
    Participant

    Folks, I see here a basic misunderstanding of Ma’ares Eyin. The inyan isn’t to appear to do something assur that others will think ill of you, it’s appearing to do something assur that others might think may be nuttar.”

    Both are aspects of the same inyan. Some people will see you go into a treif restaurant and think you are eating there. Others will see a heilige yid walking into that restaurant and think, “WOW! McDonald’s must be KOSHER now!” Both reflect the ramifications of maris ayin.

    #780332
    adorable
    Participant

    mods- is Dy really PM?

    #780333
    Pac-Man
    Member

    No, PM is an old poster here. He is a Rov in Eretz Yisroel:

    http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/profile/pm

    #780334
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    is Dy really PM?

    No

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