When is a good time to start?

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  • #598193

    I’m curious to hear others opinions as to when boys should/could/be encouraged to start dating. I know it depends on various factors, including the guy’s maturity level, but do you think 21 is to young?

    #1060944

    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    No. 21 is not too young.

    #1060945

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    It depends on various factors, including the guy’s maturity level.

    #1060946

    Joseph
    Participant

    21 may be quite late to start for some folks.

    #1060947

    After you’ve bought a lifetime supply of Lenny’s Pickles.

    #1060948

    screwdriverdelight
    Participant

    As soon as his parents let go of his hand.

    #1060949

    flatbusher
    Participant

    Of course while there may be 21 year olds who are mature, by and large I don’t think I would say any 21 year olds I know are ready to get married, and with the way things work so quickly that is likely to happen sooner or later. If the guy has strong yetzer harah, yes, try to get him married, but why should a young man not experience being adult before finding himself having to deal with matters of love and livelihood at such a young age?

    #1060950

    Joseph
    Participant

    No need to “experience being adult” before marriage. Why should a young man not experience being married as soon as he’s an adult? Marriage paves the way for adulthood.

    #1060951

    flatbusher
    Participant

    Some people who are immature when they marry young never grow up. Sounds you like you are underestimating the maturity required to be married.

    #1060952

    Joseph
    Participant

    Marrying young doesn’t stunt maturity. In fact delaying marriage may do exactly that.

    #1060953

    Harav
    Member

    I think that every one should ask their das torah when it is time for them to start. its not one answer for all

    #1060954

    flatbusher
    Participant

    Lior: Provide some support for what you call the fact that delaying married stunts maturity.

    #1060955

    Joseph
    Participant

    flatbusher: You made your claim first; so provide support for your statement that “some people who are immature when they marry young never grow up.”

    #1060956

    flatbusher
    Participant

    I just have first hand experience from at least half dozen person observations, as well as discussions with friends of mine who can attest to the same. I guess you don’t think marriage requires maturity.

    #1060957

    Joseph
    Participant

    I also have first hand experience, observations and testimonials. Marriage brings out additional maturity.

    #1060958

    flatbusher
    Participant

    Lior, and I suppose you are unaware of the high rate of divorce among young couples. Just heard of another one.

    #1060959

    the plumber
    Member

    Kb613

    Now that its been 3 years when you got your answer, youre 24 already and are defjnately fit for marriage.

    Start dating!

    #1060960

    Joseph
    Participant

    flatbusher, and I suppose you are unaware of the lower rate of divorce among young couples in the frum communities that marry young versus the higher rate of divorce in the frum communities that marry later.

    #1060961

    a good time to start is 7:30pm. It gives you time to get there after she and you had something to eat already and each has sufficient time to get ready. The date can also still end at a relatively reasonable hour.

    So 7:30pm is the right time to start.

    #1060962

    flatbusher
    Participant

    Lior: OK, direct me to that statistic. Never heard it before. Since you are aware of it, tell me where you found it.

    #1060963

    Joseph
    Participant

    As soon you direct me to the statistic justifying your claim in your immediately preceding comment regarding young frum couples, how it is statistically defining high and it is high compared to what.

    #1060964

    flatbusher
    Participant

    I didn’t think you had any statistics, but anecdotally, there is evidence. One seminary head lamented the number of shanah rishona divorces there were, and a week doesn’t go by that I don’t hear of another.

    #1060965

    Joseph
    Participant

    You have no statistics? Unsurprising because there are no statistics supporting the claims you made based on anecdotes only. Of the many rabbonim I’ve dealt with, it has mostly been in places like Teaneck and Five Towns that are extremely dejected about the relatively high divorce rate in their communities. Communities that tend to marry later than communities such as Williamburg and Boro Park where the rabbonim are, too, concerned about whatever the rate is there but acknowledge it is nowhere near the levels seen in the former towns. Flatbush, which is in between those two groups, is closer to the Willi/BP rate but somewhat higher. Which, too, points in the direction of the point I have made.

    #1060966

    Joseph
    Participant

    As an aside, your little anecdote about “shanah rishona” is irrelevant to the discussion as there’s a shanah rishona for couples that get married at 16 and there’s a shanah rishona for couples that get married at 32.

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