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any suggestions on who I can call to find out why someone broke his shidduch? Someone suggested a shidduch of boy who broke his engagement. I would like to know why only so that i can be sure there are no unknown problems.
Try calling his rosh yeshiva.
Most people who know will probably not tell you.
I would say go out with him, and ask him. (not on the first date.)
for once i actually agree with popa **gasp** but it cant hurt to try.
3 of my roommates broke their engagements and i only know the reason why first one did (or so they claim). Honestly, I dont want to know why, I love my roommates and I was devestated to hear each time.
If the family is close with their Rav, he might know.
People tend not to want to reveal such details (loshon hara, rechilus, some similar reason), not realizing that it is a CRUCIAL piece of information that a prospective shidduch has every right to know. All the details do not have to be revealed, but some basic information should be, i.e. there was a problem regarding the support issue that had been promised; the girl turned out to be very self-centered; the boy was not being candid about his intentions regarding earning a living; one or the other turned out to have anger management problems or some other emotional disturbance, that had been kept hidden. You get the idea. Details come out when an actual dating relationship goes forward, if it seems shayach to do so after finding out the broader issues.
I don’t know about that.
I think the person is entitled to tell it themselves. It will eventually come out during the dating process, so I don’t think the people who know should be saying.
Ask his rav. This is something you must know.
There are three sides to every story. His. Hers. The truth. Go out with him and make your own determination whether or not this person is someone you want to marry.
To get the full pic, you will probably have to speak to a couple of people on each side. Additionally, you may wanna try the shadchan.
It’s appropriate to find out relevant information before starting to date someone. You don’t want to get emotionally involved only to find out later that there is background that isn’t acceptable.
“for once i actually agree with popa **gasp**”
Me, too! Mashiach is coming!!
Ask him on date 3 (or 4), but ask the one he broke off with before you even date. It might be for a dumb reason (his mother serves Shalesh Seudos on plastic plates), and its the kind of thing that you could give two hoots about.
Then again, he might be Freddy Kruger’s understudy, so you might want to bring along running shoes!
Whoever thinks a Rav or a Shadchan is the best person to ask- Hahahaha. Sooooo funny.
pacman- i actually agree with your post for a change
could not have said it better myself. take it from me- every guy you meet takes a part of your heart with him
whatever you do, it should be easy and you should have clarity
As the person himself (or herself) what happened (and ideally what they learned from it). If they are an honest person they should tell you.
I was engaged to someone else a few years before I met my wife, and it was broken off. While I don’t talk about it (or even think about it ) very often if someone asks me about it I will give a brief explanation of what happened and why. And before anyone asks my Wife does know about it and did before we got married.
The very short version is we realized that our lives were going in very different directions.
Make sure the girl trully forgives him and he forgives the girl. One hears even nowadays the consequences, when there is not true forgiverness. Best of Luck
the following is from a poster here who wishes to remain anonymous:
My sibling had a broken engagement. Your safest bet is to ask him yourself but until you can do that ask his rav or the family rav. That doesn’t mean you will wind up with the truth, but it will probably be the closest you can get without asking him directly (which you should do if/when it starts to get serious). Neighbors and even his very close friends might give you the story they know but chances are they don’t know what actually happened (even if they think they do). And keep in mind that people love to talk.
Lots of hatzlacha.
I always feel in asking about a shidduch its not only who u ask its how u ask I have found that when there is st big u need to find out about and it will make or break ur decision I call up and pretty much pretend I know “all about it” just confirming info and pp are not on the defensive being careful what they say they land up spilling all
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