June 27, 2011 8:41 am at 8:41 am #597660Tzvi HirshMember
What do you feel are the reason’s that you are not married yet and what would you like to see changed in yourself or by the community?June 27, 2011 2:03 pm at 2:03 pm #782216bombmaniacParticipant
because im 10…for some reason the shadchanim discriminate…June 27, 2011 3:22 pm at 3:22 pm #782217ilovetheholylandParticipant
because Hashem doesnt want me to be yet. thats first. but also, im not a size 2. and people just run the other way.June 27, 2011 3:43 pm at 3:43 pm #782218yaakov doeParticipant
I you ever met me you’d knowJune 27, 2011 4:15 pm at 4:15 pm #782219RedNails19Participant
I have a lot of theories….June 27, 2011 4:17 pm at 4:17 pm #782220haifagirlParticipant
Men don’t want smart women who have opinions.June 27, 2011 4:42 pm at 4:42 pm #782221ZeesKiteParticipant
I’m too Zees. And way too young.June 27, 2011 4:48 pm at 4:48 pm #782222OfcourseMember
ilove, im not a size 2. and people just run the other way.
Ive always wondered why the heavier girls are more discriminated against in the frum community, and less able to find husbands, than the world at large. Or am I wrong?June 27, 2011 4:48 pm at 4:48 pm #782223GumBallMember
I wanna get married already but im just 13 and no one wants a 13 yr old for some ODD reason…;)June 27, 2011 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm #782224
stupid thread. because G-d wants us to fulfill our tafkid right now this way. We are not meant to be married. Its not a mistake that we are singleJune 27, 2011 7:17 pm at 7:17 pm #782225
Men don’t want smart women who have opinions.
So keep your opinions to yourself. 🙂June 27, 2011 7:28 pm at 7:28 pm #782226minyan galMember
OfCourse, you said: “Ive always wondered why the heavier girls are more discriminated against in the frum community, and less able to find husbands, than the world at large. Or am I wrong?”
I believe that you are wrong. Larger girls are discriminated against even more in the secular, Conservative and Reform communities as well. From what I have seen and been told, this issue is the same in all religions and all walks of life. It is so unfortunate that many men cannot see beyond the fact that someone is not a size 0. They miss out on wonderful opportunities to meet women who are clever, witty and wonderful prospective wives and mothers.June 27, 2011 7:44 pm at 7:44 pm #782228double standardMember
You’re not married b/c as Mod-80 noted, you’re too picky.June 27, 2011 7:58 pm at 7:58 pm #782229bptParticipant
I often ask myself: How did I manage to get (and stay) married?
When I think back to the incredible odds that I overcame (and the dumb mistakes I was forgiven) its a wonder I made it this far.
Still, statistics seem to indicate, the frum oilom gets, and stays married, so its not a question of why not.. more a question of why not yet?June 27, 2011 8:54 pm at 8:54 pm #782231
bpt- I remember you once posting that there is nothing better than a good marriage and nothing worse than a bad one.June 27, 2011 10:42 pm at 10:42 pm #782232Derech HaMelechMember
We are married. Just ask the Sephardim to show you your kesubah on Shavuos.June 27, 2011 10:45 pm at 10:45 pm #782233
Size 2?? I’m a size 38!June 27, 2011 11:39 pm at 11:39 pm #782234deiyezoogerMember
Size 38? been there 15 years ago…June 27, 2011 11:59 pm at 11:59 pm #782235zahavasdadParticipant
In an earlier time heavier women were considered more attractive since it meant you were rich and had enough to eatJune 28, 2011 12:03 am at 12:03 am #782236
In an earlier time heavier women were considered more attractive
Also because back then size 2 was considered fat.June 28, 2011 2:21 am at 2:21 am #782237squeakParticipant
I admit that I sometimes find it hard to appreciate your humor ever since you made me obsolete, but you had me going with that one.June 28, 2011 3:00 am at 3:00 am #782238
Nice to have you back around. It gets lonely reading my own jokes only.June 28, 2011 8:34 am at 8:34 am #782239Miss L. AneousMember
I could tell you too many reasons people have speculated: “too picky,” “too accomplished,” “too educated,” “too busy to date,” “too heavy,” “to plain,” “too simple,” “no major yichus,” “too fum,” “not yeshivish enough,” “too closed minded,” “younger siblings skipped ahead,” “wants a Moshe Rabeinu,” “went to the ‘wrong’ schools,” “davens in the ‘wrong’ shul,” “too quiet,” “too talkative,” etc.
The real reason is because Hashem has His master plan, time, and place for everything.June 28, 2011 1:01 pm at 1:01 pm #782240golden momMember
I think in the chasidish world being pleasantly plump is not such a big problem plenty of girl who are get married its more of a problem in the litvish work and like women don’t gain weight w pregnancy and age so what then divorce them? Anyway y are boys even know womens sizes and being busy with womens body’s who’s putting this in there head?June 28, 2011 3:01 pm at 3:01 pm #782241bptParticipant
“Size 2?? I’m a size 38!”
Size 38 jacket? Good for you!
Size 38 pants? That’s another story (unless you’re 7ft tall)June 28, 2011 4:39 pm at 4:39 pm #782242
it bothers me when ppl make assumptions as to why singles are still singleJune 28, 2011 5:24 pm at 5:24 pm #782243TheGoqParticipant
That bothers me too adorable it also bothers me when they assume we are not as frum as our married contemporariesJune 28, 2011 5:49 pm at 5:49 pm #782244
That bothers me too adorable it also bothers me when they assume we are not as frum as our married contemporaries
Never mind not as frum. More like subpar, as if there’s something very wrong with us.June 28, 2011 5:53 pm at 5:53 pm #782245TheGoqParticipant
yes dunno that is very true there are a lot of anti-singlites out there.June 28, 2011 5:58 pm at 5:58 pm #782246
I’m in a venting mode today so I’ll continue. What really annoys me is that our opinions mean NOTHING! But the second one changes their status from single to engaged….BAM! Everything they say is of value!
Sorry…bad mood today…June 28, 2011 6:01 pm at 6:01 pm #782247YW Moderator-80Member
did you say something dunno?June 28, 2011 6:01 pm at 6:01 pm #782248
AND married people think they know it all! Like when they ask what you’re looking for and you tell them, they jump on you that it’s not important. Never mind that they cared about the same things when they were dating… (Yeah, I know I’m generalizing. I have a lot of nice married friends too :))June 28, 2011 6:08 pm at 6:08 pm #782249YW Moderator-80Member
i dont know why but im having trouble paying attention to your posts,
youre not single by any chance?June 28, 2011 6:12 pm at 6:12 pm #782250
FunnyJune 28, 2011 6:27 pm at 6:27 pm #782251HealthParticipant
dunno – “AND married people think they know it all! Like when they ask what you’re looking for and you tell them, they jump on you that it’s not important. Never mind that they cared about the same things when they were dating…”
Well maybe they “know-it-all” because they are older and wiser, not because of their marriage status? And just because when they were younger they wanted what you want now, doesn’t make them wrong now. Perhaps they have become wiser and now know what’s really important, as opposed to what they believed when they were younger!June 28, 2011 6:27 pm at 6:27 pm #782252Derech HaMelechMember
More like subpar, as if there’s something very wrong with us.
I disagree. My wife has a few friends that aren’t married. I think these girls are very special. Each of them has conquered a tremendous amount of adversity and has come out with sparkling personalities. I’m honestly very surprised that they have been having so much trouble. The only reason I can think of is that there are so few guys who are equally as special.June 28, 2011 6:32 pm at 6:32 pm #782253
I’m talking about ones my age
Nice to see you’re not like thatJune 28, 2011 6:34 pm at 6:34 pm #782254morahmomParticipant
B”H I have 2 married daughters who both met their husbands in their 3rd year after seminary. They both watched many friends get married before them, including many girls that were not size 2. Ilove, I think you need to try some other shadchanim.June 28, 2011 6:39 pm at 6:39 pm #782255HealthParticipant
DH – “The only reason I can think of is that there are so few guys who are equally as special.”
I doubt that. They probably are picky!June 28, 2011 6:49 pm at 6:49 pm #782256gavra_at_workParticipant
My wife has a few friends that aren’t married. I think these girls are very special. Each of them has conquered a tremendous amount of adversity and has come out with sparkling personalities. I’m honestly very surprised that they have been having so much trouble. The only reason I can think of is that there are so few guys who are equally as special.
I doubt that. They probably are picky!
It is much easier to be a special girl than a special guy. That being said, if they want to get married, they probably are being too picky, or it just won’t happen.June 28, 2011 7:25 pm at 7:25 pm #782257apushatayidParticipant
Perhaps their mother is to picky and shoots down every suggestion before you finish speaking. Bypass mothers and go straight to the guy/gal themselves. If you cant approach someone about a shidduch when they are 28, they are probably not ready for marriage. If their mother insists, well, then there is a large part of the problem.June 29, 2011 1:25 am at 1:25 am #782258ilovetheholylandParticipant
“Ilove, I think you need to try some other shadchanim.”
yeah, i wish i knew WHO! although im from an AWESOME family, i dont have yichus, although we are comfortable and have what we need, we are not wealthy, and although i may be a pretty girl, im not skinny. so im not really shadchan material….any names of shadchanim who deal with people like me would be welcome 😉June 29, 2011 3:44 am at 3:44 am #782259cherrybimParticipant
If guys insist on a skinny girl, give ’em a skinny girl and get fat again after marriage.June 29, 2011 3:47 am at 3:47 am #782260
If guys insist on a skinny girl, give ’em a skinny girl and get fat again after marriage./em>
If girls want a nice guy, give them a nice guy. And beat them after marriage.
If girls want a non-smoker, give them a non-smoker…
If girls want a wage-earner..June 29, 2011 9:00 am at 9:00 am #782261hanibParticipant
dunno – i know it’s very hard, and until you’re married everyone will tell you why you’re not married.
i think the 2 hardest parts of being single is
1) not knowing when this nisayon will end
2) feeling like people think that there is something wrong with you or that your thoughts are not as valuable as a married person’s are.
but, truly, you can do some amazing things while you’re single – if you can channel your energy, you can really develop yourself now, make great contacts, and do a lot of chessed.
Good luck in using this time for good things. It’s a challenge, but if Hashem put you in it, it means that you can do it.
Now, is a great opportunity to get to know yourself and your strengths well.
My sister who got married at 19, and who is now married for many years feels like she didn’t have the chance that others who married later did to develop herself spiritually and emotionally. it can be done, but it’s harder to do in marriage in some ways.June 29, 2011 11:54 am at 11:54 am #782262
It is a legitimate question as to why a person is not married yet, if he is older. He is obligated to get married.June 29, 2011 12:19 pm at 12:19 pm #782263
You can much better develop yourself spiritually and emotionally while married than before.June 29, 2011 1:06 pm at 1:06 pm #782264Tzvi HirshMember
Is it possible that many don’t get married or get married late is because they lack confidence in themselves and are thinking would other people approve of my choice?
Then once they do get married they find out this is not the person they should of married. This also could be the reason for so many divorces today.
Any thoughts on this.June 29, 2011 1:40 pm at 1:40 pm #782265fedex11204Member
I never understood why fat girls always go to the other extreme saying stuff like “well because I am not a size 2 so guess are not interested”, well I have news for you how about you get to a size 6 I believe that would work but no we do not want size 12 or 14 or 16..that just shows a lack of discipline and a lack of motivation and a total disregard for living a healthy life.June 29, 2011 2:47 pm at 2:47 pm #782266
fedex: Who are you kidding? Guys don’t reject larger girls because “it’s unhealthy”. They rejected them because of vanity and beauty. Otherwise, why do you not have the same phenomena of girls rejecting fat guys (which is a far far lesser issue than the reverse).
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