Why we are not married!

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  • #597660

    Tzvi Hirsh
    Member

    What do you feel are the reason’s that you are not married yet and what would you like to see changed in yourself or by the community?

    #782216

    bombmaniac
    Participant

    because im 10…for some reason the shadchanim discriminate…

    #782217

    ilovetheholyland
    Participant

    because Hashem doesnt want me to be yet. thats first. but also, im not a size 2. and people just run the other way.

    #782218

    yaakov doe
    Participant

    I you ever met me you’d know

    #782219

    RedNails19
    Member

    I have a lot of theories….

    #782220

    haifagirl
    Participant

    Men don’t want smart women who have opinions.

    #782221

    ZeesKite
    Participant

    I’m too Zees. And way too young.

    #782222

    Ofcourse
    Member

    ilove, im not a size 2. and people just run the other way.

    Ive always wondered why the heavier girls are more discriminated against in the frum community, and less able to find husbands, than the world at large. Or am I wrong?

    #782223

    GumBall
    Member

    I wanna get married already but im just 13 and no one wants a 13 yr old for some ODD reason…;)

    #782224

    adorable
    Participant

    stupid thread. because G-d wants us to fulfill our tafkid right now this way. We are not meant to be married. Its not a mistake that we are single

    #782225

    shein
    Member

    Men don’t want smart women who have opinions.

    So keep your opinions to yourself. 🙂

    #782226

    minyan gal
    Member

    OfCourse, you said: “Ive always wondered why the heavier girls are more discriminated against in the frum community, and less able to find husbands, than the world at large. Or am I wrong?”

    I believe that you are wrong. Larger girls are discriminated against even more in the secular, Conservative and Reform communities as well. From what I have seen and been told, this issue is the same in all religions and all walks of life. It is so unfortunate that many men cannot see beyond the fact that someone is not a size 0. They miss out on wonderful opportunities to meet women who are clever, witty and wonderful prospective wives and mothers.

    #782228

    You’re not married b/c as Mod-80 noted, you’re too picky.

    #782229

    bpt
    Participant

    I often ask myself: How did I manage to get (and stay) married?

    When I think back to the incredible odds that I overcame (and the dumb mistakes I was forgiven) its a wonder I made it this far.

    Still, statistics seem to indicate, the frum oilom gets, and stays married, so its not a question of why not.. more a question of why not yet?

    #782231

    adorable
    Participant

    bpt- I remember you once posting that there is nothing better than a good marriage and nothing worse than a bad one.

    #782232

    We are married. Just ask the Sephardim to show you your kesubah on Shavuos.

    #782233

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Size 2?? I’m a size 38!

    #782234

    deiyezooger
    Member

    Size 38? been there 15 years ago…

    #782235

    zahavasdad
    Participant

    In an earlier time heavier women were considered more attractive since it meant you were rich and had enough to eat

    #782236

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    In an earlier time heavier women were considered more attractive

    Also because back then size 2 was considered fat.

    #782237

    squeak
    Participant

    popa:

    🙂

    or

    ?

    I admit that I sometimes find it hard to appreciate your humor ever since you made me obsolete, but you had me going with that one.

    #782238

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    thanks squeak.

    Nice to have you back around. It gets lonely reading my own jokes only.

    #782239

    I could tell you too many reasons people have speculated: “too picky,” “too accomplished,” “too educated,” “too busy to date,” “too heavy,” “to plain,” “too simple,” “no major yichus,” “too fum,” “not yeshivish enough,” “too closed minded,” “younger siblings skipped ahead,” “wants a Moshe Rabeinu,” “went to the ‘wrong’ schools,” “davens in the ‘wrong’ shul,” “too quiet,” “too talkative,” etc.

    The real reason is because Hashem has His master plan, time, and place for everything.

    #782240

    golden mom
    Member

    I think in the chasidish world being pleasantly plump is not such a big problem plenty of girl who are get married its more of a problem in the litvish work and like women don’t gain weight w pregnancy and age so what then divorce them? Anyway y are boys even know womens sizes and being busy with womens body’s who’s putting this in there head?

    #782241

    bpt
    Participant

    “Size 2?? I’m a size 38!”

    Size 38 jacket? Good for you!

    Size 38 pants? That’s another story (unless you’re 7ft tall)

    #782242

    adorable
    Participant

    it bothers me when ppl make assumptions as to why singles are still single

    #782243

    TheGoq
    Participant

    That bothers me too adorable it also bothers me when they assume we are not as frum as our married contemporaries

    #782244

    dunno
    Member

    That bothers me too adorable it also bothers me when they assume we are not as frum as our married contemporaries

    Never mind not as frum. More like subpar, as if there’s something very wrong with us.

    #782245

    TheGoq
    Participant

    yes dunno that is very true there are a lot of anti-singlites out there.

    #782246

    dunno
    Member

    I’m in a venting mode today so I’ll continue. What really annoys me is that our opinions mean NOTHING! But the second one changes their status from single to engaged….BAM! Everything they say is of value!

    Sorry…bad mood today…

    #782247

    did you say something dunno?

    #782248

    dunno
    Member

    AND married people think they know it all! Like when they ask what you’re looking for and you tell them, they jump on you that it’s not important. Never mind that they cared about the same things when they were dating… (Yeah, I know I’m generalizing. I have a lot of nice married friends too :))

    #782249

    dunno

    i dont know why but im having trouble paying attention to your posts,

    youre not single by any chance?

    #782250

    dunno
    Member

    Mod 80

    Funny

    #782251

    Health
    Participant

    dunno – “AND married people think they know it all! Like when they ask what you’re looking for and you tell them, they jump on you that it’s not important. Never mind that they cared about the same things when they were dating…”

    Well maybe they “know-it-all” because they are older and wiser, not because of their marriage status? And just because when they were younger they wanted what you want now, doesn’t make them wrong now. Perhaps they have become wiser and now know what’s really important, as opposed to what they believed when they were younger!

    #782252

    More like subpar, as if there’s something very wrong with us.

    I disagree. My wife has a few friends that aren’t married. I think these girls are very special. Each of them has conquered a tremendous amount of adversity and has come out with sparkling personalities. I’m honestly very surprised that they have been having so much trouble. The only reason I can think of is that there are so few guys who are equally as special.

    #782253

    dunno
    Member

    Health

    I’m talking about ones my age

    Derech HaMelech

    Nice to see you’re not like that

    #782254

    morahmom
    Participant

    B”H I have 2 married daughters who both met their husbands in their 3rd year after seminary. They both watched many friends get married before them, including many girls that were not size 2. Ilove, I think you need to try some other shadchanim.

    #782255

    Health
    Participant

    DH – “The only reason I can think of is that there are so few guys who are equally as special.”

    I doubt that. They probably are picky!

    #782256

    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    My wife has a few friends that aren’t married. I think these girls are very special. Each of them has conquered a tremendous amount of adversity and has come out with sparkling personalities. I’m honestly very surprised that they have been having so much trouble. The only reason I can think of is that there are so few guys who are equally as special.

    I doubt that. They probably are picky!

    It is much easier to be a special girl than a special guy. That being said, if they want to get married, they probably are being too picky, or it just won’t happen.

    #782257

    apushatayid
    Participant

    Perhaps their mother is to picky and shoots down every suggestion before you finish speaking. Bypass mothers and go straight to the guy/gal themselves. If you cant approach someone about a shidduch when they are 28, they are probably not ready for marriage. If their mother insists, well, then there is a large part of the problem.

    #782258

    ilovetheholyland
    Participant

    “Ilove, I think you need to try some other shadchanim.”

    yeah, i wish i knew WHO! although im from an AWESOME family, i dont have yichus, although we are comfortable and have what we need, we are not wealthy, and although i may be a pretty girl, im not skinny. so im not really shadchan material….any names of shadchanim who deal with people like me would be welcome 😉

    #782259

    cherrybim
    Participant

    If guys insist on a skinny girl, give ’em a skinny girl and get fat again after marriage.

    #782260

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    If guys insist on a skinny girl, give ’em a skinny girl and get fat again after marriage./em>

    If girls want a nice guy, give them a nice guy. And beat them after marriage.

    If girls want a non-smoker, give them a non-smoker…

    If girls want a wage-earner..

    #782261

    hanib
    Participant

    dunno – i know it’s very hard, and until you’re married everyone will tell you why you’re not married.

    i think the 2 hardest parts of being single is

    1) not knowing when this nisayon will end

    2) feeling like people think that there is something wrong with you or that your thoughts are not as valuable as a married person’s are.

    but, truly, you can do some amazing things while you’re single – if you can channel your energy, you can really develop yourself now, make great contacts, and do a lot of chessed.

    Good luck in using this time for good things. It’s a challenge, but if Hashem put you in it, it means that you can do it.

    Now, is a great opportunity to get to know yourself and your strengths well.

    My sister who got married at 19, and who is now married for many years feels like she didn’t have the chance that others who married later did to develop herself spiritually and emotionally. it can be done, but it’s harder to do in marriage in some ways.

    #782262

    shein
    Member

    It is a legitimate question as to why a person is not married yet, if he is older. He is obligated to get married.

    #782263

    shein
    Member

    You can much better develop yourself spiritually and emotionally while married than before.

    #782264

    Tzvi Hirsh
    Member

    Is it possible that many don’t get married or get married late is because they lack confidence in themselves and are thinking would other people approve of my choice?

    Then once they do get married they find out this is not the person they should of married. This also could be the reason for so many divorces today.

    Any thoughts on this.

    #782265

    fedex11204
    Member

    I never understood why fat girls always go to the other extreme saying stuff like “well because I am not a size 2 so guess are not interested”, well I have news for you how about you get to a size 6 I believe that would work but no we do not want size 12 or 14 or 16..that just shows a lack of discipline and a lack of motivation and a total disregard for living a healthy life.

    #782266

    shein
    Member

    fedex: Who are you kidding? Guys don’t reject larger girls because “it’s unhealthy”. They rejected them because of vanity and beauty. Otherwise, why do you not have the same phenomena of girls rejecting fat guys (which is a far far lesser issue than the reverse).

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