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Is it okay to use one’s wife’s name in a conversation with other men, or should one refer to her as “my wife?”
you can say ”my wife sarah”
My wife.
Some even have the minhug of not calling ones wife by her name when non-family is present.
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Meh. Sometimes I say “my wife” and sometimes I say “Eeees.”
When talking to her privately, I’ll say “Eeees.” (Saying “my wife” to my wife would just be too weird).
The Wolf
How did you come up with the name Eeees?
Wolf,
I hope you use your real name.
As for me, it depends to whom I am speaking; relatives, I use her name, friends, I say my shver’s daughter. (JK)
Outside of family I say “my wife” when referring to my wife, or “you’re wife” when referring to my co-conversationalist’s wife. Sometimes “his wife” when referring to another man’s wife. Don’t tell anyone, but I have been known, on occasion, to say “their wives” when speaking about a group of men’s wives. I kid you not.
is it safe to assume that the same is true when referring to a husband?
How did you come up with the name Eeees?
It’s a nickname.
The Wolf
How do you pronounce Eeees?
How do you pronounce Eeees?
With a long “e” sound and an “s” sound (and not with a “z” sound).
IPA: /is/
The Wolf
You call her that to her, or is that her equivalent pseudonym like your being known as Wolf?
Simcha I would definately only ever refer to her as “My wife” or “the boss” or “the chief” or “my rebbetzin”.
Its not correct that they should be acquainted, friendly and heimishe with her and refer to her by her first name, right?
You call her that to her, or is that her equivalent pseudonym like your being known as Wolf?
It’s not a pseudonym. It’s an actual nickname that I use sometimes.
The Wolf
just reminded me of a story. someone once called my father and wanted to ask him if it was ok for his wife to call my mother and ask her about something. so the guy called and asked my father “is it ok for my rebetzin to ask your wife about her experience with….” my father hung up rolling….your wife is a rebetzin but my wife is just a wife. it was funny!
We use “Shtub” regularly, “Bungalow” in the summertime, “Sukka” during Sukkos, and “Pear” on Tu b’Shvat.
adorable:
Maybe the guy’s wife was there while he was on the phone and he was trying to be mechabed her yoser migufo…which is not something he has to do for your father’s wife?
“is it safe to assume that the same is true when referring to a husband?”
Yes — it goes both ways. When talking to other women I will say “my husband” or “your husband” as appropriate, unless I am talking to a close family member, in which case I would use his first name. When speaking directly to my friend’s husbands I will use a title Mr./ Rabbi X — my husband addresses my friends as Mrs. X.
I always find it funny when my married friends talk about their husbands using their first name. I think its nicer to just say my wife.
Derech- I have no clue but it was really funny.
If i’m talking to my wife about her friend is it ok to use her first name in the conversation or vice versa?
in the privacy of your own home? i wouls assume that once u know it it would mean that u know her and then why not?
rocker — I don’t think this is an issue of “ok” or “not ok”. It is simply a sensitivity. Some people feel that this is one way of avoiding too much informality between men and women who are not related to each other. I feel it is even more of an issue when dealing with a spouse’s friend, as it is very possible you come in contact with them frequently and in friendly settings. By avoiding using the first name you remind yourself that your wife’s best friend is not your good friend — she is an unrelated female (or vice versa).
Just to make it clear — I don’t think there is anything “wrong” per se — it is just a sensitivity that I believe many in the “yeshiva world” try to adhere to.
m- very well said. now that i read your post i think you are right.
I think it is correct to use some kind of title when talking with ur friends so as a reminder that ur not all chummy chummys.. However one thing i noticed- Many newlywedish girls have only HIM on ther mind and when having a convo with Single friends.. “My Husband said somethin funny, and My Husband thought I was nuts, and My Husband took the string beans ,and then My Husband drank the lemonjuice, and My Husband and I went shopping, and I went to My Husband…” It can be a little insensitve and really grate on another (especially single) person’s nerves. Just like u wouldnt talk 2 a childless mother about “My baby, baby, baby…” it would be nicer to say “I took Chavy to the playground..”
Most of you who believe it is more correct to refer to one’s spouse as “my husband” or “my wife” are conditioned to feel that way. The sensitivity is because you were brought up to think that it is the proper derech. If you were brought up hearing the name being used, you would not think twice about it. Personally, when my friend continuously refers to her husband as “my husband,” it just sounds extremely possessive and way too formal to me. For that matter, why don’t we just go back to calling them “sir” and “madam?”
One of my sons addresses his wife as Mommy, especially when the kids are around, and his mother as Bubby when we are together.
oomis — Obviously someone not exposed to this sensitivity would not necessarily think of it on their own, as today’s society is very “informal”. But even you who have no “conditioning” say that when you hear someone speaking this way it sounds “formal”. That is EXACTLY the point! If you look at my previous post I said that the point it to “avoid too much informality” — using the exact description that you used. Now you may agree or disagree on whether that degree of formality is necessary, but there is no denying that it helps keep thing a bit more formal. And too much informality with a member of the opposite gender who is not related to you is generally not viewed as a positive thing in Judaism.
BTW my recent post addressed rocker who is not discussing the example you gave, of a person speaking about their own spouse but rather about someone speaking to their spouse ABOUT a different woman. To speak about your own spouse is a geder for the person you are speaking to (why should my friend think about my husband by his name?), but to speak about a member of the opposite gender using their name I believe is a more appropriate time to consider a sensitivity like this. If a man is talking about a different woman using a first name, that definitely leads to a more informal and friendly mindset towards her.
my married friend just told me that her husband reminded her to do something that I said she should try using my name. Meaning lets say my name is Shprintzy (its not! mods can prove that) she told me “my husband reminded me to get Shprintzy her thing…” like why is he talking about me using my name? but i dont think there is anything wrong with that. Would strike me as odd if he said “ur friend…” like which friend are you talking about
The sensitivity is because you were brought up to think that it is the proper derech. If you were brought up hearing the name being used, you would not think twice about it.
no
i was brought up as a child to call all adults by their first name, my parents always used the first name of their spouse when referring to them, it was all very natural and correct to me.
when i was brought to the Torah by Hashem and began to develop a Torah sensitivity i started referring to my wife as “my wife” except to family and close friends.
I think it is correct to use some kind of title when talking with ur friends so as a reminder that ur not all chummy chummys
Is there anything wrong with being “chummy chummy” with your friends (especially of the same gender) that you should use titles as opposed to their names?
The Wolf
Cmon Wolf.. Wer talkin about Shani, Shevy, and Chaim Yankel bein all chummy chummy..
Cmon Wolf.. Wer talkin about Shani, Shevy, and Chaim Yankel bein all chummy chummy..
From your post, it sounded like you were talking about a woman talking to her female friends. If I misunderstood you, I apologize.
The Wolf
Wow- wolf- ur so polite im so impressed 🙂
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