Tznius Support Group PLEASE WOMEN ONLY, even reading

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  • #665171

    NY Mom
    Member

    I agree with you that there is definitely a problem with the availability of fashionable unquestionably tznius outfits. I try only to shop in frum stores, and often I am only wasting my time. Some of the really trendy frum stores have literally nothing to offer me! And in one store, where I do find acceptable clothes, I once told the saleswoman that the outfit I was trying on was unacceptable, because if I raised my arm or even stretched a little, it was revealing, and she just brushed it off.

    But I think that there is a reason why these stores carry those kind of clothes. People are buying them! If we all really decided to just NOT buy the questionable clothing that they are offering, it would send the store owners a message! They buy what they think will sell.

    I usually say nothing to the store owner, I just walk out without purchasing anything. But maybe if we all just said in a nice way, “Oh well! I really needed a new outfit, but I just can’t find anything that is long enough/not too tight/OK in the tznius dept./appropriate tznius-wise”, whatever…I think if the store owners hear that enough, they would begin to buy more appropriate styles.

    Do people really pass comments to you? I am seriously surprised. How do they let you know? I can’t imagine ever saying something, even if I feel what a woman is wearing is inappropriate.

    #665172

    mepal
    Member

    NY Mom: I shop in both the Jewish and the non-Jewish stores. I find the fit in the Jewish stores not as good; they rarely have small enough sizes or petite sizes. Many times, its in the non-Jewish stores where you can find nicer, better clothes that actually fit. But regardless, its still so hard finding clothes, and I think many women can sympathise with that. If people would only think a little before making comments to someone else for the clothes they wear…

    And you’d be surprised. I’m happy for you if you’ve never had the experience of people making comments at what you wear. Maybe you’re just perfect in the area of tznius. Who knows…

    #665173

    NY Mom
    Member

    No, I am not “perfect in the area of tznius”!

    Actually, sometimes I feel a little plain or unfashionable, because I just don’t wear the “latest” styles. But the newest styles don’t really look good to me! I couldn’t bring myself to wear some of the newest styles and not feel ridiculous.

    Maybe an idea for you would be to shop for an outfit in a regular size, and then have it taken in professionally. It would add to the cost of the clothes, but the length would not be a problem and it would be literally “custom fit” for you.

    #665174

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Gezunheit, I haven’t discussed this with my Rav because I know I wouldn’t listen to his psak.If he says “too bad you have to cover your hair” (I’ve never heard a heter for hair covering), I wouldn’t be able to do it. And every time he sees me he would know I am NOT following him. I don’t believe in asking about something you know you won’t listen to unless the answer is the way you want it.

    Ames, do you think I’m crazy? LOL I think I have some sort of sensory issue. When I was a kid there were times I would feel like I was choking, no matter how loose my neckline was. I still get that feeling sometimes, but luckily it hasn’t been in public so its not a problem to remove anything close to my neck (including my necklace).

    NYMom, why is it brave? I’m not afraid of being judged. I never said what I am doing is right, just that I do it. And any man who is reading this thread isn’t supposed to be, so he can’t throw it back at me LOL. Thanks for the offer to call, but if she quit, she probably is not a good source of information.

    Anon, those still apply too much pressure.

    I feel especially bad because this was something that was really important to my husband before we got married. He knew my mother didnt cover her hair and he explained that to him it was essential. He asked me for one thing and I couldn’t do it.

    #665175

    haifagirl
    Participant

    SJS – I feel your pain. I have also had a problem feeling like I’m choking. It’s horrible.

    I know there have been people who have been helped with sensory issues by occupational therapists. I don’t think it works for everyone, though. But if you’re desperate enough . . . .

    #665176

    mepal
    Member

    Maybe an idea for you would be to shop for an outfit in a regular size, and then have it taken in professionally. It would add to the cost of the clothes, but the length would not be a problem and it would be literally “custom fit” for you.

    Nice try. Have you ever tried remaking an outfit?

    I’m by the tailor anyways more often than not, with clothes that are my size.

    #665179

    kapusta
    Participant

    mepal, the only other option seems to have some extra kapusta next time 😉

    *kapusta*

    #665183
    #665184

    cherrybim
    Participant
    #665186

    yoshi
    Member

    SJSinNYC, I personally know of Rabbaim, Who would give a heter to a woman for specific, personal reasons. Although, they would also tell the women to cover their hair for special occasions, such as, going to Shul, Davening and or saying a brocha, and when listening to someone else make a brocha (i.e. kiddish). Even if a lot of women ask the same question, doesn’t mean they are going to get the same answers. Everyone is unique, ergo, their circumstances may vary as well.

    #665187

    rwndk1
    Member

    rivkales wrote: “i think its fine to wear nude tights but it should be obvious that your wearing something”. Are you implying that it is OK to completely expose yourself and wear something totally see-through as long as there is “something” there. Either you cover-up or you don’t need to. I do not understand the point of covering with something totally transparent that an onlooker has to look hard to see that you are wearing something there.

    #665188

    tzippi
    Member

    This is why I belong to some women only groups, and I try to avoid the party threads on CR. Not to reinvent the wheel but there is something about separate forums in many, if not most, arenas of life.

    #665189

    neatfreak
    Member

    When I go shopping i try to wear knee-his and i always sit in the skirt in order to make sure that no skin is exposed and if the top part of the knee-hi is exposed (the elastic part) i will not purchase the skirt. also most of my clothing comes from non jewish stores. its alot cheaper and alot less problematic in general- especially if you go to the classier clothing sections. This is not only expensive stores but some examples where i can find a nice top or skirt are JC penny, dressbarn, benaton marshalls, tj max, etc…. in addition i strongly dislike most “jewish” styles in today’s age (and they dont look good on me) and i usually find nothing when shopping at jewish stores. I personally do not like tights so i usually wear knee-his (opaque black or brown- no skin shoes unless its torn) and for when i do wear nude colored tights (weddings, shabbos etc…) i found a company called elle due that makes them 60 denier.

    #665190

    BEST IMA
    Participant

    NY mom im totally with you on the shopping situation in jewish stores. i have a few teenage girls and yom tov shopping has become a nightmare. we go from frum store to frum store and walk out with nothing. either its the necklines, the sleeve length, or the skirt length, and if its not that its the style thats altogether not for a bas yisroel. is there any way realisticly that we can get the message to the frum shop-owners that they should start bringing in FRUM clothing to FRUM stores?? if you cant buy tzeneusdik clothing in frum stores then the frum world is really messed up. Get this one::: i went to purchase a fall from a sheitel store. i kept telling her it was too tight on me. she looked at me like i was crazy and pushed it way back on my head with a headband and tons of my hair showing. i told her i dont wear my hair showing and she said she couldnt help me thats how you wear a fall. so even sheitels that were made to cover our hair arent kosher!!! i guess we haveto start buying tzeneuit wigs in goyish stores too!

    #665191

    BEST IMA
    Participant

    Mods there is an unbeleivable article in the sept. issue of the Jewish Press that was written by a 19 year old girl who was dying. she sent it to many Rabbis and Rebbetzins to get her message out to as may people as possible. All the women and girls that i know that hav read this article were touched enough to change something that they were doing wrong in their manner of dress, etc… are we allowed to write over that article here?

    Go ahead but we will have to read and approve it first. If there is an online version post the link and we will check it out. I would hate to have you manually type it, only to not get it approved

    #665192

    BEST IMA
    Participant

    Bezrat Hashem this should be an inspiration to everyone who reads it.

    A young girl, struggling with the Angel of Death, wrote the following letter. At her request, the letter was sent to many rabbis and rebbetzinsin a position to disseminate her message among our people. Tragically, she is no longer here to see her letter published, but as we approach Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, her neshamahwill surely have an aliyahin the knowledge that her request has been fulfilled and her message read and taken to heart by many.

    My Dear Sisters:

    I am writing to you in my last moments with the last threads of strength. I am writing to you with blood and tears from the bottom of my broken and tormented heart. Yes, I, Revital Avraham, 19-years-old, am standing on the threshold of death, so young, but already feeling the gates of life shutting slowly before me. I am like a beautiful flower closing its petals. Like all of you, I had dreams about love, husband, children and social position. But Hashemhas decided otherwise, and I know today that had I lived differently, this wouldn’t have happened.

    I was born into a religious family in the center of Israel. From the day I can remember, I knew that I was a beautiful child. Since kindergarten, I attracted everybody’s attention and knew that I had been blessed with rare beauty.

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    My friends= encouragement made me understand that beauty can buy anything in this world – friendship, position and honor. I wore clothes, which drew attention; my long hair caused envy and every detail of my appearance was thoroughly taken care of. I enjoyed the long looks of people everywhere I went – to my deep regret. My teachers in high school tried to change me, but it was too late.

    I can remember the words of one of my teachers: ARevital, you have received a rare present, special beauty – this is your trial in life. Keep it carefully for the right person to come into your life.@ I pretended to be convinced, but these words were just passing by my ears. I was addicted to my looks and did everything to bring people to admiration. I know today that I have caused multitudes of people to fail because of my clothing.

    And then I received a first warning. One evening while preparing an omelet, I made a brisk turn and my beautiful long hair got caught in the fire and in seconds became a red, fearful flame. I was saved, but my hair was gone. I remember my hysterical crying in the hospital and my father trying to console me. ARevital, Hashemhas made a miracle. You could have been entirely burnt! You now have an opportunity to change and leave your foolish attitude behind you.”

    But I didn’t listen. I was 16 then, and within two years my hair grew back, and everything was forgotten. I was the queen of my class. My friends loved me, anything I wanted was granted and I was never alone. I grew more and more beautiful with the years. I began to put on make-up and tight clothes, and even got involved in some trouble. It is hard for me to write about it, but I think you can guess.

    I forgot to tell you about my grandmother. She was a wonderful person – a real tzadekes and I loved her very much. She was very sad and upset about my spiritual state of mind. She gave me money to buy decent clothes, but nothing helped. She died before I was 17. I cried a lot and didn’t know how to live without her, and for a brief period, I even became a little more religious.

    But time eased the pain, and within a few months, I was back to my bad habits, boastful and immodest as ever. And then I received a second sign from above. One night I had a dream about my grandmother. She was sitting on a stone, crying. I asked her why and she pointed to her head without saying a word. I woke up very upset, but I forgot the whole thing quickly, and this second sign melted away without any thought. And then I received the big blow. It came gradually, but consistently. At the beginning, there were headaches, and my mother said I was tired and studying too much, that I should rest more, but deep down, I felt it was something more serious.

    After a month, I couldn’t even stand because of the headaches and I thought my head was going to explode. My mother and I were worried and anxious. After many examinations and analyses the doctor revealed the frightful truth. He said, ASuch a beautiful girl and so sick!” I burst into tears and asked for explanations.

    My mother and I were disoriented and helpless before this new cruel reality. I had a cancerous tumor in my head. It was only a question of time. I don’t remember how we got home. I just remember tears, fear, confusion, and pain. And suddenly I remembered the dream – my grandmother crying and pointing to her head! If only I had understood the meaning of that dream, my life would have been different. But I didn’t give any importance to the dream and went on with my life. The next day, at the hospital, I began the treatment I never thought would be so painful. I felt death crawling slowly inside me, burning my bones, my blood, and my whole self.

    Dear Hashem…You are all Goodness, but I didn’t listen to You. Dear Father, I ignored Your compassion and Your messages.

    The rest of my story is sad and painful, and I don’t even have the strength to write. My wonderful hair fell out. Within a few months I was left completely bald, pale and weak. Every doctor I met mentioned my rare beauty, and every time, I felt my heart break a little bit more. Hashem had given me a precious gift, and I had used it the wrong way.

    Oh, Hashem! Today I am 19 years old, living a tormented life. My days are numbered, my illness is getting stronger, and I feel death approaching. I pray that my suffering atone for my sins. I turn to you, dear sisters, with a torn soul and a broken heart, and ask you to listen to my last words: Be modest and observe the Commandments of our Torah. There is Law, and there is a Judge. And He sees all and knows all…and every one of our acts will be brought to judgment. I beg you – strengthen your modesty B don’t wait for signs. Do it for yourselves; do it for me!

    My pillow is soaked with tears. I am writing with tremendous efforts. Please pray for me and say that you’ll keep the laws of our Torah so that I recover and be healthy again. I beg you…I want to live.

    Revital Avraham

    Postscript: Revital died a short time after writing this letter. Her last will was a request to publish it. May her memory be blessed and her message embraced by all.

    #665193

    mybat
    Member
    #665194

    NY Mom
    Member

    Thank you, Best Ima. It is a very moving story.

    Re: Is there any way realisticly that we can get the message to the frum shop-owners that they should start bringing in FRUM clothing to FRUM stores??

    I really think if we all said something to the store owners or salespeople, this would help them understand. Especially, if we make it perfectly clear like, “I came in with cash, ready to spend, but I’m walking out empty-handed. You have nothing appropriate for a my daughters/myself. I am really disappointed with the level of tznius.” Or however you want to say it. (If you don’t like the way this sounds, maybe someone creative can come up with a phrase that sounds better!) The owners are the ones who buy the new clothes every season, anticipating sales! They might change if they think it is hurting their bottom line.

    What do you say everyone? Can we do it?

    #665195

    BEST IMA
    Participant

    theres a store in boro park that had this problem. the selection of clothing that they had was not fitting for a bas yisroel. a few people complained to the owner and she took it very seriously and started bringing in totally different clothing that are much more appropriate. unfortunately not all store owners are that accomodating. if theres something you think would work count me in

    #665196

    rivakles
    Member

    even if the store owners acccomadate that need, it still may not help as people would just get the style a size too small to be tznius to have it tight fitting look so how does that solve the problem

    #665197

    BEST IMA
    Participant

    It solves the problem for people who want to dress tzniut!

    #665198

    tzippi
    Member

    I googled “snopes revital avraham” and didn’t get any hits, yet I did find a reference to a coffee room mention of this girl, with the allegation that the poster checked Snopes and it’s true. YMMV.

    #665199

    NY Mom
    Member

    Or maybe, if people think this is a good idea, we can make up a little poem or something and print it on cards and hand it out. Something like:

    Roses are red

    My money is green

    If you don’t have tznius clothing

    In your store I won’t be seen!

    Or how about:

    I’ve been looking for an outfit,

    So far I have no luck,

    Your clothing is not tznius,

    Too bad, you lost a buck!

    Obviously I’m joking around a little now, but you get the idea! How do we let the store owners know they are losing out on a lot of business?

    #665200

    oomis
    Participant

    “(If you don’t like the way this sounds, maybe someone creative can come up with a phrase that sounds better!)”

    What about something like, “You have some pretty things in your store, but I am really looking for something quite a bit longer than what I have seen so far, and perhaps on the looser fitting side. Do you have anything else I could look at, and if not at this time, when will you be getting it in? I would love to be able to shop here on a regular basis.”

    #665201

    anon for this
    Participant

    mepal, have you tried Talbot’s petites? I used to buy clothes there. They have a lot of office-type clothing.

    tzippi, I agree that the Revital Avraham story has not been verified in any way. Personally I do not find that sort of story inspiring at all.

    #665202

    NY Mom
    Member

    oomis1105 & everyone: Something wrong with actually using the word “Tznius”? Too nerdy? Too goody-goody sounding? Too holier-than-thou?

    I’m not being sarcastic. I really want to know. What’s wrong with using the word tznius?

    #665203

    haifagirl
    Participant

    I heard a beautiful story in a shiur given by Rabbi Avrohom M. Alter that is available online. He said the story in the name of Rebbetzin Kanievsky.

    In March, someone packed a car with 100 kilos of explosives and parked it at the CineMall in Haifa. It was parked hear a supporting pillar. Had it exploded, not only would it have destroyed that pillar, but other cars in the lot would have caught fire causing the gas tanks to explode. In that very popular mall, the consequences would have been too horrendously tragic to contemplate.

    The explosion did not happen. A passerby spotted some smoke coming from the car and alerted the police whose sappers were able to come and defuse the explosives.

    Even Ehud Olmert recognized this was a miracle, although he attributed it to the alertness of civilians.

    Here’s what really happened:

    Several weeks before this event, a girl in Haifa who had been sick and went for tests was told she had stomach cancer. The tumor was so big, and had metastasized, and there was nothing the doctors could do. They told her to go home for her final weeks.

    This non-religious girl and her non-religious parents pleaded with the doctors to try. They begged them at least to make an effort. The doctors finally agreed and told her to come back the next day for surgery.

    She was assigned a young, inexperienced surgeon. They felt it would be good practice for him, and since there was nothing that could help her, it didn’t really matter.

    The night before the surgery, this non-religious girl pleaded with Hashem. She said to him, “HaKadosh Boruch Hu, when we had the Bais HaMikdosh people could bring you korbanos to plead their case. Now we have no Kohanim, we have no Bais HaMikdosh. But I still want to bring you a korban.”

    She went to her closet and took out all her immodest clothing and took it out to the yard and burned them. As the her clothes went up in flames, she cried out, “This is my korban.”

    The next day this girl went to the hospital in her nightgown. She had burned her entire wardrobe and this was all she had left. She had the surgery. The giant tumor had not metastisized, as was previously believed. It was totally contained. It was easily removed. And it was benign.

    She told all her non-religious friends about the miracle. When the girl had recovered enough to get out of bed, her friends brought over all their immodest clothing and made another fire.

    Left with nothing to wear, the girls needed new clothes. When that bomb was supposed to explode at the CineMall, these girls were inside buying themselves new, modest clothing.

    A miracle that a civilian saw some smoke? Or a reward for tznius?

    #665204

    BEST IMA
    Participant

    wow haifagirl amazing story!

    #665205

    Bemused
    Participant

    haifagirl, that story is incredibly moving; thanks for sharing it.

    BESTIMA, so was the one you shared.

    Both really made me turn inward and do some introspection.

    #665206

    anon for this
    Participant

    BEST IMA, I’ve read the revital story before & found it disturbing; to me the story is saying, “If you are not careful about how you dress, Hashem will give you cancer.” To me, the Cinemall story says that Hashem performs extraordinary miracles for those who put forth special effort to keep the laws of tznius. I see that most posters disagree with me on this though.

    #665207

    mybat
    Member

    Haifa that is really beautiful! Anon I understand what you’re saying. One story stays keep tziniut and hashem will reward you, the other one says if you are too vain hashem will punish you chas ve shalom.

    #665208

    BEST IMA
    Participant

    anon for this, I hear how the story could be disturbing to you. I dont think thats what you should take out of this story, though. Its not that if you arent careful how you dress Hashem will punish you. Unfortunately though sometimes Hashem does give us certain tests and if we come out if it having learned something it wouldnt have been for nothing. When Hashem gives someone a nisayon, usually a person will look around and see if there are things in his life he is doing wrong and will try to change. But sometimes after things get better we kind of forget the way things were and dont always keep everything we promised to change. I guess what shes trying to tell us is to not forget. And to not wait until Hashem tests us to look at what we can change.

    #665209

    anon for this
    Participant

    BEST IMA, I’m not too concerned about trying to see the Revital story in the best possible light because I don’t believe it’s true. And, even if someone did write this letter while dying of cancer, it doesn’t mean that she even knows the reasons for it. But the fact is that (if one believes the letter is genuine) she believes that her hair catching on fire & cancer diagnosis were a punishment for her lack of tznius in dress/ behavior, as I wrote in my previous post.

    I’m not a kid, and how I look to most people around me is not an issue I’m struggling with, so I don’t think I’m part of the “target audience” for the Revital story. But I also think that many of those who would benefit from hearing an appropriate story about tznius would not react to this one in a positive way. That’s not to say the story is inappropriate here, but rather that its appeal is not universal.

    #665211

    BEST IMA
    Participant

    I hear you, anon, youre entitled to your own opinion. If there are other people that get someting out of this story like I did then thats great.

    #665212

    Anonymous

    Best Ima, you can contact the mods by sending in a post or by sending us an email.

    My email address is moderator26@theyeshivaworld.com. You can substitute 26 for any other mod’s number to reach that specific mod.

    Anyway, your request has been taken care of.

    #665214

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    I’m just curious what your opinions on baby carriers/slings are. I just started using an Ergo baby carrier for my son and I love it. But it definitely does draw attention. I don’t think its problematic, but I just thought I would throw it out there.

    (an Ergo is similiar to a Bjorn or Snugli but much better built so that it doesnt hurt your back at all…plus it can carry kids up to 35 lbs and can be worn in front, side, or back. Its a lifesaver with a toddler and infant – I can carry whichever one needs it and put the other one in a stroller)

    #665216

    kapusta
    Participant

    haifagirl, I once saw something very similar, I think in an interview/article about Rebitzen Kanievsky. It was basically that a young girl had cancer and she was told there was nothing to do. She went home and decided she wanted to do something, as a form a teshuva, but nothing was good enough. She decided to get rid of all her clothing except for a nightgown which she wore to the hospital. She was given a young medical student because the hospital didn’t want to “waste” a good doctor on someone they were sure wouldn’t make it. She had the surgery and the cancer came out in one piece, as if it had been wrapped in something.

    Probably another side, or another version to the same story.

    *kapusta*

    #665217

    anon for this
    Participant

    SJS, that’s a new one for me. Why would a baby carrier be considered a breach of tznius? If tznius is about not drawing attention unnecessarily then I’d say that a carrier promotes tznius, since a baby in a carrier is often calmer & quieter than one in a stroller. Plus by using a carrier one can sometimes avoid using a double stroller, which is usually bulkier & more intrusive than a single stroller (or forgo a stroller altogether).

    I used carriers for years & never thought there were any tznius issues involved.

    (Of course I’m not trying to say that tznius requires that one uses a baby carrier, just that I don’t think they’re relevant to tznius at all).

    #665218

    mybat
    Member

    I know this has nothing to do with tzniut, but since you’re talking about baby carriers, are they really worth it? I’ve never used one and no one in mexico uses them but maybe its a good option?

    #665219

    NY Mom
    Member

    But then, what happened to what I learned in my very religious HS? So, I spoke to my LOR and he explained to me that there is Das Moshe and also something called Das Yehudis. And re: covering hair, it is more like the d’rabanan aspect of the mitzvah. As a moshol, in kashrus we don’t eat milk and meat together, but the rabbonim also added fowl to the restriction. Das Moshe is d’Oraisah and may have a more basic requirement, which is extended by Das Yehudis.

    Bottom line, SJS, other than checking with your medical doctor about the headaches that you get when wearing any type of head covering, maybe it would be a good idea for you to check with your Rav, as there may be room to be maykil with a medical condition.

    Also, I want to re-post a question that I asked above, but may have gotten overlooked due to lag in mod post approval:

    oomis1105 & everyone: Something wrong with actually using the word “Tznius”? Too nerdy? Too goody-goody sounding? Too holier-than-thou?

    I’m not being sarcastic. I really want to know. What’s wrong with using the word tznius?

    #665220

    rivakles
    Member

    i dont know where that idea came from the carriage idea as lack of tznius in a way i understand taht baby carriers are not tznius. they pull on the shoulder collar area and often reveal the collar area on the side of the neck. moreover, it pulls on the shirt revealing the parts in the back and front taht shouldnt be. also as a side point if someone mentions is this tznius or not, more often than not it means it is not.

    #665221

    Jewess
    Member

    NYMom, being someone whose strong point is not tzniut, I still don’t find the word offensive in any way.

    I don’t love the stories posted at all. Especially the first one. I think that scaring anybody into doing anything is just wrong. How do we know that the story is true? Does anybody personally know this person? What bothers me more, is if the girl changed herself to become a “better” person, then why was she not saved? Also, who are we to decide God’s reasons for doing something? How do we know that her hair was burnt as a punishment? Is everything in life punishment and reward? If so, then why doesn’t a person get rewarded just as often as they are punished?

    Sorry for rambling…

    #665222

    anon for this
    Participant

    mybat, I’ve found that baby carriers are especially helpful when I’m out with a baby plus one or more other kids. If I’m shopping in a store that only supplies small grocery carts (the kind that can only hold one child) then I can put my baby in the carrier & the toddler in the cart. If I’m walking somewhere where a stroller is inconvenient, I can use the carrier instead. And if I’m out with a few older kids, using a carrier allows me to keep my hands free.

    If you are considering buying a carrier, it might be helpful to try out different ones before buying if possible. Most of my friends don’t use them either, but carriers work great for me.

    NY Mom, I don’t have an issue with the word “tznius”.

    #665223

    anon for this
    Participant

    rivakles, I’ve never had a problem with a baby carrier pulling on my clothes; I wouldn’t use one if it did pull. If you have that problem, maybe another type of carrier would work better for you, or you should stick to a carriage.

    Jewess, you articulated my issues with the first story better than I could.

    #665224

    mybat
    Member

    Thanx anon, I’ll check it out.

    #665225

    haifagirl
    Participant

    kapusta: That sounds like exactly the same story. Which details did I leave out that make it “another version”?

    #665226

    NY Mom
    Member

    mybat: A baby carrier should really be a must for anyone with a toddler and a newborn. I have a babyBjorn, and I couldn’t have managed without it when my oldest ones were little. Whether your toddler is happy to have a new baby to “play” with or to “love” (too much of that kind of playing/loving, your newborn can do without!) or is outright jealous and aggressive towards your little one, a baby carrier can literally be a lifesaver.

    It gives comfort to the baby because he/she is snuggled up to Mommy, and keeps the baby safe from being harmed by big brother/sister.

    The only thing is that it limits Mommy’s activities when the baby is being carried this way. You can’t just bend over to pick up things, etc.

    I have never found it to be a problem re: tznius. You just have to adjust your clothes in front of a mirror after you put it on, to make sure that your top is laying the right way and not being pulled improperly one way or another. Then everything stays in place after that.

    I googled the Ergo, and it looks a little bulky and pricey. I have the babyBjorn original and I was always happy with it.

    #665227

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    About the word tznius – I think when you compliment someone on their outfit and say “because its tznius” in some version, the compliment comes over insincere. My husband’s grandmother said this to me once and it just sort of made me roll my eyes.

    About the ergo: its more expensive but WELL worth the money. Its much more comfortable and can be used up to 35 lbs. I can carry my toddler in it as well. It can also be used as a backpack carrier. I hated the Snugli I had and it ended its useful life really early. You can actually nurse pretty discreetly in an ergo when you are on the go (per video instructions on their site), which I haven’t tried. I would only do it with a shawl or something over obviously, but it is intriging since this baby wants to nurse for HOURS (quite literally).

    You can also make a moby wrap pretty easily. Just google instructions.

    #665228

    mybat
    Member

    Thank you NY mom and SJS! Ill look at them when I go to the states.

    #665229

    NY Mom
    Member

    So to get back on topic, and to revive the thread, I like to tell you about something small, yet positive.

    This morning after I had just gotten dressed I took one last look in the mirror. The skirt I had chosen was long, but it was a bit too tight in the seat. I have kids to get up and out in the morning, and I was just going to let it go, maybe change it later. Anyway, it’s raining in NY today so I’d be wearing a raincoat when I left…

    I decided to change anyway. How many minutes does it take to change your skirt?

    So until I “lose a few” I am going to relegate that skirt to the back of my closet. Gives me an incentive to get more in shape!

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