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said no to guy because of his height?
IMO, no
Who cares what you are considered. Tell the people doing the considering to take their opinions and stuff them in their noses.
If it bothers you, that is quite legitimate.
Imho you are considered “picky” when there’s a PATTERN of you rejecting boys for things such as height, hair color, yeshiva he’s attending etc. however, if the boy is shorter than you, although still a petty excuse, it’s a pretty common reason to say no.
I like the title.
If I said no to the first 30 guys who contacted me on Jwed?
If I said no to a guy with long hair?
If I said no to a guy who weighed 4 times as much as I do?
If I said no to a guy with a pet tortoise that had to be allowed to run free around the house all day?
King David was a “short” person. Meet and see if you can see the real person – if he is your bashert. Remember – love based on a particular “thing” will not endure- this is from the Torah.
Most of all be nice. Sure you would be.
Do you find him unattractive b/c of it?
If you are 47 and never married but want to be married and everything else about him is ok, YES, you’re being picky.
If you are in your young 20s, you can still have some “selectiveness,” but you must then feel guilty that you are contributing to the shidduch crisis.
From experience, I can tell u height usually stops mattering once u get to know the person. Unless you’re extremely turned off by it…
if something bothers you it is legitimate as popa bar abba said but it depends untill what extent it is taken of course everyone has there own pet peeves but no one will be perfect…
I have 2 questions, 1 is how tall are you?, meaning are you so tall that this is this going to be an issue with almost everybody but the tallest boys out there? If so, maybe you’ll have to decide what priority to put on this. 2 is how big is the difference between you two – 1 in may not seem so much, especially if he’s wearing a hat and you don’t mind flats, but if you’re not in the hat-wearing crowd and/or the difference is much more noticeable, then that needs to be taken into consideration.
In short – yes. ^_^
…if I…said no to a girl because of her weight?
It depends on the situation, your age, and the way you generally accept or reject potential shidduchim. One of my daughters who is 5’2″, really prefers to date guys at least 5’8″ or more. But she HAS accepted dates with guys her own height or just slightly taller, so as to be more flexible. She has come to recognize by doing that, that guys who are that short make her feel physically uncomfortable, when she is at eye level with them. This is a purely subjective issue, and no one should be faulted for it.
HOWEVER, if a girl is rejecting guy after guy becuase he is not 6′ tall, she should ask herself how serious she is about meeting a nice guy. Not all guys can be tall, just as not all girls can be blonde and blue-eyed (or size 2).
sure girls dont need to like tall guys, but if i dont like a fat girl…
tall guys?? I meant guys shorter than me! 😀
toi, I am not telling you to date or not date someone who is seriously overweight. The concept of “fat” is quite subjective, however. Look at any Rubens painting, and you will see women who by today’s standards would be considered pretty overweight, yet in centuries past, this was the paradigm of beauty.
You judge today (as do so many people) by the standards that have been unreasonably set by Hollywood, the fashion industry, and some really overzealous mothers of boys. It is unfair, and causes many a young man to disregard a potential shidduch with a girl who might be as little as 5-10 lbs. heavier than the girl wearing the size 2 dress. When I was in the dating world, a size 2 would have been considered anorexic-looking. Most young women were at least sizes 6-10 with 10 being the average and also being considered VERY attractive and healthy. Now that number strikes ridiculous fear in the hearts of the boys, the girls, and the shadchanim. Nonsense.
And need I remind you that even the size ZERO girl can go up to a 26, after several children. You might do the same. btw, AND lose your hair. Maybe the prospective female shidduchim should check out the male pattern baldness in the boys’ families, lest that be a turnoff.
Here’s a thought – why don’t young men and women simply go out, get to know each other, and THEN see if they like each other enough to continue dating? It just might result in a happy marriage for many.
I am in the minority here, but This is why I am against Beshows and Shidduch dating (Means 3 dates or so and engagement or breakoff)
When you are forced to make a life decision based on a few moments under duress you might make pre-concieved decisions based on height or weight or other nonsense things
IMO 3-6 worth of dating gives people enough time to really get to know the person and really decide if they want to spend the rest of their lives with them. And extra couple of month make a differnce in a lifetime
“Means 3 dates or so and engagement or breakoff”
Davening for clarity is the key; more than a few dates just gives time for infatuation to influence the decision.
Sizes 0-2 are still anorexic. Supermodels with imploded ribcages are size 4. Size 6 is the size you are most likely imagining when you say size 0.
Sizes 0-2 are still anorexic. Supermodels with imploded ribcages are size 4. Size 6 is the size you are most likely imagining when you say size 0.
Really? All naturally small-framed girls are “anorexic”? You see the double standard you are creating with this?
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/girls-and-size-zeros/page/2#post-385761
nervous to get myself into this debate, but here goes
i understand someone not wanting to go out with someone overweight if it bothers them. I dont understand how asking dress size is an acceptable question. May as well ask how much they weigh already. A question of is s/he petit(e)/skinny vs average vs heavy vs very overweight i’d be more ok with. It gives a general idea without getting into personal details. I’d be very curious how many boys actually knew what size 2 meant, and surprised if more than a tiny percentage did.(and left to wonder why…). Size and appearance dont match up often either. Last time i had a debate about this i asked my brother off shidduch-age what size he thought i was, after overhearing out convo of boys’ mothers wanting size 2. I was honored and humored to hear he thought i was a size 2, which i havent been since 7th grade or so, and am not close to. So its not the physical attraction aspect i have so much of a problem with (though not none either), but the ”dress size” convo
I am with Zahasvasdad and SaysMe.
when i was dating (both shidduch and on my own) i never went out with a gu who was more than a few inches taller than me. i have spent enough time around tall men (im 5′) enough to know that i would be uncomfortable, so why even bother going out? does a tall girl have the right to say she doesnt want to go out with anyone shorter than xxxx? if so, a short girl has the same right, in reverse. if not, why in the world not?!?!
re:size
size and dress size are two different things. is she small, a little bigger, overweight, etc. is one thing. is she a size 0-2 is another. whats so great about size 0-2 anyway? lots of women dont lose all the weight after a baby, so just because she is a 0-2 when she gets married doesnt mean she will stay that way. (been there, done that) there are some women who are larger who carry themselves very well, and some tiny women who look emaciated. 0-2 is not always beautiful….
Yes. There’s a shidduch crisis because of such shallow thinking.
By the way, I’m taller than any woman I’ve ever met.
i dont think its considered picky but ONLY if it REALLY bothers you. i remember when i was dating and i was kind of “convinced” into dating guys knowing well in advance there was something about them i knew i didnt really want (but you know how shadchanim are…”just try 1 date…it cant hurt… bla bla”…). well the reason why i knew i didnt want to go out the guy in the first place was the SAME reason why i said no in the end. so if you know for a fact that below (or above) a certain height will bother you, its not being picky. trust yourself in knowing what you want and what you dont want. dont let other people tell you you’re wrong!
good luck!
Could someone define this “shallow” term for me please? Is the assumption here that people are entirely in control over their attractions, or that they should marry someone they’re not attracted to?
And even if one is entirely in control over their attractions, why should they change themselves? Do THEY have a problem?
All I seem to be hearing is how people not attracted to heavy/short people, should be. Why should they be? Is there a law or moral standard that states “thou shalt be attracted to anyone with a good heart”?
Let everyone marry whatever size they want!
If anything, this should help the shidduch crisis. Too many girls on the one hand, boys wanting skinny girls on the other, so a girl making/keeping herself skinny (if she can) gives her a competitive advantage.
It often gives girls some hishtadlus they can do, and it takes the right to complain away from those who don’t bother.
I’m slim, and looking for a slim guy.
I’m normal height, and don’t really care about a man’s height.
I’m very intelligent, and looking for a man as intelligent, preferably more intelligent, than me.
Do I have a right to be picky if I have a trait as well?
Torah613 – Alas, your knight in shining armor has arrived!!! 😛
No, but seriously, I am in a similar position, and I’ve been told I’m picky, too. It’s important to differentiate between picky and unreasonable. When a person is blessed with many good traits it’s reasonable to want and expect someone just as blessed/talented. If you were morbidly obese, ugly, dumb, and disabled, chas veshalom, it would be unreasonable to expect to marry a slim, handsome, intelligent, capable guy.
torah613 i guess it depends if you are reaching your high 20s and now getting many dates i assume it would be reasonable to lower one’s standards
nem – let’s euphemistically say, “focus on what’s really important”.
Sorry Torah613. From what I know, the CR mods do not allow any form of exchange of personal identifying information… not even for the sake of exchanging shidduch resumes. Though, I’ve seen other CR users propose the idea, but I don’t think they’ve garnered any sympathies. Sign up to Saw You at Sinai!
Oomis- i would never date a fat size ten girls. by your logic she could end up a 36! and anyway, my mother would never hear of it.
Oomis- i would never date a fat size ten girls. by your logic she could end up a 36! and anyway, my mother would never hear of it.
Yes, I don’t know why people think guys will be convinced by being told that people gain weight later anyway. If anything, that is a reason to insist on an even thinner spouse.
The free market is the best way to do things (when talking policy over many people with different ideals) unless it brings clear injustice. The free market clearly shows that men favor thin girls.
In what way is this unjust? And if it is, how would anyone recommend changing it in a way that doesn’t cause greater injustice?
The free market is the best way to do things (when talking policy over many people with different ideals) unless it brings clear injustice. The free market clearly shows that men favor thin girls.
We are talking about moral decisions, not making laws.
toi, popa- i’ve posted this in the past, but it definitely is worth repeating! Some girls/women also LOSE weight with time and children. None of my sisters or mother was a size 2 or even close when they got engaged. They all lost more weight with every birth, and now are all size 2-6. (for the guys, 6 is what you’d probably call skinny but no toothpick 🙂 ). So yeah, i’m not thin, but hey, odds are in my favor here!
SaysMe – put it in your resume.
Popa – every decision is a moral decision.
Popa – every decision is a moral decision.
You didn’t understand my point. Nobody in the world has ever suggested that the free market makes the best moral decisions.
frumnotyeshivish-i seriously hope that was a joke
SaysMe – it was. Clearly.
Popa – the market is the aggregate of all the individual moral decisions.
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