Zechusim

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  • #589153
    nossond
    Member

    Post here any little thing you do as a chessed for others that people may want to copy.

    I often stop to give people rides, but I should do so more often. Sometimes my car was at the mechanic, and many people just pass you by.

    Actually, I like to do chessed, but I also often feel uncomfortable to do so. Sometimes you feel taken advantage of.

    So please post how you dealt with these issues.

    #632926
    myshadow
    Member

    Props! There’s tonz you can do!! Check up Chai lifeline, Mikimi, Tomchei Shabbos, Aishel, oorah… The list is endless!

    But I know what you mean, when I drive, I try driving down the same street as the city bus route so I can give ppl a ride, sometimes though the people got to understand that you might not have the time to take them directly where they need to go

    #632927
    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    myshadow- we’ve met, believe me when i say it

    #632928
    mchemtob
    Member

    if I see a meter maid coming and the persons meter is expired I’ll pop a quarter in for them so they don’t get a ticket.

    #632929
    jam19
    Member

    red shidduchim!

    if and idea comes to your head, suggest it. dont be embarrassed, and dont procrastinat.

    trust me, its a big chesed.

    #632930
    Curious
    Member

    jam19 – I think that’s being done with much enthusiasm on this site.

    All kidding aside, you are correct!

    #632931
    oomis
    Participant

    mchemtob, it is very nice of you to put the quarter in, but know that you can get arrested for doing that. It is one of the really nonsensical laws around, but it is against the law to put money in a meter for someone (probably because it prevents the city from collecting the fine for an expired meter). I’m not saying to stop doing this chessed, just be careful. There was a whole story about a woman who was arrested for doing this.

    As to a chessed, well I wouldn’t talk about myself, but my husband and I were driving home from Brooklyn one day when someone honked us. We rolled down the window and it was two black ladies who were clearly lost and asking for directions to the VAn Wyck from where we were at that moment. We tried to explain, but it was obvious we were only confusing the poor lady even mroe, so we told her we were going more or less in that direction and to follow us. We would have been home in five minutes, but my husband insisted on leading them all the way to the approach of the Van Wyck, a twenty-five minute drive there, and another twenty or so back. The ladies were very appreciative, and I feel my husband did a great kiddush Hashem, because wearing a kippah, it was obvious an Orthodox Jew had helped them.

    The other side of this coin is the middah k’neged middah that Hashem showed my husband just a few months later. He took my son to Yankee Stadium for a ball game, and they got out quite late. My husband was unsure of the road, and couldn’t see any signs for how to get back towards Kennedy Airport. So he started to get really farblunjet in the Bronx, and didn’t see a way of getting back on track. Suddenly a car came by, and it was a couple of black guys. Though he was a little nervous, he honked at them, and then asked them for directions. They started to try to explain to him, when one of them suddenly said – it’s too complicated, just follow us, we’ll get you to the road. And so they did. they drove around twenty minutes leading the way to where my husband was finally familiar with where he had to go. I guess this is an ’emunah” story, too, for the other thread, but it’s nice to see chessed goreir chessed.

    oomis1105: I thought this turn of events looked familiar:

    http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/out-of-the-mailbag-jewish-kindness

    YW Moderator-72 :o)

    #632932
    oomis
    Participant

    oomis1105: I thought this turn of events looked familiar:

    http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/out-of-the-mailbag-jewish-kindness

    I remember reading this previously, and thinking at the time how this type of thing really does happen more often than we think. I think it is so wonderful when we do acts of random kindness for others, Jewish or not. it makes a real tikkun in this olam.

    #632933
    Pashuteh Yid
    Member

    Oomis, that is a beautiful story. Ultimately, our role is to help the entire world, not to knock others.

    #632934
    oomis
    Participant

    “Ultimately, our role is to help the entire world, not to knock others.”

    ICAM, PY, but unfortunately not everyone seems to see it the same way as we.

    #632935
    dd
    Participant

    Oomis,

    Great story.

    Unfortunately, the mod linked back to your previous posting of the story and I was confronted with some truly horrifying responses to your story.

    Keep it up.

    #632936
    oomis
    Participant

    “Unfortunately, the mod linked back to your previous posting of the story and I was confronted with some truly horrifying responses to your story.”

    I saw those responses, and to be honest, I feel the posters really don’t have a clue about how to act in relation to non-Jews. Any act of kindness that we show to a non-Jew is of benefit, if only because it makes US better people, just through the act of doing something nice for another person. Kal V’chomer it is a good thing when the non-Jew clearly recognizes that his benefactor is a frum Jew. My belief in this was validated even further by the fact that Hashem chose the similar type of people whom my husband helped to be the vehicle for our s’char mitzvah by helping him in turn.

    There is a story told (not sure if it is true or just told as an object lesson) about a Jew who lived next door to a German in Germany. They were not friends, but every day when the saw each other outside, the Jew would smile and say, “Good morning, Herr Schmidt” (I am not sure of the names, so I am making them up), and although clearly ill at ease, Herr Schmidt would nod his head, “And to you, Herr Goldberg.” This went on for a long time, with neither man taking the relationship further than this daily civil exchange. Then came the Nazis, and Herr Schmidt became an SS officer. Herr Goldberg and his family were taken away and were taken off the trains at the camps as the SS was sending people to the left or the right. Herr Goldberg’s family’s turn arrived, and the officer looked up about to flick his hand in a dangerous direction, when Goldberg suddenly said, “Good morning, Herr Schmidt.” SS Officer Schmidt, without missing a beat, said, “And to you, herr Goldberg, ” and motioned him and his family to life.

    Chas v’shalom, that we or any of our loved ones should ever need to depend on the “chessed” of such a man as Schmidt. But the fact is, Hashem wants us to show kovod habrios, not merely kovod ha yehudim. That is how I was raised, and I have never regretted being a mensch “even” to a non-Jew.

    #632937

    oomis1105-

    The story you are referencing happened to Rabbi Shmuel Shapira and can be found in the book “Small Miracles” by Yitta Halberstam and Judith Leventhal on page 81.

    Google “good herr rabiner”, sans the quotes, and you can see the story online in Google Books.

    #632938
    Joseph
    Participant

    It is of course necessary for everyone to be mentchlich with anyone – including a nochri.

    Nevertheless, as Matisyohu28 eloquently pointed out in the previous thread, “we are created vastly different from goyim, spiritually, and somewhat different (according to the Chasam Sofer) physically. Unless there is an element of kiddush hashem, giving presents to goyim bechinam, or going to great lengths to do chessed is, at best, not advisable, and at times, assur. For example, by hashovas aveidah there is merely a Heter to do hashova if there is a kiddush hashem – if there is no kiddush hashem, it is assur to return items to a goy. It is however, a chiyuv if there will be a chillul hashem resulting from not returning it.”

    #632939
    oomis
    Participant

    Thanks for the reference, ICOT.

    #632940
    nossond
    Member

    Joeseph:

    There is another issue besides kidush/chilul HaShem, namely, darchei shalom. For this reason, we give tzedacka to poor goyim.

    Moreover, the gemarah berachos (17a) states that one should increase Shalom even with a nochri in the shuk. The gemarah continues about R’Yochanan Ben Zakai that nobody ever preceded to give him shalom, even a nochri in the shuk.

    #632941
    onlyemes
    Member

    To Joseph, please let us know where this Chasam Sofer is that mentions Jews being physically different than non-Jews. Thank you.

    #632942

    oomis1105-

    You’re welcome.

    My wife has the book, and I must’ve read it, because the gist of story and the phrase “good morning herr rabiner” stuck in my mind. Googling the phrase showed the precise location.

    #632943
    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Joseph, in today’s day and age, it is especially important to do acts of kindness for non-Jews. We are no longer isolated in shtetls so we have so much more interaction with them. People generally can spot orthodox Jews a mile away. Any chesed is a huge kiddush hashem, but a lack of chesed is more often a huge chilul hashem. In cases like this, I would aim to be extra careful to make a kiddush hashem, rather than the other way around.

    #632944
    oomis
    Participant

    In cases like this, I would aim to be extra careful to make a kiddush hashem, rather than the other way around

    I am SO with you, on this one! Of course there is the fear that by having cordial relationships with non-Jews, it will CH”V lead to intermarriage. That surely is a legitimate point. But the enmity that erupts when a Jew interacts in a dishonest or nasty way with a non-Jew, can do more damage than anything. Wherever we live, we live with the tolerance of the non-Jewish world. Perhaps we don’t like to think that, but historically it has always been true. we lived in every society, building their economy up, under their sufferance, until Hashem decided, “genug,” and we were A) exiled, b)murdered, or c)enslaved. It would be so wonderful to not have to worry about our relations with the nochri, but the fact is we are not in our own land, and we are only safe here for as long as Hashem deems it so. And so, as with Herr Rabiner, it is not a bad thing to always act with menschlechkeit to ALL people.

    #632945
    Joseph
    Participant

    To Joseph, please let us know where this Chasam Sofer is that mentions Jews being physically different than non-Jews. Thank you.

    onlyemes:

    The Gemara suggests that the Shichvas Zera of a Nochri has different

    properties from that of a Jew, since the Nochri eats non-Kosher foods and

    is physically affected by his diet.

    The CHASAM SOFER (Teshuvos YD 175) writes that this Gemara is relevant in

    practice. He rules that we cannot assume that a medical treatment that was

    tested successfully on a Nochri will also be successful on a Jew.

    Rav Elyashev shlita pointed out that the Chasam Sofer writes that the physical characteristics of a Yid are different than a Goy, and that what applies to one may not apply to the other. Therefore, said Rav Elyashev, how much more so regarding the mind/soul?

    Always remember: we are superior.

    #632947
    kiruvwife
    Member

    One of the easiest, most effective chassodim we can do is to smile at a person and wish them a good day, whether passing them in a street, or handing them the toll money, and especially when someone comes home for dinner. We don’t realize sometimes how that can lift the other person’s spirits as well as our own. Simple yet powerful.

    #632950
    Will Hill
    Participant

    Thanks for the mekor from the Chasam Sofer.

    #632952
    shkoyach
    Member

    Be friendly and kind to ppl. Even if you don’t know them. Belive me, a kind remark goes a long way… I have been on both ends.

    If someone is stuck on the road- don’t just pass if you have time to help.

    If I see a bus trying to pull out or a car, I try to let them in front of me

    When parking, I almost always try to pull up all the way to make room for another car. Thank you so much to those who do it for me too!

    ALSO>>> very important… when doing chesed for ppl, do it in a way that they don’t feel like a nebuch situation. It’s hard to take chesed too. I recently had to take favors from ppl and I felt so uncomfy yet in some cases they made it like I was doing them the favor (not fakely but in a real way) and other times I felt like thanks but I dont need your favor.

    #632953
    shkoyach
    Member

    Be friendly and kind to ppl. Even if you don’t know them. Belive me, a kind remark goes a long way… I have been on both ends.

    If someone is stuck on the road- don’t just pass if you have time to help.

    If I see a bus trying to pull out or a car, I try to let them in front of me

    When parking, I almost always try to pull up all the way to make room for another car. Thank you so much to those who do it for me too!

    ALSO>>> very important… when doing chesed for ppl, do it in a way that they don’t feel like a nebuch situation. It’s hard to take chesed too. I recently had to take favors from ppl and I felt so uncomfy yet in some cases they made it like I was doing them the favor (not fakely but in a real way) and other times I felt like thanks but I dont need your favor.

    #632954
    shkoyach
    Member

    Mods what in earth are you doing up at this hour??? I thought I was the only insomniac in the CR now!!!! I guess you are tired cuz you posted me two times 🙂 Did you drink too much coffee????

    #632955
    oomis
    Participant

    “ALSO>>> very important… when doing chesed for ppl, do it in a way that they don’t feel like a nebuch situation. It’s hard to take chesed too. I recently had to take favors from ppl and I felt so uncomfy yet in some cases they made it like I was doing them the favor (not fakely but in a real way) and other times I felt like thanks but I dont need your favor”

    Excellent, excellent point. we all need help at some point in life, and it behooves us to remember how we feel when we are on the receiving end, so we are sensitive in how we give it over to others.

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