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mazal tov dafyomi! asach nachas! my friend had a baby girl two nights ago!!
ooh that sounds like such a good idea. how much is the book??August 20, 2013 5:10 pm at 5:10 pm in reply to: What can Yeshivos and girls' schools do to prevent students' OTD feelings? #972752
well, like i said in another thread, i’ve been to quite a few speeches lately…so here’s what i have to say- from a rabbi we all know and love. People need to be recognized, acknowledged, they want to know they are noticed. He gave the example of Boaz and Rus. Rus was a moavi and she was in the field and Boaz saw her and naomi and the first thing he said to them was “Hashem should be with you” and then he asked naomi who the other girl was, and when she said who she was, boaz called rus “my daughter”. and he told her he wouldn’t let anyone touch her….and in the end rus ended up being zoche to be the grandmother of Dovid Hamelech, ultimately, of mashiach. Because she told boaz “because you recognized me, because you care about me, i’m going to work so hard to become the best i can be…” and she obviously did. So what the Rabbi was saying- first of all, can you imagine how much nicer life would be if we started our day telling ppl “Hashem should be with you” whether parents to children, rebbeim and teachers to student, children to parents and rebbeim- whoever it is, can you imagine how good that feels as opposed to “ok class take our your textbooks, ur gonna be tested on this” or “moishy you forgot your homework, where’s your lunch?????? k bye” as a kid is running out of the house?? Don’t you think it means something to a child when the last thing you say as he walks out the door is “mommy loves you, and Hashem should be with you all day and He should protect you and watch over you.” It makes a huge difference in their lives if you really mean that. And secondly- ppl have to stop making yiddishkeit a bunch of rules. the way the rabbi explained it- he said a girl came to him and said she was finished being religious its just rules…so basically two meshalim he gave were: A) just like in driving there are many rules/ways to show you how to get from point a to point b safely, so too the Torah. It’s a means of getting our neshama from the day we are born, to the day we die, safely and securely, so that we can go straight up to our place next to Hashem, with a beautiful neshama. and B) he told a story of a father sending his daughter off to sem, he bought her 300 candles and told her to light one every night. she thought it was really weird but they made a deal that she would do it cuz that’s the only way he’d let her go to sem and she did it, even tho her new friends all thought she was really strange. then when she came home she asked her father, why couldn’t you just tell me to call you or something? why b’davka the candles? so he told her that he knew she would call sometimes, and other times she would be too busy for a long conversation…but for sure she would be able to find two seconds to light her candle every day, thereby making sure to think of her father even for two seconds a day. Basically- a lot of the halachos we have, we don’t always understand, and even the ones we do, sometimes they seem annoying- but why do we do them? Hashem just wants us to remember Him, even if it’s only for two seconds a day. It’s for our connection to Him. To strengthen that connection. Another thing that the Rabbi said is we have to stop separating students by academic level- it’s disgusting. how can you give a kid a test that says MODIFIED- you are telling the kid that just because he is ADD or ADHD or just doesn’t have the capacity to hold so much information in his head- ur telling him “YOU ARE MODIFIED. YOU ARE NOT AS GOOD AS THE OTHERS” SERIOUSLY HOW DO YOU THINK YOU MAKE THAT KID FEEL???? AND WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? G-D??? HASHEM GAVE HIM HIS NISYONOS, AND YOU ARE ADDING PAIN TO THE PAIN HE ALREADY SUFFERS FROM? DO YOU THINK THAT’LL MAKE HIM FEEL LOVED AND WANT TO STAY ON THE DERECH??? but guess what, when Hashem chose Moshe to go speak to Bnei Yisrael and Moshe refused 7 times because of his speech defects, Hashem made him go. and only him. because Hashem only wanted to talk through someone who had that, to show him Hashem is there with him. IF HASHEM WOULD COME IN TO YOUR CLASSROOM TO TALK TO ONE OF THE STUDENTS, HE WOULD TALK TO THE ONE WHO HAS ADD, ADHD. NOT THE KIDS WHO HAVE NONE OF THOSE PROBLEMS. problem is this rabbi spoke to many teachers and said we have to do away with grades, and the teachers said “no one would send their kid to my school if we didn’t give grades” horrible! Hashem didn’t make the chumash the nevi’im the kesuvi, the gemara so that kids could get big red 60s on them!!!!!!!!!!! He gave it to us as a guide, a way of life. WHO ARE WE TO GRADE PPL ON THAT???? i think that rabbi hit it right on the spot…
rationalfrummie, ur right, but i wasn’t trying to play Gd and neither was the Rabbi. I can’t say for sure that’s how it works, it’s just that we are supposed to learn a lesson out of every situation, and if this is what we are supposed to take a lesson from, Hashem’s gonna keep bringing it till we learn a lesson…also, i wasn’t saying that the ppl who get cancer are the ones who need to work on themselves. what the rabbi said is that we are all, on a communal level, causing those ppl to suffer, we are killing them. cuz if we were so good, Hashem wouldn’t have to send us horrifying reminders to get us back on track.
all this summer- four close friends married, one engaged! so so so exciting! mazal tov on all the simchos i missed…it’s been a looooooong time…
depends what kind of communal project you’re talking about. I just heard a speech by a famous rabbi we all know and love, who said that cancer, if you think about it, is ONE CELL IN THE BODY THAT DOESN’T GET ALONG WITH THE OTHERS CUZ ITS DIFFERENT. IF WE’D STOP BEING SO STUCK UP AND JUDGMENTAL AND WE START BEING KIND TO PEOPLE AND HELPING PEOPLE, NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE, EVEN IF THEY ARE DIFFERENT, THAT CAN STOP CANCER OR YENE MACHLA OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT. WE HAVE TO STOP JUDGING PPL JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE SICK, THEY LOOK FUNNY, THEY AREN’T AS FRUM, AREN’T AS WEALTHY ETC ETC…HASHEM DOESN’T DIFFERENTIATE LIKE THAT. SO WE HAVE TO STOP DOING IT TOO. that’s also a communal project, and it could prevent cancer. doesn’t hurt to try…
thanks mod. i tried countless times to contact you guyz, but no one ever got back to me, so i just started a new name. thanks tho, and yes i forgive all of you 🙂
Hey guyz it’s me, yummy cupcake! i haven’t been on here in ages cuz for some reason i could not log on with my password, so finally i made myself a new email acct… this conversation really struck me, as this year i went thru a relationship that really hurt me, and that I still think about a lot, and i still hurt. Recently I went to a speech that was given by a frum psychologist. The speech was about forgiveness, and it was a real eye- opener. I cannot do justice to his speech, but basically what he said was: Yes we encourage forgiveness, and yes it is a beautiful thing that has powers you can’t even imagine, and yes it is a very healing thing, BUT it would be detrimental for someone to forgive another person if they really don’t feel ready to forgive, because it invalidates your feelings, and you teach yourself that it’s ok that ppl are hurting you, you just have to pretend your fine and move on. THAT IS NOT HEALTHY. He said if you are not ready to forgive someone, come yom kippur, DON’T FORGIVE THEM. if you are worried that Hashem will not forgive you or the person you hurt, don’t worry. If the person asked you for forgiveness 3 times, and you still can’t, Hashem sees that he tried, he did what the Torah requires, and Hashem will forgive him. If you really feel you can’t forgive the person, well, Hashem was the One Who put you in whatever situation hurt you, and He understands our machshavos and feelings, and if He sees you sincerely want to forgive the person, but you just feel you can’t, He will forgive you too. If you are worried that the other person will suffer because you can’t forgive him, just beg Hashem- say to Him “Hashem, I really want to forgive so and so, but I really feel I can’t right now, just please don’t make him suffer because of me” Hashem will see you’re sincere. If someone hurts you, it’s painful. It can hurt for years. The amazing thing about yiddishkeit is that we are not forced to do something we are not ready to do. (disclaimer: this doesn’t mean you should just go about your life and not forgive ppl. forgiveness has tremendous powers, and if you can forgive someone, that is an amazing level you have come to. i am writing about those situations in which someone truly feels they have not come to terms with whatever happened and they really feel they are not ready to forgive). And another thing this speaker said- if you cannot forgive right now, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. that is also very detrimental. Give yourself some more time to think about whatever is bothering you. If you can’t forgive before Yom Kippur, don’t. you can even wait till next yom kippur. until whenever. it doesn’t matter. And i can’t find which post it was, but whoever said that some gedolim have never given mechila for certain things, i know he is right, cuz i just heard one of those stories. Pain is a real thing, if you feel it, it’s not healthy to just cover it up and pretend it’s not there. If it’s there, express it in a healthy way. when you feel you can, forgive. Hashem loves you regardless.