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Were you involved in a particular chessed during your high school years? That’s usually a good jumping off point to talk about the experience and say how it’s influenced your life goals. And then talk about the integral role attending Michlalah will play in achieving those goals. Here’s where you put in the praise of the institution and what specifically about it makes you want to go there.
And to all those wondering why women need cleaning help…imagine if you will, (in the days before computers) you spent nearly 3 hours completing a particular draft for an upcoming deal. Unfortunately, your spouse came along and spilled coffee on it. Argh! So you sit down to do it again. Ahh! Finished! Only to have your five year old use it as scrap paper to practice cutting with scissors. Argh! So you do it again. Another three hours. Whew! Oh no…the baby just threw up on it! You cannot believe that you have to do it all over again!
My point? cleaning a house is an endless job. As soon as you finish cleaning it, someone is messing it up and you have to do it all over again. As opposed to your 9-5 job, this one is 24/7. If you dont want to hire cleaning help then agree not to EVEN SLIGHTLY mess up any of the cleaning work she already did. Doesn’t sound liveable? Then hire a cleaning lady so you wont be constantly ruining you wife’s hard work. Imagine how frustrated would you be with your wife if she kept deleting the files you were working on and then asked how come you still have work to do?
Newhusband, you only know the house of your parents from when you were old enough to remember it. You don’t know to what extent it was clean when you were little. Unless your mother had cleaning help, chances are pretty good the house was not so pristine.
Pregnancy is tiring. You will never be able to imagine what it is like. And since your wife never experienced it before, she can’t yet distinguish between what feelings will last forever and what will pass as she regains her stength. Yaakov Avinu also asked to sit “b’Shalva” but IY”H you are on the cusp of what will become the busiest and messiest period in your life. But mark my words, these days fly by and when it is again only the two of you in the house you will be begging for the grandchildren to come over and mess it up a bit! Maintain shalom bayis over everything else and don’t stop thanking Hashem for your amazingly good fortune!
Newhusband, all you should want for your wife is her happiness. Truly feel that and make it your life’s goal, then in return she will make your happiness her only focus. That’s the whole secret to shalom bayis — leave yourself out of the equasion. If you worry about yourself, you relieve her of the responsibility to do so. And if you stop focusing on her and her happiness then she will be forced to pick up the slack and think about herself before she thinks of you.
Halachically, if you have the means you are supposed to provide your wife with cleaning help. More money available? More cleaning help. Even more? A cook. Why do chazal even bother to discuss this topic? Probably because you are not the first nor will you be the last couple to have this discussion.
There is no good reason to deny your wife this request. Just because you’re not used to it? You moved OUT of your parents house, remember? Perhaps the two of you have different standards of cleanliness. If her standards are unsatisfactory to you, then get a cleaning lady to fill in the blanks. Don’t impose your way on her. If you don’t want to get a cleaning lady, then either roll up your own sleeves or be satisfied with the way the house is now. You can’t have it both ways. It will only get harder for her when she has a newborn so make peace with it now one way or another.
The time before your kids are born is special. Please don’t squander it arguing about “principles”. And just thank Hashem that you’re in a position that it’s not about the money. May it always be so for you!
Oy…these posts are painful to read! Please pay them absolutely no heed. No girl wants flowers, sefarim or an iPod in the yichud room. If you were initially going to go the pearl route, then you obviously thought jewelry was the right way to go. Since she already got a pearl necklace and bracelet for the engagement, then get her earrings. I like the studs idea that was suggested on this thread. Or, if you want to stick with the pearl theme, then how about pearl and diamond stud earrings? A cool update on an otherwise traditional pearl but will still go with the other jewelry that she’ll be wearing that night. Tomboy or not, every girl likes pretty things. Some like flashier and some like simpler but for the yichud room, jewelry is your safest and most meaningful gift. Look how much thought you put into it already! May this be the beginning of a life filled with happy occasions. Mazel tov!
And I am a december baby — truly one of the youngest in my class — and I graduated with honors. That’s still not the point. Of course at some point age evens out. A 70 year old and a 70 1/2 year old are not developmentally different. But at young ages, such as 5,6,7, development happens at such a rapid pace that there is a huge difference between a seven year old and a just 6 year old. It is unfair that we lump them together and tell them both that we expect them to equally succeed. It’s not only about academics. It’s also what we expect of them socially. The older kids in the class are often the ones more self confident in social play while the younger ones are more easily intimidated. It’s rare that you’d find a youngest in the class truly bullying the older kids. Younger boys may want to still climb on the jungle gym while the older ones have already moved on to playing ball. It’s developmentally appropriate for the younger boy to still want to climb and slide, but he’ll be teased as a baby for it. Similarly, younger girls may still want to play house during recess but the older ones are on to jump rope. The house players are deemed “babies”. Grouping kids by age allows kids the freedom to act their age and be accepted for it. That does wonderful things for their self confidence and, therefore, their ultimate success.
PBA, don’t listen to the guys who can’t understand what you’re suggesting and instead ridicule. Dont give up so easily! They themselves probably could have benefitted from exactly what you are suggesting. What you’re saying makes a lot of sense when you consider child development. And many parents today see this too but since they can’t change the system they opt to leave their kids back. Many october kids are now being left back to give them an advantage. Personally I dont think it’s fair to the younger kids in the grade because now the age span is even greater than a year! If schools had the courage to do what you are suggesting, kids would be grouped with kids at their developmental level — it has nothing to do with intellegence! The younger kids are not academically weaker because they are less capable, but because they are being forced to perform at the same level as kids a year ahead of them.
And to those who claim that a good teacher can teach to all levels at the same time, it’s very rare. Usually someone is losing out. Either it’s too slow for the kids who grasp things faster (because they are developmentally ready to grasp it!) or it’s too fast for the younger kids.
My daughter’s school already does this and it’s wildly successful. All the parent support it. Unfortunately in my sons’ yeshiva they group by location instead of age. Why children need to be in class with 25 close neighbors is beyond me. The principal admitted liking the idea of grouping by age but he said the parent body wouldn’t support it because they like the convenience and the predictability of grouping by location. I wish he had the courage to divide the classes by age. I believe it would lead to fewer behavior problems both in the kids who are acting out because they’re bored and for the kids who are acting out because the lesson is over their head.