During his visit to Los Angeles this week, Harav Shaul Alter, Rosh Yeshiva of Pnei Menachem in Eretz Yisroel, delivered a powerful and deeply resonant message on the Torah�s approach to raising children�especially those who have strayed from the path of Yiddishkeit.

In response to a question about wayward children, Rav Shaul emphasized that love must be the foundation of any approach.

�First of all, love them,� he declared unequivocally. �I say this since I�ve heard that there�s a disagreement about this. But it would appear to be clear that everyone should agree on this�that when a child falls by the wayside, we need to love him.�

Rav Shaul expressed astonishment that anyone would dispute this fundamental principle. �I�ve heard that others say not to [love them], but to me, this is perplexing. Everyone whom I know�experts, those who understand, and also logic itself�dictates that you must love them. Love them very, very much.�

However, love does not mean the absence of boundaries. Rav Shaul stressed that parents must set guidelines�but within those boundaries, their children must know, beyond any doubt, that they are loved.

The Rosh Yeshiva also addressed a common struggle among parents�worrying that their child�s actions reflect upon them. �People think that what the son does reflects on them. It doesn�t. Every person has their own choices in life. Every person has nisyonos.�

Drawing on the Torah, he pointed to Yitzchak Avinu who had a son, Esav, who went down a different path. �You don�t know which neshama your child received, what nisyonos he faces, or what happened in his previous gilgulim. You must plead with him, tell him how much it hurts�but it should never be a cause for hatred.�

Instead, he urged parents to love, daven, and seek ways to bring their children closer rather than pushing them further away.

Rav Shaul also addressed the immense pressures children face in today�s world�not just in material and business pursuits but even within the walls of yeshivos.

�There is pressure even in the yeshivos. There is competition, even where it�s less intense. We are constantly pushing to achieve, to reach something.� While acknowledging that a certain degree of competition in Torah study can be positive��Competition in Torah increases wisdom��he warned that excessive pressure can be harmful.

�Today, we are at the opposite extreme. People are constantly worrying�what�s going to be tomorrow, what will happen the next day? Live out your day. It�s good for your mind, it�s good for everything.�

Rav Shaul acknowledged the immense allure of the outside world and the struggles that many young people face. �The Yetzer Hara knows his job�there is no doubt about that. Material things entice. The nisyonos of today are immense, and there are children who crave it. It entices them.�

For parents struggling with these challenges, Rav Shaul�s advice was clear: �Love them, daven for them, and give them satisfaction in their lives.� He explained that a child who feels content at home�both in gashmiyus�and ruchniyus�is less likely to seek out satisfaction elsewhere.

�Just daven and plead to the Ribono Shel Olam,� Rav Shaul concluded.

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