In a recent episode of his widely shared Q&A sessions, Harav Gershon Ribner shlit”a, addressed a question posed by a group of bochurim deeply concerned about their role in resolving the ongoing shidduch crisis.
The bochurim, who identified themselves as a group not eager to leave their American yeshiva early, asked a straightforward yet loaded question: “We want to stay in our current yeshiva, but we also feel an achrayus to help solve the shidduch crisis. What should we do?”
Rav Gershon’s answer was equally straightforward — and striking: The best way to help solve the shidduch crisis is to stay in your American yeshiva through fourth-year beis medrash and then go straight to BMG or another yeshiva where you can begin shidduchim. Skip Eretz Yisroel entirely.
The statement comes in the wake of an initiative, slowly being implemented in various yeshivos across the U.S., which encourages bochurim to head to Eretz Yisroel during their third year of beis medrash. The goal behind this movement, supported by many gedolei Yisroel and rabbanim across the U.S., is to have bochurim enter the shidduchim market earlier while simultaneously encouraging girls to wait longer before entering shidduchim, thereby narrowing the age gap and easing the current shidduch crisis.
But Rav Gershon offered a dissenting view, voicing skepticism over the benefits of even including learning in Eretz Yisroel yeshivos as the model for bochurim’s aliyah.
Rav Gershon argues that the pathway forward for responsible bochurim is to maximize their learning and aliyah b’Torah in their American yeshivos and then transition directly into the shidduch parsha at the appropriate age — not to insert an overseas detour that might delay, distract, or further complicate the dating process.
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10 Responses
Why can’t they marry at 18 or 19 and stay learning on kollel.
Nobody comment here unless you are directly holding in the American Yeshiva system. You don’t chap what’s going on otherwise.
“But Rav Gershon offered a dissenting view, voicing skepticism over the benefits of even including learning in Eretz Yisroel yeshivos as the model for bochurim’s aliyah.”
More accurately, he indicated that they could go to E”Y after they get married – if needed – instead of everyone having to do so before they get married. This way, they could stay in their current yeshivos and gain more there, and then, once married, they could – if needed – at that point, go to E”Y and then gain from that.
Here is the solution to the Shidduch crisis.
Boys get married at 19 and 20 to the girls 18 and 19. Then there won’t be a crisis as the older boys who are in the mid to late twenties and thirties will marry all the girls in their early twenties and up. That way you will stop the crisis. Younger guys will marry the younger girls and learn in kollel. It’s simple. If you make girls wait after seminary till twenty it will generate a bigger crisis. When girls are younger they don’t have so many expectations.
Happy new Year can you please elaborate on “you don’t chap what’s going on in your message”?
But if a bachur doesn’t go to Eretz Yisroel, how can he have “learned in brisk” on his resume?
I think this assumes that everyone from Lakewood is going to Israel to learn is holding on the same level and for the same reasons. Some people don’t do well in American mesivtas and the right first and second year program can help them get on track. It’s probably true that a good portion of those who are enrolled in Brisk or Mir are a good fit to begin with.
Heimesha guy you are going against the clear hadracha of our gedolim and das Torah which said girls MUST wait till 20 to date. they will not have higher expectations as they will be learning in night programs in that post seminary year. Please do not question our gedolim as they know best.
I say kol hakavod to R’ Ribner for marshaling all that without a shred of cynicism. I couldn’t have done that.
This crisis is an artificial buildup of decades of unhelpful conformities.
The solution of course is to buck the trend in a “return to sanity” spirit.
These bochurim are basically saying we don’t understand why we are expected to follow the herd to go shteig in faraway places when it’s quite satisfactory and even advantageous to stay put. Just a small step forward which breaks rank with the mindless marching, and it’s win win for all.
The bochurim get to shteig away. The prospective shver admires him no end and will do anything to marry his daughter to such a ben Torah (why ever not?!) and these bochurim will have first dibs on the fresh blood and get the pick of the bunch. Good for them. Oh and get a huge mitzvah by creating fomo for the others. Nachshon is the perfect nickname.
The Gedolim behind the current initiative would be the happiest if this becomes the new norm. this has been tried for twenty years and didn’t work, but if it does now, then that is certainly the best case scenario, according to everyone.
The only question is whether enough Bochurim agree and do this, but hopefully they will.