February 28, 2011 2:27 am at 2:27 am #595381
There’s a JOKES thread; why not lets start a pun thread!February 28, 2011 2:32 am at 2:32 am #1098825
Stealing someone’s coffee is called ‘mugging’.February 28, 2011 2:34 am at 2:34 am #1098826
I get my large circumference from too much pi.February 28, 2011 2:37 am at 2:37 am #1098827
At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.
Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.February 28, 2011 2:40 am at 2:40 am #1098828
A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.February 28, 2011 2:43 am at 2:43 am #1098829
A man jumped off a bridge in Paris; he was in SeineFebruary 28, 2011 2:43 am at 2:43 am #1098830
My dream finally came true, a pun thread!
people the yeshiva world over will say it was a stitch in time
now it’s an oPUN and shut case!February 28, 2011 2:55 am at 2:55 am #1098831
Gummy bear what did you do? You have unleashed the PUNniness of all the cornys out here with an EAR for ROWS of GRAINS
Now where is shticky guy?
😀 Zuberman! 😀February 28, 2011 3:05 am at 3:05 am #1098832
It wasn’t school John disliked it was just the principal of it.February 28, 2011 3:09 am at 3:09 am #1098833
I hope people like corn,
speaking of which wheres the best place to get corn?
the corner drugstore!
:p> mbachur <d:February 28, 2011 3:09 am at 3:09 am #1098834
The poor guy’s whole left side was cut off but don’t worry;
He’s all right now.February 28, 2011 3:27 am at 3:27 am #1098835
gummy maybe he can be a football player!
then he can get his halfbackFebruary 28, 2011 3:28 am at 3:28 am #1098836
Don’t hit your head on the chandelier; you’ll become lightheaded.February 28, 2011 3:33 am at 3:33 am #1098837
Thanks for starting this thread! It is SEW entertaining!February 28, 2011 3:40 am at 3:40 am #1098838
What do you call a meat thief? A hamburglar (from Shluffy Bokervekker).February 28, 2011 3:47 am at 3:47 am #1098839
A good pun is its own reword.
Larry said “you remind me of a pepper pot” i said “ill take that as a condiment”February 28, 2011 4:32 am at 4:32 am #1098840
Smartcookie, you had me in stitches. Sew far, yours was the best pun in the whole thread.February 28, 2011 5:13 am at 5:13 am #1098841
A short fraudulent psychic was on the lam. The news media reported him as a “Small medium at large.”February 28, 2011 7:06 pm at 7:06 pm #1098842
Stamford Hilly BillyParticipant
what do you call a guy who sells shoes all by himself? A sole traderFebruary 28, 2011 7:15 pm at 7:15 pm #1098843
How is his new store doing? It’s not your business…February 28, 2011 7:51 pm at 7:51 pm #1098844
I told this to my brother in law when his sister (my sister in law) had a baby
It’s just an Adar (another) baby
:p> mbachur <d:February 28, 2011 8:09 pm at 8:09 pm #1098845
1. What did the thirty-six hidden Tzaddikim call their Basketball team? Lamed-vav Knicks
2. What does one call the son-in-law of a Chassidish Meshulach? Collectors Eidim
3. What do you call a Chassidic Master who has no organization to collect for? Rebbe Without a CauseFebruary 28, 2011 8:12 pm at 8:12 pm #1098846
“You don’t like my beard? Why doesn’t this hair hirsute you?”
(One of my father’s favorites.)February 28, 2011 10:04 pm at 10:04 pm #1098847
mbachur: Mazal Tov on your new niece! 🙂February 28, 2011 10:10 pm at 10:10 pm #1098848
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.February 28, 2011 10:13 pm at 10:13 pm #1098849
Police backup was called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.February 28, 2011 10:17 pm at 10:17 pm #1098850
The worm fell off his hook, but he went on fishing unabatedFebruary 28, 2011 10:20 pm at 10:20 pm #1098851
Drink driving is a whiskey business.March 1, 2011 3:26 am at 3:26 am #1098852
thank you Gummy,
two robber broke into two factories: morton salt company and duracell,
they were charged with A Salt and BatteryMarch 1, 2011 5:04 am at 5:04 am #1098853
chayav inish livisumayMember
gummy bear thats my fsvorite oneMarch 1, 2011 9:45 am at 9:45 am #1098854
Gummy Bear I think chayav means that’s the spirit!!
Two guys were arrested for acting suspiciously last night. Turns out they’re both delusional; one thinks he’s a battery and the other is convinced he’s a firework. Police say they have decided to charge one and let the other one off.March 1, 2011 12:28 pm at 12:28 pm #1098855
Thanks, Daas Yochid! We really are having so much PUN!March 1, 2011 1:23 pm at 1:23 pm #1098856
Did you hear the joke about the jumprope? skip it…
Did you hear the joke about the pencil? It has no point
Did you hear the joke about the watermelon? It’s the pits!
“These buns are raw,” she said frankly.March 1, 2011 5:29 pm at 5:29 pm #1098857
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist’s blood type is always B-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it’s just kiln time.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.
Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
And then there was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.March 1, 2011 5:57 pm at 5:57 pm #1098858
Shticky guy- I was waiting for you to get involved this is your specialty.March 1, 2011 7:53 pm at 7:53 pm #1098859
No my speciality is really limericks but nobody posts limericks any more (sob, sob, sniff) so i’ve stopped there for the moment. So I’ll post here cos though limericks are closed for me, here is still o-pun.
Lieutenant Kernel ShtickyMarch 1, 2011 8:45 pm at 8:45 pm #1098860
I took a blood test and got an A-.
When the students in cosmetology school failed their exam, they had to take a make-up test.March 1, 2011 8:46 pm at 8:46 pm #1098861
From Shluffy again: What brocha do you say on burnt hamburger? Charcoal nih’ye bidvaro.March 1, 2011 8:51 pm at 8:51 pm #1098862
The chosson had promised the kallah her own slave. When he turned out to be a midget, she went to the dayan. He paskened that even though, technically, he fulfilled his obligation, it was a little bitty eved.March 1, 2011 9:05 pm at 9:05 pm #1098863
There was this young couple who were happily engaged, but when she found out that he had a wooden leg she broke it off.March 2, 2011 12:13 am at 12:13 am #1098864
A soldier survived mustard gas and pepper spray,
He is now a seasoned veteranMarch 2, 2011 12:16 am at 12:16 am #1098865
After working for 24 hours straight, he decided to call it a day…March 2, 2011 12:55 am at 12:55 am #1098866
whenever someone asks you “whats up?” tell them “the ceiling” or “lights” or call them an apikores (the mishna in Chagigah says these four things shouldn’t be asked one of them being what’s above the world (or in other words “what’s up”)
Whenever someone asks you “what’s going on?” tell them “lights” or “cars”
:p> mbachur <d:March 2, 2011 2:38 am at 2:38 am #1098867
ha ha ha very corny dont forget to make a bory pri hadamaMarch 2, 2011 3:07 am at 3:07 am #1098870
The optician fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.March 2, 2011 3:18 am at 3:18 am #1098871
Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam, and the quaker oatmeal guy are all in hiding.
A CEREAL KILLER is on the looseMarch 2, 2011 3:21 am at 3:21 am #1098872
A man was driving on an icy, abandoned road when he noticed a road sign with half of it torn clean off. ‘That’s a bad sign’ he thought to himself 🙁March 2, 2011 3:30 am at 3:30 am #1098873
There was a shootout in The Gap. There were many casual-tees.March 2, 2011 3:33 am at 3:33 am #1098874
lol GummyMarch 2, 2011 5:34 am at 5:34 am #1098875
Mbachur- those puns were awesome!
Daas- I luv the slave one. Did you MASTER it all by youself?
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