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The Pun Thread

(124 posts)
  • Started 3 years ago by Gummy Bear
  • Latest reply from Git Meshige

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  1. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    There's a JOKES thread; why not lets start a pun thread!

    “Benny was sure that if he had to he could master braille once he got a feel for it.”

    Posted 3 years ago #
  2. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    Stealing someone's coffee is called 'mugging'.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  3. Obelix
    Menhir Delivery Man From Gaul

    I get my large circumference from too much pi.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  4. At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.

    Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

    He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  5. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  6. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    A man jumped off a bridge in Paris; he was in Seine

    Posted 3 years ago #
  7. coffee addict
    having withdrawal symptoms

    Yaaaaaaaay!

    My dream finally came true, a pun thread!

    people the yeshiva world over will say it was a stitch in time

    now it's an oPUN and shut case!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  8. yossi z.
    :D yossi :D

    Gummy bear what did you do? You have unleashed the PUNniness of all the cornys out here with an EAR for ROWS of GRAINS

    Now where is shticky guy?

    :D Zuberman! :D

    Posted 3 years ago #
  9. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    It wasn't school John disliked it was just the principal of it.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  10. coffee addict
    having withdrawal symptoms

    yes yossi,

    I hope people like corn,

    speaking of which wheres the best place to get corn?

    the corner drugstore!

    :p> mbachur <d:

    Posted 3 years ago #
  11. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    The poor guy's whole left side was cut off but don't worry;
    He's all right now.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  12. coffee addict
    having withdrawal symptoms

    gummy maybe he can be a football player!

    then he can get his halfback

    Posted 3 years ago #
  13. DaasYochid
    a singular mind

    Don't hit your head on the chandelier; you'll become lightheaded.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  14. smartcookie
    Member

    Thanks for starting this thread! It is SEW entertaining!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  15. DaasYochid
    a singular mind

    What do you call a meat thief? A hamburglar (from Shluffy Bokervekker).

    Posted 3 years ago #
  16. toomuch00
    Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.

    A good pun is its own reword.

    Larry said "you remind me of a pepper pot" i said "ill take that as a condiment"

    Posted 3 years ago #
  17. DaasYochid
    a singular mind

    Smartcookie, you had me in stitches. Sew far, yours was the best pun in the whole thread.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  18. oomis
    Best Bubby EVER

    A short fraudulent psychic was on the lam. The news media reported him as a "Small medium at large."

    Posted 3 years ago #
  19. what do you call a guy who sells shoes all by himself? A sole trader

    Posted 3 years ago #
  20. Poster
    Member

    How is his new store doing? It's not your business...

    Posted 3 years ago #
  21. coffee addict
    having withdrawal symptoms

    I told this to my brother in law when his sister (my sister in law) had a baby

    It's just an Adar (another) baby

    :p> mbachur <d:

    Posted 3 years ago #
  22. RabbiRabin
    Member

    Pinskei Tshuvos
    1. What did the thirty-six hidden Tzaddikim call their Basketball team? Lamed-vav Knicks
    2. What does one call the son-in-law of a Chassidish Meshulach? Collectors Eidim
    3. What do you call a Chassidic Master who has no organization to collect for? Rebbe Without a Cause
    4. Why don’t they teach NAvi in yeshiva? Because they’re Non-Prophet organizations
    5. Why don’t they teach Ksuvim? Because then they would have to get a Job

    Posted 3 years ago #
  23. usbaers
    Member

    "You don't like my beard? Why doesn't this hair hirsute you?"

    (One of my father's favorites.)

    Posted 3 years ago #
  24. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    mbachur: Mazal Tov on your new niece! :-)

    Posted 3 years ago #
  25. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  26. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    Police backup was called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  27. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    The worm fell off his hook, but he went on fishing unabated

    Posted 3 years ago #
  28. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    Drink driving is a whiskey business.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  29. coffee addict
    having withdrawal symptoms

    thank you Gummy,

    two robber broke into two factories: morton salt company and duracell,

    they were charged with A Salt and Battery

    Posted 3 years ago #
  30. chayav inish livisumay
    One Tipsy Poster

    gummy bear thats my fsvorite one

    Posted 3 years ago #
  31. Shticky Guy
    THE SHTICKIEST POSTER IN THE ©®

    Gummy Bear I think chayav means that's the spirit!!

    Two guys were arrested for acting suspiciously last night. Turns out they're both delusional; one thinks he's a battery and the other is convinced he's a firework. Police say they have decided to charge one and let the other one off.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  32. smartcookie
    Member

    Thanks, Daas Yochid! We really are having so much PUN!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  33. Phyllis
    Member

    Did you hear the joke about the jumprope? skip it...
    Did you hear the joke about the pencil? It has no point
    Did you hear the joke about the watermelon? It's the pits!

    "These buns are raw," she said frankly.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  34. Shticky Guy
    THE SHTICKIEST POSTER IN THE ©®

    Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

    No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

    A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.

    My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

    I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

    Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

    I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

    Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

    Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

    When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

    Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

    The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    Without geometry, life is pointless.

    A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

    A backward poet writes inverse.

    In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

    Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

    When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

    If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?

    I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

    And then there was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  35. ønegºª£™
    Best buds with Dennis Savard

    Shticky guy- I was waiting for you to get involved this is your specialty.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  36. Shticky Guy
    THE SHTICKIEST POSTER IN THE ©®

    No my speciality is really limericks but nobody posts limericks any more (sob, sob, sniff) so i've stopped there for the moment. So I'll post here cos though limericks are closed for me, here is still o-pun.

    From Kernel-In-Chief,
    Lieutenant Kernel Shticky

    Posted 3 years ago #
  37. DaasYochid
    a singular mind

    I took a blood test and got an A-.

    When the students in cosmetology school failed their exam, they had to take a make-up test.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  38. DaasYochid
    a singular mind

    From Shluffy again: What brocha do you say on burnt hamburger? Charcoal nih'ye bidvaro.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  39. DaasYochid
    a singular mind

    The chosson had promised the kallah her own slave. When he turned out to be a midget, she went to the dayan. He paskened that even though, technically, he fulfilled his obligation, it was a little bitty eved.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  40. Imanonov
    Member

    There was this young couple who were happily engaged, but when she found out that he had a wooden leg she broke it off.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  41. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    A soldier survived mustard gas and pepper spray,
    He is now a seasoned veteran

    Posted 3 years ago #
  42. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    After working for 24 hours straight, he decided to call it a day...

    Posted 3 years ago #
  43. coffee addict
    having withdrawal symptoms

    whenever someone asks you "whats up?" tell them "the ceiling" or "lights" or call them an apikores (the mishna in Chagigah says these four things shouldn't be asked one of them being what's above the world (or in other words "what's up")

    Whenever someone asks you "what's going on?" tell them "lights" or "cars"

    :p> mbachur <d:

    Posted 3 years ago #
  44. yoyo56
    Look at me!

    ha ha ha very corny dont forget to make a bory pri hadama

    Posted 3 years ago #
  45. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    The optician fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  46. coffee addict
    having withdrawal symptoms

    Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam, and the quaker oatmeal guy are all in hiding.

    A CEREAL KILLER is on the loose

    Posted 3 years ago #
  47. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    A man was driving on an icy, abandoned road when he noticed a road sign with half of it torn clean off. 'That's a bad sign' he thought to himself :-(

    Posted 3 years ago #
  48. Gummy Bear
    Oh I'm a yummy tummy funny looking gummy bear, oh yeah!!!

    There was a shootout in The Gap. There were many casual-tees.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  49. coffee addict
    having withdrawal symptoms

    lol Gummy

    Posted 3 years ago #
  50. smartcookie
    Member

    Mbachur- those puns were awesome!

    Daas- I luv the slave one. Did you MASTER it all by youself?

    Posted 3 years ago #

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