March 2, 2011 7:29 am at 7:29 am #1098876
Adon know what you mean, smartcookie.March 2, 2011 8:26 pm at 8:26 pm #1098877
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.March 2, 2011 8:27 pm at 8:27 pm #1098878
I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.March 2, 2011 8:28 pm at 8:28 pm #1098879
People who plug their computer keyboards into hi-fi systems aren’t idiots. That would be stereotyping.March 2, 2011 8:34 pm at 8:34 pm #1098880
a few days after beethoven died, someone went into his crypt.
there was beethoven, erasing all his symphonies.
the intruder said: “what are you doing?”
beethoven answered: “decomposing”March 2, 2011 8:44 pm at 8:44 pm #1098881
Moderator-80: Pls can I have a subtitle?March 2, 2011 8:49 pm at 8:49 pm #1098882
what subtitle do you want?
but i have to leave for a few hrs right nowMarch 2, 2011 8:51 pm at 8:51 pm #1098883always hereParticipant
these puns are hysterical & clever… I enjoy them sooo much!!
anytime someone posts that they’re feelin’ down, they really should be sent to this thread (like someone suggested on another thread once already).
kudos, y’all!! 😀March 2, 2011 8:54 pm at 8:54 pm #1098884
Yummy Yummy Yummy Yummy Gummy Bear
or anything you like…
Thanks For Responding.March 2, 2011 9:02 pm at 9:02 pm #1098886✡onegoal™Participant
I was learning how to be a carpenter and I was great at it in fact my teacher said I hit the nail on the head.March 3, 2011 12:49 am at 12:49 am #1098887
He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz.March 3, 2011 12:56 am at 12:56 am #1098888
I got really angry when my cell phone battery died.
…My counselor suggested I find an outlet.March 3, 2011 2:21 am at 2:21 am #1098889
How do you make antifreeze?
Steal her blanket.March 3, 2011 2:37 am at 2:37 am #1098890
I don’t get it. (If not clean please Del)March 3, 2011 2:44 am at 2:44 am #1098891
ZeesKite: Which one don’t u get? pls specify.March 3, 2011 2:53 am at 2:53 am #1098892
Last.March 3, 2011 2:57 am at 2:57 am #1098893
How do you make Aunty Freeze?
Steal her blanket…
Keep up the good work gummy b.March 3, 2011 3:00 am at 3:00 am #1098894
(told you I was s l o w)March 3, 2011 3:05 am at 3:05 am #1098895
Not slow, just o v e r t i r e d
🙂March 3, 2011 3:14 am at 3:14 am #1098896
Forgot that excuse!March 3, 2011 4:02 am at 4:02 am #1098897deiyezoogerMember
Q: Why didn’t the pony talk? A: He was a little hoarse.March 3, 2011 4:08 am at 4:08 am #1098898
every time I’m tired i always say i’m a bicycle (two tired)
:p> mbachur <d:March 3, 2011 5:21 pm at 5:21 pm #1098899
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ….. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good)…..
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.March 3, 2011 6:36 pm at 6:36 pm #1098900
The two jungle tribes were constantly feuding. One tribesman, in the middle of the night, stole the ornate royal chair of the rival chief. When he brought it back to his tribe, he and his fellow tribesmen had to figure out how to store it in a place where their rivals would never find it. They decide on a novel idea; build a second story on their chief’s hut. This was an innovation; never had a straw hut had a second floor. Triumph turned to tragedy, however, when the upper floor collapsed, killing their chief. The tribesmen learned a valuable lesson:
PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN GRASS HOUSES SHOULD NEVER STOW THRONES!March 6, 2011 3:37 pm at 3:37 pm #1098901Reb Shlomo CarlebachMember
Its been a cold winter; now summer’s coming, the trees will be releavedMarch 6, 2011 7:45 pm at 7:45 pm #1098902
whenever im sick i say “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired”
:p> mbachur <d:March 6, 2011 8:05 pm at 8:05 pm #1098903
My car iz (sic) and tired.March 6, 2011 8:16 pm at 8:16 pm #1098904
DY- tired and exhausted!March 6, 2011 9:52 pm at 9:52 pm #1098905yossi z.Member
Shticky guy: LOLZ!!!! She’ain kamohu!
😀 Zuberman! 😀March 6, 2011 10:07 pm at 10:07 pm #1098906
We’re wheely having pun on this tread.March 6, 2011 11:27 pm at 11:27 pm #1098907Ad Dilo YadaParticipant
What do you call a piano down the mail chute? a miner(minor)March 7, 2011 2:47 am at 2:47 am #1098908
what happens when Pesach falls on Purim?
You rush him to the hospital!March 7, 2011 5:11 am at 5:11 am #1098909
When I asked a local volunteer paramedic how he could drink on Purim, he told me “Revach V’Hatzalah ya’amod la’Yehudim mimakom acher.”March 7, 2011 5:17 pm at 5:17 pm #1098910blinkyParticipant
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
with her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.March 7, 2011 6:55 pm at 6:55 pm #1098911
There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said ‘Keep off the Grass’.March 7, 2011 11:28 pm at 11:28 pm #1098912
Dockyard: A physician’s garden.
Khakis: What you need to start the car.
Pasteurize: Too far to see.
Alarms: What an octopus is.
Think!March 7, 2011 11:50 pm at 11:50 pm #1098913
On a divorce lawyer’s wall:
“Satisfaction guaranteed or your honey back.”March 9, 2011 11:39 am at 11:39 am #1098914
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
6. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
9. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
10. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
11. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eyed deer.
12. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eyed deer.March 9, 2011 1:41 pm at 1:41 pm #1098915wanderingchanaParticipant
Some of these are screamingly baaaad!!!
…which is why I’m sending them to my friends 😉March 9, 2011 3:47 pm at 3:47 pm #1098916
LOL! I like the deer ones. (They’re so “deer” to me :P)March 9, 2011 5:50 pm at 5:50 pm #1098917
henry stein commits a murder and doesnt even try to cover it up
instead he goes into his newly invented time machine and steps out years later, after the statute of limitations is up.
they are waiting for him and the case eventually comes before the supreme court.
the judges decision, letting him off is written:
“A niche in time saves stein.”
basically from a short story by isaac asimov called “a loint of paw”March 9, 2011 6:15 pm at 6:15 pm #1098918
I never thought you were a doe nutMarch 9, 2011 6:17 pm at 6:17 pm #1098919✡onegoal™Participant
After being in the mafia for 30 years as a hit-man, Artie decides it is time to stop. Joe, a good friend of Artie, asks him to get rid of 3 guys who have been causing him problems. Artie says that since Joe is such a good friend he will do it as his last mission and will only charge Joe $1. Joe tells Artie that these men meet at the fruit store on Wednesdays at 3:00. Artie decides he will not shoot them because it will make too much of a scene rather he decides to strangle them and dump their bodies near by. On Wednesday Artie goes to the fruit store and waits for the men. The men arrive and Artie scans the area for other people. The area is clear and Artie makes his move. Everything goes fine but as he is leaving the scene he notices a person who was standing nearby who saw the whole thing. Artie runs home and is later arrested. The headlines of the paper the next day were:
ARTIE-CHOKES 3 FOR A DOLLAR AT THE FRUIT STOREMarch 9, 2011 7:55 pm at 7:55 pm #1098920
LOL Mbachur do nut even think so for a hole second!March 9, 2011 8:09 pm at 8:09 pm #1098921PosterMember
onegoal – Super!
These puns are amazing!March 9, 2011 8:48 pm at 8:48 pm #1098922AinOhdMilvadoParticipant
Has anyone mentioned the butcher who slipped and fell backward into his slicing machine?
He got a little behind in his work.March 9, 2011 9:36 pm at 9:36 pm #1098923
How’s the guy who fell into the blender while making pancakes?
Batter.March 9, 2011 9:39 pm at 9:39 pm #1098924
And the jewelry saleslady whose head is directly connected to her shoulders?
She’s necklace.March 13, 2011 8:29 pm at 8:29 pm #1098925
I’m inclined to be laid back.March 15, 2011 4:08 pm at 4:08 pm #1098926
Gotta Love my Drug Dealer’s new automated phone service. I just called up and it says “If you want to buy Marijuana press the Hash key”
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