5 Most Important Shidduch Questions
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June 14, 2010 2:57 pm at 2:57 pm #687623
The correct answer is No. It doesn’t “pas” that you should be eating leftovers.
Hope that helps and good luck in the shidduch market!
Oh well. I guess since we observe the mitzvah of “bal tashchis” we are “too frum” to be in the shidduch market. 🙂 I guess my kids will have to find their spouses the way I did… outside the shidduch system.
The WolfJune 14, 2010 3:38 pm at 3:38 pm #687624squeakParticipant
Who doesn’t eat leftovers Sunday night???
The Yidden did not eat leftovers in the Midbar. The manna for each family was exactly what they needed for the day, and any leftovers (if someone tried to save over) would be gone the next day. On Erev Shabbos two portions per person were given (lechem yomoyim) and one would last through Shabbos, but there were no leftovers for Sunday.
We should be emulating everything we know about the formative years of our nation, including not eating leftovers and not planning for the future.June 14, 2010 3:44 pm at 3:44 pm #687625SJSinNYCMember
If I’m hand washing dishes, I don’t stack so that the bottoms don’t have to be scrubbed as hard. If it goes into the dishwasher, I don’t care 🙂 Although, we don’t tend to stack actually. I’m golden in the shidduch scene!
Wait – we have a thick plastic tablecloth (non disposable that we replace once a year) over our nice table cloth. The tablecloth below is one my grandmother made as a child in Germany. There is no way I would want to ruin that. Is that unacceptable?June 14, 2010 3:47 pm at 3:47 pm #687626the.nurseMember
Sadly, I fear that some may actually believe that your post was said in all seriousness.June 14, 2010 4:10 pm at 4:10 pm #687627
A friend received a call for information about me after I had told the shadchan that I felt the girl she suggested wasn’t for me. (The friend knew I wasn’t interested but due to a communication error the shadchan told the mother I had agreed to go out with her daughter.)
He decided to answer all of her “brilliant” questions with even better answers.
Mother-in-law of the year: “So what is he looking for in a wife?”
Mr. Friend: “I honestly don’t know, I got engaged before he was even thinking of dating and we never had a serious discussion about what he is looking for.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “If you had a sister of marriageable age, would-“
Mr. Friend: “I actually do have a sister who is currently on the market.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Well, would you let your sister go out with him?”
Mr. Friend: “No way, I wouldn’t even consider it.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Why not?”
Mr. Friend: “My sister is looking for a long term learner and he is going to college and plans to get a job after a few years of Kollel.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “What if that’s what your sister is looking for, then would you let them go out?”
Mr. Friend: “For sure, I would have set them up along time ago.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Let’s say he marries my daughter and they have a child together. If the baby wakes up in middle of the night, will he take care of the baby or would he make my daughter get out of bed?”
Mr. Friend: “To tell you the truth, in all the years we’ve been roommates that situation never came up.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “OK, I see. Let’s try another scenario. Let’s say they get married and they go to the wedding of one of her friends. Being that he doesn’t know anyone there- will he dance during the dancing or just eat?”
Mr. Friend: “I actually thought of that question myself recently and decided to see for myself what he would do when he is at a wedding where he doesn’t know anyone, but since I was there and he knew me I couldn’t find out.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “My husband gives the 6:00 A.M. Daf Yomi Shiur at our shul every morning, would he be prepared to give it if my husband has to go out of town?”
Mr. Friend: “I don’t get up before 9:00 A.M. so I don’t know what he is capable of doing at 6 in the morning.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Can you please put your wife on the phone?”
Mr. Friend: “Sure, but she doesn’t know him at all.”
Mrs. Friend: “Hello, nice to speak with you.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “Can you do me a favor? Go get your rolling pin and whack your husband over the head until you knock some sense into him.”
Mr. Friend (taking back the phone): “I can’t say for sure what he is looking for but I can say for sure what he is not looking for.”
Mother-in-law of the year: “What’s that?”
Mr. Friend: “He definitely does not want a violent mother-in-law!”
She actually called the shadchan to say she was interested and the shadchan had to tell her that she made a mistake and that I had never agreed in the first place.
The mother then asked another shadchan, who is also a family friend, to personally suggest the shidduch, but again it was turned down.June 14, 2010 4:33 pm at 4:33 pm #687628
Great answer to the 6:00am Daf question!
My son sees the early am hours ever so often.. when he has yet to see the pillow from the night before 🙁
I was no better in my early days, but not to worry. Once that little bundle of wet diapers starts wailing, oh will he learn the meaning of “bonding with his children” (l-rd knows I did my share of pacing the floor)June 14, 2010 5:05 pm at 5:05 pm #687629Torah lishmaMember
i wonder if you can get married with all thies crazy things , people have to know that if they would leave all thies shtisem in the side we might not of had this shidduch crises!June 14, 2010 5:29 pm at 5:29 pm #687630Mayan_DvashParticipant
Sunday night is not for Shabbos leftovers! For many people, there is enough time on Sunday to prepare a meal. Now other nights of the week when there is less time to prepare, we may have of the leftovers if it is not unappealing. I myself eat leftover chulent for lunch on Mondays. I am married, have children and in my 30’s. I noticed my stomach is not as strong as it used to be so Monday afternoon chulent may stop sooner than I anticpate. On the other hand, you increase the strength of a muscle by exercising it. I’ll decide when the time gets closer.
;June 14, 2010 6:33 pm at 6:33 pm #687631shtusimParticipant
We were actually asked if the boy was toilet trained early or late!!June 14, 2010 7:53 pm at 7:53 pm #687632blinkyParticipant
shtusim thats crazy. Heres another crazy one-someone asked a friend of mine what animal would you compare the girl to!!!June 14, 2010 8:32 pm at 8:32 pm #687633FrummyMcFrumParticipant
Heres another crazy one-someone asked a friend of mine what animal would you compare the girl to!!!
ALWAYS ANSWER KANGAROO!! JUST JUMPING HAPPY ALL THE TIME
AND IF THEY ASK ABOUT A VEGETABLE ALWAYS SAY EGGPLANT. WHEN THINGS GET HOT, THEY GET BETTER (WHO EATS RAW EGGPLANT ANYWAYS?)June 14, 2010 9:43 pm at 9:43 pm #687634mischiefmakerMember
blinky-that’s nuts! I would tell them I compare them (not the person they’re asking about) to curious george!June 14, 2010 9:54 pm at 9:54 pm #687635
Ditto to Mayan_Dvash – My kids make faces at cholent on sunday nite, but I take it to work for lunch (I’m in my 40s, but the stomach seems to have more tolerance than one would expect for mt age.. maybe the potato kugel I have at the 11:00am CR break acts as a liner!)June 15, 2010 12:47 am at 12:47 am #687637
“I guess my kids will have to find their spouses the way I did… outside the shidduch system. “
You met your wife outside of a shadchan? I didnt think there were any frum yidden that really did that. I thougt it was a myth.
Frum yidden always do things btznius. Meeting your wife without a shadchan is a terrible breaking of tznius.
EDITEDJune 15, 2010 12:49 am at 12:49 am #687638
“We should be emulating everything we know about the formative years of our nation, including not eating leftovers and not planning for the future. “
I agree. Theres a definite lack of bitachon in teh world today. Besides if a food has the kedusha of Shabbos Im not sure that its proper (even if its aloud) to be eaten during the week.June 15, 2010 1:04 am at 1:04 am #687640
Besides if you plan carefully when cookng for shabbas you wont have any leftovers. Theres no real excuse to have leftovers after a shabbas meal.June 15, 2010 4:38 pm at 4:38 pm #687642
Last night over supper, I mentioned the “no leftovers because its like the Mon in the midbar” idea, and one of the kids said, if that’s the case, there should be no leftovers any day of the week. Mon had a daily expiration date (except for Friday’s supply).
So? Do those people toss their food on a daily basis? Or do they somehow manage to prepare EXACTLY the right ammount every single time. And what about a 12 oz box of cereal? Do they toss that too at nightfall?
Doubtful. More than likely, they just can’t be bothered.
And today’s lunch is NOT cholent (I’m stockpiling for July / Aug)June 15, 2010 7:09 pm at 7:09 pm #687643
mosherose – excuse me you can’t be so quick to pass judgment. it’s obvious that you’re not involved in the kitchen (which is totally fine) however, YOU try to figure out which kid won’t be in the mood of chicken this week, and which one will finish off 3 pieces of potato kugel. Sorry, people are unpredictable, sometimes they eat way more than you expected and sometimes the opposite. You also don’t want to be stingy and prepare EXACT amounts so that people won’t feel comfortable taking more.
There is nothing wrong with leftovers, the idea with the man in the midbar (whether you were joking or not) really falls into the catogory of Emuna, of living day by day and not worrying about the future.June 15, 2010 7:12 pm at 7:12 pm #687644
Continue about the Mon- and nothing to do with leftovers from shabbos. There is an issur of baal tashchis. Who ever said that you can’t eat leftover’s during the week because it has kedushas shabbos? I’d really love to find out about that one.June 16, 2010 1:10 am at 1:10 am #687646oomisParticipant
Mohn in the midbar (and it was kinda clear BPT was speaking tongue in cheek) was not an idea of leftovers, it was the idea that the person who kept leftovers did not have the emunah that Hashem would provide mohn for the next day. Since contrary to popular opinion, my huband and I are not gods, we definitely do not allow the throwing out of perfectly good food that was left over from Shabbos. And if you want to say that the kedusha of Shabbos makes it wrong to eat on a vohedig day, well I see it just fahrkert – that this is bringing the kedusha of Shabbos INTO the weekday (and don’t we do that anyway in davening every morning when we say “Hayom Yom Rishon (etc. ) ba’SHABBOS, shehbo hayu haleviyim….” we don’t say b’shavua. we bring a little of Shabbos into the week. We plan all week for what we will cook and shop for for Shabbos. I think it’s great to think of leftovers in that way. Just one lady’s opinion.June 16, 2010 2:29 pm at 2:29 pm #687647cherrybimParticipant
What do people do with the Shabbos food if it’s not eaten on Shabbos?
Shabbos should be different and enhanced. How the Shabbos table is treated is an indication of your kavode Shabbos. A white linen cloth, dishes and glass/silverware makes the table sparkle. And the seuda is different. Yes, it’s more work but Shabbos gives us so much more.June 16, 2010 2:55 pm at 2:55 pm #687648
Shadchan: “Does your son mind red heads? Because if he does the girl is willing to wear a different color sheitel after the wedding?”
Mom: “I don’t know, I never asked him.”
Shadchan: “Can you ask him and let me know?”
Mom: “Sure, anything else?”
Shadchan: “Oh yeah, come to think of it, is your son a Kohain?”
Shadchan: “Oh, in that case never mind, her mother said it’s not good for a Kohain to marry a red head!”June 16, 2010 3:00 pm at 3:00 pm #687649
Shabbos should be different and enhanced. How the Shabbos table is treated is an indication of your kavode Shabbos.
It should also be pointed out that how it is different and enhanced is based on the individual person or family. It’s whatever makes it special for you.
I remember quite clearly one time in school mentioning in class that the previous Friday night we had meatballs and spaghetti for the Shabbos seuda. When my rebbi at the time heard that, he practically flew into a rage, telling everyone that meatballs was a weekday meal and “not good enough” for Shabbos. In his opinion, our having meatballs and spaghetti meant that we weren’t showing the proper kavod to Shabbos. I didn’t tell him that this was something that we *only* had on Shabbos — at that stage of the game I hadn’t yet learned how to spot fallacies and debate — not to mention the fact that I was quite a bit intimidated and surprised at the outburst.
Heh. To this day, meatballs and spaghetti is still a Shabbos favorite in our home. And, yes, it is a Shabbos treat and it does make Shabbos special for us (since we don’t have it during the week — except as leftovers).
The WolfJune 16, 2010 3:10 pm at 3:10 pm #687650
“Oh, in that case never mind, her mother said it’s not good for a Kohain to marry a red head!”
The WolfJune 16, 2010 3:18 pm at 3:18 pm #687651
I didn’t want to offend all Kohanim and red heads so I just left it to your imagination.
(The shadchan also asked if her first name bothers him but I didn’t mention that so that anyone else with that name wouldn’t feel self conscience about it.)June 16, 2010 3:19 pm at 3:19 pm #687652SJSinNYCMember
If we go by the mon analogy, we shouldn’t buy food because it should just appear.
I’ll stick to my shabbos leftovers.June 16, 2010 3:28 pm at 3:28 pm #687653
A white linen cloth
One Shabbos, just for a change, we did everything in green. 🙂
Green base tablecloth (with a white overlay), green napkins, green plates, green cups. Green doilies were put on the non-eating surfaces. Green water under the oil in the leichter. The desert was green jello. There were green liquers for drinking. And I even got green roses for the table. A (somewhat blurry) picture of it can be seen here:
A (better) picture of the liquers can be seen here:
We had a guest that Shabbos and, yes, she had green sheets and green blankets. 🙂
The WolfJune 16, 2010 4:34 pm at 4:34 pm #687654
(The shadchan also asked if her first name bothers him but I didn’t mention that so that anyone else with that name wouldn’t feel self conscience about it.)
Well, here you never know.
I know someone who, when she dated refused to date men with a certain very common name.
But she had a logical reason for it. Her father passed away fairly young and no one in her family had been able to name a child for him. She *really* wanted to do so, and so she refused to date anyone with the same name as her father.
As she was an older single, I thought she was doing the wrong thing in limiting her dating opportunities. Nonetheless, she managed to find a very nice guy with a different name.
Her father now has a little grandson named after him. This is one of the times that I am very happy to have been shown to be wrong.
The WolfJune 16, 2010 5:40 pm at 5:40 pm #687656
Its kind of hard for me to get excited over green decor (though whoever was behind it was very thorough), but its pretty clear from the seforim shown in the photos, you are more than just run-of-the-mill blogger.
Nice to know who your neighbors are!June 16, 2010 8:52 pm at 8:52 pm #687657
i’m a little behind on this (i’ve been really busy)
but i know a funny story abt a yungerman who’s a red head and was trying to redt a shidduch to someone else who also happened to be a red head. I think it was the mother he was speaking to him when she said – oh thanks for the suggestion but , we’d rather not a red head. OOPS! next time be careful!June 22, 2010 1:18 am at 1:18 am #687658
“One Shabbos, just for a change, we did everything in green. :)”
Theres NO excuse to have anything besides white. Who gave you a heter to make a mokery of shabbas by makign everything green? Shabbas is holy and speshil not yur plaything.June 22, 2010 1:29 am at 1:29 am #687659
“I remember quite clearly one time in school mentioning in class that the previous Friday night we had meatballs and spaghetti for the Shabbos seuda. When my rebbi at the time heard that, he practically flew into a rage, telling everyone that meatballs was a weekday meal and “not good enough” for Shabbos. In his opinion, our having meatballs and spaghetti meant that we weren’t showing the proper kavod to Shabbos. I didn’t tell him that this was something that we *only* had on Shabbos — at that stage of the game I hadn’t yet learned how to spot fallacies and debate — not to mention the fact that I was quite a bit intimidated and surprised at the outburst.
Heh. To this day, meatballs and spaghetti is still a Shabbos favorite in our home. And, yes, it is a Shabbos treat and it does make Shabbos special for us (since we don’t have it during the week — except as leftovers).”
Yur rebbe was right and yur wrong. Meatballs and spageti is not a shabbas meal! Its a regular weekday meal. At night you should have chicken and during the seuda at day you should have chulent. Those are the main shabbas meals. Yes you can have some other things but not meatballs and spigeti!June 22, 2010 5:31 am at 5:31 am #687660mischiefmakerMember
who are you to judge if meatballs and spaghetti is a good enough meal for shabbos? If it’s considered a special meal for him then it is! Maybe not in your home but not everyone’s homes are yours!!!June 22, 2010 6:24 am at 6:24 am #687661
mosherose – that’s ashkenazish shabbos menu. what do you say to all the sefardim who don’t have cholent or kugel but these interesting/different rice and meat concoctions.June 23, 2010 3:56 am at 3:56 am #687662
Yur rebbe was right and yur wrong. Meatballs and spageti is not a shabbas meal! Its a regular weekday meal. At night you should have chicken and during the seuda at day you should have chulent. Those are the main shabbas meals. Yes you can have some other things but not meatballs and spigeti!
Heh. Just for you, Moshe, I’ll have meatballs and spaghetti on Shabbos as often as possible. 🙂
The WolfJune 23, 2010 11:01 am at 11:01 am #687663apushatayidParticipant
I’m still eating leftover chulent on Tuesday nights.June 23, 2010 1:41 pm at 1:41 pm #687664
Can you make them green? (Disclaimer: we once bought green ketchup. Tastes the same as the red stuff, but was to bizzare for us to get used to)
So? How ’bout it? Can’t wait to see the photo!June 23, 2010 3:43 pm at 3:43 pm #687665
Can you make them green?
Can I? Yes.
Will I? No — no one will eat them.
I once made the mistake of trying to give Eeees green eggs before we were married. I guess I’m lucky she married me anyway. 🙂
The WolfJune 23, 2010 4:06 pm at 4:06 pm #687666Derech HaMelechMember
I think many Sephardim eat cholent- they just call it Chamin and its made slightly different.
I think the issue here is that some people might be coming from slightly more modern background while others do not. A rebbe I had R’ Carlebach (brother of the Rosh Yeshivah of Mir Yerushalayim) used to say that the minhag to eat chulent goes back to the time of the tzedukim who wouldn’t eat hot food on Shabbos. So we bedavka made a food that is hot. In those days the only way to do that was by every one putting there pots of whatever by the baker’s fire over Shabbos until the seudah. The easiest food to cook for such an extended time was chulent. Hence the minhag.
It’s true that there is no halacha requiring someone to eat chulent especially if he doesn’t like it. BUt its not far from the truth to say that there is a strong inyan to keep even the smallest minhagim of the klal.June 23, 2010 4:23 pm at 4:23 pm #687667
The easiest food to cook for such an extended time was chulent. Hence the minhag.
Is a minhag a practice that is taken on for religious reasons with religious significance, or is any regular practice that comes about as a result of circumstance a minhag?
Having hot foods is the former. Having chulent is the latter.
The WolfJune 23, 2010 4:36 pm at 4:36 pm #687669Truth1Member
Does it make a difference if a family goes to colonies or camp? And What type of fruit is he/she compared too…June 23, 2010 4:56 pm at 4:56 pm #687670Derech HaMelechMember
In my opinion (as with anything I say) with regard to the Jewish people it is both.
For instance in the first siman in chelek gimmel of the Mishnah Berurah in the last sif (I forgot which it is) the Hagah (may have been the mechaber- I have a bad memory)writes that there is a minhag to eat a “pashtidah” as a zecher for the man. I don’t remember if the Shulchan Aruch says it or the Mishnah Berurah, but it is explained that it has a top and bottom layer of dough with meat in the middle. The Mishnah Berurah writes that in his days it is still the minhag.
So I would argue that at first there was probably no minhag to eat this “pashtidah” at all. In Europe these types of foods were common and soon people were eating them on Shabbos. But ve’amech kulam tzaddikim, nothing we do is just stam so we found a way to add a mitzvah to this ordinary food and it became a minhag. Similar to how some people have a minhag to eat kishke potato kugel apple kugel and lukshen kugel since in Yiddish it spells Amalek. Or making yihi ratzon on Rosh HaShanah for foods based on their yiddish names.
In my opinion nothing the klal takes on can be just stam. We are under Hashgacha Klalis and we are too holy as a unit. Just like a tzaddik doesn’t raise his finger without kavana lishem shamayim the klal as a whole does not move with out kavana lishem shamayim.
That is my personal opinion on this, but I definitely see a lot of room to disagree with me.June 23, 2010 5:14 pm at 5:14 pm #687671
Green eggs – any marriage can weather that. The ham would have been an unsurmountable problem though.
But I’d love to know how you could make meatballs look green. Spagetti is easy, but red meat? Tell me, please.June 24, 2010 1:20 am at 1:20 am #687673LAerMember
Sheesh, mosherose, lighten up! Just because not everyone does exactly what you do (or what you CLAIM to do, or what you preach) doesn’t mean they’ll “roast” for it.
Am I the only one that’s waiting for the day that mosherose pops out and says “Surprise! I’m really an open-minded, colored-shirt-wearing, YU graduate with a PhD in astrophysics and nothing better to do with my time than stir up other people”?June 24, 2010 1:23 am at 1:23 am #687674
“I once made the mistake of trying to give Eeees green eggs before we were married. I guess I’m lucky she married me anyway. :)”
1. A man shouldnt cook. Its a womans job
2. An unmarried couple shouldnt cook for each other its not tznius.June 24, 2010 3:58 am at 3:58 am #687677kapustaParticipant
BP Totty, I would say food coloring or a whole lot of fresh herbs maybe I actually remember hearing once that green is a color often used in marketing but its not used in produce or meat. (with good reason)June 24, 2010 2:18 pm at 2:18 pm #687678
But I’d love to know how you could make meatballs look green. Spagetti is easy, but red meat? Tell me, please.
Now that I think about it, I’m not sure how I’d do it. Perhaps I overspoke earlier. My apologies.
The WolfJune 24, 2010 4:05 pm at 4:05 pm #687679dunnoMember
I agree with LAer. There’s no way mosherose believes what he says – he wouldn’t be on the Internet if that were the case.June 28, 2010 4:12 pm at 4:12 pm #687680
This week we didn’t have meatballs & spaghetti. Happy?
(We had meatballs and linguini instead. 🙂 )
The WolfJune 28, 2010 5:43 pm at 5:43 pm #687681
Not only do I echo parts of your “MosheRose” profile, I was stopped in my tracks by your writing style. The 1st time I scrolled past it, I thougt I wrote it! Do we know each other?
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