November 12, 2008 12:02 am at 12:02 am #1171648
3) A mikva holding precisely forty se’ah of water, and a person who requires tevila. After the tevila, the person is tahor, but the mikva is no longer kosher, and won’t be until enough water is added to bring it back to forty se’ah.
Moderator – I posted this earlier, but it may have gotten lost. Please don’t double-post this if you just haven’t posted what I sent about an hour ago.November 12, 2008 12:09 am at 12:09 am #1171649charlie brownMember
for number 3 I’d guess a woman receiving a get. The kosher get becomes posul (it can’t be reused by someone else), and the married woman who was assur to marry another man is now divorced and muttar.November 12, 2008 12:30 am at 12:30 am #1171650
ICOT: I’m still eagerly await a response from you on our long-ago discussion! You were supposed to ask a shaila… 🙂November 12, 2008 12:37 am at 12:37 am #1171651
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
He immediately phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot them all.”
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”
George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”November 12, 2008 2:47 am at 2:47 am #1171652
I will bli neder ask the shailos and post the answers here.
Sorry for taking so looooooooooooooong, and thanks for your patience.November 12, 2008 3:26 am at 3:26 am #1171653The Big OneParticipant
No intent to be acidic, but if a user named jewishabortionist02 came by and sincerely and earnestly expressed his modern ideas and philosophies in a respectful manner, and was quite adamant about it, that abortion ought to be legal and unimpeded by any Rabbis through the 9th month, and comes not seeking to be convinced otherwise but to rather express his ideas as equal to the opposing view…
What would the appropriate response be in your view?November 12, 2008 3:46 am at 3:46 am #1171654mdlevineMember
noitallmr you wrote: “This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi”
I am not so sure that this is true. It is probably more of an urban legend. cute story, maybe. true, probably not.November 12, 2008 3:48 am at 3:48 am #1171655The Big OneParticipant
…actually this is the wrong thread for such a serious discussion…
I opened a new thread for this, and hopefully the moderator will be kind enough to post it soon (and we can discuss it there, rather than here.)November 12, 2008 3:51 am at 3:51 am #1171656
The Big One-
That’s a good question.
To avoid hijacking this thread, let’s continue this discussion in the “Respect for other posters comments” thread – I’ll reply there.November 12, 2008 4:41 am at 4:41 am #1171657
the get isnt called a posul get after its been given. the woman saves it. if a shaila should arise regarding the divorce she would present it to Bais Din. they would examine it, question witnesses, determine if the get was kosher or pasul, its not pasul because it was given. just like a receipt for a payment isnt pasul, or a shtar used to purchase land isnt called a pasul shtar after its givenNovember 12, 2008 4:43 am at 4:43 am #1171658
the answer to 3:
a woman goes into a Mikveh that has been measured and found to be exactly 40 seah before her tvilah, she becomes mutar to her husband and the Mikveh becomes pasul because of the water that is removed upon her as she exits the Mikveh. a Gemorrah states this din explicitly.November 12, 2008 4:45 am at 4:45 am #1171659
i can only try:
i see you got it!
excellent, very difficult riddleNovember 12, 2008 5:38 am at 5:38 am #1171660
On your account additional learning was done.November 12, 2008 4:38 pm at 4:38 pm #1171661
If a man says something in the forest, and his wife isn’t there to hear him, he is still wrong.November 12, 2008 4:46 pm at 4:46 pm #1171662smartcookieMember
A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She
lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a
She shouts to him, ‘Excuse me, can you help me? I
promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don’t know where I am.’
The man consults his portable GPS and replies, ‘You’re
in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a
ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are
at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolls her eyes and says, ‘You must be a
‘I am,’ replies the man. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ answers the balloonist, ‘everything you tell
me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to
do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly,
you’re not much help to me.’
The man smiles and responds, ‘You must be a Democrat.’
‘I am,’ replies the balloonist. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ says the man, ‘You don’t know where you are or
where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are, due
to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise
that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect
me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but, somehow,
now it’s my fault.November 12, 2008 5:34 pm at 5:34 pm #1171663havesomeseichelMember
A man was advised to set his GPS to a woman’s voice so he would get used to listening to a woman.November 12, 2008 5:45 pm at 5:45 pm #1171664smartcookieMember
As a birthday present, a woman asked her husband for something that accelerates form 0-100 in 4 seconds, expecting the latest sportscar. Fullfilling her wish, she unwrapped the gift only to find a brand new digital scale!!!!November 12, 2008 5:51 pm at 5:51 pm #1171665
how many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.November 12, 2008 7:42 pm at 7:42 pm #1171666
A man gave his shvigger a tissue and said to her, “this should be the only thing you stick your nose into…”
A shvigger gave her son-in-law three ties. He comes down wearing one of them. She says to him “so you don’t like the other ones eh?”November 12, 2008 7:43 pm at 7:43 pm #1171667
How many Lubavitchers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They don’t believe it died…November 12, 2008 7:51 pm at 7:51 pm #1171668
a yekke and a chasid got married
the chuppah began EXACTLY one half hour late.November 12, 2008 8:10 pm at 8:10 pm #1171669
Nice to see this thread getting back on track.
While we’re on the subject of Yekke jokes….
Adam Harishon was the first Yekke. We know this because Hashem called him “Ayekke”. Onkelus probably did not like Yekkes, because he translated this “Anut”.November 12, 2008 8:12 pm at 8:12 pm #1171670
Marriage is not a word but a sentence. A life sentence.November 12, 2008 8:52 pm at 8:52 pm #1171671REALISTMember
How would you pronounce this child’s name: “Le-a”?
Lee – A?? NOPE
Lay – a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
It’s pronounced “Ledasha” Oh yes…you read it right.
This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce it correctly. When the mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said “the dash isn’t silent.”November 12, 2008 8:58 pm at 8:58 pm #1171672REALISTMember
Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of
causing the trouble they were having in the apartment
building where they lived.
The women were arguing noisily even in the court.
The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them, said, “We are
going to do this in an orderly manner. I can’t listen to all
of you at once. I’ll hear the oldest first.”
The case was dismissed for lack of testimony!November 12, 2008 11:39 pm at 11:39 pm #1171673charlie brownMember
before a man gets married, he’s incomplete. After he gets married he’s finished.November 13, 2008 12:30 am at 12:30 am #1171674Ashrecha YisroelParticipant
“Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?” – George CarlinNovember 13, 2008 10:13 pm at 10:13 pm #1171675David Bar-MagenMember
How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Ah, don’t worry about it. I’ll just sit here, in the dark, alone…”November 14, 2008 4:46 am at 4:46 am #1171676mazal77Participant
Hi, this is your new president, all white people report to the plantation, Monday morning….November 14, 2008 7:27 pm at 7:27 pm #1171679ujmParticipant
Q. Why did the chicken cross the street?
A. He wanted to get to the other side.
(ouch)November 16, 2008 1:52 am at 1:52 am #1171680
Why did the chewing gum cross the street?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
(even bigger ouch)November 16, 2008 2:13 am at 2:13 am #1171681Give Me a BreakMember
Don’t sympathize with a lost cause, because:
sym- = “with”
pathetic = something you don’t want to be
(Re-posted upon request)November 16, 2008 3:21 am at 3:21 am #1171682iluvchulentMember
Marriage is an Institution. – But I’m not ready to be institutionalized!November 18, 2008 12:59 am at 12:59 am #1171683Ashrecha YisroelParticipant
What’s the difference between a computer and an actuary?
Computers have hearts!November 18, 2008 1:55 am at 1:55 am #1171684oomisParticipant
“How come “gullible” is not in the dictionary? “
No do you really think we are THAT gullible as to look it up?????????November 18, 2008 2:15 pm at 2:15 pm #1171687smh1Member
I feel I must remind everyone that this website and coffee room are open to ANYONE ANYWHERE, and jokes such as these may not seem funny to many, and in fact, may cause harm. please be careful when posting. we know that “others” do read these pages.November 18, 2008 3:09 pm at 3:09 pm #1171688
smh1 has a point. Please remove my previous two posts.
YW MODERATOR – The posts have been deleted.November 18, 2008 4:47 pm at 4:47 pm #1171689
What’s an actuary?November 18, 2008 4:48 pm at 4:48 pm #1171690
Never mind, I just looked it up. It’s a place where they bury dead actors.November 18, 2008 6:02 pm at 6:02 pm #1171691chaimssParticipant
Squeak, that’s actually pretty good 🙂
An “Enlightened” man was walking down the street without a yarmulke. (Note: These were the times of the actual enlightenment and these people were real apikorsim, not tinokos shenishbos like today.) The Rebbe goes over to him and asks,
“Tell me, are you a kohein or a Levi?”
“Why would you think I’m a kohein or a Levi?” he asked, surprised.
“Because you certainly don’t look like a Yisroel.” 🙂November 18, 2008 6:23 pm at 6:23 pm #1171692
You reminded me of this one
(From a yeshiva dorm counselor, trying to maintain order):
“If you’re a kohain, you you have a problem. There’s a mes(s) in your room.”November 19, 2008 12:46 am at 12:46 am #1171693bigmoParticipant
If you’re at the airport and you look in the rearview mirror and see a plane flying right at you, what do you do?
Adjust the rearview mirror!November 19, 2008 2:47 am at 2:47 am #1171695
What happened to the chicken who slept under the car?November 19, 2008 3:01 am at 3:01 am #1171696
Hint: it’s not a gross answer.November 19, 2008 3:08 am at 3:08 am #1171697
The Queen of Persia-
It must have been wheely worn out.
I hope it wasn’t two tired to get up.
Eggzactly wHen did this happen?November 19, 2008 3:22 am at 3:22 am #1171699
ICOT: Zats mich moichel for being choished, do you google or are you an absolute genius? (Azoi shnel!)November 19, 2008 3:27 am at 3:27 am #1171700
Btw ICOT, I just read, and love, those 2 deleted jokes! (Its still in my RSS feed of the Coffee Room.)November 19, 2008 3:37 am at 3:37 am #1171701
I can only try: “two-tired” belongs to a bicycle. Not a car. Your other two answers were cute. But not the one I had in mind. Any other guesses? I’ll answer in about 10 more minutes.November 19, 2008 3:48 am at 3:48 am #1171702
zats mich moichel is right..!November 19, 2008 3:50 am at 3:50 am #1171703
And the answer is……
He woke up “oily” in the morning. 🙂
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.