Home › Forums › Shidduchim › aahhh…FIRST DATE…HEEELLP!!!
- This topic has 61 replies, 27 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 6 months ago by mr. awsum.
August 23, 2011 5:43 pm at 5:43 pm #598857
heeelp!! im sooo nervouse i am goin on my first date ever tonight and i am pppeetriified!!! i’ve been throwing up all day and am shaking away!! any one have any tips to calm me down…what sould i say when i see him?? hows it guna work…???August 23, 2011 6:20 pm at 6:20 pm #804061
Haifa Girl i know you are tempted but please don’t.August 23, 2011 6:21 pm at 6:21 pm #804062
You should check out all the hundreds of old threads regarding dating tips!!! Hatzlacha Rabbah 2 u!!August 23, 2011 6:24 pm at 6:24 pm #804063
Are you going out with Mashiach please come? A shidduch right here in the coffee room, how wonderful! And don’t be nervous, I have a friend that threw up and fainted on the same date and he still didn’t say no, so what’s the worst you can possibly doAugust 23, 2011 6:25 pm at 6:25 pm #804064kol daveedMember
2Cute – First off, you have nothing to worry about because HaKadosh Baruch Hu runs the world. To calm down a little bit, I recommend getting some slight exercise (run/jog for a mile or so). When you see him just be nice and smile. He’s going to ask you questions about yourself, family, interests, etc. and you should do the same.
The most important thing to remember is not to worry. Hashem runs the world! You’re fine. Hatzlacha Rabbah!August 23, 2011 6:39 pm at 6:39 pm #804066
im so scared im guna have nothing to say…is he suppose to support the conversation?? also ne one have good ideas of what i shud say to him when wd leave my house? like an icebreaker?August 23, 2011 6:42 pm at 6:42 pm #804068
I can relate (even though I was really calm for some reason) but its all going to be fine. jsut make sure to be yourself and relax. its his issue to make the talking flow not yoursAugust 23, 2011 7:55 pm at 7:55 pm #804069stickynoteMember
First of all calm down. Listen to some relaxing music or run for a quick jog. Then realize that is the boy’s job to start start the conversation and think of topics.Just don’t give him one word answers. For example if he asks, “what do you do”? Don’t answer secretary and sit there quietly. Try to make his job easier by bringing up your own interesting comments, ideas..etc. Just be yourself and calm down. Take deep breaths and try to enjoy yourself. Try to relax and look relaxed. The boy is also usually nervous and if you look relaxed he will also loosen up. Do you have any brothers who can give you a practice run through? Right before the date say some Tehillim and think calm thoughts.
Have fun and good luck!August 23, 2011 7:57 pm at 7:57 pm #804070
adorable…how can i be calm??? im scared out of my wits…i heard hes not on the loud side so im sooo scared hes gun abe quiet and not say anything. you have any good ideas of what i should talk about? also forgot to mention i hate meeting new people..i get all tense and i cant talk straight!August 23, 2011 8:06 pm at 8:06 pm #804071
dont let him see that ur nervous and hopefully it will be fine. first dates are usually shortAugust 23, 2011 8:07 pm at 8:07 pm #804072mikehall12382Member
well you could talk about the earthquake…August 23, 2011 8:09 pm at 8:09 pm #804073kylbdnrMember
For starters, you can ask what he likes to do with his free timeAugust 23, 2011 8:11 pm at 8:11 pm #804074cshapiroMember
he will prob take u to a lounge order a sea breeze or a white russian instead of a diet coke and not only will u be calm, but the world will seem brighter too!!!August 23, 2011 8:11 pm at 8:11 pm #804075
well now you can easily talk abt the earth quakeAugust 23, 2011 8:15 pm at 8:15 pm #804076
2 there are no strings attached u will go out and spend some time with a stranger for a couple hours and then u will come home , there is no pressure if it does not work out than at least u will have gained some experience and will be better prepared next time.
It can be daunting to date for the first time but there really is no pressure just relax and try to enjoy the night out, there is so much to talk about, friends, family, earthquake, just chat amicably and before you know it the date will be over.August 23, 2011 8:18 pm at 8:18 pm #804077
adorable: i dont think i will b able tide the fact that im scared?? its just a natural thing…if im shaking im shaking…also how long are first dates usually…im the oldest in my family so i dont know much abt dating (and neither do my parents)…thats another reason thats making me nervouse
ootinny- thanks thats a good topic to talk abt will do.August 23, 2011 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm #804078Moshiach please comeMember
2cute4u- dont be nervous. It’ll all be great!!! We’ll have some fun together then I’ll take you home. If we run out of topics maybe we can talkabout the CR???? I guess we’re in the same boat tonight….August 23, 2011 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm #804079
if ur as cute as u think you are (assuming from your name) then ull be fine.August 23, 2011 8:28 pm at 8:28 pm #804080
2CUTE4U, y aren’t u getting ready 4 the date?? It’s getting late!! Maybe you’re still at work, but if not, it’s a good idea for you to make sure you have everything ready. do your hair and makeup. This way you won’t be pressured last minute!!! Hatzlacha Rabbah!!! I’m sure everything will turn out great and you will see it was nothing to worry about in the first place! Conversations will come naturally! You don’t have to plan it out!August 23, 2011 8:30 pm at 8:30 pm #804081
Adorable, maybe she’s “too” cute for him??? Just kidding!!!August 23, 2011 8:33 pm at 8:33 pm #804082
mashiach please come….haaaaa u wish im dating you….the guy im dating has nooo access to internet where he is now…so gluck talking to ur date tonight abt the cr she will have nooo clue what your tralking abt and u may just sound a lil odd!August 23, 2011 8:45 pm at 8:45 pm #804083HachamMember
Why do MPC and 2C4U seem to be the same character?August 23, 2011 8:50 pm at 8:50 pm #804084YW Moderator-80Member
theyre notAugust 23, 2011 8:58 pm at 8:58 pm #804085farrockgrandmaParticipant
How about a little empathy for your date? Think of him as a new friend, who is probably a little nervous and unsure of himself. Your job is to show some interest, ask a few questions, and make a stranger feel a little more comfortable.August 23, 2011 9:02 pm at 9:02 pm #804086
how do you know he doesnt have a blackberry and posting here. if ur luba. then it might just be him. watch out. ask him what he was doing today!!!!!!!!!!!August 23, 2011 9:05 pm at 9:05 pm #804087
It’s amazing to see that no matter how many date threads are started,wherE the girl or boy is nervous, everyone will have what to say when a new thread is started!!! I guess we all care about each other and wanna give some chizuk!! IT’S SO SPECIAL!!!August 23, 2011 9:11 pm at 9:11 pm #804088
adorable…i dont want to give away too many details but lets just say HE DOESNT HAVE INTERNET ACCEES WHERE HE IS NOW….I NO!
happy face…yes what you said is true…thanks so much everyone…i hope my date goes wellAugust 23, 2011 9:19 pm at 9:19 pm #804089
so r u finally getting ready???August 23, 2011 9:24 pm at 9:24 pm #804090mommamia22Participant
Try thinking of your date like you’re going out with a new (female)friend. Pretend you’re meeting at your house and think of what you’d say as you’d be leaving. Try “glad to see you…how was your day? Etc..August 23, 2011 11:22 pm at 11:22 pm #804091squeakParticipant
adorable…i dont want to give away too many details but lets just say HE DOESNT HAVE INTERNET ACCEES WHERE HE IS NOW
At least now we know he is not in prison. B”H.
But there are not many places left, so if we’re guessing…. I’d say the bunkers in Afghanistan and Iraq are probably pretty poorly connected to the net, if at all. I’ve also heard that most of the Arab countries with uprisings have had internet turned off – Libya comes to mind….August 23, 2011 11:49 pm at 11:49 pm #804092The last RebelMember
It’s the boys responsibility to make conversation???August 24, 2011 1:24 am at 1:24 am #804093honoluluMember
hatzlacha, please keep us updatedAugust 24, 2011 1:35 am at 1:35 am #804094emunah613Member
On my first date I said all “the wrong things”. I was so nervous! And I also told him that I was so nervous and that it was my first date! I changed my clothes up until the last minute and when he came to the door I wasn’t even ready! Not only that but when the shadchan called I told my mother to say I hated him! The wise shadchan asked what he did to warrant such a strong emotion and I realized it was my own nervousness that made the whole thing seem so awful. She arranged a second date and we have been married for more than two decades….Have fun!August 24, 2011 3:38 am at 3:38 am #804095kylbdnrMember
squeak…I have a friend in the army in Afghanistan and he does have internet 😉August 24, 2011 1:29 pm at 1:29 pm #804096yummy cupcakeMember
2cute, how’d it go? if u answer this, we know you survived B”H!!! but really, was it as horrifying as you thought????????August 24, 2011 1:59 pm at 1:59 pm #804097
yeah Im waiting to hear how it went!!!!!August 24, 2011 3:20 pm at 3:20 pm #804098
ok guys lets just say im still tramatized….i cant stop thinking abt it…i was so nervous and uncomfortable the whole time…I HATE DATING!!! WWWAAAA!August 24, 2011 3:50 pm at 3:50 pm #804099
but do you like him at all? did you calm down during the date at all? do you think he was able to see the “real” you?August 24, 2011 3:54 pm at 3:54 pm #804100
sorry to hear that im sure u will do better next time chin up.August 24, 2011 4:16 pm at 4:16 pm #804101yummy cupcakeMember
oh no! sorry you felt that way! so now back to what someone said before. are you only traumatized because you were nervous and uncomfortable, or because it was really a bad date (if you really think about it, i doubt your answer will be the second one). but look at the bright side, if he wants to go out with you again, you don’t have to go through the “meeting process” again. you will have met him already, may take the edge off the nerves. and obv, if he wants to go out again, your nervousness did not matter to him, and it shows you he can see beyond it, to the special person you are. (but i’m just saying this as encouragement, cuz obv, i dunno what his thoughts are) and if it turns out that he is not the one, don’t be discouraged. whoever is bashert for you will like you for who you are, and nerves won’t get in the way of that. hatzlacha and keep us posted!August 24, 2011 4:29 pm at 4:29 pm #804102
adorable – as of now i think of his as just a guy…nothing good nothing bad… and NOOOO he did not see the real me i was so not myself!August 24, 2011 4:42 pm at 4:42 pm #804103ToiParticipant
its probably not the best thing for your prospective shidduch and your whole matziv to hear a gagillion opinions in the CR. just saying- itll confuse youAugust 24, 2011 4:44 pm at 4:44 pm #804104
did he say yes to going again? was he nervous too?August 24, 2011 5:05 pm at 5:05 pm #804105kapustaParticipant
sorry to hear that im sure u will do better next time chin up.
Interesting. Never knew you were an exercise coach. 😉
(Is there even such a thing?)
2CUTE, IY”H the next one should go easily and well.August 24, 2011 5:34 pm at 5:34 pm #804106cshapiroMember
i know this may seem hard to believe, but i was always a little shy/reserved on a first date because i didnt wanna scare them with my full personality!!! and some dates would say no bec of it perhaps but i never got a no when i said was interested in the guy.
If your still so panicky and anxious perhaps ur not ready to date yet and u should take a little break and get to know urself, who u are and who u want to be and what ur looking for in a spouse.
best of luck
ps. im only 22 but my fiance is 28 and we both agree it was definitely worth the wait…:)))August 24, 2011 9:31 pm at 9:31 pm #804107
mazal tov cshapiro! and right 2cute4u it wasn’t so bad!! i was also rlly nervous on my first date that it took me the whole DAY to get redy!!August 24, 2011 11:26 pm at 11:26 pm #804108bein_hasdorimParticipant
I guess it’s too late now, but the worst thing is to not be yourself, it’s ok to be nervous, but still be yourself.
I remember when I was dating a girl her first time, she was very not herself, ruined everything. You HAVE to be youself!
If you need any advice don’t hesitate to ask, there
is tons of collective (*even uncollective) experience here at the CR.
(btw BMG guys have access to internet as do other yeshiva guys unfortunately)
*V’hamevin YovinAugust 25, 2011 12:20 am at 12:20 am #804109Moshiach please comeMember
Bein hasdorim. I think we were roommates last year when I was in yeshiva… Are you going back to bmg this coming year??? I’m going to Israel!!! Maybe well see each other again there!August 25, 2011 12:27 am at 12:27 am #804110yeshivabochur123Participant
I remember my first time I was nervous to mess something up so I didn’t really say anything. I didn’t even realize that you are supposed to talk to the girl when you are driving in the car. When I was in shul the next day her father asked me why I didn’t talk to his daughter in the car, I said I wasn’t sure if it was tznius and also wanted to save something to say for the lounge. I say you should give it another shot no matter what because chances are both of you were nervous.August 25, 2011 12:47 am at 12:47 am #804111mommamia22Participant
Worth the wait??
You’re 22! Hello!!!!
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