October 27, 2011 5:10 pm at 5:10 pm #600208
I’d just like to say a few things about apologizing.
Now, we all make mistakes. And sometimes, those mistakes can hurt other people, directly or indirectly. It takes maturity for someone to see how their mistake has hurt someone else and to feel bad about it. And once a person feels bad about it, they can apologize for it. But it takes an even greater level of maturity to realize that even though you think you did NOT make a mistake, if you see that someone is hurt indirectly, to apologize for it. That is showing an unbelievable amount of care, respect, and maturity.
I am sorry if this post bored anyone due to its length.October 27, 2011 5:34 pm at 5:34 pm #1194628YW Moderator-80Member
apology acceptedOctober 27, 2011 5:42 pm at 5:42 pm #1194629
I couldn’t agree more Middle when you choose to apologize you are benefiting as much as the apologee (the person to whom you are apologizing is that a word?) everyone makes mistakes you can either choose to learn from them by admitting your fault or ignore them and be doomed to repeat the same mistakes. To apologize is to grow as a human being.October 27, 2011 6:04 pm at 6:04 pm #1194630soliekMember
look at middlepath here… espousing the apologetics of apology…October 27, 2011 6:23 pm at 6:23 pm #1194631ZeesKiteParticipant
Really insightful. Thank you for that beautiful piece.October 27, 2011 7:02 pm at 7:02 pm #1194632Queen BeeMember
Nicely said, MP! Not boring at all.October 27, 2011 7:13 pm at 7:13 pm #1194633PrincessEagleMember
Hey MiddlePath this is a GREAT piece! You write exceptionally well, that although it was long (!) the flow was excellent, ensuring the reader to want to read further 😉
Thank you for sharing!October 27, 2011 7:14 pm at 7:14 pm #1194634BaalHaboozeParticipant
WOW that’s so true! I agree with ZeesKite, really insightful, and no, it wasn’t boring at all! As a matter of fact I felt I gained something from that. thank you so much again, MiddlePath!October 27, 2011 7:44 pm at 7:44 pm #1194635
What is more meritorious ( hope i spelled that right) to apologize or to forgive?October 27, 2011 8:14 pm at 8:14 pm #1194636Busy As A BeeParticipant
Middle Path this is great. I like your insight on how it’s not about being right or wrong but caring for the other person.
Some people can’t get passed the idea of an apology means that they were wrong but the way you phrase it it doesn’t.
In my house some of the kids would hate being “wrong” so in order to keep things calm, when I wanted them to stop fighting I would say, “Make peace”, everyone say “peace”. Which they would without a problem and then calmness will resume 🙂October 27, 2011 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm #1194637mustangriderMember
MP – i couldn’t have said it better than PrincessEagle! i really enjoy reading posts that have such meaning. thank you!
goq- that is a hard question to answer. apologizing may be hard because of all the embarrasement and shame that comes with admiting (even to yourself) that you were wrong. however to forgive is an extrememly high madregah because of all the hurt that you endured. i do feal though that it is easier to forgive someone who has given a sincere apology, than to forgive someone who never apologised…October 27, 2011 9:33 pm at 9:33 pm #1194638
Thank you all for agreeing and for your kind words about my writing!
Goq, that’s a tough question to answer, but I think mustangrider gave a great response. I also think it probably depends on the situation. Sometimes, it is harder to apologize, and other times it is harder to forgive.October 27, 2011 9:37 pm at 9:37 pm #1194639
didnt read this thread but just wanna tell you that the min I saw this thread I knew who started it! LOLOctober 27, 2011 9:39 pm at 9:39 pm #1194640OneOfManyParticipant
It’s long, but definitely worth reading. No need to apologize for it. 🙂October 27, 2011 10:22 pm at 10:22 pm #1194641
adorable, I hope that’s a good thing!
OneOfMany, thanks. True, maybe there was no need for me to apologize for it, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t. 🙂
Also, Busy As A Bee, you really put it well! I like how you said that some people think apologizing means you did something wrong, but really, being wrong isn’t a prerequisite for apologizing, which is what my post explained.October 28, 2011 2:46 pm at 2:46 pm #1194642miritchkaMember
MiddlePath: this is a deep, insightful, and powerful topic! Just as adorable said, the minute i saw this thread, i knew it was you! I really really enjoy your posts!
Goq: good one!
mustangrider: perfect answer!October 28, 2011 4:16 pm at 4:16 pm #1194643
Thanks, miritchka.October 28, 2011 5:12 pm at 5:12 pm #1194644
MP- here you go. I read the thread and am blown away (once again) by your post. You are right that there is nothing that you did wrong but sometimes its the tone that you use more than the words. I think adding those extra words and gently saying “I am sorry for….” when really you did nothing wrong makes the other person listen to you right away and not become defensive. Great post. Keep it up. Can you teach my spouse this rule too before we get married?!?! LOLOctober 28, 2011 5:15 pm at 5:15 pm #1194645
OH hhhh Middlepath, you sound like a gem of a boy. I just love reading your thoughts in posts, and I am thrilled for the girl who will get to be your Queen wife one day. You are so deep and sensitive.
Only your post makes me a little down in the dumps realizing how I got ripped off that my husband is “apologetically disabled” he has a very hard time to say “I am sorry” and it means the world to me. Its a real nisyon for me, who is always quick to apologize, and I get my feelings hurt on a regular basis.Rabbi Avigdor Miller says that searching for one’s spouse is like looking for the one you are going to be constantly be stepping on each other’s toes with. You wait and look and search and then you find them and then its like going through a dance in life wiht this partner but although you may step on each others “toes” once in a while, its good to apologize. You say “oops sorry was that your toe? Are you ok?”
I don’t get that from my husband. He gets real strong and keeps up his stance which hurts me. And I get really hurt, and retract within a shell that gets harder and harder and more brittle over time and I have a personal problem that I can’t forgive easily even if he says sorry 2 days later.October 28, 2011 6:13 pm at 6:13 pm #1194646
Thanks adorable, and you are so right about the tone of voice thing! And it’s not really a rule, more just a sensitivity thing. And I’m sure your spouse has it, if he’s lucky enough to be marrying someone as great as you.
always runs, thanks, and oy, I am so so sorry that my post caused you to feel down!! Please, please forgive me!! And I’m sure your husband has many many other wonderful qualities that you love about him. No one has everything good. Everyone has things they can work on. So all I can say is that we should try to focus on the positive traits of our friends and family, and perhaps once in a while to show them or hint to them, politely and privately, areas that they can work on, without making them feel bad.October 28, 2011 7:04 pm at 7:04 pm #1194647
Mp because of this thread i apologized to someone today ty!October 28, 2011 8:45 pm at 8:45 pm #1194648brotherofursParticipant
if you’re able to apologize it really changes your whole life.
my father always taught when we were little that if we hurt someone in any way even if we think what we did is right, we should say to them
‘sorry, i feel bad about it , and i’ll try never to do it again’ i’ve said this line tons of times and now it comes naturally 🙂October 30, 2011 4:20 pm at 4:20 pm #1194649taking a breakMember
i once had someone take advantage of the fact that i am more on the trusting side. basically this person played a trick on me and it took a while into the conversation to pick up on the inconsistencies. once i figured it out i was REALLY upset that i was taken advantage of. my first reaction was anger of course but once i calmed down about 60 seconds later i told the person how upset i was, that it was over and beyond what is acceptable….. in that conversation the person apologized but i was still hurt. it took me a long time to be able to say “i forgive you for such and such”. it took me about 6 months from when it happened to erev Y”K but i forgave the person. and after i did, it was SUCH a relief that i didn’t have to carry that hurt around. before i forgave the person each time i remembered the situation i felt a flair up of the same emotions. now, its the past. its something to learn from that i am able to forgive and forget. and it reinforced that time heals many things to the point that old scars fade until they are no longer there. even though it took me half a year to forgive, i still pat my self on the back that i did it because i thought i was never going to be able to get over it. but i did!
MP- thanx for this thread. sometimes apologizing is a great thing as hard as it may beOctober 30, 2011 5:02 pm at 5:02 pm #1194650
Goq, I’m very happy to hear that! Thanks for telling me!
brotherofours, that is very admirable, and I completely agree that it really changes your whole life. Keep it up!
taking a break, thanks for sharing, I really appreciate it! Kol hakavod.October 30, 2011 5:56 pm at 5:56 pm #1194651
Yes, carrying around old hurts weighs a lot. I feel i would like to unburden the load I am carrying but I dont know how to forgive easily, and I am very angry at certain people who have really caused me a lot of pain and hurt in my past. I Must work on this I know. Theres a lot to be said on Forgiveness.October 31, 2011 3:31 am at 3:31 am #1194652
always runs, your’e right, there is a lot that can be said on forgiveness, and I also have trouble with it. I always find myself every Yom Kippur trying to forgive my father, my community, etc., and every year, I find myself needing to forgive them all over again. I think the only way for me, personally, to get past it is by moving out of my city. Which I plan on doing at some point, anyway. Wishing you much strength in getting past the hurts and pain of your past.
On another note, I am grateful that many people have read my thoughts on apologizing, and I was thinking of posting a new thread with my thoughts on a different topic. It’s actually quite long, and it is a piece that I wrote up last year, just for myself. It is about being perceptive. I don’t know if it’s worth posting though, because it’s so long.October 31, 2011 7:00 pm at 7:00 pm #1194653dandelionMember
MiddlePath: Would love to hear it, if you’d like to share it.October 31, 2011 8:49 pm at 8:49 pm #1194654
Aww,,, c’mon MiddlePath…we WANT to hear it! What is it? Can’t wait! Post it already!October 31, 2011 10:54 pm at 10:54 pm #1194655icecreamMember
and if your hands aren’t the type that get sore fast.October 31, 2011 11:45 pm at 11:45 pm #1194656Queen BeeMember
Post it, MP!October 31, 2011 11:49 pm at 11:49 pm #1194657
Alright, I’ll post it soon. Thanks everyone for encouraging me :).October 31, 2011 11:52 pm at 11:52 pm #1194658taking a breakMember
can’t wait to read it MP!November 1, 2011 6:05 pm at 6:05 pm #1194659
its a great piece. sounds like you can express yourself through writing very well. do you write to yourself a lot?November 1, 2011 10:28 pm at 10:28 pm #1194660
Thanks, adorable. Yes, I write to myself quite a lot. Although lately I haven’t, because thank G-d, I’m in a better position now than I was a few years ago, and even a few months ago.November 2, 2011 6:12 pm at 6:12 pm #1194661
Isnt it amazing to be able to look back and say to yourself “wow I cannot imagine how I was in that rut and Im so happy that i was able to pull myself out?” I can totally understand you because just a few weeks ago I was having a hard time with something but now I feel like I really turned the corner! Keep up the great work!November 24, 2016 12:23 pm at 12:23 pm #1194662Lilmod UlelamaidParticipant
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