Ask the opposite gender

Bump!!!!

“Tall, dark, & handsome.”

I understand handsome (duh), and tall makes some sense. What’s the “dark” thing all about? How dark, what kind of dark, tan dark or exotic foreigner dark?

Also, it seems to me like current fashion for girls is to fall head over heels for the frail, boyish, Bieber look than the masculine manly look. Please help settle these recurring points of confusion!

Everyone probably has different definitions but i think dark means tanned , but some people may think it means dark hair… Everyone is different some people may like the younger cuter look and some people may think it too imature and kid-ish. I think most girls who go for that look are kids them selves or have kid-ish looks like teenagers under 20. Alot of chassidish ppl. who get married have more of a young kid face because they are still young as supposed to litvish ppl who get married more like 19 , 20 and up and have more adult young faces .

TY, Syag (not Swag).

TY, Syag (not Swag).

lol. I actually thought it said swag at first.

@zyzz, do you mean bodybuilder like Arnold Schwarzenegger or an ambercrombie model? 2 very different builds. personally, I want s/o who can wear flat-front pants but is not shaped like a stick/pencil, ie someone well built. some girls don’t care about the fitness level; I do. I want s/o who can play a game of ball and works out. I respect my guf, I want a husband who does as well.

That being said, yes it would bother me to hear a guy wants to/will compete in a bodybuilding competition. if it was in the past and is no longer a focus/priority in his life it is another story.

@zyzz,Abercrombie models wear shorts thus you would not know if they train the thigh muscles.

(sorry for the long post and plz don’t take anything personally)

it would bother me because it is not my priority in life to have a pretty guf. in order to have as you say “the most aesthetically pleasing shape possible by developing all muscles proportionally” it requires rigorous training and dedication. it becomes one’s focus and priority in life. between physically training, the preparation (diet, sleep etc) and eventual competition, much time is spent on looking perfect. there is nothing wrong with being in shape or playing a game of hoops everyday between sedarim or after work. I am looking for a husband who’s priority is to serve H’ and provide for his family as well (a working guy) bluntly, it bothers me because it seems like misplaced priorities to me. the guf is a vessel to serve H’. and just like a car needs maintenance to run properly, the body needs food, exercise, periodic ‘tune-ups’. a car can be a pimped out mustang with chrome wheels, megawatt speakers and V8 engine or it can be a basic Toyota Camry. both are cars but one is for function, the other is not. just because I don’t have a six pack or highly defined biceps, does not mean I can’t carry 40lbs easily or hold down a screaming 5 year old. it is not a prerequisite of being in shape to have defined muscles. if a person is in shape and healthy, B”H.

I do have to add that I do not like the look of Arnold at his prime or other professional body builders who serve their bodies rather than the other way around

Question for women: Do you see the man’s role in marriage as being something of the ‘leader’, someone to whom the woman looks up to in a certain sense and to whom she can look to for guidance in a way that he can not look to her? To me, this seems like something that should be left behind in the 19th century. I’m not expecting this to be a unanimous vote but I am interested in hearing what people have to say on the matter.

95, if thats the case, why wasn’t the entire discussion removed? and also, so i know for future posts, what part was wrong? thanks

Okay. Thank you.

then why did it go through the first time around?

frummy in the tummy- I do agree with you that it should be left back in 19 century! In the school i went to in twelve grade we had a toras habayis and in it the teacher talked about how the women are supposed to help the men that they are what it is all about, decision making… I personally do not agree with the husband being the ‘leader’ as you put it. I believe marriage is when two people see eye to eye, treat each other equally and both want to hear the others opinion on things.

nanny-

i don’t think you saw the part that got deleted.

mods is there a reason why my post isnt here? Why can i not stand up for myself when someone is clearly judging me wrongly???

“In the frum world, why do women generally not talk to men that aren’t relatives? and why don’t frum men generally not talk to women who aren’t related??”

Not for the reasons your Bais Yaakov told you.

And the topic likely wasn’t deleted because it was inappropriate; it was offensive.

It was really not that bad… that’s why we are confused about it getting deleted. Also, nanny, in response to your earlier comment, what’s nice about this thread is that we can anonymously ask/answer honest questions that would be too embarrassing to ask/answer honestly in real life. Sometimes relatives and friends don’t give straight answers because they don’t want to offend. Here, thanks to anonymity, we can get honest answers and not be embarrassed to ask questions to which we really would like no-nonsense answers. It can be very constructive.

For all the men out there. Exercise both your minds AND your bodies. But don’t try to look like Ah-nuld. it is not a pretty sight.

Interjection, I’m not sure which part of my comment you found offensive. I apologize if you did, that wasn’t my intention.

Curiosity: I was not offended and I would never be offended over some anonymous blogger on the internet, besides that nothing you said was offensive. I may disagree, however.

Some other woman was fiercely defending herself to your posts. I think she felt you judging her.

interjection, are you referring to my comments?

The deleted comments were about women being doctors

breindyfeldman- actually they were about women doctors serving all cliental, and weather or not people would feel comfertable with it.

Yiddeshemeidle- actually I was the one who started that discussion (sorry to the moderator who thought it was not an appropriate topic)

My question to guys is do you like a lot of makeup?

I wasn’t going to be the first to comment because I know girls/women get very defensive about makeup, but now that frummy in the tummy broke the ice, I’m going to be very blunt. First of all, to answer the question, frummy in the tummy is right: It’s definitely a preference thing. To me, the caked-on foundation look might look nice from far away, and in pictures, but not up close. If Hashem made you even mildly naturally appealing then what are you trying to accomplish by looking even better? Hashem made the world in a way that men are naturally attracted to women, and doing things to enhance that attraction where it shouldn’t exist in the first place is inappropriate.

Also, some women who don’t need makeup wear it all the time, and I don’t understand why. Especially if you are married and you don’t have a problem with your natural looks that would make you feel uncomfortable going out in public, then you shouldn’t try so hard to look attractive (unless it’s for your husband.) It causes people to be nichshal.

If you are doing it on a shidduch date then I understand, but you should definitely eventually allow your prospective shidduch to see what you look like without makeup before you get married. It’s good to know what how he responds to your looks (your real looks) when you didn’t put hours of preparation into it. When you are married and living together you won’t always have gallons of make-up on and your hair perfect, so he should know what he’s getting himself into 😉

I prefer someone who can get away with using a little makeup. There are girls who need a lot of makeup because they have bad skin and therefore they should wear a lot of makeup and do what they feel they need to do to look their best but if a girl is naturally attractive I find it unappealing when she cakes on the makeup.