cant make decisions….

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  • #597951

    adorable
    Participant

    whenever I make a small decision I always feel bad after about what I did…If i bought a hazelnut (and trust me its after about 20 minutes of deciding back and forth) coffee then usually the minute I get into the car I decide that I should have gotten something else….

    #791977

    aries2756
    Participant

    Why?

    #791978

    WIY
    Member

    Sounds like you place way too much value in unimportant decisions. Its a coffee for goodness sakes!

    What I would tell you to do is start focusing on minimizing how much time you give yourself to make such minor decisions (like food and drink and similar). Give yourself a set time on the clock for example 60 seconds or whatever. Nothing way out there…and also accept upon yourself that whatever decision you made is fine and it really isn’t important. It isn’t. Hazelnut, french roast regular? What’s the difference. You like them all just some flavors may taste better or appeal more at other times. But realize that at the end of the day there’s no wrong decision in these areas.

    #791979

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    This is a problem.

    Probably, if you do not feel comfortable with decisions, it is because your decisions were often criticized, and your desires were considered insignificant. It is important to realize this, so that you can address it by realizing that your feelings and desires are important, and should be the basis of decisions.

    #791980

    adorable
    Participant

    This has nothing to do with anyone telling me they are unhappy with my decisions and you are right its very small insignificant decision but its still something that I will think about after. I told myself that once I bought whatever I decided to buy I will not think about it anymore.

    #791981

    WIY
    Member

    Adorable

    I don’t mean to diagnose you but do you think it may be a lack of confidence issue? Also are you generally an anxious person or nervous person?

    #791982

    basket of radishes
    Participant

    This is why we have good psychiatrists. They are a good bastion of hope for people with what sounds like obsessive compulsive tendencies. Therapy can help people who can not distinguish between normal concern and frivilous connotation.

    #791983

    adorable
    Participant

    I dont have a hard time deciding what to wear and things like that in general but when it comes to buying food specifically I can never make a decision…. its a weird thing.

    WIY- nope I dont have any of those issues…

    #791984

    MiddlePath
    Participant

    adorable, maybe move to a small town! Then, you’ll have an easier time making decisions about food, because there’ll be less options..

    #791985

    Another name
    Participant

    adorable, I hear you and think it’s totally normal (probably cuz I can be like that sometimes).

    What I try to do is think about what I want before I get to the place, and order the first thing that tickles my fancy. I rarely have regrets, but then again this is food that we’re talking about 😉

    #791986

    One of the hardest decisions in life is what drink to buy at the gas station takes me like 5 min and lots of pacing but I’ve never once regretted my decision

    #791987

    brotherofurs
    Participant

    you should pray in the beracha of “chonen hadaat” that Hashem should help you make decisions and feel confident with them (big and small).

    or maybe you can think to yourself after you start regretting a decision that this is what Hashem wanted me to have and it’s obviously good for me .

    hope this helps b”H!

    #791988

    adorable
    Participant

    I try to think about what I would want before walking into the store but it doesnt always help. Now that I took upon myself not to buy coffee in that shop anymore so now its easier for me to decide….LOL

    #791989

    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    I used to be indecisive also. I’m not sure if I still am or not…

    #791990

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    I am also indecisive. I’ve heard that it stems from being center brained because you see both sides of an issue

    just swallow it and make a decision that’s what i do whatever happens after will happen anyway

    #791991

    phrum
    Member

    Do you have FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)?

    #791992

    basket of radishes
    Participant

    You are probably going through tribulation.

    #791993

    Altz is Git
    Participant

    thats very interesting about being center brained. being right brained- i dont have a hard time usually making decisions. as a policy i try not to regret decisions and trust Hashem that He led me to the right one, whether its hazlenut or mocha, or between professions. i have heard from chinuch expert that this may be from never having the ability to choose from youth. in allowing our children to make their own trivial decisions (which pajamas would you like to wear? what do you want for lunch?) gives them the foundation and whats more the confidence in subsequent decisions.

    #791994

    aries2756
    Participant

    Adorable, Life does not end with that decision nor with that day. If you choose this type of coffee today, you can make another choice tomorrow. If you decide to have tuna for lunch today you can decide on egg salad tomorrow. You will always have an opportunity to make another choice another time. Is it possible to look at your choices in that sense? When these choices are not life threatening or life changing is it possible that you can tell yourself that life is full of choices and I can try something else the next time this decision comes up?

    #791995

    Adorable-I can totally identify with you! I am EXACTLY the same way! What I find works for me is that I tell myself that I know whatever decision I make I’ll end up regretting so just take any and it doesn’t matter. it makes me realize why I’m regretting my decision-simply because I ALWAYS regret my decision at some point. Dunno-just what works for me but I have self-confidence issues so that’s another point to take into account as someone else said.

    #791996

    adorable
    Participant

    Thank you guys. I made up my mind that whatever I get I’m not going to be happy either way so whatever I get thats it.

    #791997

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    you should think the opposite that you’ll be happy with whatever you have and that’s it

    #791998

    IUseBrains
    Participant

    Adorable:

    My R”Y once told me that this the Yetzer Hora!

    #791999

    shev143
    Member

    Adorable, if you are like this with coffee, what will it be like for you when it comes to long lasting decisions?

    #792000

    MiddlePath
    Participant

    adorable, I’m sorry that you are sad and upset about it. I’m nowhere near as good at helping people cope with things as you are (As you did for me), but I can try..as long as these are just for small decisions, going either way shouldn’t make a drastic change. But more importantly, knowing that you have the ability to make choices, and see positive results from those choices, you should feel happier and more confident about it. I understand that things are difficult for you right now, with the whole job search thing, but hang in there. You are resilient and have the capacity to take on this challenge. And assuming you’re starting you class soon (if you haven’t started already), I hope things will look up for you and you’ll be able to keep busy with good things.

    #792001

    Adorable-

    I would suggest you do whatever you can to break that habit right now so that when it comes to finding your bashert it isnt a torturous decision

    #792002

    adorable
    Participant

    wow! thank you guys for the encouragement. the job hunting is not going as great as I thought it would. i’m very soecific with what I want and what type of office I want to work in. I think the fact that I knwo its a small decision makes it easier for me. I know that its only a coffee and theres no big deal. I dont have this issue when making decisions about BIG things….. dont know why its just easier. I’m not the easygoing type and dont get influenced easily so…

    #792003

    Another name
    Participant

    Adorable, first of all, good for you for setting standards in your job. I am sure I am one of many that impatiently waits for your hatzlacha in the job market.

    Secondly, it makes more sense to be more indecisive about the smaller things. The answer to bigger decisions if often more clear cut (black/ white), also these are the kind of decisions that you can ask daas torah or follow your gut (whichever applicable). But smaller decisions are frustrating because they “don’t matter” and are usually more too taste. But often with those decisions you can live with the repercussions anyway…

    #792004

    dunno
    Member

    I have the same problem besides that I’m also indecisive about big decisions. I’m definitely not the most self-confident person around so it probably stems from that…

    #792005

    adorable
    Participant

    went today to 7 11 and instead of being indecisive I bought what I know I really like (but usually I just dont get it and then I feel bad I think thats the issue). Now im enjoying the slurpee to the fullest and not even thinking bout the big gulps that I could have, should have, would have gotten!

    #792006

    MiddlePath
    Participant

    Great news, adorable! And if I had a choice between a big gulp and a slurpee, I’d go slurpee every time. What flavor was it?

    #792007

    adorable
    Participant

    coke all the time.

    #792008

    Another name
    Participant

    Coke is the best 😉 good choice!

    #792009

    brotherofurs
    Participant

    you should think the opposite that you’ll be happy with whatever you have and that’s it

    coffee addict I agree!! 😀

    #792010

    brotherofurs
    Participant

    another name- noooo get blueeee![wen it’s kosher]..muchhh beterr!

    #792011

    Another name
    Participant

    brotherofurs,

    Do you mean blue fanta?

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