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Yes, oomis, I’d like to think that as well, but honestly, close to half of all the posts I’ve ever put up were deleted by the mods. Apparently, some of my views are (as one poster said a few weeks ago) borderline Reform…it’s quite silly.
“there is an eclectic group of us all on the frum continuum, and we all are able to express our opinions”
oomis – please don’t forget about little old me. I am here mainly to learn, but I do have opinions as well, if I am certain that I understand the topic and feel that I can contribute. My opinion here and now is that once again, mosherose is back to get everyone’s hackles up and to try to stir up trouble. If he actually believes what he preaches, I fear that if he ever gets married, it shall be shortlived. In a marriage, spouses are supposed to be each others very best friend – the one person in the entire world that you should be able to tell everything to – your dreams, your fears, your needs and everything else in between.
this is ridiculous. didnt all of our parents have company on shabbos? isnt it a mitzva to invite guests?
Have over couples that are less glamourous than yourselves. That’s a sure fire method of sholom bayis building!
Yes, oomis, I’d like to think that as well, but honestly, close to half of all the posts I’ve ever put up were deleted by the mods. Apparently, some of my views are (as one poster said a few weeks ago) borderline Reform…it’s quite silly.
I think I’ve also been called Reform on here… Join the club. (FTR, I consider myself BY-ish)
m in Israel, I’m officially joining your comment fan club.
oomis – please don’t forget about little old me. I am here mainly to learn, but I do have opinions as well, if I am certain that I understand the topic and feel that I can contribute. “
Chas v’Sholom, I was not excluding you. The frum continuum is diverse. We are all at some level, from the least observant to the very most chumrohdig rightest of right winger. And we all have an opinion and can express it (again, respectfully, is the way to go, always). You are not “little old” ANYBODY, Minyan Gal!
As for the practice that mosherose mentioned, where couples eat separate shabbos meals, isn’t that contrary to a halacha in shulchan aruch?
Oomis
Thanks 🙂
From my perspective, it is better to wait until after having a child or two before inviting over other couples that have a child or two.
It would be very uncomfortable if its just the four of you, and half of you are pointedly not conversing with the other half. The setting is too personal.
Besides for that, until now contact with the opposite gender was always within gedarim, whether set by parents, yeshivah or shadchanim. It is not a good idea to put oneself in a situation where one might feel inclined to speak to someone of the opposite gender with no gedarim over you. By a newly married couple, the significant other may still feel uncomfortable telling off the other for crossing a boundary. It is best to wait a few years until the husband and wife can feel comfortable keeping the other in line.
I can’t think of any geder stronger than having your spouse right there. AFAIK chazal couldn’t either.
I’m not talking about pas b’salo. I’m talking about someone keeping an eye on you and vice versa
middle- are you MO?
yes my parents had guests all the time when I was growing up but i think its different once there are children there too and its not just the 2 young couples. JMHO
Boy have times changed since I grew up and since I got married. We always had guests…. Now, well my friend got divorced because her ex married her Shabbos guest! What do you think of that one?
funny, tell more am.
are you joking? are you making fun and being sarcastic or do you really mean it?
Unfortunately, its the absolute truth! there were also children involved who
took it very badly!
I wasn’t trying to be funny you know what the dangers are!! It happens…..
“middle- are you MO?”
Well, adorable, that’s a difficult question to answer. I would say yes, in terms of many of my personal hashkafas and values but my family is for the most part very frum, so I have that as an influence as well.
a mamin
Tomid Besimcha!!
Boy have times changed since I grew up and since I got married. We always had guests…. Now, well my friend got divorced because her ex married her Shabbos guest! What do you think of that one?
POSTED 35 MINUTES AGO #
a mamin
Tomid Besimcha!!
Unfortunately, its the absolute truth! there were also children involved who
took it very badly!
POSTED 17 MINUTES AGO #
And there you have it, ladies and gentleman. Another horror story related right here in the CR.
Times surely have changed. 18 years ago, we (my wife and I) were encouraged by our rabbeim to invite other couples from the yeshiva to our shabbos and yom tov seudos and they were encouraged to do the same.
And there you have it, ladies and gentleman. Another horror story related right here in the CR.
And I know someone who was severely injured when, while riding his bike to work, was hit by a car.
Yet another horror story related right here in the CR. Shall we now also ban biking?
The Wolf
a mamin, but that’s not your typical story… It’s like saying don’t drive a car because you might get into an accident. You have to weigh the pros against the cons, but usually it IS a mitzvah to invite young couples over.
Yes, I agree with Wolf and AN on this. A tragic story, a mamin, but not a reason to ban this practice.
Why is it a mitzvah. It ISN’T hachnosos orchim as earlier discussed on the thread.
Yet another horror story related right here in the CR. Shall we now also ban biking?
Yes. I also know someone who develped Yena Machla from smoking. If we could only ban that too….
I have gedorim from my Mashgiach as per what I should do. Each of you can ask your own personalized question, as only someone who knows you well can give you the answer that is right for you.
Droid, regardless of whether it’s a mitzvah or not, it is a good thing because:
It is a chessed. You are saving your guests time before shabbos that they might otherwise spend preparing for a meal. It improves your middos, because you are focused on your guests’ needs, not your own. You may actually be fulfilling the mitzvah of V’ahavta L’raiacha Kamocha. You have the ablility to share divrei torah with other people. It improves the guests’ middos because they are focused on being courteous, respectful, and complementing.
These are just a few reasons why it is a good thing. I don’t do things ONLY if I get a mitzvah from it. That’s a very self-centered attitude. I do things that I feel are correct, and G-d would want me to do them, regardless if I get a mitzvah for it or not.
I have gedorim from my Mashgiach as per what I should do. Each of you can ask your own personalized question, as only someone who knows you well can give you the answer that is right for you.
Indeed. I have no problem with that approach. It’s when someone says “you’re not allowed to do so because this rav or that rav said so” that I have a problem.
In other words, if your particular rav says don’t have guests over, then listen to him. For others who do have guests over or are in communities where such things are the norm, they should not be made to feel guilty for having guests.
The Wolf
this is not about if you are doing an aveira by having guests over….. is there a sensitivity with not having young friends over? yes i think so, i think its commendable. would I look down on someone who does? no way
you can follow any Rav you wish.
someone can tell you you should conduct yourself anyway he would like.
you dont have to listen.
you dont have to feel guilty.
no one is making you do or feel anything.
nor do you have to defend yourself
if you would like to though, go ahead
someone can tell you you should conduct yourself anyway he would like.
So, then, you have no problem with me making statements such as that everyone must dress up in bumblebee costumes because my Rav said so?
The Wolf
no i have no problem with someone making such a statement.
Not only did we have young couples come over to our house for shabbos meals, we went out with them to restaurents too…
Wolf. Where can I pick up one of those costumes?
“So, then, you have no problem with me making statements such as that everyone must dress up in bumblebee costumes because my Rav said so?”
I don’t believe any rov ever gave such a psak. Why are you spreading false halachos?
that post pretty much confirms all our suspicions (at least for me i was leaving it as a suspicion, to most posters here it was probably a certainty)
that you dont believe half of what you say, which somehow is always provocative as well.
i think troll is the term reserved for this
regardless of whether it’s a mitzvah or not, it is a good thing because:
It is a chessed…
It may be a mitzvah, but it may also be a mitzvah habah b’aveira.
that post pretty much confirms all our suspicions (at least for me i was leaving it as a suspicion, to most posters here it was probably a certainty)
that you dont believe half of what you say, which somehow is always provocative as well.
i think troll is the term reserved for this
Why would you say that I am a troll? Obviously I believe it. It was told to me by the Hiver Rebbe himself.
The Wolf (who is currently checking out various wing styles).
im sorry i was referring to mosherose
is mosherose Joe?
It may be a mitzvah, but it may also be a mitzvah habah b’aveira.
Mod-80,
This is *exactly* what I was talking about. This poster seems to have no problem labeling the act of inviting other couples to a meal as an aveira and, by extension, those of us who do so as avaryanim (sinners). How is that not meant to make someone feel guilty?
Sorry, when people call me a sinner, I feel the need to defend myself.
The Wolf
im sorry i was referring to mosherose
Ah. My apologies then.
The Wolf
so go ahead defend yourself
and you can feel guilty as well if that makes you feel so
Sorry, when people call me a sinner, I feel the need to defend myself.
In the past you repeatedly refer to yourself as a sinner. What gives?
Droid: Pashut. Ain Adam Masim Atzmo Rasha. But from someone else, he has to defend himself 🙂
couples over brings to no good, take it from someone that is not yeshivish ,it creates nothing but problems, I dont care who you are or how strong you think you are, it leads to cheating/infidelity %100 or wishing you could.
sam- agree!!!!
I have a personal relationship with a prominent kallah teacher in a big city in america. She told me that you wouldnt believe how many aveiros and divorces come out of couple meals. You really wouldnt believe it. Unless your oisek in that field then all your theorizing about it is worthless. It is very very bad. And you are uninformed
in the Goyish society in which we live and whose values we so easily absorb and make a part of ourselves (without even realizing it), (unless we are very careful, work very hard at it and learn and practice Mussar), having couples over is obviously perfectly fine and it is laughable, very laughable that some fanatic Jews living in the dark ages caution about this.
this is exactly the Nisayin we are all facing today.
unfortunately the vast majority of us, as is evident from threads like this, are failing miserably.
it leads to cheating/infidelity %100 or wishing you could.
One hundred percent?! There not one person ever who would not think of cheating? Not one?!
I’m amazed.
By the way, I assume that polled every person in the entire world to get that statistic. Am I wrong?
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