Dear Popa Bar Abby (Advice Column)

Could you pose that as a question, please?

(I mean, oops, sorry, I didn’t remember. Link to it)

Biting nails:

Popa once needed to stop wasting time on the internet when he was working on the computer. So he said he would give 10 dollars to obamas campaign each time he did it. Try this for a few weeks.

Dear Popa Bar Abby,

Why don’t we have cheesecake on Chanukah?

People often eat things when there is a yetzer hara to eat them. That is why people eat milchigs on shevuos, because you are obligated to eat meat, so they have a yetzer hara to not eat meat.

On chanuka, however, there is no mitzva to eat meat specifically every day, so there is no yetzer hara to eat milchigs.

Dear Popa bar Abby,

1.500 years ago someone sat on a bench in my garden and broke it. He never even apologized, let alone offered to pay for the bench. Can I take him to court?

Sincerely,

Reuven (or maybe Shimon)

Dear Reuven (or maybe Shimon),

I’m sorry. But I’m still not paying; it was going to break anyway.

Love,

Popa Bar Abby

Dear Popa Bar Abby,

There’s leftover cheesecake that I really want to eat. Should I? If yes, should I have the mocha or the Oreo one?

Sincerely,

Really wants to eat cheesecake but doesn’t know if she should

Dear Really wants to eat cheesecake but doesn’t know if she should,

It is proper to eat leftovers from yontiff, because that way one will not cook to little for yontiff. You should eat both.

However, if you are normal like me, and think that cheesecake is disgusting, then you should throw them both at your wife.

Dear Popa bar Abby,

I can’t think of anything to ask. Help me.

Dear Help Me,

It sounds like you have no relationship problems. If so, it probably means you are being too careful, and not looking out for your interests enough. I would suggest spending an extra half hour at the bar each night before coming home.

Dear Popa Bar Abba

Why did you say something about someones wife when they clearly stated they were female?

Sincerely

Confused at Popa Bar Abby’s Ignorance

Dear Confused,

The passuk calls the livyason a male, even though it really is a female, because it is more tznius. I do the same.

Dear fat and grateful,

Did you eat them, or throw them at your wife?

P.S. Ummm, no comment?

Dear doesn’t like cheesecake,

Cheesecake is how we are mechaper for eating milchigs on yontiff. You should eat it specifically because it is disgusting.

Love,

Popa bar Abby

Dear Bar Abby,

What in the world was the point of being mattir internet use for business need, when we all know mitoch sh’hutra l’tzoirech, hutra nami sh’loi litzoirech? Do they think that just because we don’t get to sit on the dais we don’t know shas and poiskim?

Sincerely,

Logged Off Forever and Trying Not To Think

Dear Logged Off,

They assumed that without access to google, we wouldn’t be able to find mareh mekomos anymore.

Dear Popa Bar Abby

I am still scratching my head to the question of why did the chicken cross the road. Please help fast

Sincerely

Stuck in a Pile of Dandruff

Dear Stuck,

You should bite your nails. That will help.

Dear Popa Bar Abby

If I do so I will not take your nail biting advice.

I suggest biting the nails of one hand, and scratching with that hand.