Does Everyone Have Their Own 'Peckel' Even Though They Look Happy?
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- This topic has 34 replies, 17 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 5 months ago by pascha bchochma.
December 15, 2010 3:20 pm at 3:20 pm #593507
With some revealing that they have serious issues on the “What I Learned From My Troubled Teen” thread, I wonder if there are people out there who have very small “Pecklach” or none at all, in comparison to others. Shall we say a 1 on a scale of 10, where their main Peckel is too many invites to Simchas, too many requests for Tzedaka, and such, with everything else with health, spouse, children, finances, Nachas, children’s Shidduchim, etc in place? Even if they cant predict tomorrow, and might worry that tomorrow things might not be the same, their today is relatively fine, calm, fulfilling and enjoyable without any major issues.
Im referring to people who dont have to “make the best of it”, because they are relatively problem-free, and their problems are minor in comparison to most.
Does that exist? Or does everyone have atleast one major issue that they’re dealing with?December 15, 2010 4:31 pm at 4:31 pm #717583aries2756Participant
I can tell you this. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. And we yidden are very good at putting on a good show!December 15, 2010 4:40 pm at 4:40 pm #717584
I have often contemplated that.I am sure everyone has,as you said,”at least one major issue that they’re dealing with”.However,some of us probably have more to deal with than others.BUT:We need to feel compassion for everyone,regardless.For example,suppose something doesn’t faze me because in comparison with everything else I’ve had to deal with,it’s really “nothing”.For the person who has never encountered it before,it’s a huge problem,and that person deserves sympathy.PROBLEMS are relative,sometimes.(I don’t mean obvious tragedies,that are huge for anyone).December 15, 2010 4:40 pm at 4:40 pm #717585
We all have a peckel. Thats built into the purpose of life: Dealing with our Peckel and realizing who gave us that that Peckel and that He gave it to us to make us grow and reach our shlaymus.December 15, 2010 4:57 pm at 4:57 pm #717586
Parshas Yisro: Do You Really Want What Your Friend Has?
The Meforshim explain, it is coming to teach us how to prevent jealousy towards a friend. One might look at a neighbor’s wife and see how wonderful she is. One might look at his house and see how well he lives. One can look at his job and his children and think “This guy really has it made!”
The Torah is telling us to consider “kol asher l’rei-echa” — look at the whole picture. Everyone has his or her own “Pekeleh” of problems in life. No one’s life is perfect. As apparent as it may seem that this person has it ‘made’, we do not know the whole story. We can never know for certain. It is always necessary to take into account “kol asher l’rei-echa” [all that is doing with your neighbor].
from Revach.netDecember 15, 2010 4:59 pm at 4:59 pm #717587smile66Member
i’ve also wondered about this…
You always hear “everyone has something” but does everyone really?
I think level 1 definitely does exist, look for example at most kids – there are plenty out there whose lives i would say are very normal – regular family life, no major drama, and except for an occasional fight with the siblings about who took the last candy, it’s just school, hw, school, hw. And i think it’s around for adults too to SOME extent.
But really, rating pekelach is hard, because to someone who has an 8 lo aleinu, they might look at someone who considers themselves as level 3 to be level 1. Or for this 8 person, maybe they have Hashem so much with them that to them it really feels like their own problem is only a 4, while this person with the 1/3 may look at that person as a 10 compared to themselves.December 15, 2010 5:02 pm at 5:02 pm #717588popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Great idea for a thread.
What do you think ______’s peckel is?December 15, 2010 5:05 pm at 5:05 pm #717589
Case in point:After my divorce,many people told me they were “SHOCKED!”They said they thought we were “the perfect couple”.Couldn’t have been further from the truth.And when I lost a ton of weight from the stress,someone told me they were jealous of how skinny I’d gotten…So I decide to gain it all back,k’neged ayin hora:)Kidding.December 15, 2010 5:07 pm at 5:07 pm #717590
TERRIBLE IDEA FOR A THREAD!December 15, 2010 5:09 pm at 5:09 pm #717591
Popa…you are funny(even if you don’t like my posts).December 15, 2010 5:12 pm at 5:12 pm #717592popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Have I implied I don’t like your posts? I do like them. I wisely stayed out of the issue on the one which became an issue.December 15, 2010 5:13 pm at 5:13 pm #717593aries2756Participant
Maybe some people’s pekel is that they have too much time on their hands!
You can laugh at first but if you really think about it, that is a serious issue. It can mean lack of friends or family, lack of a job and parnassah. Lack of goals or ways of meeting them. Those things are big pekelech.December 15, 2010 5:16 pm at 5:16 pm #717594December 15, 2010 5:21 pm at 5:21 pm #717595
Aries,you are right.I actually thank Hashem for being busy.Problem is,I have to make all these strict rules for myself re:the newly discovered (for me)CR,otherwise one could be checking in here as often as someone who has nothing to do!!Not good.December 15, 2010 5:21 pm at 5:21 pm #717596Flatbush DudeMember
We all (should) know of the famous Chazal/Midrash/Gemara (someone please fill me in) that after 120, when we go up to judgment, we will be taken to a room and shown any resume from among millions to choose. We will end up choosing our own lives. (even homeless people)
What most people fail to realize is that G-d gave every person their own distinct personality and attitude, which allows that individual to operate in the perfect symphony of good and bad, known colloquially as the ‘peckel’. For example, you could have the richest guy with a beautiful wife and children, and even perfect health, but he IS DEPRESSED. Maybe his ruchniyus life is bad, maybe he has emotional distress, etc… On the flip side, you could have a poor man, trying desperately to support his family, he has little income, and his children are troublesome, YET he is a happy-go-lucky guy.
BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REALIZE IS THAT WHAT SEEMS TO BE GOOD FOR ONE PERSON IS NOT GOOD FOR THE OTHER!!!!!
So even if someone wishes in his heart, “If only I could be rich like him”, maybe if his wish becomes reality, his personality will not allow to function the same way he did in his original ‘peckel’.December 15, 2010 5:22 pm at 5:22 pm #717597whatrutalkingabtMember
I think its natural to feel like you are the only one dealing with a major nisayon. I always wonder if everybody has nisyonos because when I look around, there definitely seems to be people who got the easy ride in lifeDecember 15, 2010 5:25 pm at 5:25 pm #717598pascha bchochmaParticipant
I really have a very difficult peckel, and people just don’t understand how hard it is. My family is so rich we cannot decide to whom to give tzedaka too, and some of the stories I hear just break my heart. I have a photographic memory but am so bored I am doing this in class while directing a chessed event. Even without makeup, I’m so beautiful that my parents have had to disconnect the phone between 6 and 7 pm so that we can discuss the shidduchim that came up today. Unfortunately my grandfather, a Rosh Yeshiva, often needs someone to help my grandmother in the kitchen at that time, so we had to change the times and now we disconnect teh phone between 12am and 1am.
I really feel other’s pain as my own, so I don’t really need any pain. My only problem is that sometimes I struggle with arrogance. If only you knew how I struggle with arrogance, you would never envy me!
Of course, this is fiction. But I know that Hashem runs the world and gave me the perfect life for me. Aizehu ashir, hasameach b’chelko!December 15, 2010 5:29 pm at 5:29 pm #717599Aishes ChayilParticipant
That famous saying that if e were all to put our ‘pecklech’ on the streeet, everyone woud take back their own.
Its like when you arrive at an airport and you get to the carousel.
You want your OWN suitcase and no one elses. EVENTOUGH there is a chance that somoene elses may have more valuables than yours.December 15, 2010 5:55 pm at 5:55 pm #717600
pascha bchochma, Im gagging from laughter.
You poor thing! You must be my multi-millionaire, possibly billionaire, philanthropist neighbor’s daughter. The details fit perfectly. Sheesh, I really feel for you!December 15, 2010 5:59 pm at 5:59 pm #717601
Aishes chayil,I love that analogy.May I quote it?B’shaym…who?December 15, 2010 6:01 pm at 6:01 pm #717602Aishes ChayilParticipant
I once heard it at a shiur given by Atara Malach, years ago!December 15, 2010 6:10 pm at 6:10 pm #717603bptParticipant
FICTION? Speak for yourself, Pascha.
Other than the Rosh Yeshiva part, you just described a typical day at the BPT estate. (Grandpappa is the Executive Director of the yeshiva.. the pay is more timely, you understand).
Ok, I exaggerating about the estate part. Its really a modest triple lot.. nothing to get excited about, considering the mansion we have on Fisher IslandDecember 15, 2010 7:14 pm at 7:14 pm #717604SacrilegeMember
“considering the mansion we have on Fisher Island”
Meh. Half the Island is in foreclosure.December 15, 2010 7:18 pm at 7:18 pm #717605
Sacrilege, o b v i o u s l y BPT’s mansion is among the other half, and he’ll easily purchase the properties in foreclosure. 🙂December 15, 2010 8:10 pm at 8:10 pm #717606Pashuteh YidMember
There is no peckel other than a shem ra. If a person has lived his entire life byashrus and never did anything to be embarrassed about, he is among the most fortunate in the world.
However, if the NY Post comes knocking at the door and he finds his name on the front pages the next day, that is truly a peckel. A total embarrassment to oneself, one’s parents and one’s family. This is probably why Bernard Madoff’s son decided to end his life so tragically.
A shem tov is something nobody can take away from you, and you have complete control over it. No circumstances can erase it, and no hardship can ruin it. One should guard it with all his might, since the only one that can destroy it is the owner. It is the most valuable thing one has.December 15, 2010 8:58 pm at 8:58 pm #717607
Motzi Shem Ra CAN take away someone’s shem tov.(see thread title”motzi shem ra follows me like a cloud”).Meaning,the person is innocent.
Aside from that,yes,a shem tov is very valuable.
I don’t know if people who suffered terrible losses (ex.young child r”l,or terminal illness)would agree that aside from a shem ra there are no significant tzoros.It’s a bit general.December 15, 2010 9:09 pm at 9:09 pm #717608bptParticipant
“he’ll easily purchase the properties in foreclosure”
Fo’ shaw! (boy, have I been waiting to whip that line back at you Sac.. only with the correct spelling)
And once I get all the properties, I’m gonna turn it into a summer camp for over-privileged rich kids, so they don’t need to travel the same RT 17 as the regular kids do, and spare the parents from being gawked at on visiting day when they roar into the “regular camps” parking lots.
Vroom!December 15, 2010 10:08 pm at 10:08 pm #717609bh18Participant
ECLIPSE: i don’t know anything about you but when you say you are divorced (you go girl) and you have a troubled teen (sorry) i feel for you and want to tell you of an organization for single moms. have you heard of sister-to-sister? they’re major help in many areas let me know if you want phone numberDecember 15, 2010 10:10 pm at 10:10 pm #717610Pashuteh YidMember
Eclipse, Yosef Hatzaddik was the subject of Hotzaas Shem Ra, and even jailed for it. Nevertheless, in the end he emerged clean and received high honors. As long as one knows he is clean, there is nothing to be ashamed about.December 15, 2010 10:15 pm at 10:15 pm #717611Be HappyParticipant
received this by email:
THE TROUBLE TREE
by Author Unknown
The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farm house had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire had caused him to miss an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pick-up truck refused to start.
As I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. When we arrived he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked to the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles; he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.
Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed by the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.
“Oh, that’s my trouble tree,” he replied. “I know I can’t help having troubles on the job, but one thing’s for sure, they don’t belong in the house with my wife and children. So, I just hang them on the tree when I come home in the evening and then I just pick them up again in the morning.”
“Funny thing, though,” he smiled, “when I come out in the morning to pick ’em up, there ain’t nearly as many as I remembered hanging there the night before.”December 15, 2010 10:29 pm at 10:29 pm #717612
bh18:Yes,they are the best!
Py: Not all shame stems from guilt.And it’s not shame so much as being blocked from healthy attempts to move FORWARD.And I think of Yosaif Hatzadik often,not because I think I’m a tzadeikes,but because I get chizuk from the similarities.Please see my last d’var torah.December 15, 2010 10:32 pm at 10:32 pm #717613
Actually the one BEFORE the last.(#1 of 2)December 15, 2010 11:52 pm at 11:52 pm #717614HealthParticipant
I lost a kid and my marriage dissolved because of motzay shem ra, but I still try to accept what Hashem has given me.December 16, 2010 1:49 am at 1:49 am #717615kapustaParticipant
I think everyone has their own pekel, but its relative. Like its said, Hashem will only give a person a nisayon they can handle. So what may seem like a very simple thing for someone will really be harder for them then someone who has a “real” tzara. Off the top of my head: If someone lives in a society where they must have the newest gadgets, constantly be taking several week vacations and needs to drive a brand new car but cant afford that. They live there because it is the only job they can find, and every day they drive to work in a beat up jalopy with parts falling off and makes more noise than the ice cream truck. Is anyone to say they are going through any less of a tzara than someone in need of a shidduch who is able to walk outside with their head held high? Its really impossible to compare, but the point it everyones pekele is tailor made for them. And Hashem acts as a tailor would, making sure everything comes out perfect.
And as aries said, no one knows what is going on behind closed doors.December 16, 2010 1:54 am at 1:54 am #717616pascha bchochmaParticipant
Ofcourse: Thank you.
BPTotty: Oy I feel so very sorry for you. I know how much taxes that kind of real estate costs, it’s mamash geferlach!!
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