Does Everyone Have Their Own 'Peckel' Even Though They Look Happy?

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  • #593507
    Ofcourse
    Member

    With some revealing that they have serious issues on the “What I Learned From My Troubled Teen” thread, I wonder if there are people out there who have very small “Pecklach” or none at all, in comparison to others. Shall we say a 1 on a scale of 10, where their main Peckel is too many invites to Simchas, too many requests for Tzedaka, and such, with everything else with health, spouse, children, finances, Nachas, children’s Shidduchim, etc in place? Even if they cant predict tomorrow, and might worry that tomorrow things might not be the same, their today is relatively fine, calm, fulfilling and enjoyable without any major issues.

    Im referring to people who dont have to “make the best of it”, because they are relatively problem-free, and their problems are minor in comparison to most.

    Does that exist? Or does everyone have atleast one major issue that they’re dealing with?

    #717583
    aries2756
    Participant

    I can tell you this. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. And we yidden are very good at putting on a good show!

    #717584
    eclipse
    Member

    I have often contemplated that.I am sure everyone has,as you said,”at least one major issue that they’re dealing with”.However,some of us probably have more to deal with than others.BUT:We need to feel compassion for everyone,regardless.For example,suppose something doesn’t faze me because in comparison with everything else I’ve had to deal with,it’s really “nothing”.For the person who has never encountered it before,it’s a huge problem,and that person deserves sympathy.PROBLEMS are relative,sometimes.(I don’t mean obvious tragedies,that are huge for anyone).

    #717585
    WIY
    Member

    Ofcourse

    We all have a peckel. Thats built into the purpose of life: Dealing with our Peckel and realizing who gave us that that Peckel and that He gave it to us to make us grow and reach our shlaymus.

    #717586
    WIY
    Member

    Parshas Yisro: Do You Really Want What Your Friend Has?

    The Meforshim explain, it is coming to teach us how to prevent jealousy towards a friend. One might look at a neighbor’s wife and see how wonderful she is. One might look at his house and see how well he lives. One can look at his job and his children and think “This guy really has it made!”

    The Torah is telling us to consider “kol asher l’rei-echa” — look at the whole picture. Everyone has his or her own “Pekeleh” of problems in life. No one’s life is perfect. As apparent as it may seem that this person has it ‘made’, we do not know the whole story. We can never know for certain. It is always necessary to take into account “kol asher l’rei-echa” [all that is doing with your neighbor].

    from Revach.net

    #717587
    smile66
    Member

    i’ve also wondered about this…

    You always hear “everyone has something” but does everyone really?

    I think level 1 definitely does exist, look for example at most kids – there are plenty out there whose lives i would say are very normal – regular family life, no major drama, and except for an occasional fight with the siblings about who took the last candy, it’s just school, hw, school, hw. And i think it’s around for adults too to SOME extent.

    But really, rating pekelach is hard, because to someone who has an 8 lo aleinu, they might look at someone who considers themselves as level 3 to be level 1. Or for this 8 person, maybe they have Hashem so much with them that to them it really feels like their own problem is only a 4, while this person with the 1/3 may look at that person as a 10 compared to themselves.

    #717588
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Great idea for a thread.

    What do you think ______’s peckel is?

    #717589
    eclipse
    Member

    Case in point:After my divorce,many people told me they were “SHOCKED!”They said they thought we were “the perfect couple”.Couldn’t have been further from the truth.And when I lost a ton of weight from the stress,someone told me they were jealous of how skinny I’d gotten…So I decide to gain it all back,k’neged ayin hora:)Kidding.

    #717590
    WIY
    Member

    popa_bar_abba

    TERRIBLE IDEA FOR A THREAD!

    #717591
    eclipse
    Member

    Popa…you are funny(even if you don’t like my posts).

    #717592
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    eclipse:

    Have I implied I don’t like your posts? I do like them. I wisely stayed out of the issue on the one which became an issue.

    #717593
    aries2756
    Participant

    Maybe some people’s pekel is that they have too much time on their hands!

    You can laugh at first but if you really think about it, that is a serious issue. It can mean lack of friends or family, lack of a job and parnassah. Lack of goals or ways of meeting them. Those things are big pekelech.

    #717594
    eclipse
    Member
    #717595
    eclipse
    Member

    Aries,you are right.I actually thank Hashem for being busy.Problem is,I have to make all these strict rules for myself re:the newly discovered (for me)CR,otherwise one could be checking in here as often as someone who has nothing to do!!Not good.

    #717596

    We all (should) know of the famous Chazal/Midrash/Gemara (someone please fill me in) that after 120, when we go up to judgment, we will be taken to a room and shown any resume from among millions to choose. We will end up choosing our own lives. (even homeless people)

    What most people fail to realize is that G-d gave every person their own distinct personality and attitude, which allows that individual to operate in the perfect symphony of good and bad, known colloquially as the ‘peckel’. For example, you could have the richest guy with a beautiful wife and children, and even perfect health, but he IS DEPRESSED. Maybe his ruchniyus life is bad, maybe he has emotional distress, etc… On the flip side, you could have a poor man, trying desperately to support his family, he has little income, and his children are troublesome, YET he is a happy-go-lucky guy.

    BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REALIZE IS THAT WHAT SEEMS TO BE GOOD FOR ONE PERSON IS NOT GOOD FOR THE OTHER!!!!!

    So even if someone wishes in his heart, “If only I could be rich like him”, maybe if his wish becomes reality, his personality will not allow to function the same way he did in his original ‘peckel’.

    #717597

    I think its natural to feel like you are the only one dealing with a major nisayon. I always wonder if everybody has nisyonos because when I look around, there definitely seems to be people who got the easy ride in life

    #717598

    I really have a very difficult peckel, and people just don’t understand how hard it is. My family is so rich we cannot decide to whom to give tzedaka too, and some of the stories I hear just break my heart. I have a photographic memory but am so bored I am doing this in class while directing a chessed event. Even without makeup, I’m so beautiful that my parents have had to disconnect the phone between 6 and 7 pm so that we can discuss the shidduchim that came up today. Unfortunately my grandfather, a Rosh Yeshiva, often needs someone to help my grandmother in the kitchen at that time, so we had to change the times and now we disconnect teh phone between 12am and 1am.

    I really feel other’s pain as my own, so I don’t really need any pain. My only problem is that sometimes I struggle with arrogance. If only you knew how I struggle with arrogance, you would never envy me!

    Of course, this is fiction. But I know that Hashem runs the world and gave me the perfect life for me. Aizehu ashir, hasameach b’chelko!

    #717599
    Aishes Chayil
    Participant

    That famous saying that if e were all to put our ‘pecklech’ on the streeet, everyone woud take back their own.

    Its like when you arrive at an airport and you get to the carousel.

    You want your OWN suitcase and no one elses. EVENTOUGH there is a chance that somoene elses may have more valuables than yours.

    #717600
    Ofcourse
    Member

    pascha bchochma, Im gagging from laughter.

    You poor thing! You must be my multi-millionaire, possibly billionaire, philanthropist neighbor’s daughter. The details fit perfectly. Sheesh, I really feel for you!

    #717601
    eclipse
    Member

    Aishes chayil,I love that analogy.May I quote it?B’shaym…who?

    #717602
    Aishes Chayil
    Participant

    Eclipse,

    I once heard it at a shiur given by Atara Malach, years ago!

    #717603
    bpt
    Participant

    FICTION? Speak for yourself, Pascha.

    Other than the Rosh Yeshiva part, you just described a typical day at the BPT estate. (Grandpappa is the Executive Director of the yeshiva.. the pay is more timely, you understand).

    Ok, I exaggerating about the estate part. Its really a modest triple lot.. nothing to get excited about, considering the mansion we have on Fisher Island

    #717604
    Sacrilege
    Member

    “considering the mansion we have on Fisher Island”

    Meh. Half the Island is in foreclosure.

    #717605
    Ofcourse
    Member

    Sacrilege, o b v i o u s l y BPT’s mansion is among the other half, and he’ll easily purchase the properties in foreclosure. 🙂

    #717606
    Pashuteh Yid
    Member

    There is no peckel other than a shem ra. If a person has lived his entire life byashrus and never did anything to be embarrassed about, he is among the most fortunate in the world.

    However, if the NY Post comes knocking at the door and he finds his name on the front pages the next day, that is truly a peckel. A total embarrassment to oneself, one’s parents and one’s family. This is probably why Bernard Madoff’s son decided to end his life so tragically.

    A shem tov is something nobody can take away from you, and you have complete control over it. No circumstances can erase it, and no hardship can ruin it. One should guard it with all his might, since the only one that can destroy it is the owner. It is the most valuable thing one has.

    #717607
    eclipse
    Member

    Motzi Shem Ra CAN take away someone’s shem tov.(see thread title”motzi shem ra follows me like a cloud”).Meaning,the person is innocent.

    Aside from that,yes,a shem tov is very valuable.

    I don’t know if people who suffered terrible losses (ex.young child r”l,or terminal illness)would agree that aside from a shem ra there are no significant tzoros.It’s a bit general.

    #717608
    bpt
    Participant

    “he’ll easily purchase the properties in foreclosure”

    Fo’ shaw! (boy, have I been waiting to whip that line back at you Sac.. only with the correct spelling)

    And once I get all the properties, I’m gonna turn it into a summer camp for over-privileged rich kids, so they don’t need to travel the same RT 17 as the regular kids do, and spare the parents from being gawked at on visiting day when they roar into the “regular camps” parking lots.

    Vroom!

    #717609
    bh18
    Participant

    ECLIPSE: i don’t know anything about you but when you say you are divorced (you go girl) and you have a troubled teen (sorry) i feel for you and want to tell you of an organization for single moms. have you heard of sister-to-sister? they’re major help in many areas let me know if you want phone number

    #717610
    Pashuteh Yid
    Member

    Eclipse, Yosef Hatzaddik was the subject of Hotzaas Shem Ra, and even jailed for it. Nevertheless, in the end he emerged clean and received high honors. As long as one knows he is clean, there is nothing to be ashamed about.

    #717611
    Be Happy
    Participant

    received this by email:

    THE TROUBLE TREE

    by Author Unknown

    The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farm house had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire had caused him to miss an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pick-up truck refused to start.

    As I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. When we arrived he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked to the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles; he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

    Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed by the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.

    “Oh, that’s my trouble tree,” he replied. “I know I can’t help having troubles on the job, but one thing’s for sure, they don’t belong in the house with my wife and children. So, I just hang them on the tree when I come home in the evening and then I just pick them up again in the morning.”

    “Funny thing, though,” he smiled, “when I come out in the morning to pick ’em up, there ain’t nearly as many as I remembered hanging there the night before.”

    #717612
    eclipse
    Member

    bh18:Yes,they are the best!

    Py: Not all shame stems from guilt.And it’s not shame so much as being blocked from healthy attempts to move FORWARD.And I think of Yosaif Hatzadik often,not because I think I’m a tzadeikes,but because I get chizuk from the similarities.Please see my last d’var torah.

    #717613
    eclipse
    Member

    Actually the one BEFORE the last.(#1 of 2)

    #717614
    Health
    Participant

    I lost a kid and my marriage dissolved because of motzay shem ra, but I still try to accept what Hashem has given me.

    #717615
    kapusta
    Participant

    I think everyone has their own pekel, but its relative. Like its said, Hashem will only give a person a nisayon they can handle. So what may seem like a very simple thing for someone will really be harder for them then someone who has a “real” tzara. Off the top of my head: If someone lives in a society where they must have the newest gadgets, constantly be taking several week vacations and needs to drive a brand new car but cant afford that. They live there because it is the only job they can find, and every day they drive to work in a beat up jalopy with parts falling off and makes more noise than the ice cream truck. Is anyone to say they are going through any less of a tzara than someone in need of a shidduch who is able to walk outside with their head held high? Its really impossible to compare, but the point it everyones pekele is tailor made for them. And Hashem acts as a tailor would, making sure everything comes out perfect.

    And as aries said, no one knows what is going on behind closed doors.

    *kapusta*

    #717616

    Ofcourse: Thank you.

    BPTotty: Oy I feel so very sorry for you. I know how much taxes that kind of real estate costs, it’s mamash geferlach!!

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