August 18, 2010 9:10 pm at 9:10 pm #914004
I’m not one to be obsessed with dress / suit sizes, but I think a fair question to ask is, “is he / she within 10% of her / his size” (plus or minus, but divulging the actual number should not be done).
If bochur is topping 200+lbs, and his waistline is bigger than his chest diameter, I see no reason why he (or mom) should feel the need to ask for someone who does work on maintaining a healthy figure (I picked the boy and his mother as the chubby example, as the girls are usually in line)August 18, 2010 11:43 pm at 11:43 pm #914005sof davar hakol nishmaMember
s/o i know who b”h now is married with 4 kids,
when he was on the shidduch market, a father wanted him really really badly for his daughter, but this boy and his parents didn’t want the shidduch for a few reasons. The father set up this whole ploy, (now were talking about in yeshivish circles) that he’ll call the boy for info on someone else, and then in middle say, “why don’t you speak to my daughter directly”. Well it didn’t work. The boy chapped right away what was going on. Too bad.
I know of another shidduch story, where the girls side was EXTREMELY wealthy, and the father REALLY wanted the shidduch. However, the boy and his parents wouldn’t hear of it. He indirectly said he’ll support them, make the whole chasuna… whatever it takes, and the father of the boy said “my son is not for sale” and hung up.August 19, 2010 8:13 am at 8:13 am #914006tomim tihyeMember
Kol HaKovod to that boy’s father…and to that girl’s father for wanting (presumably) a Ben Torah for a son-in-law.August 19, 2010 8:24 am at 8:24 am #914007tomim tihyeMember
An Israeli lady called to ask for info about my friend for her son: “What is her outlook?”
I start telling her that my friend is a very frum girl, wants her husband to learn every day, etc…
Imma says, “I understand, but what is her outlook?”
I asked, “Hashkofot?”
Imma: “Lo, aych hee nir’ah?”August 19, 2010 1:10 pm at 1:10 pm #914008abcd2Participant
Re:member name Helpful
Post about Chasam Sofer
bThe stories of the chasam sofer and his shidduchim are very well known. His first wife while a tzadekess unfortunatly died young and childless, his second wife whom he had children with was the daughter of Rav Akiva Eiger ZTL.
I do not recall such a story, such as joking about fahering a father in law from his biographies. One excellent Bio published a few years ago is titled “The Light from the west” (I believe Feldheim published it)It is a translation into English from a bio written in Europe prior to the holocaust. Aside from a good read it also sheds light into the times and Tzaddikim in Europe that the Chasam Sofer grew up in, and gives valuable insight into the unbelievable persecution faced by Rav Nosson Adler ZTL, who was the prime Rebbe and father figure of the Chasam Sofer,from various Kehillos as he tried introducing minhagim such as saying Lecha Dodi(which as we all now know has become the norm to say in every shul Friday Night).
As an aside, it is easy to take for granted that the wide spread use of Lecha Dodi is a fairly recent phenomena given are long Jewish history.I am NOT an expert on the history of the Chasam Sofer but this does not sound like him. And again I am NOT 100% sure that you are mistaken. Please verify the story you posted otherwise this story could be an affront to the Chasam Sofer ZTL If what you wrote is true I apologize for hastily judging Kesiva Vechisima TovaAugust 19, 2010 4:54 pm at 4:54 pm #914009
Why don’t people ask questions about personality? It’s a lot harder to find someone who you click with then it is to find a pretty girl or someone who went to the right yeshiva/seminary.August 19, 2010 4:57 pm at 4:57 pm #914010
I actually read a shidduch for someone, and the boys sister said that she knows the girl i was reading to her brother and she can see the personalities “click” but she doesn’t think its a shidduch. End of that. I was trying to figure it out.August 19, 2010 5:02 pm at 5:02 pm #914011YW Moderator-80Member
i suppose there is no correct way to spell the word in english, but people usually spell it redd, sometimes redAugust 19, 2010 5:10 pm at 5:10 pm #914012
Ok mod ill change it 🙂
(i actually wrote redt first but i didn’t like the way it looked so i figured its the safest to write read)August 19, 2010 5:27 pm at 5:27 pm #914013YW Moderator-80Member
you dont have to change it
but now you are correct i think redt is probably more common than reddAugust 19, 2010 10:30 pm at 10:30 pm #914014popa_bar_abbaParticipant
Why don’t people ask questions about personality?
If people don’t, it’s because it is really hard to know what personalities will work with someone. Even worse, most of the words people use in describing personality have no meaning. Anyone who has dated more than a few times knows it’s just throwing darts.August 19, 2010 11:54 pm at 11:54 pm #914015shaindelMember
I got a hilarious reference call for info about a girl, so the mother basically read from a list of 20 questions I felt like shes reading from a list cause she said “did I miss something oh, #6 ” NO JOKE so a while later I was reading Binah’s shidduchim magazine where I saw the exact list of questions -verbatim (Its getting ridiculous) she also wanted to know about stuff no onein their right mind will answer truthfully!! like is she gorgeous? the girl happened to have beautiful midos-wise but she wasn’t extraordinarily gorgeous so what was I supposed to say????
bottom line is the moms call the girls but they wont get straight answers for sure not, everyone I spoke to says they only exaggerate and embellish everything to make it sound perfect! I mean things get back to you and by the way I have one particular friend who calls me and repeats the whole conversation she had with the guys mom sometimes they are normal- a relief- but sometimes I find out who to stay away from!!!! the moms can totally ruin their sons shidduchim with their questions!!
I wonder what happens on the other side girl’s parents call boys references prob. the same…August 20, 2010 12:34 am at 12:34 am #914016popa_bar_abbaParticipant
My friends always repeated the conversation to me. It’s great. You get to see how the parent interacts in real life.August 20, 2010 1:34 am at 1:34 am #914018
I dont think personality is throwing darts all the time. Im just saying some people are louder than others, some are more reserved etc.
as for funny questions asked about me:
Caller: Is he frum
Reference: I dont know are you frum?
Caller: what do you mean, I live in Lakewood?
Reference: So you can be left wing lakewood medium lakewood
I think the caller got the point.
Another time a caller asked if I was holy. Holy is not a word i use to describe many people, and probably nobody under the age of 60.
Of course what I love is when the girls ask, so you think hes for me?
My reference always responds – I dont know you.August 20, 2010 1:47 am at 1:47 am #914019apushatayidParticipant
“So do you think she/he’s for me”.
The best answer, I think, is, why don’t you go out and find out if YOU think he/she’s for you.August 20, 2010 5:19 am at 5:19 am #914021
apushatayid- that’s what he always says. Apparently they have enough free time to drill my references and give them the third degree, but not enough time to go out on a simple date.August 20, 2010 7:19 am at 7:19 am #914022hello99Participant
helpful: the bochur became the Amshinover Rebbe shlita.August 20, 2010 2:54 pm at 2:54 pm #914023apushatayidParticipant
Worse than asking questions and making people crazy is the demand to remain anonymous. I cant tell you who I am, but I want to ask you questions about “so and so”. I politely tell people i dont talk about other people, even if it is for their own good, unless I know who i am giving the info over to. If you cant agree to that, then I’m sorry, you will have to call someone else.August 20, 2010 4:53 pm at 4:53 pm #914024Goan AtzumMember
A boy, Moishe Wolfson, (name changed to protect the innocent) was going out while he was in the yeshiva dormitory. The girls father thought that it was very important that the boy his daughter was dating should have a good shachris attendance. So he decided to call the pay phone in the yeshiva that the boy was staying and ask whoever picked up how the boys attendance was. Unfortunately Moishes Shachris attendance was very bad, but as luck would have it the person who picked up the phone was non other than Moishe. This was the conversation that ensued:
Father: Hello, I was wondering if you know Moishe Wolfson? I have some shidduch questions to ask.
Moishe: Moishe, sure i know him really well. I would dare say that I know him as well as I know myself.
Father: Oh good, I really only have one question. How is his shachris attendance does he come on time.
Moishe: Mr. Schwartz, to tell you the truth i don’t get up on time all that much – on the average day i am late to shachris. But I can definitely tell you this – WHEN EVER I’M THERE HE’S THERE!
Needless to say – as all these stories end the went out and got married.August 20, 2010 5:03 pm at 5:03 pm #914025
You just reminded me of a funny story- a lady called up a yeshiva- she wanted to know if a certain boy comes late for davening (or something like that- i forgot what she wanted to know) anyway the boy that picked up the phone was the boy that she wanted to know about, and he did not really come on time, so he said, ” Put it this way, everytime i’m there, hes there.” lol.August 20, 2010 5:06 pm at 5:06 pm #914026
Oh my gosh, Goan- that is too funny, because i just posted the same story!!!!!!!!August 23, 2010 7:13 pm at 7:13 pm #914027bein_hasdorimParticipant
My friend was asked about me,
if he were an ANIMAL?….what kind of animal would he be?
He told me he was grilled for almost an hour with all these
weird type of questions. Needless to say I dropped it as soon
as he told me the above question.
People! get creative with your cooking, not with your shidduch questions, it will go back to other side, and cost you!September 1, 2010 8:54 pm at 8:54 pm #914028
This may have already been posted, but its so funny, I think its worth a possible re-post
This week’s Hamodia had a letter from a mother whose daughter is in shidduchim. The question pertained to the chrain on Shabbos:
is it brought to the table in:
a) the jar, right from the fridge
b) in a dish (Lalique, natch)
c) in a scooped out cucumber (no, I kid you not. This was the question)
My response to this would be “since when is chrain served with tuna fish (or sardines, depending on my mood, when asked the question)
And another funny answer to an old question just occured to me yesterday. When asked, which animal? I’d say without a moments hesitation:
a vilda chaya! (translation = wild animal)
It looses something when said in english, but take my word for it, vilda chayas often grow up to be the best spouses. To bad the question asker will never have the pleasure of meetin someone as real as that breed.September 1, 2010 9:27 pm at 9:27 pm #914029
I have brought chrein to the table all three ways. Does that make me schizoid?September 1, 2010 9:45 pm at 9:45 pm #914030
My wife and I tried setting up a friend of mine with a friend of hers. After doing his research he called me back and said, “thanks Avi, but I’m going to have to let you know that I’m not interested. I just found out that she has two names and by policy I only go out with girls that have only one name”.
In his defense- I know him well enough to know that it means that he did his research and feels that they are not for each other, however he doesn’t feel the need to discuss the reason with anyone else.September 1, 2010 9:47 pm at 9:47 pm #914031missmeMember
dr. pepper, wasn’t he worried you might in the future not redd him shidduchim of girls with more than one name? he could of simply said its not for me without specifying the reason(s)…September 1, 2010 9:51 pm at 9:51 pm #914032kapustaParticipant
Dr. Pepper, is he married now? How many names does she have?
(btw, I can just see this being a new shidduch question. Or a mother not agreeing to a boy/girl with certain first names if the potential monogram might be out of proportion.)September 1, 2010 9:54 pm at 9:54 pm #914033
No, I knew him well enough to know that there was a different reason, and he knew that.
If you knew him you’d understand why he couldn’t simply say no. Nothing in his life is simple.September 1, 2010 9:57 pm at 9:57 pm #914034
No, he’s not married yet.
A shadchan once called to tell my mother about a girl for me but didn’t say her first name. She explained that we should decide based on her middos and not kill it because of her name.
(I’d post it but I wouldn’t want to offend anyone during Elul. It wasn’t too bad either.)September 1, 2010 10:14 pm at 10:14 pm #914035PortyMember
A friend of mine said that someone called her about a seminary girl that boarded with her. She said that the woman asked her, “If there was an ice cream with nuts on top, what kind of nut would the girl be?” Hmm… Wonder who the nut is!! LOLSeptember 2, 2010 2:08 pm at 2:08 pm #914036
Does that make me schizoid?
Not at all, Oomis –
To me it means that the jar was brought when you loaned your lalique to a neighbor, and the scooped out cucumber was done for the Shabbos Sheva Brachos you hosted. (See? Thats called being dan lchaf zechus!September 2, 2010 9:30 pm at 9:30 pm #914037
Bless you, BP Totty. (I do the scooped out cucumber for yom tov.)September 2, 2010 9:50 pm at 9:50 pm #914038hereswhatisayMember
my friend was asked the following about me:”what is the texture of her hair”.September 2, 2010 9:56 pm at 9:56 pm #914039
My response would be” right now, it feels like silk, but I’m planning to shave after the wedding, so it really won’t matter, will it?”September 2, 2010 10:11 pm at 10:11 pm #914040goldenkintMember
some of these are so funny, others less so. i was once asked “if the potential Chosson were to tell you (give you mussar) about something regarding mitzvah observance different from what you are practicing, would you listen to him. ” I said We have our own Rav whom we follow and aren’t interested in being “Corrected” by this young man. I also got a little mad and gave the lady an earful about our families antecedents who were erliche yidden and mentioned some yichus which i never do, just because she made me so mad with that question. p.s. we are a frum from birth family, but obviously “not frum enough “
for them.September 2, 2010 10:14 pm at 10:14 pm #914041goldenkintMember
in reply to Hereswhatisay, Bli kesher to shidduchim, i met a woman after my wedding , who said, Oh, you look so nice now that you cover your hair! really! ( i have very curly hair and i love it). There’s no accounting for stupidity, however.September 5, 2010 12:41 pm at 12:41 pm #914042Stamford Hilly BillyParticipant
This isn`t a question but a ma’aseh that happened to me recently.
I learn every night in a certain beis hamedrash. Now many people turn up in our beis hamedrash just to chap a late mariv, fine. So there is this one particular ba’al habas who turns up every night for mariv. He always seems to sit near me, ok fine. After a few months we have schmoozed a few times and know each other to say hi. After several months he knows the basics about me, that I`m in college and my career plans. So one night he turns to me and says can we have a chat , I say sure no problem, but could just tell it was about shidduchim.
So a few nights latter we have this chat, it seems he had been asking around for suitable boys in my beis hamedrash. he asks me all sorts of questions and I try to give away has little has possible whilst finding out has much has I can.
I live out of town and so he asks me how often I am in town and how often I`m at home for shabbos? I mean who cares I keep shabbos the same wherever I am!
He then tells me actually he is looking for his neice who has all sorts of problems, he basically sas she’s not that bright or pretty and then that she has an almost opposite backround from mine. Do I want to go out with her?
I blew him of, and since then it looks like he has found a new minyan for mariv.
A whole scheme just to find out about me!!!
At least you have to admire his efforts!September 5, 2010 5:41 pm at 5:41 pm #914043
What kind of unlce talks about his niece in that way, and to a stranger, noch de tzie?September 7, 2010 5:25 am at 5:25 am #914044MPKMember
The most adorable shidduch related story I ever heard goes like this.
A girl (a bit older) shows up to R Moishe Feinstein’s apartment
for a brocho from the Gadol Hador.
Alas there is someone in by the Rosh Yeshiva, and she was told by the Rebetzin that she’d have to wait a few minutes.
The Rebetzin attempting to make small talk with her to pass the time, asks what kind of a brocho she wanted from the R. Y.to which the girl replies she needs a brocho for a shidduch.
The Rebetzin asks her what she’s looking for in a husband.
She replies that she’s looking for a Talmid Chochom.
The Rebetzin continues and asks how old she is. To which the girl responds that she’s 24.
Rebetzin Feinstein looks at her with a twinkle in her eye and asks, “Eib azay, farvuss viltz du an achtzig yerege man?”!!!
(TRANSLATED: If you are 24 why would you want an 80 year old man?)September 7, 2010 2:49 pm at 2:49 pm #914045
Very funny!September 7, 2010 4:14 pm at 4:14 pm #914046eliezerMember
This one is a booboo I made when checking on a girl for my son:
I called the Rov of the Shul listed on the girl’s resume’ (which I’m not a big fan of).
I spoke to him for a few minutes trying to understand him as he spoke with much Yiddish mixed in and a real European and Chassidisha accent.
When I mentioned to him that the girl’s resume’ had a second Shul listed, he said, “Oh, no, day never Davin dear.” I said, “why, not?” He said, “Becuase dat Shul doesn’t haf a roof.” I said, “So what do they do when it rains?”
I kid you not….
I’m not the sharpest arrow of the bunch.
Ah K’Siva V’Chasima TovaSeptember 7, 2010 4:19 pm at 4:19 pm #914047aries2756Participant
Funny but right on the mark!September 7, 2010 4:30 pm at 4:30 pm #914048
My mother tried setting up her friends daughter with a guy.
Her mother called back all offended after finding out that the guy is a carrier while her daughter is not.
My mother insisted that they go ahead with it anyway since it’s only an issue if both of them are carriers.
Her mother took offence at the suggestion and said it’s not up for discussion.
Later she realized that while she was thinking Dor Yeshorim the girls mother was talking about the Eruv.September 7, 2010 4:35 pm at 4:35 pm #914049Lakewood MomMember
Was the boy nursed as a child or did he receive bottles? Apparently something to do with intelligence!September 7, 2010 4:44 pm at 4:44 pm #914050theprof1Participant
I came to a girl’s house and her father said she’ll be right out. But meanwhile, what mesechta are you learning. I told him. He took out the gemora and wanted to farher me. So i looked at my watch and said oh my, it’s almost 8PM and i have ashiur now but I canceled it. But if you really are insistent about a talmid chochom, I’d better get back to my shiur. And I walked out. The shadchan was not very thrilled.September 7, 2010 4:47 pm at 4:47 pm #914051
Dr. Pepper LOL!
p.s. i thought dor yesharim just tells you if you are compatible or not- not if you are a carrier- no?September 7, 2010 5:07 pm at 5:07 pm #914052
In general that’s how Dor Yeshorim works, but anyone can go to their local lab, have the tests done and the results given to them.
Of course if two people are told that they are not compatible then they know that they are both carriers. They are supposed to keep it a secret but you know what ends up happening.
“Well you have to promise not to tell anyone because I did and so did the person who told me…”September 7, 2010 5:16 pm at 5:16 pm #914053AinOhdMilvadoParticipant
Blinky – you are correct.
Long, long ago, when these tests first started to be taken (I don’t think it was even called Dor Yesharim back then) they did tell the individual if they were carriers, but now they only tell you if the shidduch would be problematic.September 7, 2010 5:20 pm at 5:20 pm #914054
Got you! by the way it reminds me of a story (im sure it was posted somewhere) where this girl is getting ready to go out and she’s deciding if she should close her top button. Yes, no, yes, no… finally she decides to leave it open. She goes in the car and the guy looks at her and says, ” close the button” She says, “oh i am so sorry i didn’t realize it was open..” And she closes her shirt button. The guy looks at her and tells her, ” I was actually reffering to the button by your window!”September 7, 2010 5:45 pm at 5:45 pm #914055KashaMember
theprof1 “The shadchan was not very thrilled.”
Rightfully so. Fahering is the correct way.
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