May 24, 2011 7:17 pm at 7:17 pm #597074
BTW, does anyone know if the halacha is that you must stand up when he comes into the room?May 24, 2011 7:24 pm at 7:24 pm #771471
moderators: fasten your seat belts.May 24, 2011 7:27 pm at 7:27 pm #771472
let’s talk specifics.
At a bare minimum, treat him the way you’d want to be treated. Ideally, treat him much better than you treat yourself. The same advice applies to a husband regarding how he treats his wife.
The WolfMay 24, 2011 7:27 pm at 7:27 pm #771473
like a king 🙂May 24, 2011 7:28 pm at 7:28 pm #771474
“BTW, does anyone know if the halacha is that you must stand up when he comes into the room?”
never heard that one.
you’re probably confusing with parents.May 24, 2011 7:35 pm at 7:35 pm #771475
for both husband and wife….always voice your appreciation of your spouse to your spouse. never take him/her for granted.
always smile and listen . never get into a rut. always make time for each other. always be supportive of your spouse.
be sure to acknowledge things he/she has done.
praise rather than criticize. never go to bed angry. never leave an argument unsettled. compromise.May 24, 2011 7:38 pm at 7:38 pm #771476
I don’t think men should be reading this thread.May 24, 2011 7:40 pm at 7:40 pm #771477
I don’t think men should be reading this thread.
Why not? Who better than men would know how they like to be treated?
The WolfMay 24, 2011 7:40 pm at 7:40 pm #771478
Rambam (perek 21, halacha 7) says: “We find that every woman performs five tasks for her husband. She spins, washes his face, hands, and legs, pours his drink, makes the bed, and serves him. There are six tasks some women do and some don’t: grind and bake and cook, wash, nurse children, and feed the animals.”May 24, 2011 7:47 pm at 7:47 pm #771479
i think everyone should be reading this thread.May 24, 2011 8:09 pm at 8:09 pm #771480
Pac-man- thanks for starting with that Rambam all over again. It sure was fun the first time around….May 24, 2011 8:11 pm at 8:11 pm #771481
show him that you care and are looking out for him to help him not to bother and annoy himMay 24, 2011 8:12 pm at 8:12 pm #771482
mewho: i think ur advice is excellent and everyone should really strive to do what you said. however, in real life, it’s not always so easy. we all slip up every now and then. and when you do, you shouldn’t be discouraged and feel like you failed. just make up your mind to try harder.
i would like to add a couple of things:
Admit when you’re wrong. your spouse will appreciate it. saying “i’m sorry” and meaning it is so important!
Try very hard not to argue in front of the kids! That’s a biggie! it’s so hard for kids to see parents arguing. little disagreements once in a while are ok – it all depends on how you handle it, though. they do have to learn that nobody can get along 24/7. but if they do see you disagree, they must also see the reconciliation. it teaches them how to get along and how to solve/handle certain issues. Again – if you slip up and they do see more of an argument – don’t despair! it’s ok to admit to them that it was wrong. and then of course try harder next time.
We are all human!
My husband and I have a “list of rules” which i printed a number of years ago. we each have a copy of it. it’s good to refer to it every now and then. it really works.
I am not at home right now, but IY”H later I will try to post what’s written on that list. A lot of it was already said by mewho.
Wishing everyone the Bracha of Shalom Bayis!May 24, 2011 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm #771483
Me who:: I like your answers!!( The first one that is)Compromise is a KEY word here!! You can’t always have your way!In a “normal relationship” the more you give the more you will get.May 24, 2011 8:21 pm at 8:21 pm #771484
my wife has taken a spin class( google it)at the gym, does this count?May 24, 2011 8:26 pm at 8:26 pm #771485
gefen, thank you for your psot. i agree with the points you brought out as well. the main thing everyone male and female should realize is marriage takes a lot of work and must be given attention in order to succeed.
my mom A”H used to say ”marriage can be a heaven on earth or g-d forbid a hell on earth”
how true!May 24, 2011 8:32 pm at 8:32 pm #771487
what bout what he should do for us?May 24, 2011 8:41 pm at 8:41 pm #771489
You mean I have a choice in how I’m treated?
Gee, I never thought to voice my preferences 🙁
(BTW, great line Mike!)May 24, 2011 8:47 pm at 8:47 pm #771490
adorable – it’s a 2 way street
pac-man – i dunno but i think my husband would rather i cook and bake for him than wash his face. but who am i to argue with the Rambam? 🙂May 24, 2011 8:53 pm at 8:53 pm #771491
i hope that your not serious! that is a terrible attitude. marriage isnt about what i can get! its about what i can give to gain my spoused trust and love!May 24, 2011 9:25 pm at 9:25 pm #771492
I have a long (wish) list but A) my wife doesn’t go on the CR and B) she has her own list for me. Anyway, gotta go- the floor needs amoppin’ and some diapers need achangin’.(wife’s list #’s 375 and 778)May 24, 2011 9:25 pm at 9:25 pm #771493
One should do for a husband what one would do for anyone else they love, respect, admire and appreciate but take it one step further.May 24, 2011 9:31 pm at 9:31 pm #771494
I did not mean for it to come out that way (problem when you are typing and not talking) but it seems like its always that the women has to be a slave to the husband and the men just want to know what they can have their wivves do for them….In a normal marriage where the wife does her duties- like laundry and suppers and cleaning up, that in itself is a lot. do you appreciate that?!?!?!May 24, 2011 9:35 pm at 9:35 pm #771495
“(wife’s list #’s 375 and 778)”
There are lists? Hmm.. that would indicate that at some point, your list is complete.
I was never given a “list”. I was just told to stand by for further instructions.
This is why the CR is such a useful forum. Now I know there IS a better way!May 24, 2011 9:52 pm at 9:52 pm #771496
My wife stands up for me when she is feeding the animalsMay 24, 2011 10:13 pm at 10:13 pm #771497
great post stzc. will you marry meMay 24, 2011 10:24 pm at 10:24 pm #771498
adorable, that’s the wrong attitude. A wife loves to serve her husband. Yes, they appreciate it, but the attitude of “a”, “b”, and “c” is hard enough and more than enough will get you into a lot of trouble. You need to do everything you can for him.May 25, 2011 12:33 am at 12:33 am #771499
How about when the husband comes home the wife isn’t wearing that awful, tacky robe that makes her look like she’s bored with him and their life.
Ladies: Put on something nice and pleasant to the eye.
Gentlemen: Compliment your wife as to how great she looks.
I realize not all women wear these type of robes, but some do.May 25, 2011 12:37 am at 12:37 am #771500
I don’t know what a husband is, but I get the feeling that it’s not just ‘someone else you love, respect, admire & appreciate’ plus one step. I sort of get the feeling it’s in an entirely different category. A being made to be a REAL part of you. Again I can’t argue with you, I don’t know what that thing is. (also you AND FAMILY are much smarter then cute little me)May 25, 2011 12:51 am at 12:51 am #771501
bpt-“There are lists? Hmm.. that would indicate that at some point, your list is complete.”
Actually, the bottom of the page is taped to the top, so as soon as I’m done I start over. Leave it to my wife-she has it all figured out.
chaplaintzvi-I’m not sure who your proposing to, but if it becomes a mazal tov, I think the mods deserve shadchanis.May 25, 2011 12:53 am at 12:53 am #771502
While we’re on this topic, how does a wife like to be treated?May 25, 2011 1:18 am at 1:18 am #771504
I don’t know what a husband is, but I get the feeling that it’s not just ‘someone else you love, respect, admire & appreciate’ plus one step. I sort of get the feeling it’s in an entirely different category. A being made to be a REAL part of you. Again I can’t argue with you, I don’t know what that thing is. (also you AND FAMILY are much smarter then cute little me)May 25, 2011 1:36 am at 1:36 am #771505
Uh Oh. Please no one accuse me of being Professor Double Talk.
above is technical glitchMay 25, 2011 2:49 am at 2:49 am #771506
wow chaplaintzvi finally proposed to his wife after 21 years?May 25, 2011 2:53 am at 2:53 am #771507
This is the list I was talking about before:
1) No fighting in front of children (at least try not to).
3) No sarcasm, put downs, or mean comments.
4) No name calling.
5) Always be truthful.
13) No interrupting
14) Show love and compassion. Support each other.
15) Remember the feelings when we first got married.
18) Be thankful for all the good things we have.May 25, 2011 3:27 am at 3:27 am #771508
always runs with scissors fastParticipant
Thanks Gefen, I am gonna print and laminate a copy for us!May 25, 2011 3:43 am at 3:43 am #771509
arwsf – i’m honored! actually i tried to copy and paste our list (which i saved on word) the exact way i have it – with pics and all – but it didn’t work.
we have it in sheet protectors hung up in our room. laminating is a better idea.May 25, 2011 5:44 am at 5:44 am #771510
Gefen, is Chaplain Tzvi your husband?May 25, 2011 7:27 am at 7:27 am #771511
IIRC, Rabbi Orlofsky once said some people go into a marriage expecting to give 50% and take 50% and wind up with 50%. Others walk in expecting to give 80 and take 20 and they both wind up with 100.
(That was the idea anyway.)May 25, 2011 1:31 pm at 1:31 pm #771512
Like you would yourself.
Why is this even a question?May 25, 2011 2:28 pm at 2:28 pm #771514
mother in Israel: um….um….did i give that away? oops. actually had you seen another thread (and maybe you did) you might have realized it from that. i don’t know if others did as well.
anyway – it’s true – he never actually proposed. it’s now a joke in our family. whenever i ask if he’s ever going to – he says he’s afraid now – cuz i might not say yes 🙂May 25, 2011 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #771515
A Heimishe MomParticipant
I personally feel that there is a very grey area between halachah and hashkafah. I beleive that a Jewish woman IS essentially a slave to her husband, and her home. Her main tafkid in life is to raise her family and see that her husband is happy (and those include maintaining a pleseant atmosphere, a clean home, proper meals, laundry, etc.). I strive, yet I am sure that I am not the only one who is at least a little resentful at times. Being brought up in modern society where women are considered more than just a domestic, it is very hard, but I do beleive that b’derech haTorah it is right.May 25, 2011 4:06 pm at 4:06 pm #771516
Gefen, I had a suspicion when reading the graduation thread, but I wasn’t sure. Glad he finally proposed, but why did he call you stzc?May 25, 2011 4:27 pm at 4:27 pm #771517
Thank you A Heimisha Mom. Sometimes we have to stand up and do what’s right, even if it is very different than goyisha society.May 25, 2011 5:00 pm at 5:00 pm #771518
Mother in Israel – sorry, but if i answered ur question, i would really give away my identity as i do personally know some ppl on this site besides for my husband and kids. obviously my husband and kids know my sn but the others don’t, just as i don’t know theirs. i just know that they are on here.May 25, 2011 5:56 pm at 5:56 pm #771519
When we would all treat our spouse like a “friend” and not like a “spouse” than lots of trouble would be avoidedMay 25, 2011 9:41 pm at 9:41 pm #771520
Actually, GAW, I disagree with the “like yourself.”
DH and I have very different ways of attacking our household responsibilities. It took us a while to realize this and come to an understanding. We discussed our differences and I realized that if I want him to truly appreciate my efforts, I should start with his list (also important tasks that needed to get done) because he would feel like I was accomplishing more. For example, I would clean the bathrooms before putting away laundry, but he would want laundry done first. Both needed to get done, but one made the house appear more orderly, and that was important to him.
Both of us try to show appreciation on a daily basis. I thank him for things like taking out the garbage or doing laundry even though they are part of his responsibilities to the family. He likewise thanks me for my efforts. Its simple, but makes each of us feel appreciated.
So, treat your spouse the way they want/need to be treated. Ask the same of them.May 25, 2011 9:45 pm at 9:45 pm #771521
Mother in israel. I would ask her time and time to marry me over and over again. My wife I believe is the ultimate eishes chaiyil. Believe me after putting up with me for 21 years she deserves the countries highest honor, and that comes from the heart. As to who she is. If we told you who we were i would have to put you so far in the witness protection program, H-Shem wouldn’t be able to find you. us fed are just like that sometimes 🙂May 25, 2011 10:22 pm at 10:22 pm #771522
My wife I believe is the ultimate eishes chaiyil.
I can believe that since she’s from the LES. So is my husband. ?
As to who she is. If we told you who we were i would have to put you so far in the witness protection program, H-Shem wouldn’t be able to find you. us fed are just like that sometimes 🙂
Oh, believe me, I had no intention if trying to figure out her identity. I was just curious what stzc stood for, not realizing that it was something personal.May 25, 2011 10:54 pm at 10:54 pm #771523
mim. aahhh the les. i loved it there. used to daven at the belzer shteibel among other places.
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