March 30, 2011 9:32 pm at 9:32 pm #596018
A mother called me crazy because I informed her that her child was bike riding without his helmet and because her son was on an unsafe block. I simply wanted to let her know since she is usually never around for own kids and they are being raised by a spanish babysitter/housekeeper. Last time I checked children are supposed to be wearing helmets when bike riding. There are too many stories about this and I didnt need another one. So she called me crazy behind my back and informed me her kid was doing nothing wrong and that she didnt care. She said that Mashiach will come because her kid was bike riding in that unsafe area. Am I crazy??? I thought I was doing the right thing by telling her. Another mother I told the same thing to, told me that since her kid was near me tha he better get home this second and get a helemt otherwise no more bike riding. That is a mother who cares but also wasnt around to witness this. What does the CR think?March 30, 2011 10:00 pm at 10:00 pm #754271
You did the right thing.
Normally, I could care less about neglectful parents and how they mis-manage their kids (poor diet, lousy middos, ect) but bike riding has a special place in my heart.
The only thing I would have added to the 1st mother is that I’m going to call Child Services and report the fact that the kid is riding unsupervised, and without a helmet.
THAT gets their undivided attention. Not becuase they care about the kids.. but becuase it might affect their benefits.March 30, 2011 10:24 pm at 10:24 pm #754272
i see day in and day out parents not caring and its driving me crazy. kids are not asked to be born and when they are they need our attention!March 30, 2011 10:26 pm at 10:26 pm #754273
I would definitely want you to tell me if this would be my child.
About the mother…. She was probably just overwhelmed with pesach cleaning. She did not mean to offend you in any way. Either way, you just continue doing what you did. An ounce of prevention is better than a lb. of cure.March 30, 2011 10:49 pm at 10:49 pm #754274
I think u did the right thing. The mother probably called u crazy as a defense mechanism. Maybe the way you “informed” her felt like an attack. Im sure most Moms would get defensive if they felt like ther parenting skills were being judged or attacked..March 30, 2011 11:08 pm at 11:08 pm #754275
it didnt happen today. it was a few months ago actually. the problem is the mother is NEVER home and when she is, her kids are out of the house going who knows where and she jsut stays there. i dont get it. im not due till sept iy”h but as a morah i worry day in a day out abt my kids. but im already worrying what im going to do for a job for this coming year bec i dont want to send my kid away from me. the world is scary and how often do the babysitters really care for the kids they are watching. this mother from above has a backyard camp in her house and she is never there for it! these things scare me!March 30, 2011 11:15 pm at 11:15 pm #754276
I think you did the right thing.
Next time, just hit her son with your car, and she will learn like that.March 30, 2011 11:16 pm at 11:16 pm #754277
You are not crazy, she should have thanked you.March 30, 2011 11:20 pm at 11:20 pm #754278
And I was called a lot of other unmentionable names.March 30, 2011 11:39 pm at 11:39 pm #754279
i think that people should just mind tgeir own buissness and do what theyre supposed to do. in my opinion……wtvr..March 31, 2011 12:00 am at 12:00 am #754280
gumball if it was ur kid, ud want to know. if u really love ur child ud be happy!March 31, 2011 12:30 am at 12:30 am #754281
I think you gave a lot of details about the mother,which may identify her.What she does,her maid,etc.Perhaps just those details could be “edited out”?March 31, 2011 1:24 am at 1:24 am #754282
gumball- I completely agree with you. It is none of anyone elses business what I or anyone does with my children. It does not mean I don’t love my child because I don’t want someone else telling me how to parent my child. It means I (notice the IIII here) love my child and you aren’t meant to- so please leave my child and myself alone.
This is all my opinion though:)March 31, 2011 1:29 am at 1:29 am #754283
Btw yogibooboo im not a mother yet let alone married!! lol but true what u said but some people wouldnt like it, yes i think ur right but sometimes people can go crazy when u say something about their kids wtvr u just need 2 know who ur handling with ……:)March 31, 2011 1:42 am at 1:42 am #754284
ummm eclipse…its about 90% of the mothers in the five towns!March 31, 2011 2:13 am at 2:13 am #754285
Yogi…who have a playgroup?March 31, 2011 2:39 am at 2:39 am #754286
How can people judge whether someone is a good parent? Do you know what goes on in their homes? Do you know where the parents are when the kids are left with a babysitter? Maybe the parents have to work or tend to a sick relative. How do you know ” a mother is NEVER home” and what business is it of yours anyway. Aren’t we supposed to judge others favorably?
In cases where you might have to give “constructive criticism” how do you say it? Is it in a condescending “holier than though” attitude? Or do you say it nicely. Do you ever offer to help a tired, overworked, underpaid mother? Or do you just sit back and criticize.March 31, 2011 2:41 am at 2:41 am #754287
kishke 4 shabbosMember
MY brothers helmet saved his life… it’s a long storyMarch 31, 2011 2:41 am at 2:41 am #754288
yogibooboo, stop already!!!! wait till you become a mom and you will see how hurtful it is when you are always judging ppl. keep to yourself and don’t block anyones driveways!March 31, 2011 2:45 am at 2:45 am #754289
Next time, just hit her son with your car, and she will learn like that.
remind me not to be around youMarch 31, 2011 2:49 am at 2:49 am #754290
There is a pediatric neurologist in Far Rockaway who is the doctor all Rabbonim from all over the world consult with in any emergency with neurological problems,even if it is Shabbos. His wife works with my sister and she tells of how her husband knocks on peoples doors,(especially on Shabbos afternoon when many kids are on their own and do whatever they shouldn’t be doing )and gives the parents the type of mussar you gave and how they just leave their kids hefker. If they talk back to him he tells them that now they are yelling at him and when there is a problem they come running and begging to him for help even if on Shabbos or Yom Tov.
There is a hospital in Manhattan, if i remember correctly it is Cabrini which has one floor of children who are brain damaged and living as vegetables lo aleinu some as result of such as not wearing a helmet while riding a bike.
If our grandchildren are caught without their helmets, the bikes are taken away. It’s the law of the land and Dina D’Malchusa Dina!
Your were 100% right.March 31, 2011 2:56 am at 2:56 am #754291
King Soloman taught us “Al tocheach letz, pen yisnoeko. Emor l’chochom, v”yehoveko” Do not rebuke a letz, since he will hate you[for it]. Tell a wise person, and he will love you.
Shelo says, its one person! Don’t rebuke a person by telling them, or thinking they are a letz (i.e. irresponsible, goyta raising kids, obnoxious, etc etc etc), they’ll hate you for it. Tell them and recognize they’re a wise person (only wise people will choose to heed your advice anyhow!), rebuke them this way, and they’ll love you.March 31, 2011 3:00 am at 3:00 am #754293March 31, 2011 3:19 am at 3:19 am #754294
I’m not a soon to be mom..
when I was younger I gave peaople my opinion (I’m not the criticizing type)
Now I mind my own business…
as long as my children listen to me, thats good enough!
And NO I dont appreciate when former neighbors call me just to let me know where my child is or who he is spending time with!
I dont think it’s her business… I know what my child is upto and I know what I have to do about it!
and if I dont know yet I will when I have to..March 31, 2011 3:20 am at 3:20 am #754295
Yogi, I take offense to your comment about the Five Towns!!!
On the other hand you were right to inform the mother. Riding a bike without a helmet is against NY law.March 31, 2011 3:23 am at 3:23 am #754296
Lia – Cabrini closed down awhile ago.March 31, 2011 3:35 am at 3:35 am #754297
“Not a newly married pisher! sorry, don’t mix in!”
If you see someone doing something dangerous the Torah requires you to say something. I personally don’t because where I live I would almost say it’s most people not being careful with their or their kids lives. Eg. -No helmets, standing up in moving cars, even when they are sitting – no seatbelts, on the cell phone while driving and totally distracted (I’m not the police, it’s still illegal even if you aren’t distracted), letting young kids cross streets when they don’t know how (crossing in middle, not knowing how to cross at a light -you still have to look for turning traffic). I could probably go on & on but I don’t have the time and to tell everyone off -if I spent the whole day doing it – I still wouldn’t finish.March 31, 2011 4:18 am at 4:18 am #754298
actually im passed the “newly married” part already. but thanks for calling me a pisher. I am a soon to be mom and im sorry that you dont care enough about your own kids to notice what is really going on. yes I have a mouth that I am NOT afraid to use. if it gets me into trouble so be it. but if it saves a life even better. a few months back i saw a woman sitting in the front seat of the car while the husband was taking the kids out. he left the baby in the car seat in the MIDDLE OF THE STREET! now for sure I was saying something. I said very nicely, that it was dangerous what was being done. had I not seen the carseat i couldve hit the baby and lo aleinu… does it matter if someone is a parent or not to know about safety? what about someone who wasnt zoche to have children and they are older, and they see something and say something? are they not allowed because they never had kids? having kids or not doesnt make a difference. If you care about children or another jew you look out for them. isnt that what ahavas yisroel is all about? and why should I stop because you dont like hearing the truth???
Aries-please dont take offense. If you have seen what ive seen you would def understand. I will not sit here and begin to tell you…and i didnt say 100% i said 90. you and all those other hard working mothers who dont have housekeepers raising their children are the ones I like!
student-i am not here to give constructive criticism. i was simply stating facts and how I was called “crazy” because I was looking out for another yid’s son! Maybe I will make sure not to care but last time I checked it says in the Torah “vneshmartem meod linafshosaychem” if this doesnt fall into that category than what does?
I would like to give you a scenario:
Your child is off bike riding. Forget that you dont know where he is. But he’s somewhere and he’s without a helmet. Now lets say C”V he falls and he hit his head. Someone who knows him sees him and calls you to tell you that he’s unconscious. Now, had he been wearing his helmet he wouldnt have been badly injured. What is going thru your mind at this point? Besides is he going to be OK? Once you get to the hospital the doctors will most likely be “yelling” at you for no helmet. Wouldnt you rather be safe than sorry and know that someone is calling you to tell you your child is without a helmet??? I’m sorry but I rather that phone call then anything else! How many times do we hear someone is hurt because of a car accident and no seat belt? And I see parents driving all the time and kids are standing and also not wearing seatbelts? Do you not care about your children???? I seriously dont understand people! They say all the time people die in cars lo aleinu and you know what my uncle was one of them! For that I am so makpid about seatbelts! If I see a parent driving without the kids buckled I will of course open my mouth. If you yourself have a seat belt or a helmet on why shouldnt your kids? I cry thinking about how many kids are chalishing for their parents to notice them and to make sure these kids are safe. It is not fair to hurt your own children! they are precious beings and are our future legacies! Please keep them safe and let parents knwo if a child isnt. Because honestly…you do not want to chas vshalom be on that receiving end of that phone call!March 31, 2011 4:24 am at 4:24 am #754299
yogibobo – Was your statement correct – Yes, everyone would agree that helmets should be worn. Regarding telling the mother, I personally would not have told for a few reasons – A) She most probalay new about it, and is working on it. (unless it was a one time thing, so there is no purpose anyways) B) I don’t like mishing arien in other peoples gishefts C) The Main Reason – PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE GETTING TOLD WHAT TO DO, especially mothers, or when it comes to chinuch matters, people don’t like getting told they are doing something wrong, or should do it a different way… But are you Crazy – NoMarch 31, 2011 4:28 am at 4:28 am #754300
are the ones I like!
Good for you! Is disliking and “cant stand”ing other Jews permissible? How do we know which is worse?March 31, 2011 4:33 am at 4:33 am #754301
again im not telling her what to do! i was nicely letting her know after the fact that “btw in case u didnt know i saw ur son… xyz(that whole story again)” had she just said thank you i woodve said ok. but to go behind my back and call me all sorts of things like crazy bec of that doesnt fly with me. i learned my lesson if she doesnt care abt her kids why should i?
tbt-the ones i like meaning its parents like those that i can look up to and say wow!March 31, 2011 5:13 am at 5:13 am #754302
yogibooboo: How do you know what she said behind your back? We are not permited to believe these things, and they must be vied as motzie shem ra.March 31, 2011 7:14 am at 7:14 am #754303
yogibooboo: It appears from your first post that you said the right thing, but whether or not you did the right thing depends on how you said it. If your tone was condemnatory or effete, you said the right thing but did it the wrong way.
Your second post reads in part: “i see day in and day out parents not caring and its driving me crazy.” You have therefore plainly said that if you are not crazy, you recognize that you are on your way. Admitting your problem is the first step to recovery.
As for “Spanish babysitter/housekeepers”, I know lots of them – they are called “Sephardim.”March 31, 2011 9:01 am at 9:01 am #754304
yogibo, it sounds like you know too much about this woman and her children, maybe you need to back off. Let parents raise their own children, and learn from their own mistakes.I f you are interested in saving lives, become a firewoman.March 31, 2011 10:49 am at 10:49 am #754305
You did the right thing.
My brother had a classmate who would be alive today if he would have worn a helmet when he rode a bike in Brooklyn almost fifty years ago.
His family still cries.March 31, 2011 10:55 am at 10:55 am #754306
yogi, you got married last yr. right bef. pesach. you are still newly married. are you going to move again bec. of this?March 31, 2011 1:58 pm at 1:58 pm #754308
A.because im not stupid its her type. B. the person who told me is an honest person and is not going to lie. C. anyone who has ever delt with her has been talked about by her in one way or another.
it doesnt matter anyways. I learned a lesson: if she, the mother is not going to care about her kids, then I wont care either. I just hope she doesnt receive a phone call this summer because she doesnt know where her kids are etc. Apparently she really doesnt care and its sad that there are mothers like that 🙁March 31, 2011 2:23 pm at 2:23 pm #754309
@yogibooboo: You were correct to say something. How many times have parents said: “why didn’t you tell me?” after C”V something happened.
If this woman (supposedly) called you crazy she might have her own mental health issues and might not be capable of dealing with day-to-day life issues.
You did a big mitzvah. Don’t berate yourself.
When we were growing up (in the Bronx) everyone looked out for each other and all the parents appreciated it.
Perhaps there is a 3rd party this woman respects who can maybe speak with her??
BTW, doesn’t matter if the caretaker is Spanish, French or Israeli. No need to mention the ethnicity of the caretaker.March 31, 2011 2:23 pm at 2:23 pm #754310
I agree with RB. This is something that the mother knows about and she’s playing ignorant. If she doesn’t care, then we will not fix her!
But no, you are not crazy and you didn’t do anything wrong. You took a 2% chance thatit might help.March 31, 2011 2:45 pm at 2:45 pm #754311
Inattention to children and traumatic brain injury kill. My aunt a”h was 3 years old when she climbed on the back of an ice cream truck and fell off when it started to move. My 6-year-old aunt was supposed to be watching her because my grandmother was with her 1-year-old and newborn (my mother). How much worse is the potential for injury when a child is moving fast on a bicycle.
In other words, you’re not crazy.March 31, 2011 2:56 pm at 2:56 pm #754312
I agree with The Goq.March 31, 2011 3:16 pm at 3:16 pm #754313
SC – Thanks for the haskamah 🙂March 31, 2011 3:19 pm at 3:19 pm #754314
yogi: to your answers. A. Halochos of accepting slander are applicable to the smartest and wisest.
B. If a person doesn’t mind slandering someone (when halocho doesn’t perrmit it) in orfer to feel “good”, do you think the minor fact that the story is embelished or false would deter her from feeling “good”? Especially when she’s making you feel bad and causing a fight.
C. Reffer to aMarch 31, 2011 3:28 pm at 3:28 pm #754315
“are you going to move again bec. of this?”
what does one thing have to do with the other? the other apartments were not being taken care of we had mold in one and obnoxious neighbors and a bad LL in the other whats your point? so i live among stupid people now, not my problem. At least I have a LL now that takes care of things for us and is nice to us and we have other neighbors who are nice and caring but you dont fall into that category! but when ur kid runs into the street(like kids tend to do well then…oh well)i really hope ur kids make it in life GB3 because at this rate it doesnt look so good.
happiest-these are two different things! one is about safety. the other has nothing to do with this. that woman had no business telling me WHEN to get pregnant etc. THIS IS ABOUT A CHILDS SAFETY!
I would like to thank those people who agree with me. the world would be a happier and safer place if more people would watch out for each other and not be angry if someone tells you that your kid is unsafe. Why do you send your kids to school? Do you get upset with the teacher is she tells you that your child had a bad day or if your child isnt doing well? It is NOT the teacher fault but we are there for them and we are try our best! That’s all I did here-Try my best! I know for next time and I will inform my friends too to not worry about THOSE children from THAT family. I hope nothing happens to them this summer and if something does C”V, well I will NOT be the one to say “I told you so.” But if things continue like this where I see dangerous things being done I will have no problem calling authorities and getting people involved. Maybe thats the awakening that is needed!March 31, 2011 3:29 pm at 3:29 pm #754316
You might very well be crazy but that has no bearing on the matter. You felt it was your duty to inform the other mother about conditions you felt were unsafe. It was the other mother’s perogative to either thank you or ignore you. You have no further duty, nor do you have any basis to assume that your are a “better mother” that she. Frankly, when I was a kid no one ever thought to wear a helmet while bike riding and I don’t recall any issue of common head trauma.
To all: I strongly recommend reading “Free Range Kids” by Lenore SkenazyMarch 31, 2011 3:31 pm at 3:31 pm #754317
P.S. While we are on the subject of things I don’t recall, I also don’t recall any kid ever going into vapor lock from eating a PBJ.March 31, 2011 3:37 pm at 3:37 pm #754318
TBT- shes not making me feel bad. trust me shes not a person on my list that i care if shes making me feel bad! if anything…I FEEL BAD FOR HER CHILDREN! In my community one of the local schools runs a bike a thon. if you are NOT wearing a helmet you cant be involved. They are teaching you the importance of a helmet! dont you people get it??? forget about this woman! think about the fact that this child is not wearing a helmet! how many times do you see kids not wearing them??? kids day in adn day out are not safe and something needs to be done. if parents are not caring shouldnt someone else?????? I was NEVER allowed to go bike riding or rollerblading without a helmet! My mother cared about me! Yes you can say you can pick and choose your battles with your kids but over a helmet? Do your kids know what the word “no” means? Dont you set limits for your kids??? Do you just give in to your child jus because you dont want to hear them crying and screaming?? You are willing to give in over a helmet???? because your child doesnt want to wear one??? How stupid can a parent be??? YOU are the parent NOT the kid! Make them wear a helmet! and if they refuse you dont let them bike ride! its as simple as that! GB3-what does me being newly married have to do with this?? its called common sense and safety! something which you dont seem to have! You have a child, it is your job to protect them, care for them and love them! If you are nto going to care then adios neither do I! In that case again, I really hope nothing happens to ur kids and if it does I wouldnt be suprised! I daven to Hashem daily to make sure that my baby is going to be safe and healthy and make sure its going to be OK! I cry for my child! Although my child wont be born for another few months, I still care for it and for all other children in this world! Isnt this what Hashem wants????March 31, 2011 3:52 pm at 3:52 pm #754319
Yogi, I think you were right in telling that mother that her son is not wearing a helmet. I cannot either understand why parents let their children ride without one. I remember years ago when my mother was watching my younger brothers playing outside. 1 of them was riding a bike, she watched as all of a sudden he fell off his bike, flew in the air and came down head first on his HELMET! It cracked in half, but he was not hurt on his head at all! I cannot imagine what would have been if he was not wearing one.March 31, 2011 3:53 pm at 3:53 pm #754320
yogi: You addressed a side point to my valid points. You may not believe it, therefore the basis for this thread may be faulty.
B”H you have a wonderful mother. We don’t have to degrade others to feel good about ourselves. I find that the way I avoid being jealous of others is threefold.
1. I try not to think about others, needlessly.
2. I try to genually be happy for other people and what they have (only when I’m forced to think about what they have)
3. Most important and hardest, try to see the tremendeous blessings in what have and we have to be thankful for.March 31, 2011 4:00 pm at 4:00 pm #754321
yogi, you don’t know who I am so……….was it her upstairs neighbor that is the person that would never lie? I think you mean to say the world would be a better place if everyone agreed with you! Also, I find it funny that you are praising a local school for their rules with their bike a thon but had no probs in “loud and obnoxious neighbors” to slander that same school! I give you 6 months to a yr. tops and the kids and neighbors will make you sooooo crazy that you will move!
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