I'm sure it was an oversight
Home › Forums › Decaffeinated Coffee › I'm sure it was an oversight
- This topic has 114 replies, 37 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 12 months ago by cherrybim.
May 19, 2011 3:10 pm at 3:10 pm #596981
So everyone else in my office is invited to the wedding of the daughter of a Rabbi in our Yeshiva, my co-workers say not to feel bad because it must be an oversight, but why should that make me feel better that i am apparently invisible?
If it was an oversight that means they didnt do it on purpose but just didnt realize that i exist so that should comfort me?May 19, 2011 3:18 pm at 3:18 pm #877905
It could be something as simple as getting lost in the mail, dropping out of the pile/bag on the way to the post office, or any of a half-dozen other explanations that don’t imply anything about you personally.
The WolfMay 19, 2011 3:27 pm at 3:27 pm #877906
It could be wolf but its notMay 19, 2011 3:29 pm at 3:29 pm #877907
It could be wolf but its not
How do you know that? Did you see a guest list and confirm that your name is not on it? Did you actually speak to one of the ba’alei simcha?
(I’m not intending to be confrontational… just curious as to how you know it.)
The WolfMay 19, 2011 3:35 pm at 3:35 pm #877908
Just intuition you can discount that if you like but i have alot of experience in matters like these.May 19, 2011 3:37 pm at 3:37 pm #877909always hereParticipant
having made 4 weddings, B’H, I KNOW that a number of invitations get lost in the mail.
Goq~ please be comforted & don’t take it personally. .. my! that sounded trite .. but it is sincere 🙂May 19, 2011 3:43 pm at 3:43 pm #877910mewhoParticipant
when is this wedding?May 19, 2011 3:45 pm at 3:45 pm #877911
I know it is always thank youMay 19, 2011 3:51 pm at 3:51 pm #877912me tooMember
???? ???? ????? “?????” ????? ?????May 19, 2011 3:54 pm at 3:54 pm #877913
Just intuition you can discount that if you like but i have alot of experience in matters like these.
Okay. If you say so.
The WolfMay 19, 2011 3:56 pm at 3:56 pm #877914
Goq, can you get someone you trust to ask the Baal Simcha? Id want clarity. I’d feel the same way as Goq!May 19, 2011 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #877915
can u translate that wmb, wolf i say soMay 19, 2011 3:59 pm at 3:59 pm #877916
ty of course, i dont know if i would approach the baal simcha the wedding is lag baomer and i dont want a pity inviteMay 19, 2011 4:07 pm at 4:07 pm #877917MindOverChatterParticipant
Goq: There is a BIG chance your invitation got lost in the mail. I don’t think you should trust your intuition. Simply because it makes you feel bad. I used to make assumptions about others’ thoughts, wrongdoings etc. and it got me nowhere. It just got me to be miserable and upset.
I’d suggest you ask someone close to you to ask the Rosh Yeshiva what the matter is.
Life is full of disappointments. If you always feel victimized you will be the victim. But if you get up straight and say to yourself, “Hey, s/he won’t ruin my day. I will not go around upset because of what s/he did. I think I’m an ok person and if they disagree, it’s their problem.”
Hatzlacha Rabba.May 19, 2011 4:10 pm at 4:10 pm #877918
Goq, whether you go or not, if that would happen to me, I’d like a truthful explanation via an honest middleman.May 19, 2011 4:13 pm at 4:13 pm #877919
i do trust my intuition things like this happen to me alotMay 19, 2011 4:13 pm at 4:13 pm #877920always hereParticipant
“Goq, can you get someone you trust to ask the Baal Simcha? Id want clarity. I’d feel the same way as Goq.” I definitely agree.
Goq~ recently we found out that our neighbor from across the street was making a wedding for his son but we hadn’t received an invitation… pretty much the only ones on the block who didn’t. my husband had even been at the neighbor’s own wedding! another neighbor mentioned it to the Baal Simcha, who then personally came over to my husband & apologized & invited us. obviously, it had been lost in the mail.
I’m just sayin’…May 19, 2011 4:17 pm at 4:17 pm #877921
Are you truly insulted or it’s just the principle? Do you have as much to do with this baal simcha as the rest of your co-workers? Were they invited to the full wedding or just the chupa? Weddings are expensive and it’s come to a point where people stop inviting people “just because”.
I had a neighbor complaining to me how much his wedding was going to cost and I told him, “why do you have to invite anyone you say hello to? You don’t have to invite me just because I’m your neighbor”….and you know what, He didn’t. and I was very happy not to have to shlep out of obligation.May 19, 2011 4:20 pm at 4:20 pm #877922
Is it possible it got lost in the mail ? of course but i know this person and i know he didnt want me at the wedding
moc i dont feel victimized i am just expressing what its like to be the forgotten one my main point in starting this thread was to point out that saying oh it must have been an oversight is not necessarily a comforting thing to hear.May 19, 2011 4:27 pm at 4:27 pm #877923smartcookieMember
Goq- can you think of a reson as to why he wouldn’t want you at his wedding? You don’t have to tell us, I’m just curious if there’s reasoning behind your accusations.May 19, 2011 4:27 pm at 4:27 pm #877924
i would not do that to you i promise…..you can come to my wedding just get me the guy!May 19, 2011 4:28 pm at 4:28 pm #877925aries2756Participant
Some people are more sensitive than others and you happen to be a sensitive soul. Things do happen and sensitive people always take it personally. Those that you mentioned it to should have taken it upon themselves to mention to the Baal Simcha that you didn’t get an invitation and clear up the matter. If you are NOT close with the him then you should not feel insulted. If it was by error or it was lost, then you should rise above it and not feel badly, many things go wrong when making a simcha. Be a mentch and offer your best wishes and leave it at that. Many times when you just give your blessings the Baal Simcha will say “I hope to see you there, or don’t be late” or something like that. In that case you can say “I never got the invite” or just assume it was lost or whatever.
Or you can ask the RY what he thinks. Tell him you feel awkward. Let him know that you wouldn’t want to insult the Baal Simcha by not coming if he intended to invite you and the invitation got lost since everyone else was invited. But then again, you didn’t get the invite and you wouldn’t want to go if you weren’t invited.May 19, 2011 4:32 pm at 4:32 pm #877926
he has been very standoffish towards me maybe its my older single status that makes him wary of me i do not know.May 19, 2011 4:38 pm at 4:38 pm #877927Pac-ManMember
Crash the wedding and take an upfront seat.May 19, 2011 4:39 pm at 4:39 pm #877928veteranMember
So the Rabbi of your yeshiva is your niece? Or his daughter is? Am I being insensitive?May 19, 2011 4:40 pm at 4:40 pm #877929tobgMember
Come over to this person and tell him Mazel Tov. That’s it, don’t mention about the invitation or anything and just wait and see if he’ll ask you if you are coming.May 19, 2011 4:42 pm at 4:42 pm #877930
“Is it possible it got lost in the mail ? of course, but i know this person and i know he didnt want me at the wedding”
If that’s what you think, then even if you had gotten an invitation, why would you want to go?
If you had been making a wedding first, would you have invited him?May 19, 2011 4:45 pm at 4:45 pm #877932
The only way to find out the truth is only after the wedding. Next time you see him at work, wish him mazel tov and if he doesn’t ask where you were or why you couldn’t make it, etc. then you’ll have your answerMay 19, 2011 4:57 pm at 4:57 pm #877933tomim tihyeMember
Goq: I’m sorry that you’re in this painful situation of being the only one who’s not invited 🙁
Since you are in this situation, you are expected to figure out a mature way of handling it.May 19, 2011 5:00 pm at 5:00 pm #877934
i agree with tobg. Go over to him and wish him a nice mazel tov and see what he saysMay 19, 2011 5:03 pm at 5:03 pm #877935
aries u call me a sensitive soul and this is true but perhaps i became sensitive after having suffered through many similar slights. I have as much right to get an invitation as anyone else in the office. Its- If i were getting married then yes i would invite him not because i like him but because it is the proper thing to do if u invite some u should invite all.May 19, 2011 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #877936
ty for the invitation Adorable i look forward to sharing in your simcha.May 19, 2011 5:06 pm at 5:06 pm #877937
lol does that mean i have to tell you who i am?!?!!?May 19, 2011 5:18 pm at 5:18 pm #877938spiralParticipant
Several years ago a friend made a Bar Mitzvah and one friend didn’t get an invitation. The one that didn’t get an invitation didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to ask , because then she would definitely be invited. She decided to go and just say Mazel tov and not stay. When she arrived, the hostess greeted her very warmly (no surprise at her coming) and showed her where the other friends are seated. She stayed for the meal.
About a week later the hostess called her up and said, “You can’t imagine how I appreciate your coming to my Bar Mitzvah. Your invitation came back today.”May 19, 2011 5:22 pm at 5:22 pm #877939
those storied happen all the time but i think GOQ has some reason to believe that this was not the case. You might think that he is hostile around you only because you did nto get the invitation.May 19, 2011 5:24 pm at 5:24 pm #877940
“If i were getting married then yes i would invite him not because i like him but because it is the proper thing to do if u invite some u should invite all”
True. So this guy is guilty of not doing the right thing and/or not worrying about other people’s feelings. It’s upsetting that there are people like that out there, unfortunately many. But it’s clearly not a case where someone who you thought was your friend excluded you.May 19, 2011 5:25 pm at 5:25 pm #877941
no adorable i dont want u to break the cr rules i will be there in spiritMay 19, 2011 5:30 pm at 5:30 pm #877942
ok first let me get to that point (if i make it there intact) and i will make sure to keep you posted. lets just keep davening for each otherMay 19, 2011 6:14 pm at 6:14 pm #877943me tooMember
can u translate that wmbJust to prove that many a time a joke gets lost in translation
??? ???? ??? ???
a generation goes a generations comes
???? ???? ???? ??? ?????
mail goes mails comes back
the descent of the generationMay 19, 2011 6:21 pm at 6:21 pm #877944☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
It’s good you translated; you forgot the ??? in the original post.May 19, 2011 7:16 pm at 7:16 pm #877945minyan galMember
Usually for a wedding there is a reply card with the invitation, so the hosts can know how many people are coming for catering and seating purposes. If the wedding is this weekend and The Goq had been invited, they would know that they hadn’t received the RSVP. By this point, the wife would have asked her husband to ask TG why he hadn’t responded and if he was coming – reply cards also get lost in the mail.
TG – I know it is hard to be the one left out. It has happened to many of us. At least you will be free to enjoy yourself on Lag Bo’emer without having to spond many hours at a wedding that you wouldn’t feel welcome at anyway.May 19, 2011 7:24 pm at 7:24 pm #877946
hmm enjoy myself? i think im doing laundry on sunday at least 3 loadsMay 19, 2011 7:31 pm at 7:31 pm #877947
minyan gal, not so easy. Goq has to face the guy who left him out, every day at work! If it was me, Id have an honest middle person clear the air.May 20, 2011 4:19 am at 4:19 am #877948commonsenseParticipant
Minyan not e/o follows up on return cards also could be the office was invited to the chuppah or simchas choson v’kallah so no returns.
Goq, really really really really invitations do get lost in the mail. Lately it has gotten so bad many many people hand deliver those they can, not to save on postage but because then they know it got there. I can’t imagine a/o inviting e/o in an office and leaving one person out. even if you couldn’t stand the person you’d still invite them because you would look so awful.May 20, 2011 5:18 pm at 5:18 pm #877949
I wished him a mazel tov he said thank youMay 20, 2011 5:23 pm at 5:23 pm #877950
omg i feel so bad for you. dont think of yourself as inferior because of thatMay 20, 2011 5:24 pm at 5:24 pm #877951
just relax and have a great shabbosMay 20, 2011 5:26 pm at 5:26 pm #877952
ty adorable i certainly dont feel inferior just left outMay 20, 2011 5:30 pm at 5:30 pm #877953
it happens to the best of us! I feel left out now- one of my closest friends is getting engaged and I dont know how I’ll live without her!May 20, 2011 5:34 pm at 5:34 pm #877954
Dont assume that u will lose her as a friend yes for now until the wedding she will be occupied but after married life settles in hopefully she will continue her friendship with you.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.