May 31, 2012 3:25 am at 3:25 am #878005
“Did it ever occur to you that either he or his wife just doesn’t like you?”
You should have get to know someone to know wether you like or dislike them or so i thought his interactions with me make me very uncomfortable he just seems to have made up his mind about me either by prejudging or by hearsay (aka lashon hora) neither option is acceptable.May 31, 2012 3:37 am at 3:37 am #878006Song of BlessingParticipant
I just read all these posts – Goq it sounds like you have a good intuition it is rare to be left out twice and to have everyone named except for you is hurtful and inconsiderate EVEN if it was an oversight.
I support what aries is saying it sounds like you’re unappreciated in your office. You’d be surprised it may be easier for you to find a job elsewhere where people would appreciate and acknowledge your efforts than you think.
Think about it – you spend more hours at work then you do at home – it can be a miserable life working in something you dont like or are unappreciated at. Looking to change your job might be scary but it could change your life.
That being said… Kol Hakavod to you for still sticking with it through everything 🙂 But you know what I’d do I’d go straight to that Rabbi and demand an explanation….. if it was an oversight he SHOULD apologize for missing you out twice as an oversight and if it wasn’t… well at least you’ll know where you stand and what to expect next time.May 31, 2012 4:11 am at 4:11 am #878007amichaiParticipant
goq – sorry for the pain you are going thru. I know I would feel very hurt if that happened to me.May 31, 2012 4:18 am at 4:18 am #878008
Thank you shira appreciate your advice, are you new here? if so welcome!!!!!!!May 31, 2012 5:26 am at 5:26 am #878009Song of BlessingParticipant
Yep I’m new. 🙂
Well I hope it helps! And thanks 🙂May 31, 2012 7:39 am at 7:39 am #878010kapustaParticipant
I’m sorry it happened (again). It happens to the best of us. You did nothing wrong and don’t take it as a reflection of you in any way, just know that the fact you are bothered by it (as you mentioned earlier, not just because its you) only means you’re above doing it yourself.
(Side point; over time you’ve given out some info about yourself and you may want to keep in mind that there may be some readers who are familiar with some of the info.)
Welcome, shira 🙂May 31, 2012 10:10 am at 10:10 am #878011write or wrongParticipant
Goq-anyone in your situation would feel badly being excluded, even if it was an oversight. Oversights hurt just as much sometimes as something done deliberately. Is there anyone in the office you are close to who you could confide in? Even if you got invited and decided not to go, I think someone should speak to the baal simcha and let them know that they erred in not inviting you. It doesn’t matter if it was an oversight or not, if they ‘like you or not’, if everyone is included except you, then it was a hurtful thing to do and they should be told, l’toeles.May 31, 2012 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #878012
Amichai thank you, Kapusta thank you for making me aware of that i know there are people who are aware of who i am, wow i appreciate your post i know you are going through some tough stuff and something like this may seem trivial thank you for sharing.May 31, 2012 4:16 pm at 4:16 pm #878013write or wrongParticipant
Goq-when someone’s feelings are hurt, it’s not trivial. And we can all relate to having had our feelings hurt at some time in our life…May 31, 2012 5:19 pm at 5:19 pm #878014I can only tryMember
The Goq-May 31, 2012 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm #878015
ICOT here is a post of cherrybims from awhile ago
“In general, there’s a single’s mentality that become established and makes it all the more comfortable for singles to remain single.
There is a reason why the Ashkenazi custom is that a never married male does not merit wearing a talis, nor can he be a shaliach tzibor on the yomim norayim, and other instances where only married men are permitted to be included in Jewish rites. The point is that a male who has not married is not a completed person; not in learning, not in his avodah and not in his sensitivity to the suffering of others. And there is a selfishness and a “me” orientation with single males.
So no one is doing singles a favor by providing them additional comfort zones, such as: their own minyanim in shuls, special discounts in shul dues, their own thread in the CR, etc. They need to feel that their behavior is not ok and they will only find acceptance when they marry and become mainstreamed into the general frum population.
There are numerous fine frum women who would love to marry a frum fellow. Find one and marry her.May 31, 2012 6:59 pm at 6:59 pm #878016
“The reason there is a shidduch crises is because the vast majority of single men who are past 40 are actually not interested in marriage and probably never were.”June 1, 2012 12:37 am at 12:37 am #878017Shticky GuyParticipant
Even if you got invited and decided not to go, I think someone should speak to the baal simcha and let them know that they erred in not inviting you.
Maybe a subtle hint like buy him as a gift the book ‘The Diary Of A Nobody’
Goq I feel so bad at how you were (are) treated!June 1, 2012 2:22 am at 2:22 am #878018
Thank you shticky guy i will get over it.June 4, 2012 3:56 pm at 3:56 pm #878019cherrybimParticipant
The Goq – thank you for digging up those posts; I don’t keep a file. But they are 100% the truth, and you know it.
I posted them, and others, in the spirit of Penina taunting Chana. I have had singles coming over for the past forty years and some from the early years still do. Others have married along the way, we recently had a +40’s marriage. And there is hardly anything that I post that is original, I’m not that clever.
Life is very short and what do you have to lose? Just marry and get some lifelong companionship and giving. It doesn’t say anywhere in the Torah that a marriage needs to be eternal happiness, but it’s a lot better than a single’s existence.
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