Labels And Tzinus

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  • #593065

    Part of dressing tziniusdigly is to say “I am more than a body, I am a soul”. Well, I think that walking around with a dolce and gabana purse and prada shoes and labels from head to toe and the antithesis of tznius. Your labels are screaming: I have money! I am my money! Look how rich I am!!! Which is the opposite of tznius. I have been seeing over the past few years labels popping up anywhere, and even on people I know can’t afford them. But even if someone has endless money, it is really really untznius to buy things just to show off the labels. The fact that people feel good about themselves when they wear something with a brand name shows how much our identity has become entrenched in money and clothing. Which leads me to another rant: we frum Jews WORSHIP money!!! I hear about it all day long- oh, her in laws are rich, or oh look at that bugaboo. We have more Yira for rich people than for talmidei chachamim and treat them with more respect sometimes…I just can’t stand it being a topic of conversation all the time…anyhow….

    #710619
    smartcookie
    Member

    Oh no!

    Not again! Not again! Not again!

    #710620
    Helpful
    Member

    Very true. And sad.

    #710621
    WIY
    Member

    ramateshkolian

    You have to look no further than the headlines in the news about frum Jews and even Rabbis what they have done for money to know how out of hand things have gotten.

    I agree with you but its not going to change. The main issue is spiritual emptiness. People try to fill it up with money, clothing, Kavod, popularity….the list goes on.

    Its all an expression of inner emptiness. Marbeh nechasim marbeh daygah.

    #710622
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Which leads me to another rant: we frum Jews WORSHIP money!!!

    Speak for yourself.

    A number of years ago, I won a megillas Esther at a Chinese auction. It came with a beautiful large silver case. I personally detest ostentatious displays (for myself, anyway) and NEVER used the case. For a number of years, I carried the megillah around in a Ziplock bag.

    Eventually, my mother in law bought me a simple wooden case, which I now use.

    In any large population, you’ll find some examples of people who are showy. But I don’t think frum Jews are any more or less showy with their wealth than the population at large.

    The Wolf

    #710623
    WIY
    Member

    WolfishMusings

    “But I don’t think frum Jews are any more or less showy with their wealth than the population at large.”

    Where do you live?! You obviously dont live in Brooklyn, Five Towns or Lakewood!

    #710624
    Sacrilege
    Member

    This really doesnt have to do with Tznius and I dont like that it gets lumped together, because it just turns girls off from the idea of Tznius altogether.

    If you can wear a designer label and still be tasteful and tznius GO RIGHT AHEAD, part of being Jewish is being a light unto the nations and to constantly be making a Kiddush Hash-m. When non-Jews see Frum girls out in the world dressed tastefully and not in some shmatta bag with their eye brows covered they see that we are normal yet refined, and I believe (for whatever its worth) that is a Kiddush Hash-m.

    If you want to say that we are Goshmius hungry, that I agree with. But dont say its a tznius issue, because its not.

    #710625

    i dont live in any of those places

    where i live what wolf said completely applies

    #710626
    dunno
    Member

    smartcookie: I agree…

    #710627

    it has everything to do with tznius

    not specifically a label, but dressing to attract attention.

    #710628
    americaisover
    Participant

    Jews need money since tuition, food and housing is so high and we have politicians that care about Gaza more than BP or Flatbush

    #710629
    Sacrilege
    Member

    80

    I didnt see her/him(?) mention anything about dressing untznuisdikly. Actually, her examples where shoes and a handbag, ramat’s rant is about flaunting money which by default becomes untzniusdik?

    If I drive down the street in a brand spanking new Lexus (no, I dont own one) am I violating the laws of tznius? I think not.

    #710630
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    The main issue is spiritual emptiness.

    I respectfully disagree.

    The people that I know that have real money (9 figures +) do not and have no need to “flaunt” it.

    It is the people who do not have money who worship/obsess over it (at least from what I have seen, from the kollel guys who hock about it to the people who borrow to dress their children matching or to make a wedding “just like the Cohens'”).

    Then if they get it (in whatever fashion), some people feel the need to say “I’ve made it” to their peer group. Ga’aiva, perhaps.

    The only reason to have money is as a tool for Avodas Hashem. Pay bills on time, pay tuition, give tzedaka (All Mitzvos D’Orayssa), as well as other good causes.

    Now, being that I am not in Ramat Eshkol (to the OP), I can’t speak for other areas.

    There is also peer pressure involved in those areas (possibly), which may “force” people to dress showy. Ramat Eshkol is the American neighborhood in Yerushalyim, correct? It may just be importing those attitudes (maybe, I don’t really know).

    Wolf: Good for you, that is the right thing. I still don’t have a megillah (after all these years), I just don’t see it as required over other expenses.

    #710631
    SJSinNYC
    Member

    I love to wear brand names plastered everywhere. I think its very flattering.

    [Flannel pants and a land’s end t-shirt count as brand names and high end right?]

    #710632
    addicted
    Participant

    Sacrilege-

    tznius is about being an internal person. Though I agree that wearing labels is not a black and white issue, someone who is a true tznuah does not need to or want to wear labels.

    I think that people who have real class and real money do not have the need to flaunt their wealth by wearing labels. They may spend an exhorbiant amount of money on their clothes, but the world doesn’t have to know it.

    It is the people who are insecure about their status that have to prove to you that they could afford to buy xyz…

    And don’t kid yourselves, people. I would venture to say that half of the labels you see nowadays are knockoffs.

    #710633
    WIY
    Member

    Sacrilege

    Tznius is a way of life. Its a way of “being.” Its how you walk talk act and live your life.

    Additionally, when Jewish girls are dressed head to toe in designer I dont think that gets frum women any admiration. Unless you mean from the non Jewish male population…

    You can dress well w/o looking shlumpy and frumpy and without being designer from head to heel

    #710634
    WIY
    Member

    americaisover

    “Jews need money since tuition, food and housing is so high and we have politicians that care about Gaza more than BP or Flatbush”

    Also because we want Bugaboos, Designer clothing, ridiculous weddings….

    #710635

    Right on WYI! Wolfishmusings is VERY far off about Jews being no more showy. Anyway, since when are jews okay if their acting exactly like the non-jews?! Aren’t we expected to live more meaningful lives than goyim? Aren’t we supposed to be a “light unto the nations”? A shining example for the rest of the word of how to live moral, meaningful and fulfilling lives?! It scares me what’s become of this world when I see a comment like that. Wake up and see the light WolfishMusings! Repent while you still can!

    #710636

    driving in a lexus

    could be a tznius issue, depends

    tznius is about a lot more than covering certain areas

    it has to do with speech, with deportment, with ostentation, with causing hirhur, to start

    #710637
    Sacrilege
    Member

    addicted & WIY

    Disagree. We arent dealing with a Tznius issue. We may be dealing with someone who is shallow or is steeped in Gashmius, but its not Tznius.

    “I think that people who have real class and real money do not have the need to flaunt their wealth by wearing labels”

    I assure you, people with money wear labels. However, the classy designers dont splash their names across their clothes in iridescent colors.

    “Unless you mean from the non Jewish male population…”

    Completely off topic. I dont think the non-Jewish male population gives two hoots about what designer it is, as long as it barely covers they are happy. The topic at hand is Designer Labels being non Tznius. Designer does not equal Prust, if that is the misconception you were under.

    “without being designer from head to heel”

    Everyone knows you dont wear all your labels at once *eye roll* 😉

    #710638
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Where do you live?! You obviously dont live in Brooklyn, Five Towns or Lakewood!

    As a matter of fact, I *do* live in Brooklyn. And while there are showy Jews in Brooklyn, there are showy non-Jews in Brooklyn as well. I don’t believe it’s to any greater (or lesser) extent than in the population as a whole.

    The Wolf

    #710640

    sacrilege- read “outside inside” by gila manolson to see what tznius is all about. There is nothing to turn people off from tznius here- JUST THE OPPOSITE. I dont propose to make a rule against designer clthing, but rather, TEACH PEOPLE WHAT THE IDEA OF TZNIUS REALLY IS, and then help them internalize it and they wont need to rely on labels for their identity. Tznius is MUCH MORE THAN HALACHA…..and is a really beautiful concept. read the book-it’s an eye opener!

    #710642
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Wolfishmusings is VERY far off about Jews being no more showy. Anyway, since when are jews okay if their acting exactly like the non-jews?! Aren’t we expected to live more meaningful lives than goyim? Aren’t we supposed to be a “light unto the nations”? A shining example for the rest of the word of how to live moral, meaningful and fulfilling lives?! It scares me what’s become of this world when I see a comment like that. Wake up and see the light WolfishMusings! Repent while you still can!

    Let me get this straight…

    Another poster makes the comment that Jews are more showy than non-Jews.

    I disagree and state that they aren’t any more showy.

    You then decide that *I* have to repent because Jews should act better (i.e. be less showy) than non-Jews.

    While I don’t argue that Jews should NOT engage in ostentatious displays, is there a reason you’re picking on me rather than on the OP who posited an even worse position vis-a-vis the behavior of Jews? Tell me why I need to “repent while I still can” but the OP is free and clear?

    The Wolf

    #710643
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Wolf: Good for you, that is the right thing. I still don’t have a megillah (after all these years), I just don’t see it as required over other expenses.

    Well, as I said, I won it at an auction. I probably would not have bought it outright.

    Plus I do a fair amount of work with it.

    The Wolf

    #710644

    aside from tznius, we are in galus and we are not suppose to incite the goyim to hate us even more. By flaunting out money (sometimes people don’t even realize it they just do it cuz everyone else is…) we are causing the goyim to be jealous (aside from our own brethren…) and inciting them to hate us even more.

    #710645
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    Well, as I said, I won it at an auction. I probably would not have bought it outright.

    CV, not complaining that you DO have one 🙂

    #710646
    addicted
    Participant

    sacrilege-

    if you are defining tznius as strictly what you wear, and how many inches you cover, then you are right.

    But the correct definition of tznius is to focus on the internal, and to treat the external secondary. Tznius is a mindset, not a wordrobe.

    The problem with our system today is that we spend so much time focusing on the details. If we would teach our students more about living a life of tznius, we wouldn’t have to spell out every little detail. They would be able to come to that on their own.

    #710647
    WIY
    Member

    Sacrilege

    If a person does things to attract attention be it how they dress, what they drive, the house they build its a lack of Tznius as well as being steeped in gashmius but the need to show off stems from low self esteem and the need to get others approval.

    Most people live for others. Some to a lesser extent some to a greater extent.

    #710648

    which brings us to Yavan! They worshipped the body as the end all and be all (labels worship money) through beauty, ideas, sports, and academia. WE won the war against them by worshipping Hashem and viewing our body as only a vehicle to the neshama;s purpose in this world. That is true tznius.Tziporaheller.org has some amazing videos on the topic… and naaleh.com has her videos posted as well!

    #710649
    Sacrilege
    Member

    addicted

    “Tznius is a mindset, not a wordrobe”

    Exactly. So where does this contradict…. anything? If you own a couple of labels and its not your ikkur why demonize it?

    “The problem with our system today is that we spend so much time focusing on the details”

    The problem with the system is that there is a double standard. With everything. One thing for girls. One thing for boys. One thing for rich, one for poor. One for children of Roshei Yeshiva, and one for the rest.

    WIY

    “Most people live for others”

    I b’chlal dont know where you pulled that out of.

    #710650
    oomis
    Participant

    we frum Jews WORSHIP money!!”

    Hence the avoda zara that was known as worshipping ma-mon. (I only wrote it this way because I was not sure if it permitted to write the name of an AZ idol)

    #710651
    addicted
    Participant

    Sacrilige-

    Obviously we are not talking about a person who owns a minimal amount of designer labels that they purchased on sale in Woodbury. We are talking about people who would only consider buying an article of clothing if it is designer, and will wear anything designer named, even if it looks like it was purchased in a thrift shop.

    The problems you mention about our system are general problems. I was talking about that are specific to tznius. Tznius is a topic that girls hear so much about, yet tend to turn a deaf ear to. Why is that? Among other reasons, I think it is because it was never presented to them in the proper light. Giving a girl a bunch of “no”s is obviously going to turn her off. Also, those pictures that they hand out in highschool, showing the parts of a girls body that have to be covered and by how much- am I the only one who thinks that we are missing the boat?

    #710652
    frumladygit
    Member

    I will share with you something personal about me. Before I became frum/religious I was very anti-esthetic like, anti-materialistic-worship like, and in fact you could say I was an “Au Natural granola type”. I used cloth diapers, sewed clothing, made our meals from scratch, organic soymilk from beans. My dream was to live and walk with Hashem humbly. I would never have been caught dead in my wildest dreams with a fur coat or leather couch. I was a vegetarian.

    Anyhow, i grew up and ended up joining the “real world” eventually like most of us, and as I melted into the chareidi lifestyle I slowly found myself getting caught up and lost my head when it came to materialism. I won’t even go into detail to what extents I was willing to go in order to keep up with “looks and styles”. But I finally asked myself “where am I?” This is not me! WHen I look around at the majority of the ladies I am surrounded by in my neighborhood, and I feel ashamed that these righteous tzedakeses are turning heads when they cross the street! I am not sure they are even aware how “good they look”. But I have seen goyish men turn to stare.

    Tznius is not even trying to keep up with styles. Tznius is suppose to be a statment. That you are like Avraham Avinu, going against the grain, against all of the world’s and society’s beliefs and styles. When ladies wear what is popular and stylish but in a “tznius way” I feel it sort of is like a compromise of our pure values.

    This idea of “Kosher human hair wigs” is a bunch of baloney. How many European women have you heard of grow their hair for Industry purposes? It does not exist! ITs still grown on the heads of idol worshippers in India but exported for sale to Europe where they say “.. its European”. Its impossible that one can put a hechsher on a sheital, as if from the time its cut off the woman until its’ end creation some mashgiach will be watching over.

    I will tell you a true story. In the place where my husband works there is a number of goyim from those countries. One day one of them approached my husband and shared with him, out of interest sake ” Yeah you know something,,,each year in our country back home our women shave off their long hair to bring as a offering to our idols in the temple and then we sell it to YOU, for your women who make the wigs…neat huh?”.

    My husband was like super dumbfounded cause this was well AFTER the big explosion of the sheital crisis!!!

    The one thing I really dislike all in all is the “putting on airs”, as people maneuver themselves across the room at parties, putting on an the elegant stunning act. In fact it says:

    And what does Hashem your G-d ask of you?

    To walk humbly with him.

    Well its awfully hard to walk humbly with Abishter when you have all that materialism hanging off you.

    #710653
    WIY
    Member

    Sacrilege

    “Most people live for others”

    I b’chlal dont know where you pulled that out of.

    Well Ill explain. If someone dresses for others, buys their car so others should look, builds their house large and makes a fancy outside so people should look, make fancy simchos because they want everyone to see how rich they are and how classy blah blah blah, accept certain or decline certain jobs based on people’s perceptions, send their kids to certain Yeshivos or BY because of what others will think, (dont send their kids for therapy if they need it because “what will people say/think”)

    if guys/girls go to a certain Yeshiva or BY Beis Medrash or Seminary because its “good for shidduchim”, do or dont do certain things because its “good or bad for shidduchim” and make all kinds of life choices based on what others think then they arent living their own lives. They are prisoners. Many people in our frum society are prisoners of “what the neighbors will think.” Their frumkiet is fake and only because of “I dont want to look bad.” Or something similar.

    Hey thats how it is if you dont agree you obviously dont see whats going on out there but to a certain extent almost everybody is making choices and doing things influenced by what others perceptions of them will be.

    I dont need you to agree when its so obvious.

    #710654
    bombmaniac
    Participant

    ive posted about this before and i will post about it again. this is not a matter of tznius, this is not a matter of frumkeit, this is not a matter of one jew feeling genuine concern for the spiritual wellbeing of another, this is about jealousy. plain and simple. and you want to know what i think? GET OVER IT!!! if you can’t afford designer labels, DON’T BUY THEM! baruch hashem there are people in our communities who have been blessed by hashem with wealth, and they can do with that wealth what they want, (within the boundaries of halacha obviously) and you have no say in that.

    for some reason people always feel a need to pick on the wealthy, to criticize them for the clothes they wear, the cars they drive, the houses they build, and the neighbourhoods they live in. the united states government takes every opportunity it can to tax teh wealthy because the less fortunate (monetarily speaking) are not happy with what they have, and cannot begrudge the wealthy their gifts. GET OVER IT! this issue is not one of tznius. is there designer clothing that should never be worn in public? yes. is there designer clothing that is perfectly acceptable save for the status symbol on the upper left side of the pocket? yes. so teh issue is not about status, or wealth, its about people not being someach b’chelkam. that’s your problem, not the wealthy’s.

    #710655
    addicted
    Participant

    bombmaniac-

    People who have money have been given a loan from Hashem. Do you think that He gave them money so they could pop out the eyes of everyone they come across by flashing their fancy cars, ritzy houses and designer clothing? I think not.

    The wealthy have a responsibility. They may not have asked for it, but they have it just the same. They are responsible to use the money that G-d gave them for the good, not to cause jealousy and resentment from others.

    #710656
    frumladygit
    Member

    Addicted that was very well said.

    #710657
    bombmaniac
    Participant

    oh, i see, so they’re supposed to walk around in rags, drive jalopies, and live in trailers. i see. there is a difference between buying expensive clothes and flaunting and if you can’t tell teh difference its because you dont wnat to, not because you are incapable. it IS a gift from hashem and they DO have responsibilities. who do you think it is every yeshiva turns to when they can’t pay the mortgage? who do you think it is that has lines around teh block of people from all over the world asking them for tzedakah? who do you think it is that pays for the hundreds of kollelim that every lakewood bochurs sits in for the rest of his life?

    that’s right. the wealthy. as long as they keep their end of the “bargain” so to speak, why not let them dress in higher quality clothes? why not let them drive fancy cars? why not let them live in a beautiful house? you cant have your cake and eat it too.

    its teh same mishegass with the weddings. rebbes having to make kol korehs telling people not to buy diamonds for their wives, using one man bands and limiting the cost of teh hall…its beause people get jealous and want what they cant have, get over it! be happy with what you have! quit worrying about what the wealthy do!

    why must everyone be the same? should there be, according to you, a universal standard which must not be violated by anyone no matter of monetary status? please. that’s ridiculous and you know it. “ezehu ashir hasomeach b’chelko” learn it. live it.

    #710658
    addicted
    Participant

    Thank you 🙂

    #710659
    oomis
    Participant

    “If a person does things to attract attention be it how they dress, what they drive, the house they build its a lack of Tznius … “

    So what you are saying is that all chassidim are untzniusdig. All yeshivish guys are untzniusdig. Anyone who calls attention to himself/herself is untzniusdig. Do I have that correct?

    #710660
    WIY
    Member

    bombmaniac

    I know someone who I always “thought” was wealthy based on how he dressed, his house and his car and how he “”carried” himself. well somebody told me that this guy is in debt big time his wife wants the glam ritzy life and he goes along with her shinanigans. His life is miserable. He is so broke and yet still drives a $75,000 car.

    Its not about jealousy. You dont know how many people try to “look” rich when they arent. Its a big Yetzer Hara to have “status” because we made being rich into such a big “zach” in our communities that people will do anything to maintain that status even if it means stealing from your best friends, brothers, uncles, Rabbis….you name it.

    #710661
    Sacrilege
    Member

    addicted

    The day you can honestly tell me you dont feel good coming back from a “successful” shopping spree, is the day that I will take all the “holier than thou” rhetoric to heart.

    I’m with bombmaniac (although maybe slightly modified) Its so easy to point and scream about how bad something is when you arent the person in that situation. This is NOT a tznius problem. If someone feels like maxing out their credit cards so they can buy the newest Fendi purse, I hate to break it to you, Its really none of your business.

    WIY

    My issue was with you using the word “most”. No doubt there are people who live their lives not “lishma”, to say that “most” people are THAT shallow…. shows in what regard you hold the Frum community. Sad.

    #710662
    bombmaniac
    Participant

    wonderful, WIY, i love how you made the leap from “wealthy” to “broke” to “crooks” all in teh span of a few sentences. first of all i am calling for people to live within their means, so you are simply making my point for me. secondly it is perfectly understandable why someone who is used to wealth would try and maintain the illusion, it’s not out of some sense of elitism, it’s for their own benefit. regardless of whether people should or should not, people will talk about them and tell all kinds of potentially harmful lashon hara. that sound crazy? not really, i’ll quote your words: “Its a big Yetzer Hara to have “status” because we made being rich into such a big “zach” in our communities that people will do anything to maintain that status even if it means stealing from your best friends, brothers, uncles, Rabbis….you name it.”

    such motzi shem rah, i’m disappointed! an ehrliche middle class gentleman such as yourself should know better…

    #710663
    WIY
    Member

    Sacrilege

    No I just think that on some level most of us live for other people thats all. For one guy/girl its with money, for the next its with their school choices with the 3rd its their actions or lack of doing certain things because they are scared for “Shidduchim.” Some guys who should be working are still in Yeshiva because “shidduchim” some girls want working boys but say they want learning boys because peer pressure from friends, family…It has different forms but exists in almost all of our lives to some extent. For some girls it will be not going for the job they want or the degree they want…You see what Im getting at?

    Im not saying Im immune either but Baruch Hashem I got to the point where I realized I gotta do what I gotta do be me and I dont care if people look at me funny or think Im nuts or whatever.

    #710664
    addicted
    Participant

    Bombmaniac (and sacrilige who seems to agree)

    I never said that wealthy people have to live like paupers. And it is really beautiful when they give tzeddakah and support our mosdos. At the same time, there must be a balance!

    I am thinking of a few people whom I personally know. They are very wealthy, they do have large houses and they drive niceish, newish cars. They dress nicely and always look good. But if I had to pick out the richest person in the room, I most definitely would not pick them, although their bank statements will undoubtedly prove that they actually are the most wealthy. This is because they are not out to prove anything. They don’t have to wear $1,000 designer shoes just to prove they could afford it.

    And sacrilige-

    I am not claiming that I don’t enjoy a successful shopping trip. But I get the most pleasure when I find great deals, and see how much I’ve saved by waiting for the sale, or shopping in the outlet. That is a far better feeling than coming home with something that I can’t afford.

    #710665
    bombmaniac
    Participant

    Then why are you stereotyping? You make it sound as if all wealthy people are flaunting their riches in the faces of the poor hardworking downtrodden “kollel class”. Stop it! A designer label does not a snob make, and quit implying that it does! Your generalizations are disgusting and belie an undercurrent of jealousy. Your issue is not with the “wealthy”, your issue is with those among the wealthy who abuse their gift. Please do not misrepresent your true contentions.

    The issue however remains not one of modesty, but of character. It is in very poor taste (pardon the pun) for one to overindulge in ostentation, to that I concede. However, I take great offence at your implication that all wealthy people are guilty of such flaws. now that we have reached a resolution on this issue, can this thread please be locked lest we endure more of the same?

    #710666
    mdd
    Member

    I agree with Sac(I am sorry, I do not like you screen name)– pushing tsnius chumros and making not-tsnius related shailos into tsnius-related ones is a big problem!

    But I also agree with Frumladygit that some married ladies are too dressed up and make-uped(there is more room to be lenient with girls in shidduchim).

    #710667
    myfriend
    Member

    I believe Mod 80 said everything that needs to be said about this issue:

    Moderator-80

    Mr. 80

    it has everything to do with tznius

    not specifically a label, but dressing to attract attention.

    Moderator-80

    Mr. 80

    driving in a lexus

    could be a tznius issue, depends

    tznius is about a lot more than covering certain areas

    it has to do with speech, with deportment, with ostentation, with causing hirhur, to start

    #710668
    WIY
    Member

    Bombmaniac

    So we agree people should live within their means. But many dont, and many want people to think they are rich or richer than they are. Hey we all know who gets all the attention these days. We know that money means the Rabbis come to you, you get all the Kavod, the parlor meetings, the photo ops. Your name on buildings…

    I would like to know how many people who have BIG BUCKS would give $1,000,000 or more to a yeshiva and not publicize it and not have their name on the building or anywhere.

    #710669
    Sacrilege
    Member

    addicted

    “I most definitely would not pick them, although their bank statements will undoubtedly prove that they actually are the most wealthy. This is because they are not out to prove anything”

    This is because they have CLASS. When someone has Tommy Hilfiger’s signature splashed across their chest yes they want everyone to see. Just because you dont see the label, doesnt mean it isnt there.

    “But I get the most pleasure when I find great deals, and see how much I’ve saved by waiting for the sale, or shopping in the outlet”

    I think the OP’s original beef was with Labels in general. Waiting for a sale? Going to the outlet? That IS usually saved for DESIGNER clothing, that you would otherwise be unable to afford, correct?

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