# Limericks!

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• #592632

Participant

This thread is inspired by the Haiku thread, it could be a lot of fun! A limerick is a 5 stanza poem that lines 1, 2 and 5 rhyme, and 3, and 4 rhyme. Lines 1, 2, and 5 can hace 7,8,or nine syllables, and lines 1,2 can have 4,5, or 6 syllables. For example: (this one is a classic)

There was an old man from Peru

Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.

He awoke in a fright

In the middle of the night

And found it was perfectly true.

#1221069

Participant

There once was a very wise sage

Who rebelled and was put in a cage

when the squire inquired

Which death he required

He answered to die by old age!

C’mon anyone else? This can be fun!

#1221070

squeak
Participant

1.

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and not a bit more.

2.

Integral t-squared dt

from 1 to the cube root of 3

times the cosine

of three pi over 9

equals log of the cube root of e.

#1221071

squeak
Participant

3.

A mathematician confided

You’ll get quite a laugh

If you cut it in half.

For it stays in one piece when divided.

4.

A burlycue dancer, a pip

Named Virginia could peel in a zip;

And died of constriction

5.

Null vectors have zero projection.

So you ask, “What can be their direction?”

They point any which way.

“That’s magic!” you say?

Not really; it’s just misdirection.

6.

The Professor said, “Now I’ll tell you

A fact known to only a few

Men and women alive.

Two plus two equals five!

For large enough values of two.”

#1221072

warning from the moderation staff:

A limerick can be furtive and mean

You must keep her in close quarantine

Or she sneaks to the slums

And promptly becomes

Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

#1221073

Participant

There is one thing i notice about you squeak

that really really makes me freak

you love math

and a good laugh

so now my eyes are starting to leak! (from laughing!)

#1221074

Dr. Pepper
Participant

Squeak-

Sorry to be a stickler but:

Integral t-squared dt

from 1 to the cube root of 3

times the cosine

of three pi over 9

equals natural log of the cube root of e.

#1221075

bombmaniac
Participant

there once was a man from Nantucket…

#1221076

squeak
Participant

I don’t love math, I’m just baiting another poster whose posts usually liven up threads.

I think “log” can be safely interpreted as ln, but if you want to be a stickler, change the last line to “equals natural log cube root of e). ‘That was easy’.

#1221077

Participant

warning from the moderation staff:

A (limerick)__________ can be furtive and mean

You must keep her in close quarantine

Or she sneaks to the slums

And promptly becomes

Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

Mod- i think we can interchange the word “limerick” with someone, no? Cuz it doesn’t really make sense

#1221078

WolfishMusings
Participant

The once was a girl, now departed

who never finished whatever she started

She’d begin all inspired

but would soon get tired

The Wolf

#1221079

Pashuteh Yid
Member

Int((t^2), 1, 3^(1/3)) = (t^3)/3, from 1 to 3^(1/3)

= (3/3)-(1/3)=2/3

cos(3pi/9)=cos(pi/3)=cos 60 deg= 1/2

2/3*1/2= 1/3: (Left Hand Side)

ln(e^1/3)=1/3 ln(e)= 1/3 * 1 =1/3: (Right Hand Side)

LHS=RHS => check.

#1221080

Participant

Wolf- so off to bed she was carted!

Bombmaniac- who tripped on a bucket….

#1221081

Dr. Pepper
Participant

Squeak-

Stam Log is base 10.

(The only people who don’t know that are the people that don’t even know what e is.)

#1221082

Poster
Member

if you’re in need of a drink

Its closer than you think

start to pour

water galore

#1221083

oomis
Participant

These limerucks are just so lame

I really don’t know whom to blame

They must have been started

By someone half-hearted

For the life of me, what was his AIM?

#1221084

bombmaniac
Participant

For the life of me, what was his AIM?

#1221085

LAer
Member

blinky, no, no, no. It’s “who kept all his cash in a bucket.” <sigh> Young people these days just don’t know the important things!

#1221086

oomis
Participant

Unfortunately, my shvigger is gone 21 years, and if anyone would have taken aim at that saintly woman, I would have punched them out!!!!!! (She really was wonderful).

#1221087

WIY
Member

I’m really quite impressed

Your rhyming skills have passed the test

Lots of talent in the coffee room

I think it would be safe to assume

That the coffee room crowd is the best!

#1221088

Member

It makes me snoring

So off to sleep

Very deep

Until tomorrow early morning!

#1221089

Member

The name of this Topic says it all. We have finally reached the epitome of BORED. Limericks? C’mon I haven’t made those since Grade 3. But I will still be interested to read any that anyone posts! I am bored!

#1221090

Member

Ok I couldn’t resist. Before navigatig away I must put in my two cents. Here is one that goes written on a tombstone at a grave:

HERE LIES DEAR OLD JAKE

WHO STEPPED ON THE GAS

#1221091

Whether the weather is cold

Or whether the weather is hot

We’ll whether the weather

Whatever the weather

Whether we like it or not!

#1221092

emoticon613
Member

i just got myself fired

for being way too tired

so now i must find

a job of some kind

oh, someone get me hired!

#1221093

emoticon613
Member

random, but – speaking of haikus, blinky, did you guys know that shema yisrael hashem elokeinu hashem echad said properly is a haiku (japanese poem, 7,5,7 syllables, usually about nature)?

i mean, it’s like a haiku, lehavdil and all…

#1221094

minyan gal
Member

A tutor who tooted the flute

Tried to tutor two tooters to toot

Said the two to the tutor

Is it harder to toot

Or to tutor two tooters to toot

#1221095

Participant

I like bombmaniacs idea to start one and everyone chips in a line so he started:

“there once was a man from Nantucket…”

Who tripped and fell on a bucket/ who kept all his cash in a bucket (i wrote the 1st, LAer wrote the 2nd- u choose)

????????????????????

“For the life of me, what was his AIM?” oomis HIS aim?

#1221096

H Newman
Member

I wrote this one last week:

A sinful wife had such a thirst,

She drank water a Kohen had cursed.

With G-d’s name dissolved,

Her sin not absolved,

Her innards and stomach did burst!

#1221097

H Newman
Member

Here’s one I wrote a couple Purim’s ago.

Read ????? ????? the right way, ????, to make it flow right.

?? ??? ?????? ??????

????? ???? ??? ???????

????? ?????

????? ?????

?????? ????? ???????

#1221098

Participant

my advice, keep going at it!

#1221099

WolfishMusings
Participant

Wolf- so off to bed she was carted!

NOOOOOOOO! The whole point was that the limerick was unfinished! 🙂

The Wolf

#1221100

Dr. Pepper
Participant

oomis1105-

Who ever invented the gun was trying to open a can of worms by naming a major component with something that rhymes with “shvigger”.

#1221101

Participant

Wolf i got it!!!! But i felt bad for her so i finished it for her:)

Dr. Pepper- you visited this thread a few times and you didn’t write any limericks! C’mon you have to share one!

#1221102

WolfishMusings
Participant

A sinful wife had such a thirst,

She drank water a Kohen had cursed.

With G-d’s name dissolved,

Her sin not absolved,

Her innards and stomach did burst!

An accused wife had such a thirst,

She drank water a Kohen had cursed.

With G-d clearing her name,

Her man she reclaimed*,

And now she is birthing her first!

The Wolf

(* Yes, I know name/reclaimed is a lame rhyme — it’s the best I could do on short notice).

#1221103

Participant

Wolf- how about- She was not “maimed”? (but yours is pretty good)

#1221104

Dr. Pepper
Participant

I can’t compete with the ones from Squeak.

Sorry 🙁

#1221105

bpt
Participant

This is a natural for me

when not cruising in my suburban

Lights / sirens, – whatta sight to see,

BP is THE place to be!

(Sorry, my thirst for grammen, overrode the Limericks cap of 5 lines!)

#1221106

bpt
Participant

(see how this works, Doc!)

Pepper, not the spice

But still quite nice,

And shares his mashkeh on ice!

#1221107

squeak
Participant

I thought I’d try writing another

word jumble, so you’d yell, “Oh brother”!

And though most limericks rhyme,

I didn’t have enough time,

So this one doesn’t.

#1221108

Participant

Awwwwww dr. p. ill help you out, this limerick was started before, try to find something to finish it, im having trouble

There once was a man from Nantucket…”

Who tripped and fell on a bucket

He fell on his face

It was a disgrace

__________________?

or Bombmaniac and LAers-

There once was a man from Nantucket

Who kept all his cash in a bucket

______________________

_______________________

________________________

#1221110

Dr. Pepper
Participant

oomis1105 is thrilled to go on the date,

The Shadchan promised that the guy is great,

As it turns out the guys is a math wizard,

Who wants to introduce her to his pet lizard,

oomis1105 begins to plan her great escape.

#1221111

Participant

There once was a girl named Blink

Who bought a gorgeous white mink

when it fell in some paint

And now Blinks new mink is quite pink!

p.s. I love limericks! Can you tell???

#1221112

Imanonov
Participant

There was once a bachur from New York

Who didn’t know how to eat with knife and fork

With his hands he would eat

Whenever on a shidduch he did meet

And now he is still a bachur from New York

#1221113

Participant

(i took some from what i wrote about squeak)

Dr. pepper makes me laugh

He also loves to do math

His rhymes are good

the way it should

Ok its erev shabbos i gotta take a bath!

#1221114

Dr. Pepper
Participant

I hate rhyming, oh how it hurts,

I’d rather be out playing sports,

my supervisor is back from getting juice,

and is running around on the loose,

got to get back to the TPS reports.

#1221115

Participant

Doctor you definitely know how to rhyme

But you are doing a crime

lines three and four

limericks they are nor

fix it, so we could have a good time!

#1221116

squeak
Participant

Here’s something important to know-

I throw TPS reports out the window.

get a red stapler and learn to say NO.

#1221117

NoNonsense
Member

A former classmate of mine (in junior high) many years ago wrote this, I thought it was brilliant and have remembered it ever since:

A Boy said to the teacher one day,

“Wright has written ‘write’ the wrong way.”

So the teacher replied,

As the error she eyed,

“Right. Wright, write ‘write’ right, right away!”

#1221118

WolfishMusings
Participant

Here’s something important to know-

I throw TPS reports out the window.

get a red stapler and learn to say NO.

Yeeeeeeah. 🙂

The Wolf

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