Limericks!

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  • #592632

    blinky
    Participant

    This thread is inspired by the Haiku thread, it could be a lot of fun! A limerick is a 5 stanza poem that lines 1, 2 and 5 rhyme, and 3, and 4 rhyme. Lines 1, 2, and 5 can hace 7,8,or nine syllables, and lines 1,2 can have 4,5, or 6 syllables. For example: (this one is a classic)

    There was an old man from Peru

    Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.

    He awoke in a fright

    In the middle of the night

    And found it was perfectly true.

    #1221069

    blinky
    Participant

    Here is one I had made up for school

    There once was a very wise sage

    Who rebelled and was put in a cage

    when the squire inquired

    Which death he required

    He answered to die by old age!

    C’mon anyone else? This can be fun!

    #1221070

    squeak
    Participant

    1.

    A dozen, a gross, and a score

    Plus three times the square root of four

    Divided by seven

    Plus five times eleven

    Is nine squared and not a bit more.

    2.

    Integral t-squared dt

    from 1 to the cube root of 3

    times the cosine

    of three pi over 9

    equals log of the cube root of e.

    #1221071

    squeak
    Participant

    3.

    A mathematician confided

    You’ll get quite a laugh

    If you cut it in half.

    For it stays in one piece when divided.

    4.

    A burlycue dancer, a pip

    Named Virginia could peel in a zip;

    But she read science fiction

    And died of constriction

    5.

    Null vectors have zero projection.

    So you ask, “What can be their direction?”

    They point any which way.

    “That’s magic!” you say?

    Not really; it’s just misdirection.

    6.

    The Professor said, “Now I’ll tell you

    A fact known to only a few

    Men and women alive.

    Two plus two equals five!

    For large enough values of two.”

    #1221072

    warning from the moderation staff:

    A limerick can be furtive and mean

    You must keep her in close quarantine

    Or she sneaks to the slums

    And promptly becomes

    Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

    #1221073

    blinky
    Participant

    There is one thing i notice about you squeak

    that really really makes me freak

    you love math

    and a good laugh

    so now my eyes are starting to leak! (from laughing!)

    #1221074

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Squeak-

    Sorry to be a stickler but:

    Integral t-squared dt

    from 1 to the cube root of 3

    times the cosine

    of three pi over 9

    equals natural log of the cube root of e.

    #1221075

    bombmaniac
    Participant

    there once was a man from Nantucket…

    #1221076

    squeak
    Participant

    I don’t love math, I’m just baiting another poster whose posts usually liven up threads.

    I think “log” can be safely interpreted as ln, but if you want to be a stickler, change the last line to “equals natural log cube root of e). ‘That was easy’.

    #1221077

    blinky
    Participant

    warning from the moderation staff:

    A (limerick)__________ can be furtive and mean

    You must keep her in close quarantine

    Or she sneaks to the slums

    And promptly becomes

    Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

    Mod- i think we can interchange the word “limerick” with someone, no? Cuz it doesn’t really make sense

    #1221078

    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    The once was a girl, now departed

    who never finished whatever she started

    She’d begin all inspired

    but would soon get tired

    The Wolf

    #1221079

    Pashuteh Yid
    Member

    Int((t^2), 1, 3^(1/3)) = (t^3)/3, from 1 to 3^(1/3)

    = (3/3)-(1/3)=2/3

    cos(3pi/9)=cos(pi/3)=cos 60 deg= 1/2

    2/3*1/2= 1/3: (Left Hand Side)

    ln(e^1/3)=1/3 ln(e)= 1/3 * 1 =1/3: (Right Hand Side)

    LHS=RHS => check.

    #1221080

    blinky
    Participant

    Wolf- so off to bed she was carted!

    Bombmaniac- who tripped on a bucket….

    #1221081

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Squeak-

    Stam Log is base 10.

    (The only people who don’t know that are the people that don’t even know what e is.)

    #1221082

    Poster
    Member

    if you’re in need of a drink

    Its closer than you think

    start to pour

    water galore

    Out of your kitchen sink

    #1221083

    oomis
    Participant

    These limerucks are just so lame

    I really don’t know whom to blame

    They must have been started

    By someone half-hearted

    For the life of me, what was his AIM?

    #1221084

    bombmaniac
    Participant

    For the life of me, what was his AIM?

    your shvigger.

    #1221085

    LAer
    Member

    blinky, no, no, no. It’s “who kept all his cash in a bucket.” <sigh> Young people these days just don’t know the important things!

    #1221086

    oomis
    Participant

    Unfortunately, my shvigger is gone 21 years, and if anyone would have taken aim at that saintly woman, I would have punched them out!!!!!! (She really was wonderful).

    #1221087

    WIY
    Member

    I’m really quite impressed

    Your rhyming skills have passed the test

    Lots of talent in the coffee room

    I think it would be safe to assume

    That the coffee room crowd is the best!

    #1221088

    smartcookie
    Member

    This thread is so boring

    It makes me snoring

    So off to sleep

    Very deep

    Until tomorrow early morning!

    #1221089

    frumladygit
    Member

    The name of this Topic says it all. We have finally reached the epitome of BORED. Limericks? C’mon I haven’t made those since Grade 3. But I will still be interested to read any that anyone posts! I am bored!

    #1221090

    frumladygit
    Member

    Ok I couldn’t resist. Before navigatig away I must put in my two cents. Here is one that goes written on a tombstone at a grave:

    HERE LIES DEAR OLD JAKE

    WHO STEPPED ON THE GAS

    INSTEAD OF THE BRAKE

    #1221091

    Whether the weather is cold

    Or whether the weather is hot

    We’ll whether the weather

    Whatever the weather

    Whether we like it or not!

    #1221092

    emoticon613
    Member

    i just got myself fired

    for being way too tired

    so now i must find

    a job of some kind

    oh, someone get me hired!

    #1221093

    emoticon613
    Member

    random, but – speaking of haikus, blinky, did you guys know that shema yisrael hashem elokeinu hashem echad said properly is a haiku (japanese poem, 7,5,7 syllables, usually about nature)?

    i mean, it’s like a haiku, lehavdil and all…

    #1221094

    minyan gal
    Member

    A tutor who tooted the flute

    Tried to tutor two tooters to toot

    Said the two to the tutor

    Is it harder to toot

    Or to tutor two tooters to toot

    #1221095

    blinky
    Participant

    I like bombmaniacs idea to start one and everyone chips in a line so he started:

    “there once was a man from Nantucket…”

    Who tripped and fell on a bucket/ who kept all his cash in a bucket (i wrote the 1st, LAer wrote the 2nd- u choose)

    ????????????????????

    “For the life of me, what was his AIM?” oomis HIS aim?

    #1221096

    H Newman
    Member

    I wrote this one last week:

    A sinful wife had such a thirst,

    She drank water a Kohen had cursed.

    With G-d’s name dissolved,

    Her sin not absolved,

    Her innards and stomach did burst!

    #1221097

    H Newman
    Member

    Here’s one I wrote a couple Purim’s ago.

    Read ????? ????? the right way, ????, to make it flow right.

    ?? ??? ?????? ??????

    ????? ???? ??? ???????

    ????? ?????

    ????? ?????

    ?????? ????? ???????

    #1221098

    blinky
    Participant

    H newman your really poetic

    your limericks are pretty torahdik

    thanx for your feed

    their so nice to read

    my advice, keep going at it!

    #1221099

    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Wolf- so off to bed she was carted!

    NOOOOOOOO! The whole point was that the limerick was unfinished! 🙂

    The Wolf

    #1221100

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    oomis1105-

    Who ever invented the gun was trying to open a can of worms by naming a major component with something that rhymes with “shvigger”.

    #1221101

    blinky
    Participant

    Wolf i got it!!!! But i felt bad for her so i finished it for her:)

    Dr. Pepper- you visited this thread a few times and you didn’t write any limericks! C’mon you have to share one!

    #1221102

    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    A sinful wife had such a thirst,

    She drank water a Kohen had cursed.

    With G-d’s name dissolved,

    Her sin not absolved,

    Her innards and stomach did burst!

    How about a happy ending?:

    An accused wife had such a thirst,

    She drank water a Kohen had cursed.

    With G-d clearing her name,

    Her man she reclaimed*,

    And now she is birthing her first!

    The Wolf

    (* Yes, I know name/reclaimed is a lame rhyme — it’s the best I could do on short notice).

    #1221103

    blinky
    Participant

    Wolf- how about- She was not “maimed”? (but yours is pretty good)

    #1221104

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    blinky-

    I can’t compete with the ones from Squeak.

    Sorry 🙁

    #1221105

    bpt
    Participant

    This is a natural for me

    when not cruising in my suburban

    Lights / sirens, – whatta sight to see,

    BP is THE place to be!

    (Sorry, my thirst for grammen, overrode the Limericks cap of 5 lines!)

    #1221106

    bpt
    Participant

    (see how this works, Doc!)

    Pepper, not the spice

    But still quite nice,

    And shares his mashkeh on ice!

    #1221107

    squeak
    Participant

    I thought I’d try writing another

    word jumble, so you’d yell, “Oh brother”!

    And though most limericks rhyme,

    I didn’t have enough time,

    So this one doesn’t.

    #1221108

    blinky
    Participant

    Awwwwww dr. p. ill help you out, this limerick was started before, try to find something to finish it, im having trouble

    There once was a man from Nantucket…”

    Who tripped and fell on a bucket

    He fell on his face

    It was a disgrace

    __________________?

    or Bombmaniac and LAers-

    There once was a man from Nantucket

    Who kept all his cash in a bucket

    ______________________

    _______________________

    ________________________

    #1221110

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    oomis1105 is thrilled to go on the date,

    The Shadchan promised that the guy is great,

    As it turns out the guys is a math wizard,

    Who wants to introduce her to his pet lizard,

    oomis1105 begins to plan her great escape.

    #1221111

    blinky
    Participant

    There once was a girl named Blink

    Who bought a gorgeous white mink

    She was about to faint

    when it fell in some paint

    And now Blinks new mink is quite pink!

    p.s. I love limericks! Can you tell???

    #1221112

    Imanonov
    Participant

    There was once a bachur from New York

    Who didn’t know how to eat with knife and fork

    With his hands he would eat

    Whenever on a shidduch he did meet

    And now he is still a bachur from New York

    #1221113

    blinky
    Participant

    (i took some from what i wrote about squeak)

    Dr. pepper makes me laugh

    He also loves to do math

    His rhymes are good

    the way it should

    Ok its erev shabbos i gotta take a bath!

    #1221114

    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    I hate rhyming, oh how it hurts,

    I’d rather be out playing sports,

    my supervisor is back from getting juice,

    and is running around on the loose,

    got to get back to the TPS reports.

    #1221115

    blinky
    Participant

    Doctor you definitely know how to rhyme

    But you are doing a crime

    lines three and four

    limericks they are nor

    fix it, so we could have a good time!

    #1221116

    squeak
    Participant

    Here’s something important to know-

    I throw TPS reports out the window.

    Instead, knock down your cube walls,

    strut about your office’s halls,

    get a red stapler and learn to say NO.

    #1221117

    NoNonsense
    Participant

    A former classmate of mine (in junior high) many years ago wrote this, I thought it was brilliant and have remembered it ever since:

    A Boy said to the teacher one day,

    “Wright has written ‘write’ the wrong way.”

    So the teacher replied,

    As the error she eyed,

    “Right. Wright, write ‘write’ right, right away!”

    #1221118

    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Here’s something important to know-

    I throw TPS reports out the window.

    Instead, knock down your cube walls,

    strut about your office’s halls,

    get a red stapler and learn to say NO.

    Yeeeeeeah. 🙂

    The Wolf

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